me, drinking tea: pls leaf water….sage my body of the demons of my past…steam my colon…let me know peace
me, drinking coffee: I beg of u bean juice….cleanse me of the curse of sleep….make my heart beat like a tribal drum in ceremony….let me conquer this building
I hate to be the one to break this to you, dude, but as a general rule, women don’t pretend to virulently hate men they’re secretly in love with as some sort of elaborate courtship ritual. That’s a trope we made up to justify why the male protagonist always gets the girl in the end even when it’s starkly at odds with prior characterisation. In real life, if she acts like she thinks you’re a creep, it’s because she thinks you’re a creep!