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[pinkiemeowstic89]

“One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.”

— Bolo

[pinkiemeowstic89]

“Raise your hands if you have ever felt personally victimised by Risky Boots.” The entire population of Sequin Land raises both hands. Squid Baron raises every tentacle and so do his kids. Wrench raises both wings. Mimic stands on an air vent so he can raise his beard AND his hands. The mermaids just keep diving and resurfacing like dolphins.

[pinkiemeowstic89]

“My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.”

— Risky Boots

[pinkiemeowstic89]

“Yes! We have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!”

— Risky after winning a volleyball match by picking on a player with an injured foot

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Risky: Not to worry, I have permit.

Shantae: ...This just says "I can do what I want."

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Shantae characters as students (obligatory high school AU)

Shantae: That bubbly, ray-of-sunshine girl who surprises everyone with how smart she is. She doesn't really exert herself bc she doesn't need to, but she's not lazy either. She does her homework on time and gets straight A's in her best subjects (B's in everything else). In class discussions, she is actually Hermione Granger. The type of student teachers put next to the "problematic" kid so she can be a good influence on them. There's like 5 people in the whole school who don't like her, one being a shit teacher who hates everyone and the other 4 being bullies, who she has to beat the shit out of on a regular basis. She's never gotten a detention she actually deserved. Her fave seat is the anime protagonist seat.

Sky: Generally speaking a B-student, although a C-student in the subjects she doesn't like. She usually hands in her homework on time, but if she doesn't, she usually hands it in anyway a few days later. Contributes in class strategically so the teachers don't call on her very often. She carries her books everywhere because she keeps a luxurious nest for Wrench in her locker. And no, she's not allowed to do that. She just does it anyway. The "no pets" rule is the only big no-no she'll ignore. Most of the fuckboys want to date her and those that don't want to date her are suddenly very interested in her after Shantae shoots them down.

Bolo: Better at vocational subjects than academic subjects, although he's really good at history. Very hard-working in class, but procrastinates a lot at home and rarely hands in homework as a result. He's always overbooked for detentions, but all of his detentions were issued because he didn't do his homework. He never contributes to class discussions because he's afraid everyone will think what he wants to say is dumb. Consequently, teachers call on him a lot. He is bullied ruthlessly by teacher, student and bird alike. He once turned up 15 minutes late with Starbucks when the meme was at its height. Before then, he had never had a Starbucks. But he was already late, so he thought he might as well meme it up.

Rottytops: Her grades are so inconsistent it's impossible to find an average. She's ADHD af, so most people don't acknowledge that she's actually as smart as Shantae. Contributes to class discussions by standing up and shouting enthusiastically without raising her hand and waiting her turn. Imagining that smile fade is heartbreaking, honestly. While she's occasionally disruptive, she copes mostly by fidgeting quietly -- usually doodling, pen-wiggling and leg-bouncing. In her least favourite class, she once bounced her leg so hard it came off. She's the problematic student teachers put next to Shantae. That's how they met. Although not all teachers put them next to each other, since some see Rotty as a bad influence and/or are very homophobic. She's also incorrectly streamed into lower sets because teachers think she's dumb, so because of that, she doesn't have many classes with Shantae. But since she met Shantae, her attendance skyrocketed. She almost never gets her homework done and when she does, it's because Shantae and Abner put aside a whole weekend to help her get motivated to do it. She got an A+ on her first piece of homework and the teacher thought she cheated (which she DOES have a habit of doing). Needless to say, it was pretty satisfying to watch that teacher desperately grasp at straws for evidence of plagiarism to no avail.

Abner: ADD, D-student, truant, only does his homework so his sister will do hers. Would have given up on school completely if he wasn't responsible for his younger siblings (especially Rotty). Teachers are hesitant to pick on him because he is literally 8ft. Has detentions every lunchtime, but skips them. Also skips classes if he thinks the chance that Rotty will see him is low enough. There have been many awkward moments when they've bumped into each other while skipping at the same time and he'd be about to lecture her before he'd realise how hypocritical that would be and just walk away without a word. Misunderstood af, needs a hug.

Poe: A++ in subjects he likes, D in everything else. Contrary to popular belief, he's the only neurotypical in his family. He hates how much he loves physics because it requires a fuckton of maths, which he actually hates. He'd probably hate it a little less if his teacher would accept the fact that you can be good at the science side of science without also being good at the math side of science

Risky: I can't age her down that far, it's just not right. Anyway, she didn't go to school. She taught herself all the physics and maths required to design and build a doomsday weapon because she's a literal genius. Once, she got herself qualified for teaching and taught one of Shantae's classes for one lesson just to fuck with her.

[pinkiemeowstic89]

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Shantae: Risky! You can't just shove someone off of a roof!

Risky: Why not?

[pinkiemeowstic89]

“If I were a better person, I’d ignore her and go on with my life. But I’m not.”

— Risky Boots, just before the events of Risky’s Revenge

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Important Shantae headcanon:

The three best perks of being friends with Risky are 1: She will be FIERCELY protective of you to the point where she doesn’t need to fight anyone bc her “DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH THEM” glare is enough to send anyone crying home 2: Her glorious Arin Hanson-style rants about the little things in life (as little as ordering food at Subway) will leave you gasping for air you just won’t be able to stop laughing and 3: If you both hate the same person, the BITCHFESTS oh my god she roasts people like no other it’s INCREDIBLE

–EDIT– Bonus: She encourages you not to tolerate people’s bullshit. As soon as you’re all like “ugh nevermind it’s not worth it” she’s like “nO YOU ARE GOING TO MARCH UP TO THEM AND GIVE THEM A PIECE OF YOUR MIND OR SO HELP ME I’LL DO IT FOR YOU AND I CAN’T GUARANTEE THEIR SAFETY THAT WAY” Also, in a similar way, she gives some really good pep talks. If you’re not sensitive to insults because she WILL use them. Example: “What kind of wuss ARE you? Get out there and show them what you’re made of! [Insert glorious rant here]!!!”

[pinkiemeowstic89]

I call it the “I Dream of Jeannie” slap. 

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Risky: You need them to think you're stronger than you actually are.

Shantae: That's what you do.

Risky: Me? Oh, no. My power is no illusion. I can fucking demolish you.

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Shantae: What's the matter, Risky? Are you tired?

Risky: I don't get "tired." I get results.

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Shantae: Look, you can't really not sleep until you try it. And maybe we can throw a little fun into the mix with... A SLUMBER PARTY!!!

Risky: F-f-FUN?!

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Honestly, if Risky found out people shipped her with Shantae, she would literally murder all of them. I mean, without being cursed and unarmed she would have murdered a guy for calling her fat cAN YOU IMAGINE

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Bolo: Do you want me to be like you or be honest?

Shantae: Are you saying I'm a LIAR?

Bolo: No, I'm saying you're an optimist. Same thing, basically.

[pinkiemeowstic89]

Shantae + text posts: Risky Boots edition