phalloplastytime

[phalloplastytime]

6 months Post Op

I have a penis. It's great. Every second of life is so much better.

I need to make a better update, I've just not had it in me to sit down and write everything out. But don't worry, I'm not dead 😅 hopefully posting soon.

[phalloplastytime]

I'm busting out of here today, I'm so done with this hospital!

[phalloplastytime]

Last minute thoughts

Well, I guess this it it! I've been struggling to wrap my head around the fact that it's my turn, I'm up next.

We're minutes away from leaving for the hospital and it doesn't feel real. This has been such a long road, and I suppose there has been so many opportunities to turn back. I've trudged forward through the wait, the appointments, the electrolysis, the preparation. All leading up to this. This moment. It's here. It feels like I blinked.

I know this is the right path for me, but I'm still scared of what is to come. I trust my team, but damn am I nervous. How can anyone know for sure this is right? I suppose I had made my peace with the fact that things could get delayed, there was no guarantee any of this would work out given the current state of the world. But here I am, and here we are. I'm gonna take some deep breaths and just fall into this. I want this, I am just scared.

But to stop and think about all the hikes that will come, all the freedom of feeling whole in my body. The opportunities to enjoy life rather than save every penny I earn and stay home on the weekends because of how exhausting it is to manage dysphoria through the week. The mental space restored, the confidence to keep going and keep living. I want this, I am ready.

There will be a team of 10 doctors - 5 attendings, 3 fellows, and 2 chief residents, all responsible for looking after me post-op. It feels good to be able to be a part of their learning, I have such a strong tie to science through my work and the rest of my life. I hope everything goes smoothly, but ultimately the rest isn't up to me.

Catch you guys on the flip side.

[phalloplastytime]

5 Days

Well, I'm in SF. Finished my pre ops this morning. I'm still in disbelief 🤯

[phalloplastytime]

9 Weeks

All I can do is sit here and cross my fingers and keep forging on, surviving work and preparing for surgery that isn't guaranteed.

Never in a million years did I imagine a global pandemic threatening my surgery date. But also if you told me 2.5 years ago that I would be having this surgery this soon I wouldn't have thought it possible either.

My accommodations for post op were cancelled, which is was worried about but not quite expecting. I spent basically a whole week with extreme anxiety about figuring out where I was going to stay. Thankfully I was able to find a place and book it.

Another unexpected thing is that we won't be allowed any visitors in the hospital due to Covid-19, so my travel plans have shifted as well. It makes no sense to me to bring my care team down, taking time off work, to just sit in an Airbnb for 5 days while I just rest up. So they'll be coming right before I get out of the hospital to get things ready for me. I'm definitely apprehensive about being alone for the days leading up to surgery so I think I'm going to reach out and try to see if I can stay with anyone.

Other than that I've just tried to do everything I can to manage my anxiety and feel like I'm doing something productive. I've started amassing all the post operative supplies and luxuries that I need/want. It feels good to finally spend money that I have been saving for this exact purpose. All the times I've chosen to be frugal will pay off and I'll hopefully be comfortable.

[phalloplastytime]

~5 Months Hysto Update

Honestly, my hysto was such a chore and a stepping stone once I started feeling ~90% better after about 10 days I just... Moved on with my life.

Recovery was mostly hard the first 5ish days and after that I rapidly felt more and more normal. It's been almost 5 months since then and the only evidence is the 4 scars on my abdomen and a little redness on the bottom bit of my bellybutton.

I said I was going to document it more, and maybe I will, but I really just resented having to have this surgery to begin with. Having anything done with/to my natal bits was so unbearable I can't think about what happened during surgery.

I was very lucky though, because my surgeon understood and she did not require a pre or post operative exam.

I'll make a separate update about phallo specifically.

[phalloplastytime]

Here's another pic from the surgery prep time at the hospital. I think I just tend to take a long time to wake up fully from anesthesia because the longest chunk of time that I spent at the hospital was during recovery. I chose to go home the same day for a number of reasons, but I was glad to come home and sleep in my own bed and pee (painfully) in my own toilet.

Also they numbed my hand before putting this IV in so I thought that was really considerate.

