pettywisestories

[pettywisestories]

sometimes i secretly look back at our past conversations and delete messages wondering if you’ll ever notice them go missing

[pettywisestories]

sadness was so alone that it befriended everyone

3:09 am

[pettywisestories]

eleven eleven

it’s 11:11

and i’m with someone else

but i’m wishing for you

[pettywisestories]

when you were nine or ten months old

you would cry when you got hurt

because that was your first instinct

and that continued to when you were eight or nine years old

but then as you get older

you cry less when you get hurt physically

and cry more when it’s mentally

[pettywisestories]

2018

2018 is the year i’m going to fall in love again

with my body and my insecurities

with my friends and my family

with the earth and my surroundings

with my religion and old traditions

with myself and my struggles

it will be the year of starting over

[pettywisestories]

orange sunsets

the orange streaks in your hair

was what you called love

because they were never there

until i showed up 

[pettywisestories]

i’ll never admit it though

i love the way your name rolls off of the tip of my tongue

or how my voice has a different tone when i say it

it even looks great written on my palm

but i can’t look you in the eyes  

it isn’t guilt because

i have nothing to hide

but love for you

[pettywisestories]

childhood friends

we don’t talk anymore

well

you don’t talk to me anymore

but there are some times where i have to see your face

like today, for instance

you could have hurt me

but there was a small part in you that

held you back from whatever you were capable of

[pettywisestories]

thank you, inspirational friend

blue petals everyday

on my way to school

demolished by the earth’s tears

its pigment still stained on the sidewalk

an ounce of hope lost

[pettywisestories]

think about it

i don’t want to make people smile

on the outside, at least

i want to make people smile on the inside

because then i know that i have pierced your soul

i’ve left a mark on your organs

i am a part of your life

and somewhere along the lines of

how you treat others

[pettywisestories]

why did i write this about you

your name, still spray painted on my wall in thick white letters

but i don’t miss you

i don’t miss seeing your face first period i don’t miss the way you used to carry me on your shoulders i don’t miss your surprise hugs i don’t miss our 3 am Skype calls i don’t miss the sweatshirts drenched in your cologne that you let me sleep in  i don’t miss our late night conversations talking about our future

i don’t miss how we never actually dated

[pettywisestories]

at 3 am

the way you listen to my stories

with such a great amount of interest

it makes me believe that

maybe it’s you

[pettywisestories]

thursday

on a thursday you called me to ask how my day was

my lips that were ready to speak cut off by your eager ones

a compilation of old news

for once i thought you were checking up on me

as i hit the end call button only sure of one thing you weren’t

[pettywisestories]

gold

when i get home

take off my mask

the makeup covering my imperfections

strip my clothes

and wash my face

i am not beautiful

on the outside, at least

but on the inside

i am glowing more than ever

because i would rather

have a heart of gold

than a face of porcelain

[pettywisestories]

Chapter Six: Yours

a/n: chapter seven will be here soon, i promise, i am just kind of losing interest in this story ;(

word count: 931

We were currently playing dodgeball in gym, but halfway through the game, I decided that it would be best if I sat out. I placed my back against the plastic bleachers and Elvin then sat next to me. I was a little confused by his actions because a) Melody and Elvin didn’t want to be seen with me, b) Melody and Elvin had just broke up, and c) he got pissed off after he saw Xavier.

“So.. you and Xavier.. is that a thing?” he asked.

My eyebrows furrowed enough to guarantee that I would have wrinkles when I washed my face tonight. “No..”

He just nodded and began to scan the room.

“So you and Melody.. why did you break up with her?” I asked because I didn’t want him to be the only one asking unwanted questions.

“Haven’t you realized it yet, Evelyn? I’m in love with you.” he said while turning towards me.

I wanted to move back a little bit but I was already at the edge of the bleachers.

He took my lack of words as a hint, “you don’t feel the same way, do you?”

“Uh.. no sorry, Elvin,” I replied.

“It’s okay, I guess part of me always knew you didn’t feel the same way. But I guess my heart always wanted you to..”

“So then why did you date Melody? Why did you break her heart?” I interrogated.

“To… don’t hate me.. But.. I- I- I only did it so I could get closer to you.” he replied.

“You what?!” I exclaimed causing a scene.

By now, both teams were staring at me including Xavier. It must have been my adrenaline but I slapped Elvin.

“Great, now I feel like a bitch. No, nevermind, I am a bitch,” I thought to myself as I got up from the bleachers and stormed into the locker room.

Fifteen seconds later, Melody came into the bathroom crying.

“Are you okay Mel?” I asked.

“People are saying things about you and Elvin, but I know they aren’t true.. Please tell me they aren’t true, Evelyn!” she screamed.

I started inching my way towards her and began to hug her, “Melody.. you know I would never do that to you.”

