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And Then There Was You: Chapter 3

Chapter 3 of ATTWY - a little more of bitter John, but Gale is slowly melting that icy exterior. More of the little twinies 🥰 and of course more mama John

Words: 14.4k

Warnings: sad boy hour for Gale in the beginning, bitter bitch John, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, sad boy John, vaginal bleeding (not graphic), medical vaginal examination, stitches removal (not graphic), lactation kink, cumming in pants, cumming untouched, medical anxiety, two grown men having a good constructive conversation

Thank you to @trashbag-baby666 for helping me and listening to me scream about mama John and his little babies 💕

Moodboard by me

Dividers by: @sweetmelodygraphics

“He’s back…and apparently he’s going to sit in the rain.” Brady says as he looks out the front window to see Gale sitting on their porch steps now. The rain having come in quickly, pouring down in an even drizzle. Benny looks up from where he’s mixing the pasta with the sauce, the oven preheating next to him. Watching as his fiancé stands with his arms crossed in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at their old Major.

“You gonna go talk to him?”

“Me? This is your mess, I told you, I warned you Bernard.” Johnny responds as he turns to look at his husband, the Italian man holding up his hands in mock surrender. Before he’s pointing with a noise at the dinner he’s preparing, an extra dish of it to the side to bring to John’s. Brady letting out a deep sigh before he’s shaking his head at the younger man.

Stepping into the hallway and going towards their front door, huffing quietly. Looking through the screen at the way Gale is sitting there still, not seeming to even notice that the rain is hitting him. His blond hair flattened to his head, toothpick long gone from his mouth.

Johnny wonders if he saw the twins, if John was outside on the porch swing. Or if John had seen Gale coming and stopped him from getting any closer. He knew John was upset with him and Benny, he had already received one phone call from the older man. He didn’t blame John, he really didn’t, it took John a long time to tell them who the father was.

Brady had finally managed to get it out of him one night, the three of them had been up in the nursery. Benny finishing up the crib, and building a small bookshelf for the few books John had managed to find so far. John was sitting in the rocking chair that Brady had found at the thrift store. Hands on his belly as he rocked quietly, before he softly told them that the baby was Gale’s.

Johnny had had an inkling, but he didn’t want to push at all. He had known the two Majors were inseparable in the camp, just like him and Benny had been. What he hadn’t expected was Gale just uping and leaving, leaving John at the train station. He didn’t expect Gale to just pretend John didn’t exist ever again, or to abandon him.

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure what was going through Gale’s head. They had exchanged a few letters over the course of the past few months. But neither Benny nor Brady had mentioned a word about John, it wasn’t their place. If Gale wanted to get ahold of John, he could figure out how to go about that. Brady opens the front screen door, letting it close quietly behind him.

“You didn’t tell me.” Gale says softly as he sits on the other man’s porch, the sound of the door opening having pulled him from his little reverie. His hands stuffed into his pockets as he sits there, thinking back to how tiny the babies were. The one having tight blonde curls, and the other dark haired. Curled up into tiny little balls against John’s chest, Gale can feel the tears starting.

“It wasn’t my place to tell you Gale…trust me. John is not happy with us right now. He’s been through the wringer the last 8 ½ months now, we were surprised to run into him to begin with. Even more surprised when he agreed to move down the street from us. I don’t know the entire story of what happened, he refused to tell us who the father was for the longest time. He was trying to protect you still, and I don’t really understand why. It isn’t my place to know his thought process. But he’s a good mama Gale, and I’ll be damned if you are going to hurt him again.” Brady states as he stands there, voice completely even with his arms crossed over his chest.

Looking at the blond Major, hair completely flat on his head. The rain having soaked down into his clothes, looking almost like a drowned rat. Sighing softly he goes back inside to grab a towel, Benny coming back with him. Both of them getting Gale into the house, Benny getting him up and into their bathroom for a shower. Before he’s coming back down by his fiancé, seeing him leaning against the door frame on the phone.

“I know John, I’m not saying to fold to him. I’m saying to give him a chance, it’s up to you if you want to. Now do you have dinner for tonight? Because Benny made that pasta dish you like…okay, alright. I’ll bring it by for lunch for you tomorrow. Give Ruthie and Milo kisses from Uncle Benny and I.” Brady hangs up the phone, groaning softly as he rubs his hands down his face. Benny leaning against the counter across from him, both of them sharing a look. Knowing this is going to be a very long road, John was stubborn when he wanted to be.

———————-

“Milo…Milo please, you’ve got to latch. You’re hungry…mama’s got it right here.” John tries to soothe his son, exhausted from the almost one hour crying session. Ruthie having woken up first to eat, get her diaper changed, she was reswaddled and back to sleep rather quickly. Milo had woken up just as John was laying Ruth back down, screaming like his life was ending. The little boy kicking his legs weakly, while John changed his diaper and then tried to nurse him. Milo fighting him every step of the way, turning his head and screaming louder.

“Shhh bubba…mama’s got you.” John whispers as he stands from the bed carefully, wincing at the tugging sensation in his groin. Beginning to walk the length of his room again, he could feel milk dripping from his nipple. Initiated by Milo’s screams, he knew his son was hungry, why he fought John so hard he would never understand. He gently pats Milo’s back, trying to get him to relax enough to latch on. Adjusting the baby again and looking down into his little red face, tears welling in John’s own eyes. Before he’s trying again feebly to get Milo to nurse, a brief image of the formula in the cupboard filling his mind. Shaking his head slightly he shifts again, sitting on the bed.

