piamii

[piamii]

I’m walking through a forest alone. I know how to get out of the forest and my friends and family are nearby. It’s the first time I’ve walked this path, although many before me have as well. But at this moment, I’m alone. I’ve looked for maps but they’re all vague. I think I’m doing a good job but I can’t be sure. What if doing a good job and trying my best doesn’t get me where I want to go? Maybe that’s not even the part that keeps me feeling uncertain and stuck. It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to define where it is that I want to go, rather than being dragged along. This adjustment makes me feel truly alone, because it feels like I’m exercising new muscles that others have been building all their lives. What do I want? What can I offer to others? I don’t fucking know, I’ve just been doing the work this whole time. I know I do a good job, but sometimes I can’t find the words to describe it. And the urge to walk towards any source of light or water is very strong, not because I need to but to quell the anxiety of doing something new. My body has been out of whack for the last month and I’m worried something is going to get worse. I’m trying to trust in my abilities and in the process, but I’m just on edge and it’s uncomfortable.

[piamii]

“Wherever you are afraid, try to explore.”

—

[piamii]

Hmm I’m much more insecure than I thought

[piamii]

Everything’s pissing me off

[piamii]

it’s ok to move forward.

[piamii]

life really never stops long enough for me to process

[piamii]

I feel internally ugly

Why can’t I be happy for people? Why does the past follow me around? Why do I let it? Where is this moderation people speak of?

[piamii]

I'm in the passenger seat, I feel like I'm in a dream I think of where I've been when we're driving I close my eyes in the wind, it flows on top of my skin it blows me back to a time when I'd wear my heart on my sleeve ready for the fall bittersweet tears in the dark, butterflies when I hear you call is it just me, or do you ever feel like time just flies? is it just me, or do you ever feel the years go by? I never been good at sayin' goodbye so I'ma let the memories get me by Is it just me, or do you put the same scenes on rewind? rewind

[piamii]

I want every day of our lives to be memorable with eachother

[piamii]

Did we stop to smell the roses?

[piamii]

you are NOT WHO YOU USED TO BE

[piamii]

Fucking dumbass

[piamii]

Maybe I should just not do anything or talk to anyone ever just crawl back into my hole.

[piamii]

The fuck am I doing what do I fucking do

[piamii]

Human garbage

[piamii]

Sometimes I need to remember

[piamii]

maybe meeting you was only my karma but in your eyes I found my nirvana hit me faster than a shot of adrenaline when we stepped out into the lights do you feel me now? did it take you by surprise? were you waiting for the call? do you feel me now? can we get past all the lies?

'cause everything you told me everything you said has been on my mind do you feel me now? did it take you by surprise? what if I was something better than heaven? tell me, can you give me something better than heaven?