pixiespeaks

[pixiespeaks]

Remaking of the blog.

I’m going to make a new blog and either set this one up to auto forward, or just drop the new link and if anyone ever comes here, they’ll know where to go.

I don’t really want to wipe this one and start fresh because the things I’ve said will disappear. But the new one won’t carry the history this one has and that��s honestly fine with me.

[pixiespeaks]

Hopefully it all works out in the end. Really I hope you come to love what's staring back at you in the mirror. And understand what that means cause I surely didn't for a long time. I know I quit giving unwarranted advice cause I know you don't care for it. I just..even though I'm just a shadow I want you to succeed from this circular path you take yourself on. But the point is it's your life. To do with or give to whomever.

This is something I’ve referred to over time that I can’t thank you enough for saying to begin with.

[pixiespeaks]

The Purest Fortune. Two days ago a falcon followed me home. It told me to stay ever vigil. All I could see was time pass. A day ago a Red Winged black bird met with me. Said, "Be ready for the new season." A spring as wet and as muggy as none before I felt so unprepared. Today ash from the cloudless sky fell and I heard, "Let go of the past. A new day begins." I simply replied, "Your omens are meaningless. I'll just do as I have. Seems I've gotten your attentions as you have mine." (Last one.)

Posting another hidden inbox gem.

[pixiespeaks]

Fragments. Pride stood before him. He'd never admit that his most precious most guarded of things he'd have just loaned out as such. "It" was something he'd always had. Something that boiled in youth, flowed in adolesence, and steamed in adulthood. Something he could only give once, they said. But in his youth as it flowed carelessly everywhere he had loaned it..well just a piece. And now that fragment was forever..hers. So how could anyone cherish something not whole? (Out of characters, pity.)

Posting things I’ve had hidden in my inbox for a long time. If you’re still out there, strange friend who sent me writing, I hope you’ll do so again.

[pixiespeaks]

So I realized with my last post that I changed my discord username shortly after updating it.

New discord username:

Smolseabear

[pixiespeaks]

With every kick and punch you make when you hear me speak, or sing. I love you more and more.

2-3 more months to go.

[pixiespeaks]

Crazy and crazier..

The fact I’m going to be a mom.

Still trying to wrap my head around that fact.

[pixiespeaks]

This playlist will be continuously updated for inspiration. Listen along if you wanna.

[pixiespeaks]

Vibes.

I’m trying to get back into writing again. I think so many things, but end up forgetting them after. So this is easier to just express even in blips so I don’t forget.

Tonight I sat outside after a hard day of work in the rocking chair, listening to lo-fi, in leggings and a hoodie. The breeze was so nice, I didn’t want to leave. That slightly cool chill, just gently brushing against your skin. But you have your body heat to combat it, so you aren’t cold.

I’ve been angry lately, and more forgetful. Sometimes I don’t think my anti depressants are working. For awhile I felt less angry, and I’ve felt like the anxious walls I had are coming down. I’ve also been wanting to canoodle with my husband. But I think I can blame the mini honeymoon we had on that.

I’ll explain that later though.

[pixiespeaks]

Devin Elle Kurtz on Instagram

[pixiespeaks]

[pixiespeaks]

No one can do you wrong without your approval. By Norman Duenas.

[pixiespeaks]

[pixiespeaks]

11.26.21

I love you. But the love I have for you is so much so that love just seems a muted description of the vibrant, all consuming and powerful feeling I feel deep in my body and soul.

[pixiespeaks]

24 hours

In the hours leading up to the big day. My insides were in knots. I was an absolute wreck. Friday flew by so quickly. I barely ate dinner even after eating nothing the entire day. I felt sick to my stomach. The next morning was no better. I had a slice of French toast, two pieces of bacon, a few bites of home fries and like half of a sausage patty. I just couldn’t eat. My nerves were all over the place. The quirks just rolled in after that.

I forgot the seating chart at home, and my dad’s boutonnière. I somehow ended up with Austin’s cousins phone and she was lost for over an hour with the sharpies for our guest book so no one could sign. Cheyenne’s heel broke, so she had to rip the other one off so she had shoes. Then I get to the alter and forget what his grandfather is asking me to repeat right after he says it 😭 then wedding kiss, then walking. When we go to cut the cake, the knife breaks off in it 🥲 and I died laughing. I had leaves gravitating to my train a good portion of the time. Needless to say, it was an eventful experience.

I just wanted to get these memories out so I don’t forget them 😌

[pixiespeaks]

🍁💕