“There we go…I knew you were hungry.” John murmurs once Milo has latched on, hungrily pulling at John’s nipple. Making the man wince at the tenderness, rubbing his big hand down the back of the baby’s head. Feeling his downy soft hair, breathing deeply as he feels that tingly sensation of his milk dropping. Milo’s little gulps being heard, John’s eyes closing for just a moment as he sits there. Peeking over at a still sleeping Ruth, letting out a deep sigh.

“I love you Milo.” The man says as he runs his hand over the back of his son’s head, breathing deeply as he sits there. Feeling his little hand coming up to rest on his chest, John’s thumb coming down to brush across his soft skin. Smiling a bit as he looks at him, watching as his eyes flutter, beginning to grow tired. The midwife had told him to not let the babies get used to falling asleep at his chest. But he couldn’t bring himself to unlatch them when they were nursing, especially not when he fought with Milo to get him to latch sometimes.

He feels the baby disconnect a few minutes later, little milk dribbles down his chin as he sleeps peacefully against John’s naked chest. The man rises up slowly, getting the baby wrapped in his blanket, laying him down in his bassinet. John quietly gets into bed himself, getting somewhat comfortable facing both babies on his side.

-2 days later-

John sighs softly as he opens the front door to see Gale weeding the front yard. Going along the fence as he works, having borrowed the weeding tools from Benny. John slowly makes his way down the porch, both babies cradled in one of his arms. He struggled with putting them down, constantly worrying something would happen if he walked away. He would miss a cry, miss a sign they were hungry, one of them would stop breathing, one of them would roll over and suffocate themselves.

Even if he knew rationally they wouldn’t be able to roll over yet, it was a petrifying fear of his. He struggled with even taking a shower sometimes, having begun to roll the bassinet into the bathroom. Both babies usually sleeping when he did shower, he could flick the curtain open to look at them. And that seemed to ease some of his discomfort, holding them and feeling them breathe was what helped him the most.

John would sometimes sit up at night to watch them breathe, laying in his bed or even sitting on the side of it. Counting the breaths that both babies take, terrified that if he closes his eyes he’ll miss something. Sometimes when he closes his eyes he sees Ruthie’s lips turning blue again. Or he hears Milo’s little choking noise as he struggled to bring in air. So holding them and keeping them against his body was his best answer to those thoughts and fears.

“Go home Gale.” John sighs as he steps onto the sidewalk to go and check the mail, he was waiting on his check from the military. He needed to pay the electric bill, pay the water bill, and get some groceries if he had any leftover money. That was part of the reason Benny and Brady were so hard up on making sure he was fed. Gale looks up from where he’s been working, smiling softly when he sees the babies.

Their little bodies curled and tucked into John’s chest, sleeping soundly against their mama. Gale’s eyes watching as John holds them both, seeming to have gotten a good handle on how to keep them both close.

Benny had broken down and told him their names, Ruth Adelaide and Milo Curtis, he had also told Gale of how John birthed them at home, 6 entire weeks early. Ruthie first completely by himself, and then a surprise with Milo. Both Brady and Benny had been there to help that time, the midwife finally showing up just as John had pushed Milo out. It made Gale admire John even more, thinking about how scared John must have been. But John just pushed through to have the babies, and Gale was glad John had Brady and Benny with him for the end of it.

“Good morning John…good morning babies.” He hums the ending as he kneels there in the grass, watching as the older man slowly makes his way to the mailbox. Gale frowning when he sees the little limp that John still has, Benny had mentioned that John was pushing himself too hard. He almost refused any help from the boys, adamant he could take care of the twins by himself. John checks the mailbox, pulling out a few envelopes, a little sigh of relief leaving his mouth. Before he’s turning to head back towards the house, adjusting the littles in his arm. Both of them peacefully sleeping, having kept John up half of the night.

“Benny sent me with food, it’s on the porch.” Gale says as he nods at the paper bag sitting on the porch swing. John tenses for a second, before he’s slowly climbing the stairs, adjusting the twins and grabbing the bag. Going back in the house and shutting the door, Gale letting out a soft sigh as he kneels in the grass. Wiping his brow before he sets off on continuing his task, he knew the lawn had to be driving John crazy. He would run the lawn mower that Benny and Brady have, but he didn’t want to risk waking the babies up. Benny had suggested starting small with John, and this was new for Gale.

John being volatile angry with him was new, he had never made the older man angry with him before. They had always been close, thicker than thieves right away when they met. So seeing this side of John was heart breaking for Gale, it made him nauseous. It made his insides twist painfully, he wanted the old John back. The one who would squeeze his cheeks playfully, smack his hand down on his thigh. Take up the space next to Gale unapologetically, now he seemed like a shell of himself.

-3 weeks old-

Gale quietly walks up the steps of John’s house, feeling as one creeks a bit. Making a mental note to see if Benny had some tools he could borrow to fix it. His head lifting as he hears screaming on the other side of the door, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. Realizing it’s both babies that are crying at the same time, he can just hear John’s voice. Chewing on his lower lip he cracks open the door, the wailing getting louder.

“John? It’s Gale…do you need any help?” He asks, stepping in farther towards the living room, following the screams. Before he hears the crack in John’s voice, getting into the living room. Seeing the chaos that has unfolded, both babies shrieking from where John has them pressed against his chest.

John rocking slowly back and forth with them both, stripped down to his briefs. A bright red stain on the crotch of his underwear, tears tracking down John’s own cheeks as he tries to soothe the babies. He’s leaking milk down his chest to his stomach, the waist band of his underwear sticking to him because of it.

