pizzapartypizzaparty

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“We had dorm rooms next to each other freshman year.  We mainly just played a lot of board games: Risk, Scrabble, Scattergories, a Trivial Pursuit game from the 1980’s, which everyone sucked at.  But we became best friends, and the next year decided to get a house together.  That’s when things started to get tense.  We began sitting closer together.  We were touching more.  We’d play with each other’s hands.  Never holding hands, but playing with hands.  And we’d even fall asleep in the same bed together.  There was a time that she told me goodnight, and I swear I felt her brush my lips, but by the time I opened my eyes she was out of the room.  Neither of us had ever dated a woman.  And I was terrified to try anything.  We were such good friends.  There was always this fear that if I voiced the desire, it would ruin our friendship.  But one night we were out for drinks at a hotel where Al Capone used to stay.  I was feeling pretty drunk, so I leaned over and said: ‘Sometimes I feel like I want to kiss you.’  And she replied: ‘Sometimes I do too.’  I didn’t say a thing.  I wasn’t even sure that I’d heard her correctly.  I just kept thinking: ‘Oh my God, it’s happening.  It’s happening.’  Then once we finished our drinks, and started walking home, I stopped her in front of a bridge.  I said: ‘Shall we do it here?’  It was December 12th, 2002.  And even though we got married five years ago, that’s the day we celebrate as our anniversary.”

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lemony snicket: authority figures are either ineffectual or villainous

me, age 9: that seems unfair and unlikely lol

me, age now: ohhh my goood, lemony was trying to tell me

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>Went to school in my bear fursuit

>Teacher told me to take the whole thing off because it was against the dress code

>She let me keep the arm parts on though

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when someone gets a lyric reference you made and then continues with the next line

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no one:

business majors: I have to be as unethical as possible

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Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

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i found this at a school i went to for a band related activity

How did you do in P.E. today ?

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I’m crying y’all…..

https://twitter.com/ShaunKing/status/829562422528704512

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Lemon Cake w/ Haupia Filling & Hibiscus Buttercream

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Friend: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in forever! how are you?”

me: “Fine, thanks.”

Lemony Snicket from outta nowhere: “Of course, in this case, ‘fine’ is only meant to reassure. She has never been less fine, nor was she ever fine in the first place. Here, the word ‘fine’ could be defined as ‘I am actually slowly dying on the inside, but don’t wish for anyone to worry’.

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i trust him

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BBC Sherlock is the best adaption of Sherlock Holmes because it succeeded in making me despise the character of Sherlock Holmes for the rest of my life (and eternity) and made me never want to touch the stories ever again and that’s what Arthur Conan Doyle would have truly wanted.

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in the future when historians talk about this election: