phoenixhalliwell

[phoenixhalliwell]

brain hairball about nik and price and long distance shit

cw: alcohol, unedited with an abrupt ending

nikolai is, at his core, someone who enjoys solving problems. it's what pushed him to get his pilot's license- lots of problems go away when you're thousands of feet in the air, soaring over mountaintops and away from the source(s) of your strife. he likes that he can do that for people, that his ability to fix damn near anything has made him indispensable to powerful people.

people like s.a.s. captain john price.

but now the captain has come to him with something he has no fix for- a family matter, one that john is reluctant to speak about. serious shit, clearly, based on the way he decided he needed to drown his liver about it. none of nikolai's skills or connections or tools are appropriate here, and he's completely at a loss, floundering when it feels like so much is on the line.

"sorry about the hour, nik." price says over the phone, still obviously drunk. nikolai can't help but smile fondly to himself. he can see the captain in his mind's eye- hair disheveled, moustache wet with whiskey, cheeks and nose flushed pink.

"you don't even know what time it is here, captain." nikolai teases.

"yes i do- and fucks sake, how long we have t'know each other before you finally call me john?" grouses the captain, and nikolai exhales a laugh.

"at least another week, as always." nikolai volleys. this, he knows how to do. light banter, easy jokes- this is his wheelhouse. the serious stuff- not so much. he can listen, sure, but he isn't one for advice or comforting words. he's a hard man- same as price, which makes it even tougher to feel like he's fulfilling his role as a good friend.

price doesn't reply right away, and it makes nikolai's fingers itch. it's difficult, having this conversation over the phone. he's a fairly tactile person- he'd rather the captain was here, in his arms, letting nikolai hold him close and rub his back.

"captain?" nikolai asks when the silence drags on uncomfortably long.

"'m fine, nik, just- thinkin'."

"anything you would like to share?" it's all he can do from here, and yet, it feels woefully inadequate. nikolai has flown into war zones for price, dodged missiles for him, performed some extremely illegal acts on his behalf- offering to just listen to a man talk about his troubles feels pitiful in comparison. it makes nikolai want to gnash his teeth and pull out his hair, this impotent, helpless feeling. he wants to do something, to fix this so price feels better- but he just can't.

"no, no- not right now. i'm just glad to talk with you." price says, words slurring a bit. nikolai can hear him wander through his flat over the line, cupboards opening and closing, water being poured, soft footsteps on wooden floors.

"of course, my friend. anytime." nikolai glances out the window, watching the purple-grey light of morning crest over the kastovian mountain range. "i just wish there was more i could do."

"nothin' t'be done, nik. not by me or you, much as i bloody hate it." price sighs heavily. "s'late. i should get some sleep."

"you won't." nikolai knows that price is still too fresh off a mission to have any semblance of a normal sleep schedule yet. nikolai's brain is full of small tidbits and trivia about the captain- and through these bits and pieces, he would reckon that he knows the man as well as any of his other colleagues do.

maybe more.

"no, i won't." the captain huffs a laugh. "but i should let you go, at least. it must be sunrise f'you right about now."

oh, he did know the time. interesting.

"mm. it's lovely, i wish you could see it." nikolai affirms with a grin, glancing out at the golden rays that are just starting to peek over snowy mountains, heralding in a new day.

there's a pause, and nikolai can practically hear the gears turning in the captains head. phone pressed to his ear, nikolai grabs some spare sheets and saunters down the hall to make up a spare bed that he already knows will go unused.

he won't ask now, but later on, after he's gone home to see his mother and face head-on whatever family troubles he's been dancing around tonight, price will head down to kastovia for a week or so. he won't call, he won't text, he'll just show up with a rucksack and dark circles under his eyes, using nik's spare room and cot as a place to hole up while he works things out.

"describe it for me, nik?" price asks, sounding bleary. it makes nikolai huff out a laugh.

"what?"

"tell me what it looks like, your sunrise."

if anyone else called nikolai at 5am and asked him to not only speak english, but describe a sunrise, he'd reach through the phone like an american cartoon and shoot them dead.

but this is the captain, and for the captain? he'll do anything.

"it's- you know the mountains outside my window?" price hums in the affirmative. "they look purple in the light. the sun is coming up behind them, and it has the snow glittering like a gold- what's the word? the hat for angels?"

"halo?"

"that's the one. it looks like that. grey-purple and gold everywhere. very pretty. hold on-" nikolai snaps a photo and sends it off to the captain, who hums in appreciation when he gets it. the photo isn't quite as stunning as the real thing, but it will have to do.