“John, hey John, it’s me Gale. Can I help at all?” Gale questions as he looks at the older man, worried by the blood and the way he’s rocking. Like he’s not even here at this point, all three of them crying together. Gale wonders how many times this has happened, he takes a deep breath. Stepping around to gently lay his hand on John’s bicep, trying to get his attention. Bloodshot eyes opening to look at him, before John is recoiling.

“Go away…just, go away.” John croaks out, trying to get up but wincing and having to stay seated. He had been up on his feet too much lately, he wasn’t resting, he had started bleeding heavier again. Gale sits on the coffee table and looks at him, taking a deep breath again.

Seeing the way John is refusing to look at him now, both babies still hollering. John trying to rock them gently, his midsection sore and irritated, his core was throbbing at this point. He felt wet and sticky in his briefs, he needed to get up and change. But neither baby was giving up the ghost this morning, they had been up since just after 330am.

“John, please let me help. I can take one so you can feed the other, or I could try to change diapers. Just let me do something.” Gale pleads quietly as he looks at the man who holds a chunk of his heart. John finally looking at him, defeated tears in his eyes as he sits there. Before he’s taking a deep breath and sniffling quietly, trying to balance both babies as he goes to rise again.

“Tell me what to grab and I’ll grab it John.” The blond says as he stands up, going to grab the items that John tells him. The babies still screaming, it making Gale’s ears ring and feel slightly numb. He hurries back with two fresh cloth diapers, a few cloth wipes, new sleepers, and a cup of water for John. He watches as John carefully lays Ruthie down on the couch, her little arms and legs kicking as she bawls. Milo wailing from where he’s got his face pressed into John’s collar bone, Gale kneels next to the couch. Gently shifting Ruthie around, her feet kicking sporadically while John rests his hand down to rub over her soft hair.

“I’ve never changed a diaper before…but it can’t be that difficult right?” Gale asks as he looks up at the older man, John shakes his head softly. Starting to explain the cloth diaper to Gale, shifting Milo around in his arms to try to get him to latch. The baby screeching as he tries to pull away, John breathing deeply before he’s carefully turning Milo back. Rubbing his nipple across Milo’s lips, little drips of milk leaking down into his mouth. The baby turning his head to latch on, greedily gulping and pulling down milk. John’s eyes closing at the zing of pain that goes down his spine, trying to adjust Milo slightly.

“There…I think that’s right. Right?” Gale asks once he’s gotten the diaper secured, John looking over at Ruthie. Her screams having quieted slightly, still fussing and turning her head to face John. The black haired man’s hand coming down to gently rub over her head again. Eyes examining the diaper before he nods again, Gale picking up the sleeper he grabbed. A soft pink colored one, Gale carefully getting her dressed before John is going to lift her up. Adjusting how he’s sitting with a wince, hooking his arm under her little body into a football hold. Before he’s leading her to his free nipple, nose scrunching as she latches on hungrily.

“When he’s done do you want me to take him? I can change him.” Gale offers, watching as John sits there holding both babies. Sitting criss crossed, his eyes closing as he focuses on his breathing. He squirms slightly at the pain in his groin, before he’s looking down at his quiet babies. Milo staring up at him, little fingers gripping at John’s chest, while Ruth nurses slowly. Her kicks having subsided, her body tucked into John as she suckles in even pulls.

“He’ll be done soon…you can change him.” John murmurs after a few minutes, seeing Gale nod his head softly. Before he’s grabbing the cup of water and offering it to John, frowning when he realizes that both of his hands are occupied. The blond kneeling up more to bring it to John’s lips, the older watching closely. Accepting the cup against his mouth, sipping at the water slowly while watching Gale with a critical gaze.

“Okay…it can’t be that much different from changing your sister.” The blond murmurs as he lays an almost asleep Milo down on the couch by John. Watching as the older man adjusts Ruth against his chest, the little girl drowsy now. Gale undoes his sleeper, before he’s getting down to the diaper. John watching from the corner of his eye, waiting for what he knows is coming. Gale undoing the diaper and reaching for the cloth wipes, while pulling the diaper down. John biting his lip and bringing his hand up to cover Milo’s face as he starts to pee. Spraying Gale’s throat and shirt, a shocked expression on the blond’s face. It taking everything in John to not laugh, feeling some pee hit his hand where he’s blocking Milo’s face.

“You knew that was going to happen.”

“I did…he’s gotten all of us. He got Benny in the face.” Gale nods softly, trying not to pout at all as he works carefully to change Milo’s diaper. John brushing his large hand across the baby’s soft hair. His little head tilting to the side as he sleeps soundly, John letting out a deep breath. Looking down at Ruth who is asleep on his chest, the man freezing slightly when he realizes he’s been sitting here in front of Gale in just his briefs. He feels a red hot flush of embarrassment take over, eyes closing as he wills the tears not to start back up. Shifting to carefully get up, carrying Ruth to the double bassinet he has down here.

“When you’re done changing him…put him in there.” John murmurs as he slowly hobbles past Gale to the stairs, wincing as he carefully climbs them. Trying to shield his body from view, his stomach was still distended from carrying two babies. His chest a little puffy and inflamed, he knew he had to have bled through to his briefs by now. He was sure he looked like a damn mess, and Gale had seen him like this.

Gale watches him go, admiring the muscle in John’s back and shoulders. His pale skin holding a healthy flush to it now, freckles and dimples on display. Not missing the little limp he has, frowning and wondering how sore he must be at the moment. Brady had said he was doing too much, and the midwife had told John to accept help more often. Gale looks down at the sleeping baby on the couch, his little arms next to his body as he snoozes.

John gets upstairs to his room, going to find himself some clothing that will fit properly. He had been able to adjust the waistband on some of his pants while pregnant. His shirts had been reduced to mostly flannels over undershirts, he couldn’t afford nor find any of the bras that would supposedly fit him. They were supposed to be specifically for lactating men, and he had yet to track any down. Grabbing himself a pair of briefs, slacks, and a black undershirt he steps over to the bathroom. Making sure his padding supplies are all there, pushing his underwear down and sitting to pee. Wincing at the burning over his still healing stitches, eyes closing as he finishes going. Wiping and sighing as he sees the blood, heavier than it was even last night. Midwife Carole was going to have words for him when she came for her weekly visit.

“I know you said to put him in the bassinet…I just, this is just the first time I’ve held him.” Gale says softly as he sits on the couch, Milo in his arms sleeping soundly. John stops on the bottom step, watching them for a moment. Before he sees Gale blink rapidly a few times, breathing deeply and rising. Carefully taking Milo over to set him in the bassinet next to his sister, sniffling quietly. Looking at both of the babies for a minute, seeing himself and John mixed so beautifully together.

“Brady picked up these baked goods…it’s why I was coming up the stairs. I uh, I’ll head back to change my shirt and then I’ll be by to finish the lawn.” Gale says quietly before he’s stepping to grab the box of pastries that Brady gave him this morning. John taking it numbly as he watches Gale, the blond keeping his eyes on the floor. Not wanting John to see that he’d been silently crying while staring at Milo earlier. His lashes no doubt still wet, blue eyes shiny, and cheeks tinged pink.

“You don’t need to come back…you don’t need to take care of the lawn Gale.”

“It’s the least I can do John…” Gale murmurs before he’s stepping back for the front door and heading out of it. Running a hand down his face and breathing deeply, feeling the painful spasm in his stomach. Heading back to Benny and Brady’s house, holding in tears the entire time. Milo had been so tiny in his arms, he just wanted to sit and snuggle both babies all day. Seeing John crying earlier while trying to manage them both had broken his heart. Feeling even worse that John had been doing the majority of this all on his own.

-4 weeks old-

John hums softly as he sits outside with the babies, Ruth laying on his lap staring at the roof of the porch, little fist in her mouth. While Milo sleeps against John’s chest, having nursed himself to sleep after a fitful few hours. John looks up when he hears footsteps coming up the walkway, half expecting Gale to be coming. Mildly surprised when he sees Brady, the brunet opening the gate that Gale had fixed the latch on yesterday.

“Hi sweet Ruthie girl.” Brady hums as he scoops up the little girl from John’s lap, nuzzling her head and kissing her soft baby curls. John resting back a little more into the swing, patting Milo’s butt gently while the little boy sleeps. Brady speaking softly to Ruth, the little girl blinking slowly, having been fighting sleep. She was always enamored when Uncle Brady spoke to her, big blue eyes focusing on him the best they could.

“How did seeing Midwife Carole go?” Brady asks as he rubs Ruthie’s back, John swaying them all on the swing now. Watching as his daughter’s eyes grow heavier, the little girl beginning to lose the fight. Brady smiling as he brings her up to rest on his chest, the men sitting together for a moment. The slight breeze flowing through the air rustling the hair on their heads, making John bring in a deep inhale.

“She told me I need to stop doing so much. And I need to sleep more…but I get scared sleeping Brady. If it isn’t nightmares…I’m watching them breathe. I just, I can’t help it.” John admits as he pats Milo’s butt gently, the little boy curling into his mama more. Letting out a sleepy little whine before he’s settling back, Ruthie stretching her small legs out against Brady’s chest. Brady looks at his friend for a moment, before he’s taking a deep breath.

“Are you scared that if you close your eyes, they’ll stop breathing? Because you know what happened after they were born wasn’t your fault. Midwife Carole has even told you that it could have happened to babies that were born at term. They bounced back quick because of you John, you’ve fed them, you’ve loved them so fiercely that they were able to come home with you. But you’ve got to take care of yourself too…and letting people in to help with that is going to be more productive.” Brady tells his friend, seeing the way John side eyes him for a moment. The swaying of the swing therapeutic almost, John not even seeming to realize he’s doing it anymore.

John swallows softly as he’s suddenly thinking of Gale, and how hard the blond has been working around the house. He’s been trying to get John to open up to him again, John isn’t dumb. He knows exactly what Gale has been doing, it was what John had done when they’d first met. Trying to prove to Gale that he could be trusted, he treated Gale like a skittish horse. But Gale was treating John like a feral cat, something that could claw and hiss at any given moment.

“You’re talking about Gale aren’t you?”

“I’m talking about letting us all in to help you, it doesn’t make you a bad mama. It doesn’t make you a bad person to admit that you need help. I think it’s incredibly strong to say you help.” Brady responds with a little shrug as he kisses the side of Ruthie’s head, snuggling the little girl a little more. Smiling when he hears her little squeaking sound, John looking over with soft eyes. Staring at his daughter and watching as she holds onto Brady’s cross a little tighter.

———————

Gale chews on his lower lip as he slowly walks up the steps to John’s house, carrying the dish of chicken and pasta that Benny had made. Brady had happily volunteered Gale to be the one to deliver it to John. And not that Gale minded, he really didn’t, it gave him more time with the older man and their babies. Him and John had seemed to be on somewhat better terms, they at least were talking.

It wasn’t full blown conversations, but John at least wasn’t shutting the front door in his face anymore. Or ignoring him when Gale was doing something in the yard, he would actually come sit outside with the twins. And sometimes they would eat lunch outside together while the twins slept in their Moses baskets. Gale had missed that, he had missed the warmth that John always exuded when they’d sit side by side.