We let go of our embrace, it was cutting off my circulation but mainly because Melody needed to wipe her tears and she had sniffles. As she began to rub her eyes, I noticed how poorly she had been treating herself.

“Mel, are you okay?” I asked with much concern.

“No.. I’m not.” she began to say, “this is all so stupid. I can’t even talk to you in public anymore. We can’t even walk home! I feel like I lost my best friend! And the worst part is the breakup. I know you are here for me.. but I just sometimes feel.. stupid.”

“Stupid?” I restated. “Melody Myers you are not stupid, you are one of the smartest girls I know, besides my mom. Since when do we let boys determine how we feel about ourselves? Since when do we let other people’s opinions get the best of us?”

She looked up at me and began to smile, “you’re right,” she whispered.

-------------------------------

After the breakup, Melody and I have never been closer. It was only two minutes into a twelve minute walk home and I remembered how wonderful friendship is. I felt my phone vibrate in my backpack. Has it been on the whole day?

It was a text from Elvin:

So, are we on for tonight?! (:

I rolled my eyes and Melody looked at me. We stopped in the middle of the street and she questioned me, “who was that?”

“Oh just some stupid boy asking me for the homework,” I laughed and continued to walk while placing the phone in my back pocket.

“Is it Xavier?” she asked.

“What? No!” I replied.

“Oh, it is!” she exclaimed, “Evelyn Miller loves Xavier Thomas!”

I quickly covered her mouth with my hand and yelled, “shut up!” while laughing.

“Aw, that’s cute. Stacey Thornes was talking about it in culinary.”

“Really?” I asked sounding intrigued, but not surprised.

“Yes! You two are now the ship of the year!” she giggles.

“That.. isn’t cute,” I say.

She smiles back at me seeing underneath the tone in my voice.

My phone buzzed again and at first I didn’t want to check it because I assumed that it was Elvin. Then it began to keep on buzzing. “Are you going to answer that?” Melody asked.

I sighed and pulled the phone out of my pocket. It was Xavier.

Do I have to wait on your doorstep again tonight? I mean that was kind of fun, but you need my help.

I smiled and looked up from my phone and realized we were already in front of my house. “Bye Melody!” I waved as she began to walk towards the center of the town. She lived very far from my house but still insisted on walking home with me everyday because she claims it is the highlight of her day.

I unlocked my phone rereading Xavier’s text.

Alright, but if you do something incredibly stupid, I’m done talking to you and I’m blocking your number, I replied.

Outside! He replies,not even being two seconds after the message sent.

I looked out my window and saw him waving and smiling at me. I got my backpack and quietly slipped into Charlie’s room to get more PMT-42. I left my house and locked the door making my way down the steps towards Xavier.

[pettywisestories]

Chapter Five: 9:23 pm

a/n: part six will be up soon, i promise

word count: 1,448

I was sitting on the bus currently on the way to school. I didn’t see Xavier which was a good sign. I didn’t feel like talking to him at all. I felt like I was getting attached-- well... I knew I was. I didn’t want to, especially not to him.

School has been weird the past couple of days. Everyone was quiet, teachers were acting abnormal, and the hallways were always empty. I pushed open the main door to exit the school and turned back to hold it open for the person behind me. It was Xavier.

“Hey, so I know what you do after school,” he says.

“Doesn’t every responsible student do homework?” I asked hoping that was what he meant.

“No... well.. yeah. But you know what I mean,” he says.

I shake my head and say, “no, I don’t.”

“Oh, alright.” he replies.

I kept on walking and he persistently followed. “the PMT-42.  Perhaps I can help you distribute it properly... “

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say as I put a strand of hair behind my ear and begin to walk faster.

“Yes you do, you know that I know what you do after school and I’m going to help you with it.”

I kept on walking, hoping he would stop talking about it.

“Stop acting like it’s a bad thing, Evelyn..” he began to say while stopping me.

“No. I don’t. I don’t need your help.” I said pushing him out of my way.

He followed me home and sat on the steps of my porch and wouldn’t leave. My mother had noticed he was there but didn’t say anything. She knows her boundaries and that’s why I love her. I was opening my algebra textbook and  began to wonder what time it was.

3 missed messages.

I unlocked my phone, curious to see who it was. Was it Melody asking me for advice? Maybe it was someone asking for the homework. Or was it Xavier trying to talk to me? Nope. It was Elvin.

Evelyn what time are we going today? Does 5 work for you? Hello? Evelyn? I’ll just meet you at your house, I’m so excited!!

I noticed that the texts were sent twenty minutes ago. Oh crap, he was coming to my house? He was going to see Xavier there…

I ran downstairs and noticed that Elvin wasn’t there. “Phew,” I thought as I sat beside Xavier on the steps.

“Oh,” he says.

“What?” I furrow my eyebrows, but then I quickly stopped myself because I didn’t want to make it seem like I care.

“You have a boyfriend,” he says.

“What?!” I exclaim.

“Elvin.. He literally just showed up here, smiling, like he was really excited about something. You could see how he felt in his eyes.” he replies.

“He’s….” I begin to say, “he’s dating Melody…”

“Well, he’s obviously in love with you!” he says.

“Xavier! Lower your voice..”

“Evelyn, how could you let that happen? Isn’t Melody your best friend? You’re in love with your best friend’s boyfriend and you know how he feels about you. Why?” he asks.

“I’m not… I’m not in love with him.” I begin to say, “I’m not in love with anybody.”

“That’s bullshit.”

I was already looking at him, but this time I was looking him in the eyes. His hazel eyes were beginning to drench in sadness. “I’m just going to go..” he says.

I nod my head, knowing that it’s the best thing to do. I walk up the steps to my house and open the door. I closed it and began to look at him through the window. I had just hurt him badly, and it wasn’t even true. I didn’t love Elvin. But why did he think I did? Why did he think he loved me? The truth was that I had feelings for Xavier, the boy who takes your hand and takes you to the balcony. He pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear and you feel comfortable talking about your emotions when you’re with him. Not the star player of the football team who is blowing up on social media.

I sat back down at my desk and opened up the math textbook again. Then my phone began to consistently buzz…

104+ missed messages

What?!!! Was I added to a group chat? Did someone famous die? What happened?? My phone opened up to the main screen of IMessage after I entered my passcode. I had over a million texts from random numbers. The first two boxes were from important people, Elvin and Melody.

Melody’s texts were as followed:

Evelyn

Evelyn!!

Can you believe what happened??

What are you doing right now?

Ugh okay

Elvin broke up with me! Evelyn!!

What are you doing?

I need your advice and ice cream

And also plans on Friday night now that Elvin and I aren’t hanging out

OMG!

Being too lazy to respond, I opened up Elvin’s box.

Oh.

Oh?? What was that supposed to mean? I went back to Melody’s messages and began to calm her down. While waiting for a reply I began to look at the other messages I had received.

They were different variations of texts, but they all consisted of the same message.

“Are you her?”

“Did you break his heart?”

“Ugh you’re such a slut!”

What actually happened? I was only off of my phone for about twenty minutes and I had so many notifications. My phone then began to buzz with all of the delayed notifications from Instagram. Over thirty people began to request me and they tagged me in multiple pictures. I was more than confused. What had just happened?

I eventually shut off my phone and finished my homework, but I was distracted. I went to  shower to take my mind off of things, but all I could think about was what was happening. It was now 9:23 pm and I heard a knock on my window. It was Xavier.

I flipped the latch and opened the window. “Second time in one day, wow. Can I help you?”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What?” I asked while sitting on the ledge of the window.

“You were right..” he said while sitting down on my roof.

I began to look at him, still in shock and confused.

“You’re not in love with Elvin, I was just being stupid..”

I nodded and then wanted to talk about something else. Before I knew it, I was speaking, “Elvin broke up with Melody.”

He nodded and began to look around my room.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked.

“Oh no, the view from here is great.”

“It’s my favorite spot when I need a place to think,” I said.

“It would be mine, too.”

“Hey,” I said. “Would you happen to know why random people are texting me and tagging me in Instagram posts?”

“Oh,” he said. “I’m actually really sorry, I didn’t think people would assume it was you.”

He looked at me and realized I was still lost, “this company wanted to interview me and one of the questions was if I was in a relationship. I told them that there was someone that I have my eyes on and I guess they just all immediately assumed it was you.”

A terrible silence began to grow between us.

“Is it?” I ask while looking up at him.

I see his mouth about to open and I immediately react, “actually, that isn’t important. Let’s talk about your father. I think he has some kind of relation to mine.”

His facial expression had completely changed, almost as if he was relieved. “I told you all about my father, and I guess you told me some things about yours, what do you want to know?”

I looked down at my watch and then I realized that I should have been asleep twenty minutes ago. “Um.. it’s not that important. I’m going to go to bed, uh.. Goodnight.”

I watched him get up and began to climb down a ladder, which is how I assume he got up here. I closed my window and turned the latch clockwise, locking it. I began walking towards my bed and my heart began to feel the same way it did yesterday.

Normally, I wouldn’t have done this, but I was curious, and I began to scroll through Instagram. I entered his name in the search bar and began to stalk him like a normal teenage girl. I had to admit, his posts were pretty cool for a Star Wars fan.

The comments his fans made were better than I thought, I found it weird how they started shipping Xavier and I. Some of the accounts were of users who didn’t go to our school. They didn’t even live in the same city as us. How did they know me?

[pettywisestories]

uneasy

11.16.17

i love walking after

it has just rained

for the sound of cars

speeding across the street

sounds like hope

for a new day

because i’ve always thought

of the clouds and the sun

as good friends

filling in for one another

when times are uneasy

like humans