My body is hurting today after that massage. Everything feels bruised but I know I absolutely needed it. Had a little bit of leftover heavy whipping cream from the tres leches cake I made for work, so today’s coffee is a treat. A copy cat Starbucks cold brew with vanilla cold foam.
I have today off and so far I have taken an everything shower (super hair wash, exfoliate, shave and moisturize). Had a 75 minute massage. I haven’t had one in over a year and with my job, I should probably get one at least every 3 months. The way I wanted to throw up when she was breaking my knots up in my shoulders/back and the burning when she was massaging my biceps was real. But I just kept breathing through it because I know it’s absolutely needed. My bedding is washed and hanging outside to dry. I’ve got my water cup filled at all times and the rest of today is for relaxing and opening the windows to let the fresh spring air in.
every second after waking up my brain is like: lights camera bitch smile even when you wanna die, everything comes out teenage petulance fuck it if i can't have him, i wanna kill her, no i'm not but you should see your faces, floridaaaaa, don't you worry folks we took out all her teeth, you. look. like. taylor swift, i hope it's shitty in the black dog, sitting in a tree d-y-i-n-g, touch me while your bros play grand theft auto, like i'm some deranged weirdo, you said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me, as she was leaving it felt like breathing, she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed 💔
the tortured poets department: the anthology is really for the mid-30s girlies who spent their 20s with someone they planned to spend their entire lives with, only to have them not love them the way you want and need. and so you then immediately rebound with someone terrible for you, but you’ve been in a love drought for so long that when they tell you everything you have been desperately wanting to hear you cling to them like a delusional life raft. only for them to simply be saying the right thing at the right time and never once intending to follow through. so you are, once again, beyond heartbroken and wondering when the fuck it is going to be your turn and wondering what you did to constantly love someone so much, only for them to not want a life with you even though they promised you they did.
“Well me and my ghosts we had a hell of a time
Yes I’m haunted, but I’m feeling just fine
All my girls got their lace and their crimes
And your cheating husband disappeared
Well no one asks any questions here
So I did my best to lay to rest
All of the bodies that have ever been on my body
And in my mind they sink into the swamp”
Me: “oh look there’s a kitty in the backyard!…wait a minute that’s a big cat. Oh that’s a bobcat 😬”
My cats are not outdoor cats, but I’ve seen 3 cats on this camera that wander through the yard often. I’m hoping they are ok with a bobcat wandering around.
On a spring day like this where the weather is finally perfect, I still get an urge to have drinks. This non alcoholic beer really satisfies that need. I grilled and sipped on this and soaked in the warm weather & sunshine.