piipuupiipaugh

[piipuupiipaugh]

Ideas

make a short film about idols

well-known songwriter stuck in controversy

composes really good songs and very innocent (beginning)

dives deeper into idol industry

M

[piipuupiipaugh]

ngl, i realized how certain people lied towards me and tbh presented a front?

its like a stone wall they present…you can tell when someone isnt willing to be genuous or not??

i think to some degree i understand

[piipuupiipaugh]

i thought about ditching people who never cared ;;

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And…ngl, wish i had receipts but honestly? I’m warning you guys…that person has essentially made a cult for themselves.

THEY themselves can argue how badly reliant and clingy I was to their relationship. They can claim I love-bombed them and shit…but honestly, I was never confronted with these problems. They themselves never advocated their side towards me. They themselves attempted to. But honestly I was unable to reciprocate.

Essentially looking back…they did partly manipulate me because that’s really who they are. I don’t mean this in the worst light, but they did. They themselves…and this is how I really felt were just dishonest with their own feelings.

I finally realized who they were, let alone their true colors.

I’m just warning everyone…

I’ll admit, I’ve done alot wrong to that person. I ignored their problems and failed to understand them as a person. I involved them in personal drama that I could’ve resolved. But…I’m warning you, that person is NOT a truly good person at heart.

Their antagonization towards their mom. Their manipulation of others to get what they want truly scares me.

Their inability to take accountability and take TIME to comprehend their actions scares me too.

I fear they see me as a harasser when I really knew nothing. I’m scared they hoover over me out of fear, let alone their own understanding. I’m not surprised if they fear me because ultimately, I’m a hypocrite when it came to handling situations!

As someone who did KNOW them prior, I wouldn’t know now? I pity them for how they felt towards me and everyone.

Something I don’t agree with and what sets me apart was the amount of trust I had. I’m warning you guys again, they do NOT truly trust others, or harbor a genuine sense of love. It’s in fact also infatuation at times. They’re using people for their own gain, and they themselves enabled the manipulation brought upon them.

I don’t know them…but I feared for them.

There’s so much they’ve truly done behind my back and personally? It kinda hurts. I don’t know how they perceive it but honestly I wonder if their view is warped.

I badly want to tell those people this same person isn’t who they think they are…

I’LL BE VERY BLUNT. They manipulate to make people love them. They’re the very same enemy they sought out to destroy. AND I WATCHED IT UNFOLD BY GOING ONTO CALLS WITH THEM.

They’ll never realize the pain they’re experiencing. If I’m going to be honest.

honestly…i just wanted to say this outloud

there was this person who was essentially a REALLY bad influence on me…and i fear let alone onto others?

one call i went on…they felt badly needy let alone desperate. i felt like i was in a state where I…was going to lose myself while on call with them.

in that period of seconds I literally saw what they did…and how they are using people. I harbored nothing but pity because they cling onto others without putting their immediate trust onto them.

Was the BS i went through with them on me? Partly YES. I will admit! I went through minor family issues without considering that person!!!!!!!! And now I didn’t realize they had awful tensions with their mom…very dysfunctional and quick if you ask me.

Honestly I wish i knew their side, let alone their mom’s side. But I can’t blame them or anyone if it may pry into their personal business let alone, feelings.

That person I know…coming from them and my personal experience with them? They became self-centered to an extreme… they couldn’t reciprocate my needs anymore and I sort of got the feeling. My only thing is that they gave up on people far too easily.

I don’t think I’m in the wrong…? I just feel extremely hoovered upon by their circus of a mess. I’m scared they’re traumatized or just annoyed by what i went through. I WISH…and admittedly I wish i could have reached a conclusion with them!!! And get the closure needed…but god I never knew it affected them in a grand sense.

[piipuupiipaugh]

honestly…i just wanted to say this outloud

there was this person who was essentially a REALLY bad influence on me…and i fear let alone onto others?

one call i went on…they felt badly needy let alone desperate. i felt like i was in a state where I…was going to lose myself while on call with them.

in that period of seconds I literally saw what they did…and how they are using people. I harbored nothing but pity because they cling onto others without putting their immediate trust onto them.

Was the BS i went through with them on me? Partly YES. I will admit! I went through minor family issues without considering that person!!!!!!!! And now I didn’t realize they had awful tensions with their mom…very dysfunctional and quick if you ask me.

Honestly I wish i knew their side, let alone their mom’s side. But I can’t blame them or anyone if it may pry into their personal business let alone, feelings.

That person I know…coming from them and my personal experience with them? They became self-centered to an extreme… they couldn’t reciprocate my needs anymore and I sort of got the feeling. My only thing is that they gave up on people far too easily.

I don’t think I’m in the wrong…? I just feel extremely hoovered upon by their circus of a mess. I’m scared they’re traumatized or just annoyed by what i went through. I WISH…and admittedly I wish i could have reached a conclusion with them!!! And get the closure needed…but god I never knew it affected them in a grand sense.

[piipuupiipaugh]

There were a tale between the two lovers. One the moon and the other the stars. The moon was calm, whistling and howling while the stars twinkled. It wasn’t until a billion years these stars insinuated anger, devasting the solar system and eradicating the planets. the dwarved moon, the only one witnessing from afar shed a tear within its craters, for it can no longer admire its brethren. the moon always loved the stars from afar, yet could never reach close to intimacy. for the stars love was burning.

there was also a tale between three friends. they each read a tale together during bed time, late at night cramped under the bedframe. they would jubilantly read the fabled story “______” and giggle in laughter if not joy. they would mascarade as the characters and prance up and down silently while the elders were away. later as their eyes slowly turned, they would reminisce on their aspiring dreams. one dreamed to become a knight, while the other aspired to be a ____, and lastly one wanted to travel to become a fisherman of the sea.

though, can you truly say these kids were heroes? they harbored no heart to become villains after all. the answer lies in pride let alone their dreams—their very loneliness while growing up. these seeds planted into the ground were fertilized in rich, refined soil, yet could they really withstand the competing tall grass, let alone insects? the eroding and persistently dry weather?

the lovers would reunite one day in the afterlife, however a shadow reigned upon the soil the kids stood upon. then, a realization came.

One aspired to be a true knight in shining armor. one that could protect the people. though, could they truly protect themself? if they protect people for so long, the others wouldnt see the truth. for someone as brave as a knight, the knight themself became more ravenous as time went on, singlehandedly slaughtering their enemies as time went on, developing a cowardly heart.

the other, ______, tried to stop the knight. for it was only too late. they yelled. jeering at each other and jabbing each other in insults. the air only became louder and louder. pointing figures. pushing away shoulders. fisting each others faces. it was all a blur, yet the heat rose. the other promised to be extremely pacifist no matter what, and yet while originally a stepping stone, they became more aggressive than the knight, psychotic and impaling him with his very own sword. you would wonder, what blessing were they trying to offer? what gives? their sacrifice was too much they HAD to become selfish.

lastly, the fisherman witnessed it all happen in the distance, silently thinking. pondering. they would shed their tears onto the bait as they lure the fish from the sea in. all they truly do is sit and watch. they never reveal their emotions, but instead allow the sea to reveal its vibrant, true colors. they stood silent and watch. they remained ignorant to their two close friends. like bait, they saw them as a means to an end, in the classic cowardly fashion.

[piipuupiipaugh]

to be honest, all i feel is pain and i don’t really give a crap anymore. i don’t mind

[piipuupiipaugh]

NO SHADE BUT…honestly i keep hearing lowkey drama from my old group of friends like wtf is this dawg… 😭💀🔥

Two of them are FIGHTING and still hold a grudge over years ago! Woo wee…I’m so out of it I’m just eating popcorn. Butter me up!!! Kidding but honestly I harbor pity. This should’ve been resolved ages ago but oh well.

Let alone, that very same group was just horrifying. Originally they were ANTI-SJW and now they kind of are??? They make representation their whole personality, in the way that’s so awfully linear, let alone manipulative. And this is in the way of manipulating others through their own actions. They justify their actions with all of this terminology…I’m NOT invalidating or imposed to the categorical terms.

But yeah…in short two people can’t let go of their personal grudges. It’s awfully one-sided and it involves a single person who harbors massive anxiety. I pity them and I wish as much of the next person to make proper amends with them? But it feels different now. At least for me.

God if it becomes extremely bad to the extent it involves me, I’m willing to throw hands then say buh-bye.

No one in that group truly ever ASKED to realize what I think in all of this? I was always the one giving the effort and let alone it was never truly acknowledged. For me personally it was an unhealthy relationship. Let alone, it felt tense in several areas. Very toxic as CERTAIN PEOPLE were just creating forms of coercive control if not drama. Too much anxiety and tension.

They made the American Dream mentality as their whole mindset too. What I mean…is that they hurted themselves over this. They also keep making a sense of control over certain members and back…which was really awful and toxic for everyone. They claim they’re a true group of friends, when they truly bonded over their own miseries. They keep ranting about the economy, representation, and what not but they don’t truly embed their own coping mechanisms and instinct into what they do??? It only sounds truly miserable to me. I feel like if I truly go back there, then that just means I’m only be taken advantage of.

NO SHADE but for my other friend too? I will say, their group of friends scare me in the past a BIT. At the very least I do hope they’re better now because it seemed as though they were drama-induced. Very child-like but I can’t blame them after all they’ve gone through. That original friend group put them in the ringer and through so much misery.

Worried about how another friend truly perceived me. I felt kind of horrible by the thought. I’m worried if all they see in me is fear. The unknown. Resentment of some sort. Regret. Hatred. Disdain, a true sense of disgust! I’m scared of that. I’m scared of how they see me, let alone everything. They’ve improved, but …….

[piipuupiipaugh]

BRUH ngl honestly I was on Tommy’s side…I WOULDN’T know what happened entirely but like…what Dream is doing is bullshit honestly? In that brief context of a video, Tommy himself is just trying to HEAL… and I mean HEAL… I don’t think he truly meant it out of ANY spite. To hell half of that video pertains nothing to Dream at all. Let alone, Tommy is not the person to know Dream deeply as Dream himself thought???

Honestly if Dream is a pedophile—or let alone a groomer honestly I hate to say this, but I believe so. As Tommy said the things Dream has experienced let alone done is pretty much awful. Dream can literally state all he wants about the proof BS but that’s the internet OVERANALYZING BS THAT IS LITERALLY DEALT WITH ANY SORT OF GENUINE FRIENDSHIP…. Like bro Dream what are you on…Tommy is genuinely trying to help you and he’s probably traumatized by alot that genuinely happened.

Legit seeing Dream’s fanbase majority…just shows how awfully parasocial his relationships are. With Tommy briefly mentioning the “baby pics” and what not…like yeah that’s a very unhealthy sort of relationship to have. There’s no true substance to the friendship, it was really someone who

Your fans are literally enabling you in horrible ways. You don’t need necessary approval and that’s what Tom is trying to say—literally. Let alone, you’re stuck in this constant fog that you’ve done everything by micromanaging your former SMP members and BS…like what the hell dude, that’s literally AWFUL.

Honestly I just felt so disappointed by everything, i don’t know.

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BRUH…ngl thank GOODNESS i never got into Dream SMP…the drama I’m hearing now is crazy but I guess as expected because it just felt so toxic anyway. It’s all the more ironic for me because I actually grew to like TommyInIt’s content outside of DSMP. Honestly him and Jschlatt were probably the main YouTubers I watched? Dream stans were pretty weird and I don’t know why but I thought DSMP was cringe and too much to get into at times. The fact that the other members turn out to be…pretty creepy people I GUESS doesn’t surprise me.

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funny thing, if you’re a leader of a club or organization, the least you can do is bring OTHER organizations down…ya feel? considering how students participate in said clubs and organizations as an outlet and a way to network, don’t you recognize the weight it has when you essentially trash talk and criticize an organization?

think about it. these people are essentially looking up to you, and also them. they come to these organizations because they need ways to connect to others if not their passions and interests others might not necessarily behold them for.

and essentially if you’re deciding to backtalk about someone who you have worked with, especially in public??? it’s also taboo for you if not them. for one, you’re not really different from them, don’t get it mixed up. YOU were also in a struggling position as a leader, YOU also had issues if not your own flaws you’ve personally dealt with. why not try helping your comrade, if not collaboration partner out? why not try to get to know them for once?

why feed into the toxicity other clubs and organizations do and enable? why become the thing that essentially hurted you…? it gets awfully annoying when people feed into their own ego without considering the remorse within their own actions.

i don’t know, alot of college groups are great ways to meet people, but the higher up you go, it could POTENTIALLY string toxicity due to micromanagement and some people’s inabilities to deal with their insecurities during their own time.

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to be honest, i truly wonder what happened. im horrified of myself, let alone others. then again, i realized in the nick of time what everything once was.

i keep receiving flashes of events, let alone my eyes spiral into various shifts if not visions. let alone, none of this is even a game or story i purposefully attempt to tell.

there is in fact, a loneliness i do harbor. i realized how no one but one person could truly care for me, at least from what i see.

i realize what people were with me, if nof without me. i witnessed how others lost their sense of love if not rather, originality. they all bonded through pain instead of self-respect. and even with that self-respect, they never truly develop into a unique person. a unique person, you thought? they…never experienced the stubborness, the frustrations, the healthy amount of arrogance that you would let yourself be called human for… they never got to harbor those insecurities. for i hate myself for. they didn’t seem to care about how it all affects others if not themselves.

that sense of hypocrisy is important to life, in my opinion at the very least? it makes humans more worthwhile, and it is the fruit that is bore from the trees that grew. however, even I notice the lack of flavor from the flesh. the seeds cannot tell the time that has passed.

i loathe conformity. and yet, people give into it eventually. i notice the smallest changes in people that no one else can see.

my kanba became far more heartless, if not unhinged. better ruthless if you ask me.

let alone, some people close within my chest have also changed. one of them seems to harbor more resentment, if not conformed to the idea of occasional thoughtless drama? they seem to lack remorse in their actions at times.

another person, also felt remorseless. they felt horrifying, rather in my eyes. they never conform, let alone out of their own fears dodge the problems of confrontation at hand. they could never hold nor harbor a personal conversation towards me, even if they wanted to. i realized who they were, and yet it all scares me. how ruthless they were if not became. the other “side.” let alone, how desensitized to such phrases they’ve became.

[piipuupiipaugh]

sometimes i truly wonder.

in all honesty, some people i do harbor a sense of disgust for?

people tend to romanticize me into their own little fantasy, i truly wonder why. the only one who didn’t romanticize me was my shouma.

i’m, if not truly tired of all the things that recurred. i harbor alot of pity for what happened, let alone i hate myself.

the people who loved me were truly protective of me. regardless. they would always stare me down, express their fear to me whenever they attempt to forsee a future that could happen to me. they would instill a bloodshot look into my eyes while the palms of their hands are sweating.

everyone harbors fear for me. that fear in itself prevents love from blooming and flourishing. it impedes the soil and water from being obtained through the roots. let alone, it is hard to witness, similarly to how the sun sleeps under a quilt of clouds in the midst of a cold, heinous winter.

i wonder, will my palms ever reach and grasp the twinkling stars? the stars that are luminous among the milky sky. the stars that truly harbor warmth engraved upon the endless void.

i truly loathe myself beyond anything. i truly do. for people harbored fear, if not misunderstanding of me. a potential dilemna that raises itself upon me, beyond the hands if not arms. beyond the cerebral mask. for i myself, truly wonder?

is there anything beyond the broken depths of destiny?

[piipuupiipaugh]

to that one person who knows that i love mawaru penguindrum, there’s truly a deeper if not grand reason for it.

i experienced if not harbored alot of love my entire life? there’s a truly deeper meaning to love than what meets the eye.

the sense of love that comes from others if not the people around you there to support you. a specific kind of love only some of those who were conceived so well were born with.

i was born a “Himari,” let alone i was born a golden child. while i never had siblings, let alone anyone to consider truly a sibling, my parents felt like the other Takakura siblings to say the least. they would bicker out of love for me. they harbored different forms of love towards me as well.

the shouma, harbored so much love if not emotional awareness. they would always remain by my side, let alone always cared about me. they took care of me like their very own china doll. they raised me, tickled me and my precious fancies, and even cooked for me early on. they sacrificed if not gave to me. they forgave me. they gave me compassion, if not an easier understanding towards others. they would always clean if not work tirelessly. they were truly passionate, and naive, but easygoing. they truly had pure intentions if not a heart of pure gold that was never destroyed. they were in fact, truly brave.

the kanba, harbored so much love, yet also stigma. they would always yell at me out of anger whenever i havent accomplished something, if anything right. they were always a massive hypocrite. however, when they were on my side when i was younger, they would always reaffirm me and remain by my side. i never realized the implications as i got older. sometimes i truly wonder if there is a lack of personal boundaries, similar to how kanba harbored an infatuated sort of love for himari in the real penguindrum. in a way, they felt as though life cheated them, so they would always have to cheat back.

i witnessed how miserable that person is, for how they were treated if not how they treated themselves. it felt rather depressing if not snarky to say the least?

i find it funny, the thought that this very same anime made them hate the word fate so much. i’m not…ringo you know? But i find it somewhat hilarious? But also very tense to say the least.

they’re truly a sad person deep down, and i feel that. the way they would act towards me says it all. though, i’ve always noticed but got a bad aura if not vibe from them.

when i first met them again, they just screamed “red flag!” for some reason. let alone, they wanted to commit suicide in the past too. they even referred to their family problems also which thinking back, made me abandon myself furthermore.

they harbored alot of love for me. originally, i saw them in shouma because they were truly considerate. however their fears if not selfishness revealed them to be more of kanba than i thought? let alone, they reminded me of the antagonist as well sometimes. they cared alot for me, if not about me yet they couldn’t find the proper expression to say it.

their family doesn’t always seem free to express themselves. more on the reserved, if not shyer side of things.

[piipuupiipaugh]

in a way, i always think. someone i also know just feels so detached from personal relationships, let alone ever if not truly resolving them with a deep passion. they are truly shy, if not insecure but all they’ve done was truly hurt, if not hinder me the most. their help felt like projection. their grandeur wishes. for i just loathed it personally.

i truly hate myself if not already. I truly do. i hope people are happy. i hope those who yearn for me to suffer witness the pain that lies within the soles of my feet and ankles. for the ground that i myself stand upon.

i badly want to make things up, and yet all i feel is pain.

people around me are slow to realize what goes on in me, and it feels tiring to deal with. let alone, people always misunderstand me if not my potential. there’s always a sense of…mistrust you know?

some people find pain in pleasure. others dont. some are traumatized. others are not. their eyes widened open, if not bloodshot. almost as though they fawn like the deer in headlights staring as the car would ram into them.

i truly hate the word “fate.” i truly hate the word “destiny,” and yet there are others who really value it which i loathe.

i badly want to say im sorry a million times. I badly want to express how terrible ive already felt. i badly want to express what ive personally been through.

yet all people perceive it as miniscule as “sensitivity?” why conceive such a thing?