platinum--daisy - Tumblr blog

[platinum--daisy]

leather, rubber and steel

[platinum--daisy]

fine, you want to know the truth? I'll tell you the truth.

if you were a teacher, I would fail your class, take it over and over again until you notice me. if you were a waiting room, I would never see a doctor, I would sit there with my first aid kit and bleed. I wanna be the power ballad that lifts you up and holds you down, I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery and I can wish all that I want but it won't bring us together. plus, I know whatever happens to me, I know it's for the better. and when broken bodies are washed ashore, who am I to ask for more, more, more? but you're breathing in my open mouth, you're that gun in my lips that will blow my brains out. I wanna make you drive all night just because I said "maybe you should come over". wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents teenage daughter. she'll be the best you ever had if you let her. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better.

[platinum--daisy]

Mikko Harvey Wind-Related in the Wheatfield // Jonny Bolduc open question @jovialtorchlight // Cheryl Strayed Tiny Beautiful Things // @/mkpoet (instagram) // Mary Oliver Count the Roses // Phoebe Bridgers Waiting Room // Fyodor Dostoyevsky // Marie Howe Magdalene Afterwards; "Magdalene: Poems"

[platinum--daisy]

Carmilla & Laura 🩸

[platinum--daisy]

i have a demon in me but we are friends 

[platinum--daisy]

i love constantly evolving into a cooler version of myself

[platinum--daisy]

i love codependent relationships in fiction i love watching two messy people unforgivably in love with each other shatter the world around them i love seeing interpretations of love as a cosmic disastrous redemptive force i love watching love consume people whole i love looking at romantic relationships and going "oh that is so fucked up! good for them"

[platinum--daisy]

Girl you alright?

once a month i go crazy but overall my life is beautiful

[platinum--daisy]

hey (with the intention of developing complicated unresolved feelings for you that aren't quite platonic or romantic or sexual but actually a secret undiscovered thing)

[platinum--daisy]

Jenny Holzer, Truisms

[platinum--daisy]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

[platinum--daisy]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (2022- ) In Throes of Increasing Wonder… (1.01) || The Thing Lay Still (1.07)

I had planned to make a new life for myself in St. Louis. That was to be my destiny. And now I know I was right. Only it turns out the saint is not a city, but a handsome man with a most agreeable disposition.

[platinum--daisy]

"yo mr. white", "tell me, will", "louis, mon cher..." is my absolute favorite genre of posts followed closely by posts that try to explain anything the incomphrensible way kendall roy or dean winchester would say it.

[platinum--daisy]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (2022-)

“[Jacob] also had a facility for language that was going to be really, really helpful. (…) Both he and Sam speak this heightened prose and dialogue as if they’re just talking. Not everybody has the ability to do that. A lot of actors have to act in between the lines. They could do it on top of the lines, which is just something that was going to be easy for the kind of writing I was doing here.” (x)

[platinum--daisy]

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 (romantically)

[platinum--daisy]

proud owner of a team tom shirt

[platinum--daisy]

Hélène Cixous, Hyperdream (tr. Beverly Bie Brahic)