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sorry for expressing emotions incorrectly. having feelings was considered "acting out" when i was a kid

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[Definitely not mad, just following up a bit confused] This didn't make much sense to me, unfortunately, aspects felt quite backwards. [Some quick lore:] I'm a disabled agoraphobe in their 30's- I wasn't allowed to keep anyone in my life my parents didn't strictly approve of (and they had horrid taste in others, being abusers themselves). I was unable to maintain relationships from schooling and am unable to work, so I can't make job friends.

Knowing someone better generally makes me enjoy them less because I can witness many more of their (potentially) negative behaviors. The less I know someone the more likely I am to either not notice their existence at all, or simply assume the best since I have no experiences to base who they are off of. I find your example curious because I would experience an opposite response to what you must. [How unfortunate]

Civility *is* being nice, though. A fake smile and smalltalk are 2 energy drainers that do not come naturally to me. Smalltalk is something I only do to get through a quick an awkward transaction, generally, to be kind - like at the cash register, I will not maintain it beyond social necessity or id have to go to bed at least an extra hour early each night. Small talk comes across like baby talk for weird neurotypical adults. It is a social structure that I find entirely innapropriate, inconvenient and ultimately unhelpful. It's not truly breaking the ice because it always maintains surface level. Smalltalk gives me the ick, plus it feels entirely Fake, like bad theatrics.

I don't understand how blunt honesty is rude - if I don't appreciate someone around me I'm not going to pretend to tolerate them in my space to both give them false confidence and a lingering wrong idea. I'd much prefer someone Not beat around the bush if they dislike me, it is not my interest to maintain falsehoods, they're a waste of everyone's time and energy which seems far more rude in the long run. I wouldn't want to be strung along to waste my own time and experience and I wouldn't want that for another, either.

I find lables exceptionally helpful for me for mental categorization purposes. I too allow the other person to claim the label to know where we're at, I wouldn't want to rudely assume incorrect but I do need to know where they feel we are currently at so I can respond appropriately both emotionally and socially (like how to reference them in convo w/ another).

Thanks for you're response! I know i asked about it 6months ago but was recently wondering about others answers. It sounds like i may be wired a bit backwards, socially. I have my own theories of course but I wonder what causes this sort of dysfunction.

what i've learned from my attempts to be more active in discords and other online communities is you just have to show up and participate in conversation and even if youre a little annoying or awkward eventually people will grow a fondness to you out of familiarity alone

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hey girl come look at my box of eyes

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okay i lied put your clothes back on we're not having sex i'm fundamentally evil and i need you to kill me

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hate when people are like "trust your gut! listen to your intuition!" like okay well my gut is telling me every person i lay eyes on is hunting me for sport and my intuition is saying i should find a secluded cave and live there forever so what do you suggest i do with that information

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Getarealjobkid on Instagram

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{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

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I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep I just want everything to go away!!

It is too much I can't take it right now

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