pixiesa - Tumblr blog

[pixiesa]

didn’t really get why people dropped out of college before. I get it now. really wanna just become a welder and live at home forever at this point. I’m tired of this.

[pixiesa]

watching scrapper was honestly a bit healing because I saw Georgie and was like wow this poor kid having to go through all of these big emotions with grief and stuff and immediately thinking “ok I’ll just raise myself now” and then I realized that I did that. Went through those same big emotions when my dad died. and I was that young too. and idk it just boggled me that I was her age and that people saw me the same way idk.

[pixiesa]

WHY DO I CONTINUE TO GET TORMENTED I HATE THIS

[pixiesa]

alright it’s over.

[pixiesa]

maybe I am delusional… but I do think I have been suffering this past week so that speak now would hit harder

[pixiesa]

fuck it we ball, but “it” is me and ball is “have a healthy, loving relationship together for the rest of our years, maintaining good communication and camaraderie throughout”

[pixiesa]

my heart’s so ready to be shattered, for the pain and anguish and tears. I’ve practiced putting on a happy face and picking up the broken pieces. and then there you are. sweet, loving, still there, you. with your hand reached out and a smile on your face. how have you not gotten tired of me? and you just laugh and tell me I’m lovely and stay there. and this is maybe more terrifying than an inevitable heartbreak.

[pixiesa]

when I was in first grade or kindergarten, my dad came to spend the day with me at school since it was some kind of field day or something that parents could come to. we ate lunch in the classroom that day and all I wanted to do was sit with my friends and talk to them. my dad saw that I was pushing him away so he just left. Didn’t make a big fuss about it. I barely noticed at the time. I wish I hadn’t done that. I wish I ate lunch with him. I wish I appreciated those moments that I had with him more. It breaks my heart to think back on that day. That my dad took off from work to come and hang out with me and I didn’t even care. I remember feeling guilty watching him leave. I hope he knows that I love him.

[pixiesa]

No one prepared me for the brain’s desire to fill the void of a dead parent with an unsuspecting person. One of my old professors said something vaguely encouraging directed to me once and then my brain immediately followed that up with “ok, he’s your dad now.” It did not help that this man had a similar vocal cadence and sound (including accent) to my actual father’s.

I also think this might’ve been the same day I made a dead dad joke in class and this man looked like he was ready to quit right then and there after I said it.

[pixiesa]

you trick ass bitch respond to me damn it

[pixiesa]

I hate being a person with feelings. I hate having feelings!!!! This hurts so bad!!!!!! I’m not having fun!!!!!!!!

[pixiesa]

how does someone become tumblr famous there’s no algorithm here tumblr sees me like one post vaguely referencing a fandom and proceeds to only show me that fandom for the rest of my days.

[pixiesa]

life is just finding people who’s weirds line up with our own, isn’t it?

[pixiesa]

love it when I’m like *insane gibberish* and people stick around, like jodhdjeksm aidndjsns z and cmmsns a akalnd d

[pixiesa]

so like do I just keep ignoring the red flags and figure it out later or….?

[pixiesa]

do you ever feel like things are going really well and it’s like this weird unsettled feeling like okayyy when are the prank show people hopping out to tell me the whole thing was a dream??

[pixiesa]

the writers for the plot of my life must be on strike right now too bc they really introduced a potential love interest and got the audience all attached to him but didn’t want to make him a regular, and instead made him a guest star on this season? like come on guys the audience is dying out here with this random c plot nothing makes sense.