"s'lovely, nik." price pauses. "thank you, nik. f'pickin' up when i called."

"of course, john. anytime."

[phoenixhalliwell]

Bonus:

[phoenixhalliwell]

I have a question for you. I don’t know much about the assignments Charlie and Emery would be sent on, so if this is stupid, you can laugh me out. Would either of them go undercover while they are together? If they do, do they do anything like drop box letters or voice memos to communicate with each other?

It’s not stupid at all. This one turned into a long one because it ties into the current storyline so I've tucked it under the read more.

Charlie is too high in rank to be sent undercover, it would be extremely detrimental to the department to do it because of the role he plays in operations.

Em, however is the perfect rank and in Intelligence it would almost be expected of her, however she has very limited experience because her background is in Missing Persons, where there isn’t much opportunity for UC work. At this point Voight would have had Em playing small UC roles to help her develop that skill set, like Ruzek’s girlfriend if he was playing a dealer – so he had back up, a club girl to plant a bug, a homeless woman to run surveillance. All very short term, not too risky set ups.

The bigger op arises when she plays Ruzek’s girlfriend at a white supremist rally. There’s been a spate of hate crime murders they’re investigating, they’re hearing chatter about a bigger event. The aim is that Adam will be the one that insinuates himself with the group, she’s just there for support.

What actually happens is during the event Em ends up befriending Rik Morrow who is a lieutenant in the First Nationals, his brother Chris is the leader of the group. It is very clear he is smitten on her  when he invites her to a private rally a few days later at The Lodge so she can get a real feel for the group with the possibility of joining. They have to pivot the whole operation based on this. Em is now the primary, Ruzek is out as they want Rik to feel relaxed and like he has a chance with Em.

Noone really asks Em if she wants to do it, it’s just assumed that she will. She does raise concerns to Voight that she is inexperienced but Voight reminds her ‘you’ve got to jump in the deep end at some point kid.’  The deep end being a month long UC sting where she has a new identity and a new apartment.

The worst part about this is that Charlie is actually the one that rubber stamps it when it comes across his desk because the name of the UC officer isn’t supplied to protect their identity and he assumes it’s Ruzek. It isn’t until he gets home that night, he discovers it’s Em and he can’t walk it back.

He is very remorseful over the whole thing and can sense Em’s anxiety even though she doesn’t tell him. He tells her he’s going to set up a dropsite with a secret burner so if ANYTHING happens she can contact him directly. They agree to one text a week from the burner as a check in. He will be available if she needs to call. He changes the ring tone on his phone for the burner to Disco Inferno so he’ll know immediately if it’s Em.

During that month Charlie is fucking miserable and the grumpiest SOB, he is constantly up Voight’s ass for updates. Em texts once a week to let him know she’s safe. As the month comes to an end Voight makes it clear he wants to extend the operation leaving Charlie with a horrible decision to make.

He’s saved from having to make it because Em is forced to break cover when Rik Morrow almost beats a guy to death in a hate crime. He realises she’s a cop when she intervenes and she arrests him.

This event is the precursor for the whole shooting storyline. It’s the reason Chris Morrow puts a hit out on her, contracting Franz, who Charlie tortures to death, to do it.

[phoenixhalliwell]

You were facing the wall.

Arms tucked close to your chest, your back turned toward the door, and a blanket pulled up to your chin even though it wasn’t cold. Your eyes were wide open. You weren’t even trying to sleep. The light from the hallway bled under the crack in the door, and every time it shifted, your breath caught, half-hoping, half-dreading that it was him.

He’d left without another word. You’d told him to sleep on the couch, and he didn’t argue. Just looked at you for a moment, his lips pressed into that hard line he always got when he was trying not to say something he’d regret. And then he walked out.

That was almost an hour ago.

You blinked slowly, eyes stinging. You hated fighting with him. Hated the way it left your chest tight and your mind buzzing. You hated the silence afterward even more. And this time… you weren’t even sure who was more in the wrong.

The fight started with something stupid. It usually did. You’d asked him why he hadn’t texted back when you messaged him earlier in the day—just a casual check-in, nothing serious. He said he’d been busy. You said you understood, but something about your tone made it obvious you didn’t. And then he said, “It’s not always about you,” and you froze.

It wasn’t just the words. It was the way he said them, like you’d been a burden instead of someone he missed. Like he didn’t have space for you in his head that day, and you were wrong for noticing it.

You’d snapped and told him if he didn’t want to talk to you, he could’ve just said that. Told him you weren’t going to beg him for attention. He looked at you like he wanted to speak but didn’t, and you’d finally said it.... go sleep on the couch, Simon, because you didn’t know what else to say that wouldn’t hurt more.

And he left.

Now you were here, pretending the pillow was more comfortable than his chest, replaying the words in your head until they lost all their meaning. You hadn’t even told him goodnight. And he hadn’t told you he loved you, not like he always did before bed.

Your throat tightened. You blinked at the wall again, trying to will yourself not to cry, not now when you’d already said your piece, already told him to leave. You didn’t want to be the one to break first. But still, your chest ached in that way that only came when something between you felt wrong.

A floorboard creaked somewhere outside the bedroom. Then silence came, a pause just long enough to make you question if you’d even heard anything at all.

And then—

The door creaked open slowly.

You stayed still. You didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to seem too eager, didn’t want him to think you’d just forget everything because he came back. But your heart betrayed you, picking up speed the moment you heard his quiet footsteps on the carpet. Then the bed dipped behind you, before his arm wrapped around your waist, fast like he was afraid you’d push him away if he didn’t do it quick.

You didn’t.

“I know you’re awake,” he said quietly, his breath brushing against the back of your neck.

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t.

“I thought about what you said.” His voice was low and soft. “And I thought about what I said. And I didn’t come back to fight. I just... I needed you to hear this.”

He paused, exhaling slowly.

“I fucked up,” he admitted. “I was tired and distracted, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just lookin’ for me and I made you feel like you were too much.”

Your eyes burned. Still, you didn’t speak.

“I never want you to feel that way,” he murmured. “Not ever. Not when you text me, not when you talk to me, not when you just exist near me. You’re not a burden. You’re… you’re the best part of my day, and I treated you like you weren’t. I’m sorry, love.”

You felt his hand squeeze your side gently, like he was grounding himself just as much as he was trying to comfort you.

“I meant what I said before I left,” he added, “but I meant it wrong. It’s not always about you, but it should be. You’re my person. I should’ve answered you. I should’ve checked in. You have every right to need me.”

You blinked hard, finally managing to whisper, “I wasn’t trying to fight.”

“I know,” he said, his voice cracking a little. “I know, love. You were just tryin’ to connect. And I shut down on you. I let shit get in my head and I pushed you out. I won’t do that again.”

You turned slowly, finally facing him. His eyes met yours in the dim light, and god, he looked wrecked.

“I just missed you,” you whispered. “That’s all.”

He reached up and cupped your face gently. “I missed you too. More than I can say. And I don’t want to end a single fuckin’ day with you wonderin’ if I care. I do. So much.”

You leaned in, tucking your face against his neck. His arms wrapped around you fully now, pulling you in close, holding you tight like he’d fall apart if he didn’t, before his lips pressed against your hair.

“I’m not goin’ back to the couch,” he said softly. “Even if you ask again. I’ll sleep on the floor next to you before I ever leave you like that again.”

That made you laugh, just a little.

“Sorry I got mean,” you mumbled.

He smiled into your hair. “You weren’t mean. You were hurt. And I made you feel that way. I deserved it.”

You looked up at him, eyes searching his face. “You’re really good at this. Talking about it. Most guys just shut down.”

“I used to,” he admitted. “Didn’t fix a damn thing. I’d rather talk and hold you than be right.”

You snorted. “You were wrong though.”

He grinned. “I know. Fully aware of it.”

You finally let your body relax fully against him, tension leaving piece by piece as he kissed your forehead and whispered, “Still love you, even when we fight. Especially then.”

“I love you too,” you murmured.

And you meant it. Even when it was hard. Even when things got messy. Because he came back. Because he chose to come back and say the things that mattered. Not everyone did.

But Simon did. And that was enough.

----------------------------------------

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[phoenixhalliwell]

summary: there’s always someone to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself.

a/n: this is just strictly platonic all around-family telling you you can do something even when you don’t think you can.

michael robinavich x jack abbot x dana evans x reader

your standing at the nurses station getting your cases ready for handover when you are brought out of your work by your favourite drink being waved in-front of your face. you look up to see dr. abbot leaning over the counter with the drink in his hand looking like he needs to ask you something.

“what’s that for?” you ask with eyebrows raised, because even if he’s brought you a treat for no reason before the look on his face screams this one comes at a price.