A gentle knock is placed on the front door, Gale knew the twins might be down for their last nap before bed tonight. He looks up when he hears the door opening, showing off a sleepy looking John. His curls in a slight disarray, rubbing one of his eyes, it reminded Gale of flight school. Having seen many times how the older boy would wake up, stretching his entire body with a tired groan. Gale wanted to run his hands through John’s hair then, and he absolutely wants to do it now too.

“I uh, Benny sent me with dinner. I’m sorry if I woke you.” Gale says as he holds up the casserole dish with the still warm food in it. John hums softly as he looks down at the dish before he’s looking back up at Gale. Blue eyes meeting blue eyes, a sort of softness there that hasn’t been in a long time. Gale feeling his stomach spasm slightly, he really just wanted a John Egan hug. If he could pick anything right now, that would be it.

“Can we, can we start over John?”

“You want to walk back up the porch steps?” Gale lets out a soft exhale, realizing that John is joking with him. Gale looks down at the dish in his hands before he looks back up at John. Eyes trailing over the scar around his right eye, the little crookedness to his nose, his lips looked soft still. And his mustache that he hadn’t gotten rid of even though Gale was sure it annoyed John sometimes. Gale often found himself missing the way it felt dragging across his skin.

“No…can we start over? My name is Buck Cleven, and you look an awful lot like a guy I used to know named Bucky.” John feels the little flicker of a smile forming on his lips as he stands there, looking at Gale again. Seeing the hopefulness in the younger man’s blue orbs, before he takes a deep breath.

“My name is John…John Egan.”

“Nah, I think you look like a Bucky to me.” Gale smiles gently as he looks at John, both of them standing on the older man’s porch. Breathing softly and just staring at the other for a moment, memories flashing behind their eyes.

Flight school, Thorpe Abbots, even the camps, they had been Bucky and Buck, but maybe now they could be John and Gale. Gale and John with their sweet little babies Ruthie and Milo. Gale wants that, he wants to be John’s Gale again, he wants it so badly. He wants to watch his children grow up and to grow old with John, he wants to sit on the porch swing and hold hands while their grandchildren play in the front yard.

He just wants John.

-6 weeks old-

“It’ll be alright John, go take a shower and a nap. I think I can handle them for a few hours.” Gale says nodding his head as he looks at the older man, John looked worse for wear today. The twins had kept him up for a good portion of the night, he was exhausted, trying to clean the house. The midwife was due to come tomorrow for his stitches exam and potential removal. Gale had come over just like he did every morning, and when he saw John nodding off on the couch while the twins slept. He offered to sit with them, he could fix that cabinet in the kitchen while he was here too.

“Just…I’ll be two hours, that’s all I need.” John says, standing on the bottom landing of the stairs, looking nervous. His fingers kept clenching on the railing, eyes darting to where the twins were sleeping peacefully in their bassinet. Gale was standing in the middle of the living room, at the halfway mark between the kids and John. The black haired man takes a deep breath, nodding softly before he’s slowly going up the stairs.

He had been trying to let Gale in more, to let him get to know the babies. Gale still insisted on coming over and fixing things around the house and outside. He had even mowed the lawn, timing it around when the twins would be awake. He was being thoughtful, and sometimes it made John bitter. But Brady reminded him that Gale was trying, he was learning the babies routines. He was being helpful for John, John had been trying to take it easy. He was really trying to listen to Midwife Carole, he was tired of his core aching. The stitches pulled constantly, the bleeding had lessened and essentially stopped. Only spotting now when he was up on his feet for too long, Gale was helping more than he probably realized.

——————

John wakes up with a start, and he instantly knows he slept for too long. His chest aches, it’s too full, every brush of his shirt against his nipples is like a wild fire going up his spine. Scrambling to get out of bed, he doesn’t even wince at the tug in his groin. Heading for the stairs and trying to go down them quickly, searching for the babies frantically. Seeing them both on Gale’s body, sleeping content, dressed in new sleepers. Gale looks up from where he’s been tracing Ruth’s cheeks, her eyelashes fanned out on her skin. Little lips parted as she dozes peacefully, Milo tucked towards Gale’s chest fingers curled in his shirt.

“They…they’re sleeping, why are they. It’s their feeding time, they should be…” John trails off as he sees the two empty bottles on the coffee table. His stomach plummeting as he sees the remnants of the formula in the bottoms. Tears are welling before he can even stop them, not hearing what Gale is saying. A broken, pitiful whimpering sound comes up his throat before he can stop it. Beginning to sob openly as he realizes that Gale fed them formula, the babies had woken up hungry and John had slept through it. Hiccuping on his breath as he stands at the bottom of the steps, he doesn’t realize Gale has gotten off of the couch. Both babies laid down in the bassinet now, the blond slowly walking over to try to console him.

John cries harder as he stands there, guilt eating away at him as he tries to feebly catch his breath. His chest feeling like it’s caving in on him, his breasts pinching and aching. Threatening to start leaking as he stands there, Gale stopping his walk when Milo first starts crying. The blond standing there, trying to figure out where he should go first. Until Ruthie is starting to cry, having been woken up by her mama and brother both crying. None of them hear the door opening, Brady stepping into the house with some groceries. The brunet’s eyebrows shooting up in shock at the sound of all three of their cries.

