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Everything. Everything.

Who am I in the first place? Sino ba ako? Kilala ko ba sarili ko? Or do I let people define me.

"Dappat ganito ka. Sundin mo tom sundin mo yon. Sumunod ka. Mali ginagawa mo. Hirap mong intindihin. Hirap mong mahalin. Bahala ka sa gusto mo. Malaki ka na. Bakit ka ganyan. Bakit hindi ka nagsasalita. Sobrang hirap mong intindihin at mahalin. Sobrang hirap na ako sayo. Hirap na hirap. Iniimpluwensyahan ka siguro ng mga magulang mo. Walang tama na sasabihin mga kaibigan mo."

Then they tell you na huwag mastress. Dapat happy lang. Pero bakit kung sino pa nagsasabi ng ganon sila din yung cause. Ang daming adjustments and savrifices na rin naman na nagawa ko. Pero parang wala din and disregarded yon. Iniintindi ko sila. Sinusunod ko sila. Hindi sapat yon. Walang tama at walang naging sapat sa akanila. Disappointed at galit pa rin sila.

Kung may kakayahan lang ako mawala, ginawa ko na. Magtatago na lang muna kami. Magtatago na lang muna. Para maiwasan lahat to. Ako lang din tutulong sa sarili ko. Ako lang makakaintindi sa sarili ko. Wala ng iba. Tanggap ko naman. Sana maintindihan din nila ako kahit konti. Sana humingi sila ng tawad. Pero kahit di na sila humingi ng tawad, napatawad ko na rin sila. Sabog sabog na ko. Wala na ako sa hulog. Kinakaya ko para kay Aliyah. Isa siya sa mga dahilan bakit nagpapatuloy ako. Isa siya sa dahilan bakit tinitiis ko tong lahat. Aliyah, love, ppasensya na if habang dinadala kita eto nararamdaman mo. Lungkot. Susubukan kong maging masaya para sayo araw araw hanggat sa makita kitang lumaki na higit pa sa akin. I love you, Aliyah. Mahal na mahal na mahal ka ng mommy mo.

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Updateeeeee

He said sorry. He regrets how things ended. But we arent back together. He says i still needed to figure myself out. Reflect about everything like what he did when he asked for space. Before that, he's making me decide what we should do. Like should we go back or should we just continue living without each other. Why shouls i be the one deciding that. It takes two people to decide whether or not to continue the relationship. I dont know what to do. I was doing fine. Almost fine. Then he barged in. Destroyed the walls i tried so hard to build. Now i'm back to square one. Building slowly with whats left. I just hope o build faster and sturdier before anyone comes barging in again.

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Ocean’s 8 (2018) dir. Gary Ross

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Uppppdateee

Still dont know where i stand. What should i feel or what i am really feeling. 🙃

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Overwhelming

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A month later

Nothing much happened. Still the same

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Day 28

Still feeling it.

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Jess Benko - Do You Love Me, or Are You Just Lonely?

So much feels for this album/playlist. Having to relate to each and every song while going through them. It speaks volume of what I’m feeling right now.

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Fluffy face 😍 

(via)

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When your cat meows and you meow back…

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Maybe he doesn't really like/love me that way. Maybe I asked/expected too much. That's why I'm hurting this much.

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Look at these ears 💞 

(Source)

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Wish it was this way rn

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This hurts. A lot. Been trting to keep things normal as possible. But how can you do that?

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Ok July what do you have in store for us