phantumpenis

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THE BIRDCAGE — 1996, dir. Mike Nichols

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idk why, but for some reason i find photoshopped pictures of poptart boxes with fake ridiculous, outrageous flavor names to be the funniest freaking thing

like this is hysterical

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“protect children” <- reactionary drivel basically every time

“be kind to children” <-radical thinking that causes way more arguments than you would ever imagine

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target self-checkout cameras were designed by a crack team of perverts at raytheon who were given the prompt of “induce dysphoria in anyone who gazes into this device regardless of their gender identity”

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frolicking with mama :)

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donald trump will die on july 20th 2025 at 1pm pacific standard time

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guys. please

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'I asked chat GPT-'

oh did you? You asked something that steals shit to lie to you about a subject? And you just tell me this like I care to know what it said? Like I wanted to know its opinion? I regularly ask my cat Cheesey Gordita Crunch about many subjects and I think I trust his judgement more than whatever bullshit ur shitty algorithm spat out

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if you've ever felt nervous to work with an editor in case they judge you, know that every time I take on a new client a tiny part of me gets scared that they'll turn out to be a divine and flawless being whose first draft operates on levels beyond my comprehension and I'll have to crawl back to them on hands and knees and say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for presuming to offer you guidance, please take back your money and forgive my hubris in wasting your time. and then I read it and I'm like ohh this is great. you got stuck in chapter two didn't you, here let me straighten that out. btw it's lie not lay.

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"furry inflation" (2024)

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Quick what are you doing RIGHT now (besides scrolling Tumblr)

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he's reeeally pushing his luck

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