pleasuringmyprincess

[pleasuringmyprincess]

Hermès bridle and fly whisk

[pleasuringmyprincess]

Love Letter

I wrote the following In July, but decided not to share it at that time. it's now October.  Circumstances change.

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I know this isn’t going to be easy for me, so please bear with me.

I’m looking for a new dom for my sub.

I’ve know Ren for six months or so, in a long distance relationship through circumstance rather than design. Circumstance being that I live in California, while she lives in England. This is not a full time LDR, work and family (I’m also from England) bring me to the UK regularly. So in the time we’ve known each other, I’ve travelled to England every 10-12 weeks, staying for 4-5 weeks each time, and I have two more trips scheduled for between now and the end of the year.

When I met Ren it was supposed to be just for play, but we found we had so much in common, so many shared interests outside in the real world, so much chemistry that a serious relationship quickly developed. 

Ren isn’t just a delightful sub, she’s a wonderful mother to two lovely children, she’s fantastic company, intelligent, fun loving, really smart, caring, upbeat all the time, but... there’s always a but, and for Ren it’s a big one.

Let’s start by saying if there was ever someone who didn’t deserve the deck she was dealt it’s Ren. Over the last 6 years her self-esteem has been shattered by her prior partners, (I’ll say no more than that they have one way or another treated her badly) and as a consequence she has suffered from severe depression, has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, has self-harmed, and most recently has been diagnosed and is now being successfully treated for severe Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

Pause a moment there - this is the same woman, the woman who has been shit on by the world is also the wonderful mother, the delightful, intelligent, fun loving, smart, caring woman. My unicorn.

Ren’s seen a few big changes recently, most significantly she finally was able to divorce her husband and move to a new home. Two big steps forward, but at a cost of greatly increased anxiety. Just after this she heard that she was losing her job - she’s highly skilled but works in a poorly paid profession and because of the need to care for her kids, can only work part time. And she’s just lost her dom. We’ll come back to that in a minute.

In a scene, Ren is delightful, absolutely exquisite. I couldn’t ask for more, it breaks my heart to think of letting her go. Outside of a scene though, she can be very hard work. It’s more a question of providing support and encouragement over discipline. I have lost count of the number of hours I’ve spent helping her through the pain she feels. When she’s particularly low, it can be 3-4 hours a day. That’s not a complaint, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat even now while I’m writing this. It’s just a sign of the level of commitment you need to make. And just so it’s clear, Ren knows she has these problems and spends a lot of time in self-care activities and while it helps, it’s not enough.

Ren’s a working single mum, on a budget, she’s already very disciplined, very ordered, but she still struggles with some things and I have not been as successful as I would have liked in helping her address these issues (although today she has just proved to me that she can do this unbidden when motivated). I’ve not got to the bottom of why this is, and frankly it’s not been a high priority for me. I’ve been focused on helping her improve her self-esteem, manage her anxiety and encourage her to seek treatment for her PMDD (yay me!). This has really been my primary goal. And while it’s too soon to be sure, it really looks like we have succeeded, her anxiety and PMDD are both under control now. She is far far stronger today than she was three months ago.

Unfortunately, helping her get treatment for PMDD may have been my downfall.

After six years in the wilderness Ren is becoming whole again, free from her past, independent, far stronger than she has been for many years. Strong enough to tell me that she wants to move on. Ren needs someone full time, I know this, we’ve discussed it at length, and I had already put plans in motion to return to live in England to be with her. Now Ren has told me that while I am returning to England, it's not soon enough for her - she doesn’t want to wait. She also has concerns about my marriage. I am divorcing, she knows this, but right now I am married, and my divorce is something that Ren does not want to feel responsible for - she’s not responsible, that ship sailed long ago, but she says she will still feel responsible, and that’s enough. And my age, I’m 14 years older than her, too old in her eyes for a long term commitment.

Now obviously I’m not too happy about this, we are/were amazingly good together and had I not worked so hard to help her through her problems I might not be in this position today. I do feel significantly responsible for Ren’s recent improvement. For giving her the support she needed; for helping her apply for jobs; for showing her that there was a man who would fight for her, accept her for who she is, respect her for it; for being the consistent and reliable dom she needed; and most significantly for getting her back to the doc and having her PMDD addressed. 

This is where I get a little twisted - one of the side effects of the medication Ren is taking for PMDD is possible impaired judgement. And there's part of me that thinks, dumping your dom like this wasn't the wisest thing to do right now. So the treatment for PMDD that I helped her get, might possibly be responsible for Ren taking what I think is an ill-judged decision in deciding that she’d rather seek out her perfect Dom than accept this one with all his flaws. I’m not blind to the fact that there’s part of me that thinks ‘Hey, I did the hard work in putting her back together and it would be nice to enjoy some of the benefits’, OK, I fully realize that’s selfish of me, but it’s understandable, I’m a dom, not a saint. To be clear though, it's not the decision I have a problem with, it's the hurried way she approached it.  But we serve at our sub’s pleasure, and so here we are.

As it is, and I’ve never shared this with anyone, not even Ren, until now. I made a promise to myself that I’d help her come what may. And if that means 'setting her free' and helping her find a dom who’s worthy of her, that’s what I’ll do.

And so I’m looking for a new dom for my sub.

If you think that you might possibly be able to be the dom Ren needs, I’d like to hear from you. Before you all shout, as you might have gathered, I hold Ren in very high regard, and I will not let her settle for anyone who isn’t good enough. And just to be clear, I’m not going away. Ren and I have every intention of remaining friends.

So can this be you?

Let’s see shall we.

You’ve got to accept that Ren is a rich multi-faceted human being. If you are looking for a fuck toy, stop here.

She’s looking for more than just a play partner. Listen to Lou Reid singing Perfect Day, if you can’t offer that, you can stop reading here. Married guys (like me), guys in poly, or any form of relationship with someone else, you can stop here, she wants exclusivity. Btw, if you’re separated, divorcing, or whatever, you’re still married, so you stop here too. You don’t drink sangria in the park with Ren, and then later when it gets dark go home to your wife (read the lyrics, it will make sense).

Age 40-50, no exceptions. You will be fit and healthy, height/weight proportional.

No diseases, you will provide current STI test results, and you will always use a condom.

It will help if you a pro-Remain, if not, you need to be able to offer a coherent argument against. Intelligence matters. 

As a submissive, Ren has specific needs, and specific limits. She needs pain, she needs to be spanked, mild to moderate use of a riding crop and paddle is OK, but not severe caning. She needs bondage both for the restraint and the art. Obviously there are other things as well, but she can share that if you meet, and I’m sure there are things that we’ve not tried that she will enjoy. She has limits and you will respect them. You will not humiliate her in any way, not even name calling. Not in play, not as punishment. There are other things you will not do, obviously, and again she can share them if you meet.

You must be an experienced Dom, having a fetlife account or a tumblr blog doesn’t count. You will meet me first. You will provide government photo ID, and references, and I will follow up on references in person.

Ren needs a Dom who is close by, someone who can see her 2-3 times a week without fail and who will remain in close contact when apart. Long distance relationships don’t work for her (ask me how I know), she needs to know you are close by, which means you must be within daily driving distance. No, she will not relocate. She has joint custody of her kids with her ex and that’s not going to change.

You’ve got to accept that she is not at your beck and call. She’s a mother, her kids come first and always will. You don’t even rate second place; like I said, she has a very demanding self-care program that takes a lot of her time, that comes next. She also has a cat. You might aspire to a position above the cat in her hierarchy, but I wouldn’t count on it.

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Don't take this as anything other than a mile marker down a road already travelled.

Applications are not currently being accepted. 

[pleasuringmyprincess]

In relation to the opinions expressed in the tags, on your post about porn captions talking about shitters. I could not agree more! The blogs that re-blog a lot of the degradation kink stuff are normally horrifically misogynistic. And the female bloggers that specifically follow these blogs only, do seem to genuinely believe they are inferior and dumb, yadda, yadda, yadda... when will people learn that you can express degradation and still frame it to show that the woman is cared for?! 🖤

hey, @fantasies-of-a-dominant : )

(this is in re: this, for anyone following along)

i guess i want to foremost be careful that i’m not wanting to shame anyone who enjoys some scene-based misogyny kink. 

like, look,  i’m one of those people, to a specific degree. with a trusted partner.

and, i don’t know if it’s because by virtue of the fact that i’ve been trying to re-curate porn to my liking recently, after the whole Last December Tumblr™️ debacle, that i’ve followed a handful of blogs that i didn’t realize when i did, are, like…99.9% focused on just hammering home how much they believe the following:

women are worthless

women are nothing but a set of holes

women are inherently stupid

women are only here to serve men

women are inferior

feminists are shit

but you know what else?

it’s not even that part of it that’s caused this current upset, or maybe better put, this current “cause of concern” for me.

it’s because those blogs i chose to follow, they interact regularly with some sub blogs i follow, of the degradation variety, and like.

it’s just gone beyond sharing porn?  it’s watching these girls several times a day blog about how worthless they feel, outside of it.

how many times they post about how they feel like they know how dumb and stupid and unable to do anything by themselves they are.  and it’s more than that, it’s seeing these soulless “this isn’t a fantasy blog women are shit and to be used” misogyny blogs that interact with them, and reinforce it.  it’s feeling in my bones that they make these text posts to garner attention from bloggers who genuinely hate women.

and seeing these girls, these subs? 

seeing them respond to the shit these abusive assholes say, with fucking heart eyes. giddy for the attention.  

hhhhh.

__________

i work on instinct. i work primarly off my gut. 

and when i backtrack and see that one of those aforementioned blog’s descriptions is essentially “love broken girls. love girls with low self-esteem, personality disorders, eating disorders, pro-ana, pro race play etc etc etc” PRO EVERYTHING FUCKING HORRIBLE, hurr durr durr “i have 20K followers and a kik, be my Slut Of The Day”, I MEAN MY GOD????? FANTASY ONLY GOES SO FAR YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME RESPONSIBLITY HERE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. 

like do you have any idea the trauma of everything you just said is a goddamn kink of yours? and further to that, your kink is finding a girl to keep her down in it. to keep her buried in her fucking trauma. to keep her from healing. so you can get off. so you can feel power. so you can find any goddamn value for what is quite obviously your own pathetic existence and avalanche of constant shortcomings hammering you in your fucking face. you want to to use her, or many hers, for this. it isn’t even about her. it’s ultimately about you.

and here’s the last thing.  i look at a lot of these subs’ blogs, too. i pay attention. and a lot of them are just straight-up sad. they’re hurt people. they’re in need of healing and they’re just generally not well. they’re looking for male attention in the worst goddamn way possible, and it breaks my heart.

so, what kind of so-called dom is someone who takes advantage of that? how can you look at a girl or sub like that, in such a dark place, and use it to your own advantage?  don’t fucking fret, i know every answer you’re going to justify.

but listen, the thing is?  as always, i started this conversation to talk about my own opinion and what i want to see on my own dash.  i talked about this because i need to unfollow blogs that traffic in what i think is seriously unhealthy and gross shit and that makes me feel fucking awful.  

you guys, on the whole, you keep doing you. do it responsibly, consensually.

but man, if i’ve re-learned anything again recently in looking for Tumblr porn to curate?  it’s that it’s just as abusive, and more fucked up, than it’s ever been.

please enjoy your play, and your partners.

but please also be good to yourselves and each other. i personally don’t want anything to do with you otherwise.

cheers,

dani

[pleasuringmyprincess]

you ever wanna fuck the living shit outta somebody but also cook for them and make sure they’re emotionally stable?

[pleasuringmyprincess]

(via Stripped-back surfaces appear throughout Hackney apartment)

Merrett Houmøller Architects.

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Hermès bridle and fly whisk

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Trail of drool.

With Lizzie Lyra (@modifiedmodels)

Rigging/photos by Jesse Flanagan (self)

MyNawashi linen rope

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♂♐️

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🤣❤🤣

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