petey91-blog

[petey91-blog]

Hi, I’m Pete, and this is me

Hello, My name is Peter Aaron O’Rourke, and i would like to introduce myself.

I am 26 years old, employed full time in a job that, if i stick to it, has the potential to set me up for life. I am engaged to a woman who has given me everything and rarely asked for anything in return. I still live at home with my parents, and pay minimal rent in exchange for food, water, clean clothes and fresh bedding. i have a sister who, occasionally, gets on with me.

Before i continue, save your sympathy for someone who actually needs it, because all of what I’m about to say is self-inflicted.

Despite being in a really comfortable situation living wise, i am broke. Why? because i am terrible at life. And by life, i mean being a grown up. i cant save money for shit, and i struggle to stay in a job more than two years because i get bored and complacent. This leads to a never ending spiral of self-pity, self-hate, and depression. I have such a fantastic support network around me, yet i can’t talk to anyone. Well, not necessarily that i can’t, more like I won’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I don’t want anyone to know how much of a train wreck i actually am.

‘So Pete, why are you writing this?’…….. Because I need an outlet, i need to vent. I need to know that no matter how red the mist gets, or how strong the hatred flows through my veins, i can get this off my chest and carry on with life pretending that nothing is wrong. 

Why do we, as Human beings always keep the worst of our problems bottled and seal it with an inadequate cork, until the bottle has been shaken to a point that it blows with the ferocity of Mount Vesuvius? Why do we fail to use the support network around us to keep us level headed and happy with life? Why do we rely on everyone around us to tell us something is wrong, rather than admitting it to ourselves and taking steps to solve all our issues? 

Why? Because we are selfish. we would rather struggle in the deepest holes of self anguish and let the effects of our outburst affect our loved ones than let them in. We seemingly prefer to ruin anything that is good about our situations than let the silver lining shine through our rain clouds.

Now this, is something i excel at. And i want to change. So i suppose, in the grand scheme of things this is a cry out for help. If anyone actually takes the time to read this, how do you cope? How do you deal with day to day life when that life swallows you up and spits you out cold, alone, and afraid of what tomorrow will bring?

I don’t know what to do, and for the first time in my life, it is scaring me. 

The person responsible for this admission?

Logan Paul.

As I am sure everyone here now knows Logan Paul is arguably the most successful social media entrepreneur out there right now. Yet he may have just committed career suicide by posting a video on YouTube of a Japanese man that ended his problems and woes by committing suicide. I in no way condone what Logan did, so please save your hate. But i think i understand.

Now i want to make this very clear here and now that this post is not me blasting Logan Paul. I am writing this to thank Logan Paul, and he will never read this but i am going to speak to him in the next paragraph.

Logan, Thank you. At a time when everyone is blasting you for the video you published, I just want to say that i understood the message you say you were trying to portray. When I watched that video, it made me think about that mans family. Did he have a wife? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? Who are his parents? 

What made him end it all?

In that moment, i realised that all my problems, no matter how big, or indeed how small, have anything on what that young man must have been going through. It made me think about how immature i still am to think that i am owed anything from anyone, It made me realise that only i can affect how i look at my life.

You started this train of thought Logan, and for that, I thank you.

That is probably going to make this post unpopular among people who have nothing but disgust at the actions of Logan Paul, and i don’t blame them. i don’t blame you. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and this is mine.

For anyone who has read this post and made it to here, you are not alone. reach out for help. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Make that change that will improve your day to day life. Take every opportunity that will make you a better person tomorrow than you are today. Live your life. Love your life.

Thank you, and until next time (if there is a next time), Goodbye.