piipaw

[piipaw]

INSANE FUNERAL UPDATE

So many people at this fucking funeral didn't know who the hell I was or why I was in the family line up.

60% of the people did not want to acknowledge me and went to lengths to avoid shaking my hand/hugging me/giving condolences.

Names I was called/people I was assumed to be:

-name of the deceased

-name of my brother

-step brothers wife, step brothers daughter, step brothers cousin

-brothers girlfriend

-"we didn't know (redacted) had a 3rd child!"

-names completely not even close to my name that were purely an instinct guess not even starting with the same first letter.

Funerals are meant for closure. I got a LOT of closure today seeing as this behavior only proves me right. My step mom treated me shitty in her life because I was not someone she could brag about. And even in a family line up people could not treat me with respect unless they thought I was someone else.

No one in that room knew what I have experienced for years, for months, throughout this whole process. People pretending to suddenly care about her bc now there are optics on the situation. Most of these people did not care when she was sick. But now they get brownie points for it.

Anyways I looked great, I felt really validated, though I now have a new layer of "I'm going to die with all this forbidden knowledge I shouldn't know" involving the true dynamic between my dad her and myself. Everyone mourned a "loving mother" but no one talks about her inability and unwillingness to acknowledge me as gay and trans. Or even as a member of the family.

I said before her death does not erase the way I was treated in her life, and I stand by that. I think she was greatly failed by the medial system and I think a lot of people who showed up only did so to clear their own conscious about how they disliked her too.

Tbd/// vent

Really hoping they don't force me to speak at the funeral today. I genuinely do not have a nice story to share. For a week and a half I've been trying to find one positive memory of my step mom and myself and every memory is like:

-did not get to go to college of choice

-money was stolen from me

-appearance/health/friends were all made fun of

-ridiculed for the above and more (like my job, not having a college degree, becoming fat, ect.)

I just sincerely don't have anything to say besides "the medical system has failed her for over 10 years and I find this upsetting" and that's!! Not what people wanna hear at a funeral!

[piipaw]

KISSKISSKISSKISS

[piipaw]

Tbd/// vent

Really hoping they don't force me to speak at the funeral today. I genuinely do not have a nice story to share. For a week and a half I've been trying to find one positive memory of my step mom and myself and every memory is like:

-did not get to go to college of choice

-money was stolen from me

-appearance/health/friends were all made fun of

-ridiculed for the above and more (like my job, not having a college degree, becoming fat, ect.)

I just sincerely don't have anything to say besides "the medical system has failed her for over 10 years and I find this upsetting" and that's!! Not what people wanna hear at a funeral!

[piipaw]

Wet in the wetlands

[piipaw]

I love and hate collecting shit that's old bc it means I'm hunting like. Collectible collab coaster from over 10 years ago with only one listing and it's 60$. For a coaster. But the payoff of finding it/finding it cheaper is always so good.

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This came so fast... fingers crossed I can get this running !!

[piipaw]

let's skip to the good part

[piipaw]

*meows loud as fuck to no avail*

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Work got me so stressed this week and it's only Monday

[piipaw]

What is the opposite of a cozy game?

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Anyway some wips because I'm excited about finishing them :3

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I k ow I've been going through a lot and my future is uncertain, so it's understandable that I've been withdrawn and art blocked more than usual these last few months, but come on

[piipaw]

when your tall gf can never find her chill

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[piipaw]

having ocs is so fucked .... i miss them so bad but im the guy who has to create new content. but im sleepy

[piipaw]

Lucanis complains that resurrection wastes the effort of a good kill. Which. Yeah. Anyway I cannot leave Emmrich out of my party, I love him too much 😔