“we’ve been called up” he’s extending the drink in his hand so you finally decide to take it. “called up?” you’re at the end of your shift and you know if you thought about the sports reference long enough it would maybe click but you need him to spell it out for you.

“robby and gloria are conducting interviews for dana’s replacement with the dayshift nurses who are on this morning, they need some backup until about noon. that’s us. we are the backup. it will only be five extra hours and yours have been pre approved for double time. the job is just covering the nurse having their interview, like a floater.” you nod at what he is telling you and answer “okay no problem, you didn’t need the drink to ask that but i do appreciate it”

you’re honestly shocked at the news that they haven’t picked a replacement yet. any nurse you talked to about the posting had applied as soon as they heard about it, and it feels like said posting went up forever ago.

dana’s final days as a contracted charge nurse are coming to an end. she has decided not to fully retire, but to be given casual privileges so that she can choose when she wants to work and be with her family more. you are happy for her, if anyone deserves to slow down it’s dana. she has been there for you since your first days in your practicum as a nurse, and she is the reason why you picked emergency medicine when you finished nursing school almost ten years ago. however the first line you got was for night shift and you never looked back, you occasionally covered days when asked, but you were comfortable on the night shift.

the raise becoming a charge nurse would be nice, but you decided to not apply because dana will have some unbelievable scary, huge shoes to fill.

your standing at handover listening to the doctors speak on the cases you’ve been working with all night. when night shift breaks off and day shift can have a pre-shift meeting. it’s the usual updates on the standard of care that upstairs is really pushing down here. robby finishes up the meeting with “and remember we have the outdoor patio reserved at the pub down the road after shift today. i hope everyone can stop by and enjoy time with each other away from the hospital.”

you hang back to check in with dana. “anywhere specific you need me?” she smiles at you over her glasses. “nah kid i know you know what your doing. hop in wherever you see fit, we do have some baby nurses on today who might approach with questions, and if you tell any of the other nurses here i will deny it-but you give the most approachable energy so i am just warning you in advance with that one. oh and i really appreciate your help here, if you want to stay even later than they told you be my guest.” she looks at you to let you know that she’s kidding she doesn’t expect you to stay after an extended shift “oh, thanks for the offer dana but no thank you, i am taking my five hours of double time and im running” you both laugh at that.

you’re finishing up checking on vitals on an intubated patient waiting on an icu bed when one of the aforementioned baby nurses is approaching you looking like someone stole her puppy. “are you available to help me? the patient is a bit agitated and is making it really difficult to get an iv started.” you completely understand being in the emergency room stinks but you aren’t going to let some asshole ruin a new nurse’s whimsy. “of course! lead the way. i will just be there as back up okay? you know how to do the job you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. don’t let some grump tell you how you should be doing it.” you say to her as she leads you to the exam room.

she opens the curtain and the guy looks less than impressed to see you with her and raises his voice at you. “look i already told the little bitch, unless there’s a painkiller in that drip no one is coming near me with a needle, she didn’t need to call mommy to come help.” you see jack and robby making their way over to the commotion. you put your hand up to signal that you’ve got it. the other nurse turns to you a bit shaken. “dr. mohan didn’t prescribe a painkiller. it’s just fluids, he was brought in by the police unconscious and inebriated-he can’t leave until care is done.” you now feel the need to protect the younger nurse after his little outburst so you step in between her and the hospital bed and look at the patient in the bed with a raised eyebrow.

“mr. roberts you really shouldn’t speak to my nurse like that. she’s just trying to help you. your doctor didn’t prescribe a painkiller but she did prescribe a bag of fluids that will help with the headache. now you can cooperate and let her do her job or i can get someone in here to restrain you, and she still does her job, either way she’s giving you the fluids. one of the ways doesn’t give you mobility to get up and use a bathroom when the fluids start working. you give him a bit of a screw you smile to tie the whole thing together. the patient sits back and grumbles but ultimately lets the nurse start the iv, you spend extra time with her to show her the easiest way to stick a dehydrated vein and both of you leave the exam room.

“thank you for that, honestly i was losing the battle in there.” you look at her “it takes time to stick up for yourself, we can’t make everyone happy, some people just enjoy being miserable.” that makes the new nurse relax a bit. “well thank you again for helping.” you pat her shoulder and head in the opposite direction.

next couple of hours pass and you just float where needed. noon is approaching which means your long awaited shower and bedtime is also approaching. “hey we need your help on an incoming gsw to the abdomen, four minutes out. surgery is meeting us down here.” dr. langdon rushes past you with dr. santos and dr. king following behind.

you meet dr. abbot at the trauma bays and get gloved and gowned up. you do your job while langdon, santos and garcia bicker. you watch as they do, but you can tell its becoming a bit much for dr. king so you tell her she’s doing a great job, once the patient is stable enough they are still puffing their chests with one another battling over who actually stabilized the patient so you finally pipe up. “what does everyone need? gold stars? applause? we’re backed up enough as it is down here can you get this guy upstairs and into surgery please?” that gets everyone moving. you didn’t notice robby sneak in and stand with jack to observe at the end so when your turning around and disposing of your gown you bump right into him. he’s biting back a laugh at your comment to the duelling doctors. “oh dr. robby sorry i didn’t see you there.” he catches you so you don’t bounce right off him. “no worries kid, just came to let you and jack know you’re free to go. interviews are all finished, thanks for the help today.” you walk towards the locker room to grab your things.

jack and you live pretty close together so you usually walk to and from work with one another when you can. while waiting for him by the desk you pull on your hoodie pulling your ponytail out from the neckline. “are you coming to the pub later?” dana asks you. “oh that seemed like a dayshift thing.” you say non committal. jack walks up behind you “and what shift exactly are you getting off of?” you raise your eyebrow and grab your bag putting it over your shoulder. “an extended night shift.” you give him a look you hope conveys you absolute dummy. that makes everyone laugh including robby. “no the invite was extended to everyone in the team huddle, abbot seems to think he was included, that means you are more than included as well.” you nod “yeah, sure i can come for a bit after i take a nap, i guess i will see you all later.” with that you head home.

its about eight when you find yourself heading to the pub. you are quickly greeted by jack “i owe you a drink for today” you roll your eyes at that “you really don’t, but i won’t say no” he gets you a beer and you two head over to where robby is sitting and take a seat. “how were the interviews today man? you have someone lined up yet?” jack asks as you both sit down. “well we actually had 56 out of the qualified 57 nurses at the hospital apply so it took a bit to get through it all.”

you can feel both their eyes on you as you take a pull of beer from your bottle trying to look anywhere else but at either of them. abbot has argued with you every time you told him you weren’t applying, and now you are starting to suspect that he went behind your back to throw your hat in the ring anyways. “well lucky you that’s a huge pool to choose from, i’m sure someone fits.” your kind of afraid to look at robby because now you think the two attendings are about to interrogate you about your choices so you decide to get ahead of it.

“was today some weird audition. jack was telling you lies about how i could be a charge nurse so you set this up to see me in action. did you even have interviews today?” you take another stressed pull of your beer.

“see robby i told you she was smart.” jack can’t help himself. he put a hand on your shoulder “and i’m not kidding or lying when i say you could do the job and you could do it well.” you turn to look at him “you really don’t want to work with me anymore?” he shakes his head at you “that’s not it, just can’t stand to see you waste your potential.” you groan and lay your head on the table. “who are you? my dad?” you can now here dana laughing behind you too. “oh great! were you in on this too? is there no one i can trust?” dana sits on your other side and rubs your shoulders. “kid i hand picked you years ago when i first met you, you can blame jack and robby but i am being the difficult one here.”

you lift your head up from the hiding spot. “there is seriously no one else? i don’t believe for a second that watching me work for a handful of hours made up your mind about me” robby shakes his head. “we could offer it to someone else but from all the stories i have heard about you from these two, you just picked up the extra hours today without complaining about it, the way you helped anyone who asked and kept everyone on track that is exactly what i am looking for in a charge nurse. the job is yours.” you sigh. “what if i crash and burn? can i go back to my old job?” robby nods. “all of us just want you to succeed, and if you try and it doesn’t work-which i don’t see happening by the way, you are more than welcome back to your old job.” you bite your lip and then release it, thinking. “okay so do i need to officially apply? or is hr going to reach out with the contract?”