“What happened? John are you okay? Jesus, Gale?” Brady asks as he sets down the food on the coffee table, seeing the bottles and knowing instantly what happened. Sighing softly as he goes to Bucky first, seeing the way he’s crumpled in on himself slightly. Fat tears rolling down his face as he stands at the bottom of his stairs still. Brady gently wrapping his arms around the older man, pulling him in carefully. John tucking his face into Brady’s throat to sob, Gale standing there helpless. He didn’t understand what he did wrong, John slept for an extra two hours than he originally thought. He didn’t think that would be such an issue, the man really looked like he needed it.

“C’mon…babies need you. They need some milk, bet they’re hungry by now. C’mon Bucky.” Brady says softly as he carefully leads John towards the couch, going to tuck a few pillows around John as he sits. Walking around the coffee table to take both babies from Gale, bringing them back over. John still silently crying as he accepts Ruth first, situating her screaming little body against his side. Tucking her up so she can latch onto him, crying slowly ceasing as she realizes her mama is right there for her.

“You’re alright Milo, yea…mama is right here for you.” Brady murmurs as he gently passes Milo off to John, helping him situate the little boy. John sniffling as he holds the babies close to himself, both of them still fit in his forearms. Their little heads nestled into the palms of his hands, his thumbs rubbing their temples. He wasn’t sure when Gale fed them, so he wasn’t sure how much they would eat. He could hand express some if he needed to, he hated doing it, it was wasting milk and hurt half of the time. John refuses to lift his eyes to look at Gale, sniffling quietly as he holds both babies close to himself.

Brady gently grabs under Gale’s bicep to lead him out of the living room towards the kitchen. The bag of groceries tucked under Brady’s arm now. The blond following behind, confused and not sure what he did wrong. Brady pulls down a plate to be able to make John something to eat, knowing the older man has most likely not eaten yet. Gale standing there next to him, before he’s going to fill a glass with some water for John. Peeking out slightly to see him still nursing the babies, his shoulders tucked down to make himself smaller.

“I…I don’t understand what I did wrong. He needed to sleep…he looked like he was going to fall over Brady.”

“John overcame a lot during his pregnancy, the first doctor he saw back in Chicago before he came here. Told him to expect to miscarry within a week, told him he didn’t have the proper body to take care of a baby. But he carried his babies to almost full term, something the second doctor told him he probably wouldn’t be able to do because of the stalag. He birthed his babies at home, something the first midwife here told him, he couldn’t do. With John’s anatomy she said he shouldn’t even bother, he should just come in for a c-section right away. Something about his penis getting in the way, tearing or something, bleeding out was her “concern”. But deep down she was just being discriminatory towards him, all of them were.” Brady says quietly as he stands there, making John a sandwich. Something he knows the older man can eat while holding the babies. Gale standing next to him, feeling a little nauseous as he listens.

He didn’t know John went through any of that, the older man didn’t talk much about his pregnancy. Benny had told Gale that John was sick throughout it, throwing up and struggling. But he hadn’t mentioned the struggle to find a good midwife that would accept John’s anatomy. Gale knew male pregnancies were not common, because it was still seen as wrong to lay with another man. Most pregnant men were ostracized, which explained why John didn’t go into town often. Benny or Brady usually did any errands that John may need to be done.

“When John had the babies, the midwife told him he might not be able to make milk for both of them. He would have to supplement, and there’s nothing wrong with supplementing. John knows that, he’s said that. She brought the can of formula after the twins came home from the NICU, told him to give it a try especially because there were two of them. It was just another person telling him what he might not be able to do. I like his midwife, she’s been good for John, but she set him on a path of quiet self destruction. He has been bound and determined to make enough milk for the twins. I know for a fact he’s stood over this sink and hand expressed to try and up his supply. And he’s done really really well, giving them the formula today…I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You didn’t know, just, it might have set the progress you guys have made back a little bit.” Brady finishes as he looks at the blond, seeing the furrow to his eyebrows. A guilt ridden expression on his face as he listens, hands tucked into his slack pockets. Leaning back against the counter, breathing deeply before he looks at his friend. Brady looks back down at the sandwich, carefully placing the top part of the bread down. Grabbing the knife to cut it carefully, knowing it’ll be easier for John to lift up.

“I fucked up…I just didn’t want to wake him up. I…he’s probably not going to want me to stay today.”

“He might not…take him the sandwich and try. If he wants you to go, I’ll stay. I want to make sure he’s alright.” Gale nods softly and takes the sandwich and glass of water out to the living room. Seeing John holding both babies on his chest, his shirt still tucked up so they can do skin to skin. The twins both sleeping against their mama’s collar bones, mouths open and milk drunk now. John’s nipples looked puffy and slightly swollen, inflamed like he’s still full of milk. Gale chews on his lower lip as he sits on the coffee table across from John. Wincing as he knocks the empty bottles over, John looking up slowly. His eyes pink and puffy still, pretty lashes still damp from his earlier crying.

“I’m, I’m so sorry John. I didn’t know, I just knew you needed to sleep. I didn’t mean to upset you at all, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are they okay? Are you okay?” Gale asks softly as he looks at the older man, trying not to sound too worried as he sits there. Seeing the way John’s eyes have dropped down, his cheek resting on Ruth’s head where she’s tucked against him. The man holding them a little closer, not wanting to look at Gale at all. The blond sucks and chews on his lower lip as he breathes deeply.

“I’m sorry John, I’ll head home. Just know I didn’t do it on purpose. I promise.” Gale tells him, voice gentle as he sets down the plate and water cup. Slowly standing up and taking a chance to press gentle kisses to the backs of each baby’s head. Heading for the front door and running a hand down his face, his stomach still in knots.

