phrogs-are-poggers

[phrogs-are-poggers]

New Mexico is only fun at night and when your going through those Mesa-ish areas where you think you've physically materialized into the cars universe

Nah dude NEW MEXICO doesn't get anywhere near enough hate.

damn y’all I’ll appreciate New Mexico if you won’t

[phrogs-are-poggers]

🐠 Wow

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

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Howls room this howls room that

What about ariettys room

This is peak performance right here

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[phrogs-are-poggers]

so can we start hunting down white liberals now or what

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Did anyone else read it to the tune of one weird tip

modern life is just a ceaseless barrage of employment housework budgeting netflix phone calls health insurance memes emergency savings fear of aging vacuuming childhood nostalgia grocery lists career goals hopes for the future zombie scrolling existential dread deciding what to cook for dinner followed by more netflix and that’s just Tuesday

[phrogs-are-poggers]

Another rb from main

Recently my post on pre-Cambrian life forms has been popular, so i thought y’all might like

more Unknowable Eldritch Life History content

So...before the Cambrian explosion, where many of the animal phyla we know and love today originated, there was...the Ediacaran biota.

You may have heard that the earliest multicellular animals were crawly things a little like worms, or maybe sponges or anemones, or other basic, familiar, boring squishy things.

But those comfortably boring images of squishy worms and sponges on the primordial seafloor? LIES.

The truth is...much less comforting.

Described by scientists with words such as “problematic,” “enigmatic,” “unclear,” and other academic renderings of the sentiment “Hey what the FUCK,” the fossils uncovered from before the Cambrian are a window into a period of life so alien the vocabulary to describe it doesn’t exist.

These things weren’t worms or sponges or anemones, because those things weren’t invented yet. In many cases we don’t know if they were animals, fungi, protists, or something else, and it’s been hypothesized that some of them aren’t any of those things because animals, fungi, and protists weren’t invented yet.

One hypothesis is that some Ediacaran organisms represent stem groups to modern categories of organisms—impossibly ancient ancestors of things recognizable as “animals” or “fungi.” Another possibility is that they belong to extinct “intermediate” branches between plants, animals, and other kingdoms as we understand them.

In my earlier post I referenced Eoandromeda, Haootia, Thectardis, and Namacalathus. I’m delighted to tell you that it only gets weirder from there. This was before the invention of “heads” and “limbs,” foolish mortal.

Instead, we had...Bag And/Or Tower with Sticks

Somebody’s Backbone Just Sitting There. Corumbella is described as a predator in its wikipedia article, and this is...not elaborated upon. THANKS.

“It superficially resembles a compressed cabbage in appearance, although in reality it had a more intricate, fractal mode of organisation.”

Abyssal Tree. Parviscopa is described as potentially being a juvenile of another species in its Wikipedia article. Okay. Let me process the concept of “juvenile” as it relates to something like this.

Donut (critically, the genus name is Obamus, after Obama.)

???????

The article descriptions of these life forms really just highlight how limited language is, how pathetically dependent we are upon familiarity and common understanding to make sense of anything. We struggle to intelligibly describe them because no living comparisons for them exist.

Can you picture this in your head? Yeah, me neither. And it grows by adding segments to...both ends?

...And...doesn’t have a digestive system. Or any organs at all. Cool. That’s cool. I’m fine thanks.

Scientists think maybe it photosynthesized, but also maybe that it might be a version of cnidarian (jellyfish or anemone-related organism), which really summarizes our level of understanding of what it was.

By the way, the seeming lack of a means of obtaining sustenance in many of these creatures is kind of a problem. It is so with the rangeomorphs, a group of sessile, frond-like creatures (including our pal up there, Abyssal Tree) that look like plants, believed to be ancestors of either animals or fungi, and the erniettomorphs. Some scientists speculate that they directly filtered nutrients out of seawater by osmosis. Maybe. They had to do something, presumably.

These are not sci-fi space aliens, they were and are all objectively real living things that lived on Earth just like us. And little as a deep sea marine tube worm or a sponge cares for human affairs, these things are so much less connected to us than even those creatures. They would never meet even the vaguest analog of a vertebrate. They didn’t know what leaves or fish were and didn’t care. We don’t understand them and maybe we never will.

Okay just. Imagine you’re just...vibing deep in a cave somewhere, looking at the rocks, alone in the dark, and you point your flashlight at the cave wall

and you see this.

What you are looking at is the 550 million year old remnant of a real, unknowable living creature. It is older than limbs, older than eyes, older than everything you could use to explain yourself to it, and you’re seeing it.

Contemplate that. Contemplate the fact that you are just a weird evolutionary offshoot of some creature that fucked around and decided a notochord was a good idea.

You’re breathing and moving, but that was not inevitable. It’s just another thing that evolution is trying out for a little while.

You’re seeing it. What does that mean? What are you, next to it? What are you doing, wandering around up there in the air? You have holes! You aren’t fixed to the ground! You’ve developed organs sensitive to light and sound, and you’ve gathered them up at one end of your body!

How does the sunlight taste? What do you see? What is “seeing?”

[phrogs-are-poggers]

Recently my post on pre-Cambrian life forms has been popular, so i thought y’all might like

more Unknowable Eldritch Life History content

So...before the Cambrian explosion, where many of the animal phyla we know and love today originated, there was...the Ediacaran biota.

You may have heard that the earliest multicellular animals were crawly things a little like worms, or maybe sponges or anemones, or other basic, familiar, boring squishy things.

But those comfortably boring images of squishy worms and sponges on the primordial seafloor? LIES.

The truth is...much less comforting.

Described by scientists with words such as “problematic,” “enigmatic,” “unclear,” and other academic renderings of the sentiment “Hey what the FUCK,” the fossils uncovered from before the Cambrian are a window into a period of life so alien the vocabulary to describe it doesn’t exist.

These things weren’t worms or sponges or anemones, because those things weren’t invented yet. In many cases we don’t know if they were animals, fungi, protists, or something else, and it’s been hypothesized that some of them aren’t any of those things because animals, fungi, and protists weren’t invented yet.

One hypothesis is that some Ediacaran organisms represent stem groups to modern categories of organisms—impossibly ancient ancestors of things recognizable as “animals” or “fungi.” Another possibility is that they belong to extinct “intermediate” branches between plants, animals, and other kingdoms as we understand them.

In my earlier post I referenced Eoandromeda, Haootia, Thectardis, and Namacalathus. I’m delighted to tell you that it only gets weirder from there. This was before the invention of “heads” and “limbs,” foolish mortal.

Instead, we had...Bag And/Or Tower with Sticks

Somebody’s Backbone Just Sitting There. Corumbella is described as a predator in its wikipedia article, and this is...not elaborated upon. THANKS.

“It superficially resembles a compressed cabbage in appearance, although in reality it had a more intricate, fractal mode of organisation.”

Abyssal Tree. Parviscopa is described as potentially being a juvenile of another species in its Wikipedia article. Okay. Let me process the concept of “juvenile” as it relates to something like this.

Donut (critically, the genus name is Obamus, after Obama.)

???????

The article descriptions of these life forms really just highlight how limited language is, how pathetically dependent we are upon familiarity and common understanding to make sense of anything. We struggle to intelligibly describe them because no living comparisons for them exist.

Can you picture this in your head? Yeah, me neither. And it grows by adding segments to...both ends?

...And...doesn’t have a digestive system. Or any organs at all. Cool. That’s cool. I’m fine thanks.

Scientists think maybe it photosynthesized, but also maybe that it might be a version of cnidarian (jellyfish or anemone-related organism), which really summarizes our level of understanding of what it was.

By the way, the seeming lack of a means of obtaining sustenance in many of these creatures is kind of a problem. It is so with the rangeomorphs, a group of sessile, frond-like creatures (including our pal up there, Abyssal Tree) that look like plants, believed to be ancestors of either animals or fungi, and the erniettomorphs. Some scientists speculate that they directly filtered nutrients out of seawater by osmosis. Maybe. They had to do something, presumably.

These are not sci-fi space aliens, they were and are all objectively real living things that lived on Earth just like us. And little as a deep sea marine tube worm or a sponge cares for human affairs, these things are so much less connected to us than even those creatures. They would never meet even the vaguest analog of a vertebrate. They didn’t know what leaves or fish were and didn’t care. We don’t understand them and maybe we never will.

Okay just. Imagine you’re just...vibing deep in a cave somewhere, looking at the rocks, alone in the dark, and you point your flashlight at the cave wall

and you see this.

What you are looking at is the 550 million year old remnant of a real, unknowable living creature. It is older than limbs, older than eyes, older than everything you could use to explain yourself to it, and you’re seeing it.

Contemplate that. Contemplate the fact that you are just a weird evolutionary offshoot of some creature that fucked around and decided a notochord was a good idea.

You’re breathing and moving, but that was not inevitable. It’s just another thing that evolution is trying out for a little while.

You’re seeing it. What does that mean? What are you, next to it? What are you doing, wandering around up there in the air? You have holes! You aren’t fixed to the ground! You’ve developed organs sensitive to light and sound, and you’ve gathered them up at one end of your body!

How does the sunlight taste? What do you see? What is “seeing?”

[phrogs-are-poggers]

I got pikaia :33333333

everyone get online i made a uquiz so you can find out what cambrian animal you are

[phrogs-are-poggers]

suddenly struck with intense desire to carve little things out of wood

[phrogs-are-poggers]

Whoa poggers

Here’s one good thing to come out of 2020:

Paleontologists completed a life-sized replica of Sue, the most complete T. Rex ever found.

And she is freaking GORGEOUS!

As I read more about this beauty, I found out some new details regarding things I thought I previously knew about the beast that was Tyrannosaurus Rex, and I’m going to share them with you.

First, and most obvious, her size:

This is nothing new, we all figured T. Rex was big, but I for one never stopped to consider exactly how big it was. Nobody ever really knows what to imagine when they read about something the size of a whale that walked around and ate everything it could kill. 

Speaking of eating things, I just want to remind you all that T. Rex had–by miles–the strongest bite of any terrestrial animal living or dead, somewhere around six and a half tons of force. That’s over six times greater than the current estimate of what Allosaurus was capable of, and three times what was delivered by the highest measured reading of the living title holder–the estuarine crocodile. It didn’t have to waste time swinging its head open-mouthed like Saurophaganax for a little extra oomph, or grow fancy serrated teeth like Carcharodontosaurus to cut pieces out of its prey. It opted for the simplest approach: get its mouth around something and crush it to death; imagine the full weight of an elephant on whatever was between this thing’s jaws.

“How did it find something to eat?” I hear you asking. “It can’t see something if it doesn’t move, right?”

Listen, I love Jurassic Park too, but that’s a big crock of shit.

Notice how both her eyes face forward. That gives her binocular vision (the ability to focus both eyes on one target, like you and I). More importantly it means she has impeccable depth perception due to overlapping fields of vision from each, large, eyeball. Researchers agree that T. Rex not only had incredible vision, but that it was probably better than most modern animals–including eagles, hawks, and owls–and that she could likely spot something three and a half miles away. If something that big can see that well, it doesn’t matter if you move or not, she’d be able to tell if it was an animal trying to hide or a piece of vegetation. So pray she isn’t hungry if she lays eyes on you. And even if by some miracle she didn’t see you, she’d still smell you. 

If she decided you looked tasty, you probably wouldn’t hear her coming as much as you’d feel her. Modern science indicates that T. Rex didn’t roar like in Jurassic Park, but rather bellowed or maybe even hissed like crocodilians. If she were on to you, you’d most likely feel this sense of unease creep up your spine as a low-pitched rumble in the air permeated through you. You wouldn’t know what it was or where it was coming from until you hear her footfalls. By then it’s too late–you could try to run but she’d probably catch you. There’s plenty on YouTube that reconstructs what T. Rex may have sounded like, and it’s legitimately haunting.  

To wrap all of this up, the one bit of good that came out of the cursed year that is 2020 is that this wonderful child of science and art came into the world, and reaffirmed my respect and admiration for the eight ton slab of muscle and teeth that is this magnificent creature.

…and it is nothing if not magnificent.

[phrogs-are-poggers]

i’m putting together a little list of the short creative writing i’ve written for tumblr. so far i’ve got: april fool’s door saga, Don’t Touch The Pink Stuff, clown meat deli dream, tupperware dream, grinch x tony the tiger fic, scuba horror story, cabin in the words horror story, atheist afterlife, Arcady the Vampire, and my tip jar if you enjoy my writing and want more. am i forgetting anything?

[phrogs-are-poggers]

Spellings of frog are like wite ppl baby names

Examples:

Phrog, phroge, froge, foge, phorg,progyyee,

Prog, ect

[phrogs-are-poggers]

So was anyone going to tell me wild betta fish existed or was @glumshoe going to teach me about it myself

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this is an experiment:

trying to prove something to my friends

REBLOG IF YOU THINK PANSEXUALITY AND BISEXUALITY ARE TWO DIFFERENT, VALID SEXUALITIES

[phrogs-are-poggers]

Goodbye hot girl summer, welcum

✨ Deranged queer summer✨