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via weheartit

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angel cintron // REM

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After moving to Al Ain October 2017 part 2

They complain I'm on the phone too much? Maybe that's what's keeping me alive since you guys r pretty useless. U keep making me feel useless and dead. Why shouldn't I turn that into a reality?..why do people cut themselves? That's me from grade 9 asking the question highschool gave me the best answer ever...I never even expected it to be this real. Yes I've cut myself, for attention u ask?..that's the last thing I would want from all u fuckers and this shit ass society, I did it for myself. I forget shot so easily I keep no grudges unlike everyone else. It's weird to forget about something that almost tore your soul apart and after a hour ur talking to the person like nohing happened, but the worst part is when they hurt u even harder with the same words as before and u realise how fucking stupid you are to letting the person do thw same shit again. I cut myself to not forget the pain I have and how easily everything fades away for a while and I feel so normal...all my feelings change except the feelings for life. That's the only feeling that's not temporary and I still forget everything that happens so easily...I love the buzz smoking gives. It fades the whole world for a solid minute and u don't overt think. The relaxation is like heaven. But u domt smoke right? Once is a couple of months, the reason I'm not a serious smoker are my parents and my love, parents u ask...not cause they r caring or shit but cause they r so strict and I domt wanna get into shit with my psycho Dad. I can't imagine what he would do to me...I've been beaten up with Bruces all over me but that's a secret burried so deep no one knows about it...and I also mentioned my gf I just love her so fucking much and the thing is she is so convinsed than this is all gonna pass and everything is gonna be better. She is just so confident and a person who can be so caring and confident about somone else I can't hurt her in any way possible. Nothing is going right...I'm a fucking senior and all school 11 fucking years I was told a lie that I'm gonna love the senior year it's the best year of a students life. Turns out it's the exact opposite...senior year got me so bad. Moving to a new place, no friends...just the normal shit that happens to me every year or the other. It was all fine till now cause fuck people I don't like no one anyways..all my relation ships lasted for a couple of months maximum. But in abu dhabi I met Siham. The most loving person ever I couldn't ask for a better person. We started dating from last term of grade 10 I stayed in abu dhabi all through grade 11 our bond just kept getting stronger and it's the most love I've give to one person. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, but it doesn't last long. I traveled to india last summer, so did my dad. My dad came back to uae before any of us. He was moved to al ain. Cause thwy hired somone else in his place. We landed in abu dhabi and came straight to al ain. I couldn't even see her for the last time. This time moving was completly different. I don't miss anyone but her we've been dating for almost 1 and a half year..it's better to be single more like easier to be single than loving a person so much and not being able to see thwm or touch them. Those hugs she gave me were giving me more life. I'm gonna stick with her till the end of my life only if she stays with me too...she is the best thing ever happened.

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After moving to Al Ain October 2017 part 1

I don't know what happened. I wasn't like this. Littlest things could give me so much anxiety. I don't want it to be this way I just wanna live a life free of debts, where I don't have to depend on anyone. I don't belive in god. Beliving in god doesn't make a person good or bad. If he exists I deffinetly think there is something wrong. Our mom would never want any of us to be depressed or have thoughts of killing ourselves over the stupid world then how can god not care after seeing sp many of his children killing themselves? But that's only if H3 exists...I don't think I need to follow or listen to society because I am a separate individual with different thinking than the fucking society. I domt need anyone to tell me what religion I should follow or ask me which country I belong to, which race I'm from because I think doesn't matter the answer to all those questions is because not one person who is gay black straight Mexican African bisexuals indian is gonna be the other person who is the same as them. All this shit is created by society and I refuse to accept it. I was born not cause of God but cause my dad fuxked my mom and I was the first sperm to enter the egg. It wasn't on purpose, cause if it was optional I would never enter the egg. Why would I decide to live and want to kill myself less than halfway from my death from ageing. Getting born wasn't a option but I deffinetly want death to be a option. Maybe living isn't for everyone. I don't like how my life is and I would live to end it. "Your life is gonna get better man don't worry" that's what worries me cause if doesn't what I will do. I just hope to end up with this one person i love. If my life doesn't get back on track I would do stuff I don't even want to. Life hasn't been easy and I am losing my will to go through it. I am tired of people who show like they are doing favors on me and the one I hate the most for this are my parents. Indian fucking parents . These brown fucker don't understand feelings. They don't understand how it's like when a kid moves schools every single fucking year.

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im cute

C lingy

U nattractive

T rash

E asy to forget

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https://instagram.com/p/BQl6k1DBXHz/

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