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the reason going viral on tumblr sucks is because instead of money you get death threats over statements you've never made in your entire life

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I have a ‘type’ of OTPs. (Insp.)

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just bruce being oblivious to his children's relationship:

——————

Dick, cuddling with Wally on the couch in the family's den, whispering 'I love yous':

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Jason, bringing Roy home one day for a family dinner, hands never leaving each other the entire time:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Tim, wearing Kon's jacket, the half-Kryptonian following him everywhere he go like a lost puppy:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Cass, straddling Steph's lap and kissing her face:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Damian (18), literally getting caught making out with Jon in his room:

Bruce: They... hmmm. Are such good friends.

Duke, behind him: For fuck's sake, Bruce.

Alfred, probably, somewhere in the Manor: World's Greatest Detective my ass.

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Jason Todd, age 12: *golf swings a tire iron into Batman’s kneecap*

Jason: BITCH.

Bruce, tearing up slightly: would you like to be my son?

Jason Todd, age 17: *shoots Batman in the knee with a gun*

Jason: PUSSY.

Bruce, tearing up slightly: would you like to be my son again?

Robin!Tim, shaking his head: you two have issues.

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Conversations of various Robins and Batman that the JL has overheard.

Dick as Robin:

Batman: "Don't touch that."

*gets ignored*

Batman (more desperately): "Don't touch that! Robin I'll ground you!"

Robin: *snorts and continues to reach for the very dangerous alien object*

Batman (floundering): "I- Catwoman's out of Arkham! And if you touch that I won't let you see her!"

Robin: *gasps and backs away from it reluctantly* "That's no fair! I wanna see Catwoman and touch the thing!"

Batman, crossing his arms and looking very stern despite the objectively ridiculous situation: "Well, you can only have one of those things."

-

Robin, starting to tear up and sniffle: "B-but I want to help other kids so t-t-they don't lose their mommy and daddy!"

Batman, deadpan: "That's not working on me, kid."

Robin, tears immediately drying up: "Was the mommy and daddy too much?"

Batman: *seesaw hand*

Robin, nodding: "I think I'll keep it to mama and papa - that usually works better."

//

Jason as Robin:

Batman: "Yes, Robin, your English teacher is an idiot when it comes to Shakespeare but that doesn't mean you can egg her car."

Robin: "What about her house?"

Batman: "That's actually worse than egging her car."

Robin: "Sooo, I should be allowed to egg her car because that's better than egging her house!"

Batman: "Should people be allowed to commit assault because that's better than murder?"

Robin, dead panned: "Isn't that literally what we do every night?"

(This one made Flash laugh so hard he pulled a muscle)

-

Robin: "B, I just met Toy Man."

Robin: "Is that REALLY one of Superman's enemies or was that a joke? Please tell me it was a joke. He's like a level two Gotham rogue - his shtick is toys, Batman, TOYS. And I thought the Riddler was stupid."

(Superman tried to defend his honor and was ultimately defeated by the meanest thing to exist - a teenager)

//

Tim as Robin:

Batman: "Robin, explain the voicemail I got from the school."

Robin: "Didn't they already tell you?"

Batman, frowning heavily: "Humor me."

Robin: "My math teacher was being a bitch so I took apart her calculators and hid the pieces around her room and in her stuff."

Batman: "Including her salad."

Robin: "Including her salad AND protein shake."

Batman: "She's could have choked and died!"

Robin: "But she didn't! And anyway in my experience, people are SO much more tolerable when they almost died recently! Take my dad for example-"

-

Batman: "Stop it."

Robin, grinning over his laptop: "I'm not doing anything."

Batman, exasperated: "Don't lie to me! That's your hacking face, Robin."

/

Steph as Robin:

Robin: "It's only glitter!"

Batman: "Three tons of it."

Robin: "... Did i mention that it's biodegradable so it's like totally okay for the environment! See, i DO think ahead sometimes!"

Batman, mumbling: "Maybe I should start putting glitter on your case files so you'll focus..."

-

Robin: "It's because I'm a girl isn't it?"

