planstoprosper

[planstoprosper]

So if you look at the nature of any sin, it by its nature is something that exalts the self and breaks a relationship—whether between God and people or people and people. (Going down the list of Ten Commandments? The first four break your relationship with God and the next six also with your neighbor. The original sin was putting oneself before God and breaking the relationship with God and abusing the relationship with people, resulting in exile from God’s presence and  striving between people). Basically, it’s pride, and observing these instances and also the way we think when we sin, it’s an instance where someone says “I’m the only one” (the only one that matters or to consider or to think about or that should be treated this way, whether good or bad). It is something that cuts off. 

And if we’re talking seven deadly sins and their opposite cardinal virtues, or even just commonsensically, the opposite of pride is humility. And everywhere I can observe, humility is just submitting to be a part of something, instead of claiming to be the Whole oneself. It’s saying “I’m not the only one.” Where pride would say I’m the only one that should get this good thing (but usually in subtler forms like “they don’t need it,” “they don’t deserve it” or “I just really need this” and so kind of negating other’s needs and wants and existence); humility says I’m one of many—a small part of a vast multitude. There are others besides me to be considered. 

BUT humility is therefore also inherently the source of hope, and the opposite of despair. Because despair is always rooted in thinking I’m the only one. My resources are all there is. Or, in the case of shame or self-hate (which are also the opposite of humility and come from pride) it’s saying “I’m the Only One this bad, the Only One who deserves this; I’m Supreme in badness and repulsiveness and nothing could ever be bigger than that in Me.” 

But!! In humility we realize we are not the only one. We are only a part! One of many! One piece of the puzzle but neither more or less good bad horrible useful effective than anyone else! We are all fallen broken humans who are the Worst! But there’s grace for each and every one! Grace so much bigger than we can ever fathom! A God with mercy so big it can swallow all the sin’s in the world! We are small and limited, but we are not alone! And in knowing that! That’s where hope is! We are NOT the Only One! There are others beyond us! There are things bigger than us! We are neither the only exemption from sin or the only exemption from grace! We are merely a part of a bigger story; but we get to be a part! 

“Be comforted small one in your smallness. He lays no merit on you. Receive and be glad.” —C.S. Lewis

[planstoprosper]

so for the purposes of this discussion I’m going to assume that we all agree that it’s not a desirable state of affairs to be sexually intimate with a whole bunch of people just for fun. I know not everybody agrees with that *gestures vaguely to the sexual revolution and the hookup culture*, but if I have to prove that first then that’s going to take forever and I don’t think it’s what we’re talking about anyway.

we’re going to assume that our interlocutor believes sex and love do have something to do with each other, and wants to know why we shouldn’t treat sex the way that most television shows these days treat sex: like kissing on the lips. you’re in love with your boyfriend so you kiss him on the lips. and then you might break up, and fall in love again and kiss a new boyfriend on the lips. in certain circumstances you might kiss someone on the lips who isn’t your boyfriend, like if they save your life or you go through a bonding experience together or something. and eventually you get married to someone and you only kiss that guy on the lips from then on, but you have kissed a few other guys before and it’s not a big deal or a scandal at all. why, is the question, can’t we treat sex exactly the same?

so, point one is: because the whole physical world is infused with symbolic meaning, the human body speaks a language of its own. we don’t assign meanings to the “words”, they’re inherent and universal. you can’t twist bodily actions to mean whatever you want them to mean, they’re going to go on saying what they really mean whether you want them to or not. a slap does not mean love; its violence is not and cannot be loving. a kiss does not mean hatred; Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss adds an extra layer of hurt to his deception.

point two: in order to exist happily and healthily in the world, we need to speak the truth with our bodies, and not try to twist the language of the body into saying something it isn’t. when we lie with the body, the whole real world we live in resists us. we’re trying to impose our own meaning by our own will onto something that already has its own meaning, given it by God, and quite frankly, God’s meaning is stronger and it’s gonna win. think of this as living in a state of denial—even if you can stay in your denial for a little while, eventually, reality will have its say, it will make itself felt. more on this later.

point three: sex, as a word in the language of the body, is saying something other than just “I feel love for you”—i.e. it is saying something different than a kiss. how do we know this? first of all, sex causes bonding on a chemical level in a way that kissing absolutely does not! secondly, sex creates children—and therefore exists on a very different level than kissing! both of these differences point to this: kissing as a “word” speaks about love as desire, when it says “I feel love for you” it’s mostly saying “I want you”. sex as a word speaks something more, it says something in itself about a commitment which is forever. what sex is saying is “I give all of myself to you and I receive all of you in return, we belong to each other forever”.

point four: the only circumstances in which sex can be spoken truly is marriage. sex speaks in the body the same total commitment that is made in the marriage vows, reiterating and confirming the mutual gift that has already been given.

this is sort of where it gets tricky (and where I think TOB speakers often fail their listeners), because when you’re dating somebody, if you’re not being disingenuous and stringing them along until you find something better, you do hope that you’ll be together forever. and so the more you fall in love with someone, the more you naturally (and appropriately, I’d say!) want to have sex with them, because you want to be able to express your longing for that forever. you don’t intend to lie with your body! you want to say what sex says and make it true in the saying of it!

I think the usual Christian response is to say “ah yes, but that forever isn’t yet promised or guaranteed, so you don’t know if it’s ever going to come”. and as much as the person currently head-over-heels in love doesn’t want to hear it, unfortunately it is very real. for every Jack who meets his first serious girlfriend in college, has sex with her because he really wants them to be together forever, and then marries her six years later having had sex with no one but her, there’s just as many (if not more) Jill’s who meets her first serious boyfriend in high school, has sex with him because she really wants them to be together forever, then is blindsided by a breakup and goes on to repeat the pattern with several more boyfriends before she finally finds the “one”. it’s a tragically common story, so common that the trauma of it is becoming harder to recognize. but it causes severe emotional and psychological harm, to give all of yourself to a person hoping for the gift to be received, only to have your whole self be rejected, or trivialized, or used and discarded. it takes tremendous courage for Jill to pick herself up and believe in love again, and often she’s disappointed over and over again. even when the “one” does appear and the gift is finally received completely in marriage, the scars don’t fade completely. I think a lot of people who get their happy ending end up experiencing that phenomenon of psychological backdraft, all their old sexual traumas bubbling up again now that they finally have a healthy sexual experience to know how it should have been. they then have to spend the honeymoon years of their marriage healing from everything that came before. so the usual Christian guidance is “you don’t want to go into marriage with all that baggage, so better to wait just to make sure”.

and while I do think avoiding trauma is generally a good idea, I think this is a little bit of a cop-out. for one thing, it kind of seems to be saying “don’t have sex with your significant other, because you don’t really know if they’re telling the truth about wanting to marry you”—that is, it’s encouraging you to not trust your partner. sure (she said sarcastically), that sounds healthy!! there has to be a better, more loving reason not to have sex with a significant other before marriage. and it’s this: if the Church’s teaching about sex and marriage are really true, then it is just as wrong for Jack to have sex with his girlfriend before marriage as it is for Jill to have sex with her boyfriend—Jack’s eventual marriage to his girlfriend doesn’t retroactively validate every instance of premarital sex! and if Jack having sex with his girlfriend before they got married is wrong, then what we’re saying is it must be hurting them. even though their love story ended happily! even though they did end up giving and receiving the gift of self completely! getting things “out of order” is hurting them and making them unhappy. this is the burden of proof, and it’s much harder than proving Jill’s sexual history is hurting her. and yet if we believe Church teaching, it must be true!

so we return at last to my above point two—in order to exist happily and healthily in the world, we need to speak the truth with our bodies, and not try to twist the language of the body into saying something it isn’t. and here’s the kicker: we are not God. we cannot make a thing so just by saying it. so no matter how understandable it is to try to create a relationship that will last forever by speaking forever with our bodies, it simply does not work that way. when the word is spoken out of the context which makes it true (i.e. when you have sex outside of marriage), it does not and cannot bring that whole context into being—it doesn’t create a vow of fidelity, it doesn’t create a shared life, it doesn’t create a public commitment. someone can have sex with you and then break up with you, someone can have sex with you and then get in their car and go home leaving you there by yourself to sleep alone, someone can have sex with you and then pretend you don’t exist. the sex, on its own, doesn’t create a slippery slope that leads swiftly and inevitably to marriage. it just creates tension between the life you actually have, unmarried, and the unreal life you’re pretending you have in sleeping with one another. it makes all those parts of yourselves that you haven’t shared stand out more strongly, making you feel every little separation as a wound. and instead of creating a sense of peace and security, it leads to a kind of desperate grasping feeling—“we’re acting like us being together forever is a done deal, but it’s not a done deal, it’s not set in stone, so what can I do to make it work, how can I control this, how can I make him want me enough to stay?” even if in the end Jack proposes, the foundation of the relationship has been damaged. it can be healed, and rebuilt! but it is not good for a relationship to develop under that kind of strain. not good, and not necessary.

what’s the alternative? when you wait to have sex until marriage, your dating years with a partner can be years of expectantly looking forward in hope, while also living in the moment. you are not married yet—so your relationship is not set in stone, you’re still deciding what kind of relationship you want to have together, which means it can still get better and better as you build it. talk a LOT! talk about everything! talk about your pasts, talk about your dreams for the future! work out your issues in the present instead of covering them over with physical affection! because you’re not burdened by the anxious desperation to turn a lie into the truth, you will be able to see more clearly what the strengths and the weaknesses of the relationship really are, which allows you to address your weaknesses and work on them! and because you’re not pretending like you’re already totally committed, the prospect of actually making a total commitment will be more and more attractive. when you’re not trying to act like you’re married already, it’s so much easier to have open conversations about the future you want together, and easier to know when it’s time right now to take steps to get there. and that’s exciting! it’s fun to have stuff to look forward to, it’s fun to make plans together!

it’s not a better way because there’s less collateral damage, because you’re hedging your bets playing it safe just in case something goes wrong. it’s a better way because it’s all about letting love develop in its own time, according to its own internal laws. I’m not gonna say “guard your heart”, as if your significant other was an enemy at the gates. instead, “guard your relationship”, because it’s worth protecting, worth giving every chance to be as happy as it can be.

[planstoprosper]

Stop reading "fear not" as law; that is gospel.

[planstoprosper]

I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me. Psalm 38:6

We can almost feel David's anguish, He'd come to the end of himself.

All of us at one time or another have gone through crippling emotions of discouragement.

Today, if you are walking in despair, talk to God about your feelings of failure, of despair over your sins and foolish mistakes. God Will Always Be Tender With Us in Our Helpless Condition.

Our Lord has a wonderful plan for every single child who loves Him. And nothing or no one can ever alter those plans. God knows the sorrows, struggles and pain we may be facing today. But He also knows the glorious things He has laid out ahead of us

Lord Jesus, I turn to you right now in faith. I don't have any strength left. Lift me up and lead me. Amen

[planstoprosper]

“But realize, every “you shall not” in the Bible is a promise of God’s protection. He is not preventing you from enjoying life; rather, He is saving you—keeping you from destroying yourself. Every command in His Word is an expression of divine love to you, His beloved child… . Adam and Eve didn’t understand this and the world is still paying for it. Don’t you make the same mistake.”

— Charles Stanley

[planstoprosper]

Stars cross the sky, wise men journey from pagan lands, earth receives its Savior in a cave.  Let there be no one without a gift to offer, no one without gratitude as we celebrate the salvation of the world, the birthday of the human race.  Now it is no longer, “dust you are and to dust you shall return”, but, “you are joined to heaven and into heaven you shall be taken up”.

                  Basil the Great (AD 330 – 379)   (illustration by J C Leyendecker)

[planstoprosper]

I want God, not my idea of God.

where have i made God in my own image? i recently listened to a sermon about the character of God and the pastor talked about the dangers of when God starts to agree with us and look like us. i feel like this is something that is happening right now.

we’ve made God with our own hands, believing we have to speak for Him and defend His character. but God is fully capable of doing that Himself. He’s not afraid of the questions we have. He’s not Someone we have to water down to show others that He is good and just. His all encompassing and perfect character speaks for itself. 

Jesus didn’t come to overthrow political systems and oppressive empires. read it again. when His followers begged Him to overthrow Caesar and the Roman Empire, He pointed them back to the eternal kingdom of God that He was helping usher His people into by overthrowing the enemy and his rule. their flawed perception of Jesus and His ministry resulted in correction from the Messiah Himself.

i don’t mean to say that Jesus doesn’t care about unjust systems and oppression - quite the opposite actually. He overturned societal and cultural norms about women, the poor, and the young, all marginalized groups in His day. but what i am trying to say is that it wasn’t His entire purpose on earth, and i don’t believe it should be ours. His ultimate goal was to crush the enemy, preach the Gospel, and give eternal life (luke 19:10).

yes, we should absolutely care about the oppression of our brothers and sisters. but where has my anger against the injustices of the world made me overlook and forget God’s holy and righteous sovereignty? where has my anger against the unjust caused me to forget that everyone is made in the image of God and that isn’t limited to everyone who agrees with me. where have i forgotten that He doesn’t want His children to get harmed and actually protects the ones He loves (psalm 91:14)? where has my anger against the unjust caused me to believe in the lie that my loud voice is all i need and that doing God’s work means fighting against flesh and blood when God says we wrestle against principalities and powers of darkness (ephesians 6:12)? where am i striving and not resting in God’s character - that He is just and faithful to avenge His people and the spilling of innocent blood, declaring that “vengeance is Mine” (romans 12:19). or that He is a merciful God who delights in mercy and that His mercy triumphs over judgment (micah 7:18). that He is enough. that He is sovereign. where have i forgotten God in the midst of injustice and made an idol out of my own striving and voice?

[planstoprosper]

Because it is rooted in the death and resurrection of Jesus, Christianity neither eliminates nor merely reverses the ruler/ruled binary—rather, it subverts it.  When Jesus saves us through his use of power only for service, he changes our attitude toward and our use of power. There is nothing in the world like biblical justice! Christians must not sell their birthright for a mess of pottage. But they must take up their birthright and do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with their God (Micah 6:8).

[planstoprosper]

“He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?  And I answered, “O Lord God, You know.” - Ezekiel 37:3

This scripture asks the question, “…can these bones become living people again?” The word living does not only mean to come back to life after being physically dead, it also applies to brokenness, a dying dream, a losing struggle, and times of hopelessness and despair in any area of our lives. To live means to be refreshed, rejuvenated, revived, or to be given the promise of life. It also means to be restored or renewed—or simply to be made whole again.

Just as the wind breathed new life into the dry bones from the Ezekiel passage, God wants to resurrect our spirits as well. He wants to welcome us into His living presence and impart that same resurrection life to us, breathing new life into the dead places in our lives. And while some may come along and say, “God can’t use us,” God is saying otherwise.

“Therefore, prophesy and say unto them, thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, O My people, I will open your graves, and cause you to come up out of your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel.”  - Ezekiel 37:12

[planstoprosper]

Caring Too Much About What Others Think

Anonymous asked:

I’ve got a problem. I worry too much about what others think about me.

I answered:

It’s good that you recognize that as a problem. Acknowledging that you have a problem is always the first step to solving it. Once we have acknowledgment, we can move on to the analysis.

It’s not bad to want people to think well of you. Given the option, we would all take that over being objects of scorn. So the problem is when that desire to be liked is out of proportion.

For example, it makes sense to want your boss to think you are a good employee. It is not important that they think you are the funniest person on earth. It makes sense to want to be in healthy relationships with your family and friends. It is not healthy to bend over backward to appease toxic people who treat you badly, even if they are related to you.

So wanting everyone to think well of you is unrealistic- being that you are on the internet I don’t feel like I have to explain that everyone and everything has at least some haters. Wanting people who are incapable or unwilling to think well of you is also unrealistic. Chasing those things will get us in trouble and cause problems in our lives.

In Luke 6:26- Jesus says “Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you,”. That is always a wild thing to me. Everyone speaking well of me seems like it would be great!

Except when you think about two things- what would you have to do and say to get everyone to speak well of you, and what would it actually get you?

The only way to get everyone to like you would to identify what every person likes and try to be that when you are with them. That’s impossible and trying it is exhausting. In that verse in Luke, Jesus goes on to say that everyone spoke well of false prophets. So lying is the key ingredient to that strategy. In addition to now working and being tiring, it also means no one likes the real you because you are never being the real you.

As far as what it gets you, let’s say everyone agrees you’re great. So what? Are they going all showup and help you move? Is every person on earth going to be there when you are feeling down?

Being yourself and letting people dig it or not is the way to go. If you love people, live with humility and grace, the people who want to have around will respond to that.

-Matt from The Bridge

Ask A Question

[planstoprosper]

When Jesus was on his way to see Lazarus, he had been dead for a few days. Jesus knew he was going to raise him from the dead, yet on his way there he wept. Jesus wept (John 11:35). I find it a bit weird that if Jesus knew he was going to raise him back to life, why did he weep? 

He was on his way to do what only He can do, and that journey was the gap to another glory.  He knew what was to come, the glory and miracle and the promise that was going to happen, but what is in the middle can be doubt, pain, loss. He knows and feels that deeply and He wept. He knows, but He also knew the promise. The promise didn’t say to Jesus that his feeling didn’t matter. He felt the sorrow deeply, but He kept going. He showed up, and the death was reversed. 

Imagine His joy! 

When Jesus, who is the Resurrection, walks with you, He will breathe life into your heart, into every corner, into the most hopeless situations. 

Don’t tell Jesus he’s too late. Believe in who He is. He knows. 

[planstoprosper]

Shall we, by means of a power of judging implanted in our breast, distinguish between justice and injustice, and yet there be no judge in heaven?

John Calvin, Institutes

[planstoprosper]

I encourage everyone to read this. Couldn’t have said it any better.

[planstoprosper]

My current state

[planstoprosper]

I would like to see us discuss abortion the way we discuss sex work. Both are highly driven by choice feminism, the idea that as long as a woman freely chooses to end a pregnancy or participate in the sex industry, then there is nothing to criticize. But in recent years, I have seen feminists come down hard against sex work positivity precisely because it must erase the narratives of women who have been hurt by it. It’s not just that there’s a bright line between sex trafficking and cam work (and there really isn’t), but that the nature of an industry that makes women and men feel in any way that they should devalue themselves in order to gain value, to be objectified in order to feel empowered, is fundamentally dangerous and misguided. These issues have really become harder to deny in legalization efforts, specifically. The Nordic model, France’s efforts, etc., have legalized prostitution as an attempt to protect rather than punish prostitutes, but on the ground, legalization has driven up demand in a way that drives up much more dangerous, underground trafficking. When prostitution is seen as a viable, even sensible, career path, then the people driven into it due to addiction, mental illness, disability, or simply feeling undervalued by society at large are not going to be given the support they need. They chose it; it’s legal; therefore, we have skirted the root problem of women being ignored by society until they can reframe their exploitation as empowerment. 

In a similar way, abortion lines up as a solution for women who see their biology as inferior. The sexual liberation movement made women feel less ashamed of their sexual desires, but it has not dramatically changed the way society sees mothers. Women who work, single women, poor women, disabled women, women of color, women with addiction are all seen as a true burden if they have a child. They mess up profit-driven labor; they mess up the “right” version of a family; they are a drain on resources, etc. The problem gets exacerbated when the people they turn to for help, such as Planned Parenthood, do not offer services dedicated to motherhood (they are usually referred elsewhere, if not encouraged to skip out on motherhood altogether). It’s not simply that their careers don’t offer adequate maternal leave; it’s also that motherhood conflicts with a society that prioritizes individualized choice over collective responsibility. In the same way that a woman can feel empowered through sex work but not actually be challenging the status quo of men objectifying women, abortion also lines up with a society that sees pregnant women and mothers and responsibility as inconvenient. Men push mistresses to get abortions; fathers push daughters; but other women do it, too, because men have not stepped up to protect them, to share responsibility with them, and so why shouldn’t they be able to break free of motherhood as easily as men can break free of fatherhood? It’s legal, after all. We chose it. But we don’t spend enough time thinking about how society sets up false choices for us, selling us empowerment at the expense of someone more vulnerable than we are. Our exploitation, our enthusiasm for sex work without talking about those crushed underneath it, our way of burying our biology to the point where we have to say the child we’re carrying isn’t human, is not empowerment but a sign of something deeper and very, very wrong with our environment. 

A lot of people would say that motherhood itself can be a kind of exploitation, that women are more than incubators, more than dutiful wives, more than the time they spend with their children. But there’s not enough pushback from the other direction, that women are capable, that they can reject being seen as sexually available free of consequences to unscrupulous men, that they can insist on being supported by lovers and bosses and the community, and that the “choice” of abortion is a choice designed by a society that does not support its mothers or celebrate them in any meaningful way. When abortion is expected and tied to an empowered, liberated, sexual, idealized image of women, and that image just so happens to line up with men’s ideal of women who never interrupt the flow of casual, transactional sex -- removed from our responsibilities to one another as emotional beings -- then we really have to wonder if we’re really fighting for women or like ... the version of women society wants us to be. 

[planstoprosper]

Hi, friend! This is kind of a weird question, but I know you deal with a lot of mental struggles specifically relating to Christianity, (If that makes sense,) and I have a Thing: I'm almost 21. I'm coming up on 16 years of being best friends with this girl, and in the past few months, ai've started to realize that the friendship is really toxic for me, so I've been trying to disentangle myself from her for the sake of my mental health. (1/2 hopefully)

My problem is, I keep feeling like that isn’t Scriptural. Like, nowhere in Scripture does it encourage you to walk away from toxic/abusive situations. You’re encouraged to love, to give without worrying about what you get in return, (Which sounds an awful lot like supporting them even when you know you can’t lean on them,) and to “value others as greater than yourself.” If your neighbor asks for your cloak, give them your coat, (visa versa?) Etc. (2/3)

So I feel guilty and selfish about trying to get out of the situation, like I’m not really showing God’s love. But it was affecting my mental health to the point where it was affecting my physical health. And she has depression, anxiety, etc. Which just makes me feel WORSE, because I don’t want to abandon her, but it also feels like she’s extremely manipulative. We haven’t spoken in over a week, but her birthday is coming up tomorrow. Part of me wants to message her happy birthday, (¾)

While the other part of me thinks that’ll just be opening the door for the cycle to start all over again. And part of me feels like I should LET it, because as a Christian, it’s my responsibility to show God’s love without putting myself first. It’s just got me very worried, so I wanted to message you. Sorry this is so long! (4/4) 

Hi there friend,

I apologize in advance, this is going to be a very long answer, as there is a lot to unpack. But I’ve been in similar situations so this hits close to home, and I really want to share what God has been teaching me in this area.

the tl;dr is, no, you are not in the wrong for walking away from an abusive relationship, even as a Christian. and there is Scripture to support it.

Keep reading

[planstoprosper]

The original tweet read,

“Raising children is the highest calling for a woman. Keeping her confined to the home is NOT a Biblical requirement, except as an expression of Paul’s opinion. God made man and woman as partners, not master and servant.”

and they added an amendment,

“I made a mistake. There is one higher calling for a woman. That is to follow Christ.”

(emphasis mine)

We need to stop saying stuff like this. It minimizes people’s unique vocations and callings, and subtly shames women who weren’t called to be mothers or even wives. We’re called to the pursuit of Christ and no less. Whatever that looks like, wherever that takes us, is as varied as our personalities, and there is absolutely nothing to be gained in calling one worthier than another.