[phoenixhalliwell]

thinking about jason todd leaning down to hear you when you talk.

if i’m being honest, i feel like he does it often. sometimes, it’s because it’s a little too noisy where you’re at, and other times, it’s because you’re a little too soft-spoken, which makes it hard to hear you. overall, it’s because jason is just too damn big for his own good, so, most of the time, he just can’t hear you and has to lean in close so you don’t have to repeat yourself again for a third or fourth time.

it happens like this: he’ll be standing next to you with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes focused raptly on something going on in front of him. maybe it’s the news, maybe it’s a movie being watched on the couch by your friends— whatever is, jason is locked in, jaw set in concentration as he focuses on what he’s seeing. then, when you quietly add commentary, his brows will twitch and he’ll mindlessly turn his head to the side, prompting you to say whatever you said again. it’s autopilot for jason— like it’s programmed into him already.

he doesn’t move all at once, either. his head turns first, then his body follows, but his eyes? oh, those fall to you last. his pretty blue eyes (that also flicker with this mysterious shade of green sometimes) stay trained on what’s in front of him for a few seconds longer. in comparison to the rest of his body, it’s almost as if they’re on a delay.

it’s only after he mumbles a quiet “hm?” to get you to speak again does he finally look at you, hinged at the hip with that white tuft of hair he has hanging in his face. all he’s met with in return is the lack of an audible response and the sight of you staring up at him in awe, your jaw slack and your eyes wide. whatever you were saying is clearly lost on you now, and jason realizes that, but it’s not a big deal. it would never be a big deal. you’re just nervous, and luckily for him, jason loves making you nervous.

“i didn’t say anything,” you lie unconvincingly, throat hoarse from this sudden bout of dryness that’s seemed to set in. you whip your head back towards the tv and jason snorts at your reaction, standing back up to full height with a cheeky grin plastered across his face.

“yeah, okay,” he replies, doing nothing to hide the amusement in his voice. “whatever helps y’sleep at night.”

# — navigation

[phoenixhalliwell]

ooooo hold awn cut to you trying to teach him bachata

STOP THE COUNT! No because I’ve fr been meaning to talk about teaching him how to dance Bachata and slowly working his way up to learning Salsa and Merengue. At least for me, dancing is a love language and a cultural thing I grew up doing and watching, and it goes beyond just lovers dancing sensually. It’s another form of connection with whoever you’re dancing with: family member, friend, etc. It’s learning how to exist with someone else in the same space as you, in whatever capacity that’s acceptable.

So for Jack, I’d imagine it’d be an instance where you play classical Bachata music you grew up listening to when you think he’s asleep, the music fills the kitchen early Sunday morning as you prepare to take on the herculean task of deep cleaning the entire place. You sway your hips little by little, fully in-tuned with the music, using your broom or mop as a dancing partner and humming along as you move. Jack’s already up, he’s been watching you dance about from the kitchen archway for the past three songs and hasn’t said anything. He just watches as you move your feet slowly to the tempo, trying to memorize the footwork, when to step back or to the side, when you need to spin or pause. And it’s when you turn around and catch him watching you, he comes up with a sly grin, curls all messy from sleep, and he takes one of your hands in his and simply asks:

“Teach me.”

Yeah I want to talk about this so so much cause it would fill a hole in my fucking chest to really explore a relationship with an explicitly Caribbean partner. I’ve wanted to for a long time, but adding so much of myself into a story like that makes me nervous so I psych myself out lol. 😭

[phoenixhalliwell]

How old is Annika? when she meets Charlie, does she do the classic kid move and ask him how old he is bc of his gray hair?

Annika is seven, hurtling towards eight. She will be meeting Charlie sooner rather than later because Charlie intends to be highly involved in Em’s recovery and there’s no way around that with her sister and her mom. The sister is going to click on pretty quickly that illusive boyfriend Charlie who is now standing in Em’s home, looking after her is the Deputy Chief who walked in on Em killing a guy and waited around during Em’s second surgery.

I think Charlie’s gonna be the on that takes Annika elsewhere so the woman can talk. She’s probs gonna be showing him her sash badges from girl guides and maybe help her sew one on. He’s also the one that talks to her about the day at the ice cream shop.

Haha I can see her asking that question about his age and the sister shooting him a look and going ‘OLD, he’s fucking OLD.’  There’s about an 11/12 year age gap between him and Em.

[phoenixhalliwell]

Did Charlie grow up in any religion? If he did, is he still a practicing member?

You’ve touched on a little bit of Emery’s background; does she observe any religious routine or tradition? I’m not familiar with Catholicism or Romani culture, so I love seeing all your insight.

Charlie did not grow up religious but by default he is Catholic. His parents married in a church and he was christened but that was because it was the done thing at the time. They weren’t going to church on Sundays or doing Christmas Eve Mass. The only time they did go to church was for family events.

As an adult he only attends church for weddings, funerals and christenings – usually all police related.

Em is more complicated.