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose…I just need time.” John murmurs before he’s completely out of the living room, Gale turning slightly to look at the older man. Seeing him staring at the sandwich and water on the table, fresh tears having welled in his eyes. Nodding softly in understanding, before he’s going for the door. Seeing Brady standing in the kitchen, giving him a little nod. Gale quietly steps out of the house, running his hands down his face and letting out a deep breath.

-the next day-

“Good morning John, it’s a lovely day out.” Midwife Carole says smiling as she steps up onto the porch, seeing John swaying the porch swing. Both babies sleeping soundly against his chest, he looks up from where he’s been eyeing the fence. Gale had been replacing the boards, working his way around it slowly. John could see Benny’s tools sitting and waiting for Gale to get there. He was usually there by now but it would seem he was taking his time today. Something John was both grateful for and a little confused by, Gale was a punctual man.

“Good morning Midwife Carole.” John murmurs before he’s slowly standing up off of the swing, adjusting the twins and heading for the door. Carole smiling as she follows him inside, her tool bag hitched into the crook of her elbow. The door softly closing behind them both, John leads her into the living room. Gently laying the babies down in their bassinet before he turns to look at her.

John suddenly feels bashful, nobody had looked at his bits since he gave birth. Even before that, examinations always made him uncomfortable. The poking, the prodding, the internal examinations were the worst for him. He didn’t have many, when he joined the military they did exactly one and it still made him cold sweat. The doctor was rough, didn’t use enough lube with the speculum, and John bled a bit afterwards.

“Would you like me to start with the babies? We can take this at your pace John, I’m here to make sure your cervix healed appropriately. As well as taking your stitches out, I will numb you before I do that. But you’re in control here.” Carole says, knowing somewhat about how John feels when it comes to his genitals being examined. That was one thing she had noticed the first time they had done an internal examination, he had gripped the bed underneath him so tightly she thought the sheets would rip. How he shook when she explained what she had to look for with the tools. She had moved their visits to his home after their first initial visit, wanting him to be more comfortable. She had told him he could have his baby, she didn’t realize there were two, in his own home.

“If we do their stuff first, they’ll wake up and cry. And then we won’t get mine done…and I really, I want these stitches out. They don’t, they’re starting to pinch.” John tells her, she nods softly in understanding watching as he takes a deep breath. Before she’s following him up to his room, her bag secure in her hand still. Waiting in the hallway for him to get undressed, before she’s stepping in. Leaving the door cracked open so they can hear the babies, John waiting on the bed nervously. One of his sheets laid out over his lower half, his fingers twisting in it anxiously.

“Just like we did before you had the babies John, go ahead and lay back. Spread your legs out like a butterfly, pillow under your butt, we will talk through this the entire time okay?” John nods softly and lays back on the bed, scooting and shuffling until he’s in the position she needs him to be in. Watching as Carole opens up her bag, pulling out the bottle of lubricant, speculum, mini scissors, and tweezers. She pulls on some gloves, and carefully tucks the sheet up to expose his legs. John letting his eyes close as he lays there, his head tilting to the side. Knowing Carole won’t hurt him, she’s been incredibly kind, understanding, and has helped him with a lot.

“Okay John, I’m going to touch you, your stitches are towards the outside here. So I will check those first, I have some numbing agent here. I’ll use that okay?” Carole asks as she looks up at him, he takes a deep breath as he lays there. Fingers scrunching the sheet for a moment, not wanting to look down at himself. Knowing all he’ll see is his soft cock, and a woman between his thighs.

“You don’t have to numb it…”

“I’m not going to cause you discomfort John, you don’t deserve that. It’s a gel like substance, no needles, it’ll wear off in about two hours.” Carole says as she gently uses her fingers to spread him open. Carefully swiping some of the gel just inside of his vaginal canal, going over the three sets of stitches that she can tell are ready to come out. John tensing slightly at the touch, breathing slowly and deeply just like she taught him.

“While I wait for that numbing to take effect, I’ll spread you so I can insert the speculum. And then I’ll check your cervix, you let me know if anything hurts at all okay?” She looks up and watches him nod quickly, she pulls her hand away to get the tool and the lube. Coating it before she’s shifting again to gently spread his outer lips one more time. Doing a visual examination for a moment, before she’s carefully notching the speculum into him. John’s entire body tensing at the touch, his breath catching in his throat.

“John, do you need me to stop?”

“N no, it just, it’s felt really, tight…I’m sorry.” She nods softly as she waits for a moment, watching as he unclenches his muscles. Letting out a deep shuddering breath before he’s nodding softly, his thighs losing their tenseness. She gives him a moment to breathe, not moving the tool away, not wanting to startle him.

“I’m going to press in now, I’m right here with you. You’re doing wonderfully John.” Carole tells him, pressing the tool inside and watching as he holds the sheets just a smidge tighter. The speculum sliding in slowly, before she’s carefully cranking it open enough. John tensing at the pressure, his stomach sucking in while he scrunches his nose. This was the worst part for him, he knew he was too tight always, he was amazed him and Gale had even been able to have sex that night. He was amazed that Gale had been able to get two fingers into him when they were in the stalag.

“Your cervix healed perfectly John, I was worried when I got here and the babies had already been born. But your body is clever, it knew exactly what it needed to do. And you listened to your body amazingly, I’m going to pull the speculum out not. Deep breath, there we go.” Carole says once John has inhaled and she’s pulling the tool away, setting it onto the little towel she pulled out. Giving him a moment to breathe, and the gel just a few more minutes to numb him entirely. John laying there breathing softly, shifting a little bit and scrunching his nose at the numb feeling in his core.

“Can I take your stitches out now John?”