[phalloplastytime]

I am planning on updating soon. I went back to work this week and I've been absolutely exhausted. I don't have any pain, but it's been a really busy week and I can definitely tell that my body is not 100%.

[phalloplastytime]

Just made it home from surgery! I'll write a more detailed post later, but for now I must rest.

[phalloplastytime]

See ya soon!

[phalloplastytime]

Night before hysto

I've had a raging headache all day and I've been super grumpy about it because I can't take Ibuprofen :/

I'm taking my last bath for ~1 month+ because I won't be able to a while post-op. I've also been really cold for the last few hours, especially since the last hour I spent chugging 32oz of cold Gatorade per my surgeon's nurse's recommendation. Here's hoping the bath will help.

I also took some of my alprazolam that my GP gave me for as-needed anxiety, which my surgical team told me that I can take even the morning of surgery if I do need it. It made me thankful that my chart was all integrated due to everyone being within the same franchise of medical clinics in my area, so everyone I talked to was able to review my medicines and see that it was on there. I'm hoping it kicks in soon because everything combined has made me a sweaty, shaky, cold mess that is still in pain.

I would have taken a Tylenol but I really wanted my liver to be fresh for the onslaught of drugs that are about to enter my system tomorrow.

It's still surreal and it hasn't entirely set in yet that tomorrow is the day. One more sleep. And my surgery sounds like it will be the first of the day because my check-in time is quite early. I'm kind of thankful for that because it means I'll get it over with and have the rest of the day to just sleep it off.

Today my partner and I cleaned the house, did a bunch of laundry, and did some cooking. I was very thankful for a snow day today. The real challenge will be getting out of the house on time early enough in the morning. I still want to move my mattress into the gaming room so that I can enjoy my big TV and doze off while watching Netflix and eventually start gaming.

Anyway, for anyone reading this please send me some good vibes through my surgery and recovery :) best wishes to all and see you on the flip side if I don't update in the morning.

Peace ✌️

[phalloplastytime]

Hysterectomy Pre-Op

I'm having my full hysto next week, so I had to go to my pre-op appointments yesterday. I met with my surgeon's PA and nurse, who gave me a run-down of what will happen. They also reviewed my medical history and asked if anything had changed since I had been in. Fortunately there was no exam or anything like that. I would have refused, honestly. Everyone there seemed to understand that this was overall uncomfortable.

It was really weird being in a gynecology office as a man, but when I was messaging my friend for support while I was in the waiting room he pointed out that these appointments will be the last time I should have to be there. It reminded me that post-everything, come August, I won't have those parts at all and a gynecologist won't even have to cross my mind.

This surgery is another step in the right direction, kind of an annoying hurdle more than anything. Organs that aren't really doing anything for me one way or another, but I'll be glad to be rid of the random cramping that comes every now and then.

[phalloplastytime]

I am taking a break from electrolysis right now until the new year. I got an appointment from an in network clinic but it's not until almost the end of February.

Luckily my urethra area is clear, so it's just "cosmetic" at this point. I still want to do as much as I can before surgery but I guess this is one time where it's good I don't have much in the way of arm hair on my forearms.

[phalloplastytime]

Maybe I spoke too soon. I realized that the benefit is gonna be considered out of network, so I'd have to have 8 sessions before my insurance even kicks in to cover it partially. Such BS. And that would all be a completely separate out of pocket maximum because my hysto and phalloplasty are in-network next year. Ugh.

My insurance approved my electrolysis! So far it looks like there's no limit, so I'm excited to start ramping up my sessions.

When I first started this, I was worried about how daunting it was going to be to pay for all this out of pocket just to have a hairless donor site and now it feels so much more achievable.

[phalloplastytime]

My insurance approved my electrolysis! So far it looks like there's no limit, so I'm excited to start ramping up my sessions.

When I first started this, I was worried about how daunting it was going to be to pay for all this out of pocket just to have a hairless donor site and now it feels so much more achievable.

[phalloplastytime]

I'm trying to remind myself that the next time the leaves turn, I'll have a penis. It's so crazy to think about. Waiting sucks.

[phalloplastytime]

~3 days post electrolysis session 3. Progress is slow and steady. You can still see healing scabs from my second session.