Romani religion is flexible, there is no set religion. It differs in each community and is usually formed around where the community was established originally. So Irish Travellers are likely to be Catholic, where others from different areas/countries may be Pentecostal, Hindu or Orthodox, etc. There’s even some in the evangelism game.

Em’s father was Roman Catholic, like Em’s mother but they came from two different cultures so the way they practised was similar but not the same. Em’s mom’s family was more about traditional values while Em’s father’s was more about the celebration.

Romani Culture has a huge focus on family and community. They have huge extended family networks and are a close knit community. Oral storytelling is a way of life for them as is expression through music and dance. They’re a very creative people but highly marginalised.

As I mentioned earlier both Em’s parents fell in love and ran away together because their families didn’t approve. Part of this was because of prejudice but also because Romani families marry young and Em’s father had been promised to someone else from the age of 12 to merge his family with another. He was due to marry her when she hit 18 which was a few months away.

When he married Em’s mom he was completely ostracized from the community for breaking that vow and turning his back on the family. Em’s mom’s family did the same because she shirked their traditional values. They were not welcome in their own communities anymore so settled in Canaryville instead which has a large Irish Catholic population and some stunning churches.

Em grew up attending ‘fun church’ where there was lots of singing and clapping as opposed to a more traditional one. She embraced Romani culture through her father who used to delight her with his storytelling. Em stopped attending church after he disappeared when she turned 23. Her mother still goes every Sunday.

[phoenixhalliwell]

Could you tell us a little bit more about Charlie’s nightmares?

Babe… There are a few of them.

See below the cut:

His Father – Charlie has a recurring nightmare of the time he found his father hanging. He remembers the quietness of the house, the stillness, the sound of his own footsteps as he took the stairs one at a time searching for his father. He checks every room in the with an apprehension growing in his chest with every one he finds vacant. Eventually he steps outside into the yard… And that’s when he sees the shoes, white Adidas sneakers just swinging to and fro in the breeze as the leaves rustle in the tree his dad has tied the rope too.

I think it’s important to mention here that Charlie’s dad did not intend Charlie to find him. The neighbour was supposed to come over to discuss chopping the tree down because it was blocking the sunlight getting into his garden. That tree was one that his mother had planted when she first got the house. His father had carved their initials and when Charlie was born, Charlie’s into it.  The neighbour flaked on the whole thing and Charlie came home from school to find his dad dead.

This one usually crops up around significant occasions, - birthdays, anniversary of his mom’s death as this was when it took place.

PTSD – Charlie’s entire career has been based in violence. He’s seen some horrible, atrocious shit during his time with organised crime which is why he takes such a hard stance on it.

Here’s the highlights:

His colleague beheaded, he didn’t find the body but he was one of the first on the scene after his wife did. He will never forget her screams as his Lieutenant tried to draw her away from the mess that was left.

AJ Jackson – An 8 year soccer star caught in the crossfire during a drive by. Charlie was in the area conducting interviews on the initial hit when he heard the gunshots. He tried to render first aid but the kid ended up bleeding out in his arms. Charlie still dreams he can’t get the blood off.

Camilla Anderson – An 80 year old woman who was accidently run down during another drive by. She was pinned between a wall and the car after the driver lost control from his own injury when the gang returned fire. She suffered severe crush injuries and Charlie held her hand and kept her calm by talking to her about her grandchildren as the paramedics/firefighters evaluated their course of action. Unfortunately it was discovered the only thing keeping her alive was the car pinning her. Charlie was the one who held her hand when they did remove the car because she was terrified of dying alone.

Bradon Jenkins – A toddler who ODed after getting into his father’s stash. He’d been dead three days when they found him, the dad was so strung out he hadn’t noticed.

These are the ones that keep him up at night and the reason he insists his teams have regular department psych evals.

[phoenixhalliwell]

Pope is protective when it comes to other people having to kill.

He warns J that it won’t feel like he thinks it will. His voice breaks saying it.

When Deran kills Colby, he recognizes it as his first. He understands the weight of it without Deran having to say anything. He talks him through the clean up. He puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder. He checks up on him after. He takes it without a fight when Deran yells at him how they’re not the same. He lets Deran put himself into another category, not a freak and a killer like Pope. Even though they really are the same.

Pope is not emotionless about killing and I don’t know why none of them can see that. Smurf sees it and she exploits it. She feeds all the dangerous parts of him and starves the needy ones. She made him into a weapon and I’d argue he resents that more than anything else she’s done to him.

Smurf told him he was a killer and he believed it. He believed there wasn’t another way, that he couldn’t be a good person. She treated him like everyone would be better off without him and that became truth to him. To all of them.

He didn’t have to be this broken thing.

In the last episode, when he pulls J out of the pool, he says that Julia wanted him to be stronger than he was, to be normal. He thinks she was wrong but what if she was the only one who was right? She knew him better than anyone. She knew him before he was Pope. Before he was a killer. Before he lost hope that he could be anything but a monster. She saw him.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Andrew always was a very good boy.

Ps. Baz saw the good, emotional parts of Pope and tried to beat them out of him. How he was good to Lena. How he had a connection with Amy. With Cath even. With Julia. With Smurf. Baz played both sides every chance he could and I’m inclined to believe he only forgave Pope for killing Cath as a manipulation. Apparently I’m taking the hard stance that Pope is Good and Baz is Bad.

[phoenixhalliwell]

quick divorce scenario thoughts for jack and robby

they’re manipulative and toxic so be warned

jack doesn’t let it happen. period. he refuses to sign the papers and walks back into your shared apartment after every shift like nothing’s happened. you can scream at him all you want but he’s patient and if you tire yourself out it’s all the better for him. maybe he’ll even reward you for being quiet again

his approach is more brute forcing you to change your mind with vague threats of not being able to escape him and scenarios that just happen to end in sex even though you aren’t supposed to be living together. but he just fucks you so good you give up on the stupid idea altogether. and he’s sooo condescending about it once you change your mind

“that really was a dumb idea, sweetheart. what’re you doing to do to make up for it?”

robby is more relenting about it. he drags it on and kinda wears you down over time saying he’ll sign the papers. he even agrees to move out for a little while just to appease you but really he finds way too many excuses to be back in your presence. you need something in the apartment fixed? he’s there. you ask to change to night shift? he doesn’t allow it. you starting dating around? he’s calling you into work for an emergency or finds another way to sabotage the date.

he kinda banks on the hope that you’ll give up and realize that he’s really your best and only option. he rips the papers in front of you and says good idea like he would’ve really let things go another way 🙄

“i’m so relieved you changed your mind, honey. let me show you how much i’ve missed you.”

[phoenixhalliwell]

jack with a next door neighbor who's kinda clumsy and just down on their luck

you introduce yourself with a pan of burnt cookies and soot on your face and he's already like yep you're the one

i think jack kinda likes when his partner is a little helpless. he uses it as an excuse to get his hands on you and show you how things are done. he can't help how hot he gets when you look up at him with wide eyes asking him how to fix something in the house or when he has to patch you up bc you dropped something and got hurt in the process

and he just generally likes teaching and encouraging ppl so he always has an opportunity to do it with you, not that you can ever pay attention to what he's saying

i think after a while you both agree it's best he just move in so he can just always fix things for you lol

[phoenixhalliwell]

End of season 2 idea (which will never happen in canon, I am aware) -

Abbot worked day shift, obviously, but everyone had to stay late for some reason. So he's on the roof watching the 9pm fireworks go off in the distance and it's okay. Far enough away he can't really hear them and objectively they're pretty.

Robby finds him standing/leaning back against the barrier and he comes up behind him and just puts his forehead down on Jack's shoulder and sighs. Jack kind of laughs and says "right back at ya."

Robby then lifts his head and watches the fireworks for a bit before turning to Jack and saying "home?" and Jack looks back with a little smile and replies "ya, home."

They then turn and walk off the roof side by side with the finale of the fireworks going off behind them.

[phoenixhalliwell]

changing my pfp from bb carter to this s2 set noah/robby pic that i am obsessed with and look at 162927192831629 times a day so its only fitting

[phoenixhalliwell]

night/day

This. Is. Everything.

And somehow broke and mended my heart all at once. ❤️‍🩹

. . .

[phoenixhalliwell]

Robby definitely comes home some nights to his partner in bed already. They're fast asleep sprawled out like a starfish, limbs everywhere, body bent at odd angles he knows are going to cause discomfort in the morning.

He carefully rearranges them. Tucking them under the bed sheets and duvet, rolling them gently into a more manageable and ergonomic position. Then he goes and showers and gets ready for bed, only to find that they reverted to the same questionable mien. He slips into bed, repositioning limbs to lay across him before falling asleep himself.

When his partner complains their back or their neck hurts he's learn it's better to just help them massage the knots out than it is to insinuate they might've slept in an odd position.