Batman: "Me telling you to stop putting sprinkles on your pasta is completely unrelated to your gender."

Robin, taking a bite of her pasta monstrosity and pointing the fork in his direction: "Misogynist!"

/

Damian as Robin:

Robin: "But i only THREATENED to stab him. I didn’t actually stab him."

Batman: "..."

Batman: "That's definitely progress but still-"

-

Robin: *cape starts to make a hissing sound*

Batman: "Robin.... What is in there?"

Robin: ".... Her name is Daffodil."

Batman, growing dread in his voice: "And what exactly is Daffodil?"

Robin, without misisng a beat and completely serious: "A beautiful young lady."

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Tim, to Jason over lunch: I made a bingo card for different injuries I bet I'll get this year

Jason: That's interesting. I might try that but I got this gnarly stab wound I don't want to go to waste so I think I'll count that

Tim: Well, it's 11 am the first of January, so, I'm assuming you got it last month and in that case no

Jason: I'm not fucking dumb I got it today

Tim: ... Okay

Jason: It's actually I think still bleeding but I haven't gone to Leslie's. I've been putting it off for like five hours

Tim: I thought that was ketchup

Jason: NOOO THIS IS MY FAVORITE HOODIE

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The way Damian would definitely talk about his pets as if they were humans and confuse the hell out of everybody.

Damian: Father, I won't attend dinner today. I promised Lucy I would make more time for her, so we'll be spending the evening together.

Bruce, confused: Lucy? I thought you were dating that Nika girl.

Damian, now confused as well: Flatline? I am dating her. Why?

Bruce, slowly going from confused to disapproving: Damian, I try not to meddle in your personal relationships, but you can't be asking other people out if you're already–

Tim: Oh my god, Bruce. He's means Lucy the monkey.

Bruce:

Tim:

Damian:

Damian: She's a macaque.

*After patrol*

Damian: I'll be leaving. I need to pick up the cake for Jerry's birthday party. Nightwing, you promised Jerry you'd come. I don't want you to hurt his feelings so you better–

Nightwing: Yeah, yeah. I know, I'll be there

Damian: *nods and leaves*

Red Hood:

Nightwing:

Red Hood: Is he talking about the–

Nightwing: The turkey. Yes. He's talking about the turkey.

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some more bond fanart i made to distract myself, really had fun. ssuggest some ideas to me if you guys got em~

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my dearest love (ao3) has befallen a great tragedy (is down for maintenance) so i must pine alone in my lonely tower (i could do something productive but i think not)

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please please please please please come back please i’m begging 😭😭

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Jason being the only one who gets to mess with his siblings is so valid. He can strangle them but if anyone else so much as looks at them wrong he’s taking them down

Scene: Rooftop fight. The Batfam is mid-mission.

Tim (over comm): Uh… slight problem. Got ambushed. I’m fine, but there’s, like, six of them and—

[Comms cut out with a crunch.]

Jason immediately freezing

“What was that sound?”

Dick: That… did not sound good.

Damian: Tt. Don’t be dramatic.

[No response.]

Jason (quietly but deadly):

I swear, if one hair on that nerd’s head is out of place—

[Cut to: Jason crashing through a window like a furious bat out of hell. Tim is cornered by multiple thugs, holding his side.]

Thug 1: Heh, Red Robin’s looking a little scrambled—

Jason (dropping in, full Red Hood mode):

WRONG BIRD, LOSER.

[Gunshots and screaming ensue.]

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Tim (groaning): You didn’t have to go full John Wick.

Jason (checking him over): You’re bleeding.

Tim: It’s just a scratch.

Jason (dark glare):

I will set their van on fire.

⸻

[Later at the Batcave]

Bruce: Jason, I heard about the explosion. Was that strictly necessary?

Jason: You let the Joker live. I don’t want to hear about “necessary.”

Tim: For the record… that was awesome.

Jason: You I’ll allow to say that

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Meanwhile, in another universe…

Also here’s a basic version in case some of the outfit details are hard to make out: