plainroll - Tumblr blog

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i hope i remember you forever

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i dont want to go away any time soon, but i hoped to leave something behind here. even if no one remembers. i'll remember it.

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is this where it all ends?

even im not sure. this is where i leave you. i cannot guide you any further.

what should i do now?

i believe in you...!

goodbye!

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it felt like we had an endless eternity ahead of us. but now i realize our hours together were not so abundant.

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every day i want to go home. i just want to eat soup on the couch. the air feels like knives

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i step outside of my tokyo apartment, i feel the same air and see the same sun that i did when i was 18, leaving the summer behind again.

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みんなは一緒に自分の人生が生きっている。私はその外で生きている。

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this is stupid, everything is stupid, i'm stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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no one is awake right now so why are you

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i stared at my phone screen for 16 hours today. i dont know why i do that. maybe im hoping someone will say hello. but even if someone did say hello and i didnt enjoy talking to them, i wouldnt want to respond anyway

every day i can see myself aging in my floor length mirror. i feel like it happened so fast. like even last year i was full of life. and now i can see it everywhere

on my neck

on my legs. the stupid ugly veins on my legs

under my eyes

and i cant do anything about it. i just have to watch it happen

i think i look pretty good though. like i havent quite reached the threshold of being undesirable yet. but whats the point of being pretty if no one sees you

i dont really wanna stay here but i dont wanna go home

i dont know whats next for me

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sometimes in august

at around 7:30pm

just before dusk

im in my room

sitting on the floor

the sweat from the hot day dried onto my body

the tv burning into my eyes

not yet any lights turned on

i can still smell my mom cooking spaghetti

and she calls to me

dinner is ready

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will a day ever come where this is all just a memory instead of daily life?

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arent we all turned around backwards with our hands stretched out, hoping to grasp something that will pull us back. will we ever escape the death of time.

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what are you crying for?

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the reality is that i only see their lives in glimpses, of what youth and growing up is for some people, and what it could have been for all of us. its a world im trying to piece together with every little frame that i can. i think it's unfortunate that ill never know the full truth

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i want to go everywhere! i want to see everything! time is running out