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I love terrible comic day can we make this an international holiday

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my watery friend... are you too brushed with the pattern of the dappled light...?

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See also, "We're in a drought; conserve water!" Meanwhile, bottled water companies and golf courses for rich folk empty the aquifers.

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this is what i imagine everytime i see those fucking pet clown posts

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i didnt draw anything special for halloween but have this clownbeeste i made a couple years back

bonus balloon animals:

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Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of people going: “My mime keeps fighting with my other clowns!” And it’s like ???? YEAH NO SHIT??

I can’t believe I actually have to say this in 2023 but

Mimes are NOT social breeds!

Like, you can’t seriously expect a mime to share the same tent as a rodeo or a jester without any consequence? Unless they are raised together, your mime is just going to perceive the other clowns as a threat.

Prolonged exposure to close contact with another breed is damaging to your mime’s mental health. It’s not okay. Look after your fucking mime.

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Improper clown housing

Enclosures like these do not provide the same comfort and safety that bouncy castles, and bouncy houses, and ball pits provide. Getting a bubble like this for your clown because “you like the aesthetic” is cruel. The see through bubble will make your clown feel improperly hidden or and safe which can lead to severe stress and panic attacks. This bubble will provide little to no enrichment for you clown. It can also be a hazard, some clown breeds have poor eyesight similar to how birds can’t see glass and have poor depth perception. This is why having brightly colored and padded walls such as in a bouncy house are crucial for the safety of your clowns. Clowns deserve a place to feel comfortable and safe. These bubble houses should not be used as a replacement for a bouncy house or ball pit. Sadly I have seen them be marketed as a two in one replacement for both. New clown owners need to be aware of this and steer clear of these.

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The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):

This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:

They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.

anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me

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My partner and I were talking about some issues with local clowns and they made a very good point that I feel like needs to be shared more. Please do NOT release your clowns into the wild! Clowns, in most places, are extremely invasive species. If you’re living anywhere east of Texas you can absolutely not release a rodeo, I keep hearing about people doing this and it’s so upsetting. They don’t have the skills to survive if they’re not in the west guys.

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Overheard in the office hallway between two older businessmen:

“Don’t you dare pull my shirt up, I have a meeting.”

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the funniest and most tragic moment in steven universe is the scene that implies that Pearl pulls bitches like a professional dog walker but doesn't know how phones work so her place on earth is being a life-changing futch fling for every dyke on the east coast there's probably a gay bar in maryland where they talk about the twiggy bird chick that eats milf pussy like it's the last edible thing on earth and they dont even know about the city full of thousand year old neon lesbian amazons who are pent up 24/7 from The War and leaving room for jesus cause they're always hanging out with their softboy nephew who might be the second coming of christ

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do NOT trust your own thoughts that everyone hates you. the curse of the blood moon is imminent. it's not you. it's ganondorf

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some highlights from my students’ romeo and juliet modern interpretation projects:

- someone made a username for friar laurence with 420 at the end - the same kid who put 69 in romeo’s username like i wouldn’t know what either of those things mean - the girl who added ‘clean’ at the end of all the songs on her juliet playlist like lmao girl i know spotify doesn’t have the clean version - the kid who said romeo and juliet killed each other - the weird dichotomy of kids who put love story on their playlist vs the kids who choose bad blood - the kid who wrote ‘get a room’ as tybalt’s comment on romeo’s couple pic - the kid who said ‘romeo is probably one of those douches who follows a ton of people so they follow him back and then he unfollows all of them’ - the one who legitimately used the word ‘alrighty’ do kids say this in their text messages???? i thought i was the one talking like an elderly person but okay - the one who made romeo’s username ‘montagoose’ - the only kid who acknowledged that posting about your secret relationship on instagram was a bad idea - the girl who wrote that romeo would unironically say ‘#blessed’. she’s right. - the one single solitary girl who wrote mercutio as gay as shakespeare did (she’s also the only one who used mercutio at all which is a tragedy but whatever) - the one who wrote romeo’s insta bio as ‘thus with a kiss i die… LOL RIP ME 😂💀’ - the one who made benvolio’s username benvoliYO

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Inshallah he will be stirred into a fine fry

A delicious meal

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my humor might be broken cause I find this trend actually funny

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i love the -with mama trend but sometimes i get sad because that is clearly papa and he aint getting any credit raising those darn kids...