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[pieceoftresh]

Terror is an essential and necessary part of the human condition. To be afraid, to viscerally feel weakness and mortality down your neck and core, these are the juices that does an interesting concoction of self trauma and rejuvenation on our souls. This seems like commom knowledge and probably a Steven King quote, but recently I've been able to personally experience this weird masochism myself. Well, I have been experiencing it for years and years, it just *dawned on me* recently. See, I'm not scared of horror movies, they don't really make me afraid. Sure, when a jumpscare comes, I jump up in my seat and maybe I'll even scream if it's REALLY unexpected. But that's just an involuntary reflex, the moment that my brain cools down and realizes the context of the jumpscare, I'll quickly go back to normal. That's not terror, jump scares don't stick with you, beyond their 2 seconds of fame. Horror movies don't scare me, but PSA's do. You know, public service announcements? Those government sponspored adverts that sneak themselves into tv commercials and websites and radio? Brainwashing you slowly into accepting their reality with one of the most old school proven ways known, scaring the shit out of you to make you accept it. Not all PSA's are scary, but when they work, *they work*. Even with subjects that I'm thoroughly distant from, like drugs, child abuse, domestic abuse (and thank god that I'm away from these godawful things), the scary PSA's still deeply impact me, make me twist and turn in my bed, unsettled enough to make the concept of sleep go away for at least a few hours. Sometimes, in particularly impactful PSA's, they impact me so much that i feel emotionally very distraught, on the verge of breaking into tears. And, perhaps somewhat ashamedly, I love it. I almost feel addicted to PSA's, despite everything I just told you above. It's still one of my favorite past times just before bed, to scare myself straight. Is that the feeling that horror buffs feel? I dunno. One area in which PSA's seem to have rocked me to the core is driving. I'm of age to get a driving permit so this subject is becoming increasingly relevant to me day by day. And, perhaps because of these PSA's, getting into a car has transformed into a seeping, subtle form of terror for me. Not in a manic, screaming shouting way. But in a way that slowly creeps into my mind every single time I get into a car: "is this the day we finally crash and die? That hill looks perfect to rot your corpse on. You are wearing your seatbelt yea? Just making sure. Oh man, you're so excited about going back home, it'd be a shame if your whole family crashed into that tree over there, dying instantly. Is this the day? Did your mom drink too much wine? It was barely a sip, but you never know! Hey do you remember that PSA where that kid crushed all of his bones on the pavement upon crashing into an incoming car? I do!" It's awful, really. But also weirdly exciting? It's like when you know a jump scare is gonna come very soon. The music is building up, and up, and up. And you REALLY don't want it to happen, but also you kinda do. Maybe you want that rush of hormones in your body. Or maybe you just wanna finally get on with it and leave this miserable place behind.