“Yes please.” John whispers, feeling as she picks up her tools to remove his stitches. Before she’s letting him know what she’s doing, spreading him back open with a gentle touch. Hearing as she snips the sutures, but unable to feel as she pulls them out. John letting out a soft breath as he lays there, knowing she’s finishing up her exam now.

“You have healed wonderfully John, everything looks as it should. You can return to all of your normal activities, if you plan on having sexual intercourse I highly recommend using condoms. You’re still in the height of hormones after giving birth, meaning you can easily get pregnant.” John almost chokes when she mentions sex, he hadn’t had any urges at all. While he was pregnant, yes, he felt like he couldn’t get enough of it sometimes and had to make do with his hand. Now, he was exhausted, bone deep tired, and he couldn’t even fathom having sex like that ever again. Couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt, he didn’t ever want to get pregnant again.

“I, I won’t be having sex again Midwife Carole…thank you.” She smiles at him softly before she’s rising from the bed to clean up her tools. John slowly shifting, wincing at the feel of the lube inside of him. Waiting for her to step out before he’s going to sit up better, using the sheet he’s got and wiping himself up. Nose scrunching as he feels his center, the numbness still there. Before he’s standing to pull on his underwear and slacks, breathing deeply.

“Let’s go take a look at those babies, they look like they’ve grown wonderfully.” Carole says once everything is put away, John nodding softly and following her down the stairs. Both babies sleeping still in their bassinet, John taking a deep breath as he sees them. Before he’s going to pick up Ruthie first, she was always the easier out of the two of them.

“They’ve both gained weight amazingly John, you should be proud of yourself! They look like they’re both nursing beautifully.” Midwife Carole says smiling as she watches him nurse Milo now, Ruthie having nursed after her exam. Laying next to John on the couch, her little fist in her mouth as she gurgles softly. Carole packing away the sling scale she brought with, smiling at her patient. Milo nursing at John’s breast, his little body curled into his mother’s chest.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, looking down at his son before looking at his daughter. His large hand resting on her chest and belly, her little fingers of one hand holding his. Carole smiles softly as she watches the three of them, before looking over at the knock on the front door. John furrowing his brows, the midwife going to open the door for him. Gale standing on the porch with bags of groceries in both arms, looking up before he’s flushing. Remembering now that Brady had said John had an appointment this morning, it was part of the reason he had gone grocery shopping.

“Oh, hello. John would you like him to come in?” Midwife Carole asks as she steps aside to look at the man sitting on the couch. He nods softly, Carole smiling as she comes back to collect her bag. Gale quietly going to take the groceries to the kitchen, softly peering at Ruthie on the couch. A little smile on his lips before he’s heading into the kitchen, beginning to put away the groceries he picked up.

“The twins will need to come into the office in two weeks time to receive some vaccines. Come down to the clinic and we will get them seen right away. They’re doing really well John, and so are you. Do not hesitate to call me okay?”

“Thank you Midwife Carole.” John says softly as he looks at her, watching her walk out of the door with a little wave. Before he’s looking back down at Milo, the tension in his shoulders slowly lessening. Gale quietly steps out of the kitchen, chewing on his bottom lip as he holds the chocolate bar he picked up for John. Feeling awkward as he stands there, breathing deeply while fiddling with the plastic packaging of the chocolate bar.

“I’m…I’m sorry John, Brady had said you had an appointment.”

“It’s fine Gale…it wasn’t just for me. The babies had one too, and she was getting ready to leave. Thank you for going to the store, you didn’t have to.” John responds as he lets out a deep breath, looking up to watch Gale step further into the living room. Holding out the candy bar, a little smile flickering in the corner of John’s lips. Accepting the chocolate, before watching as Gale looks down at Ruthie again. Gently lifting his hand off his daughter’s chest, and nodding softly for Gale to pick her up. The blond smiling a little as he scoops her up into his arms, nuzzling his nose into her soft blonde curls.

“She always smells so good.” Gale murmurs quietly as he sits down on the couch, enough space between him and John for comfort. Ruthie smiling just a little, making Gale gasp softly, John looking over. Worry creasing his eyebrows as he tries to figure out what’s wrong, mind jumping to the worst case right away.

“She’s smiling, John she’s smiling at me. Oh my god, has she done that yet?” Gale asks as he looks at the older man, sitting up straighter to look at Ruth. The little spit bubble smile flickering again, making John smile a little bit. Watching as Gale grins so wide it almost splits his face in two, his large hands cupping their daughter so gently.

“No…she hasn’t smiled like that for me yet.” John responds softly as he takes a deep breath, readjusting Milo in his arms making the little boy let out a sleepy whine. His small hand resting on his mama’s chest, little sleepy pout on his plush lips before he’s settling down. Gale nuzzling his nose against Ruth’s in the softest of Eskimo kisses, feeling her kick her legs slightly.

“I’m sure they have smiled at you, how could they not smile at their mama? You give them everything they could ever need. It’s impossible to keep a smile off of my face when I’m around you.” Gale murmurs as he kisses Ruthie’s forehead again, not seeing the little look that John throws his way. A pink flush having covered over the apples of John’s cheeks to the tops of his ears. Looking at Ruth now to see her going a little cross eyed as she fights going to sleep, her fist in her mouth. Sucking on her fingers, while staring at Gale with the biggest blue eyes. The blond swore they were a darker shade of blue like John’s, but the older man refused to believe it.

Gale snuggles Ruthie a little closer before he’s looking at Milo sleeping against John’s chest. Gale’s hand shyly coming over to touch the back of Milo’s head, running through his downy soft hair. John shifting sub consciously so that he’s leaning closer to the blond. Suddenly wanting to put his head on Gale’s shoulder, able to smell his aftershave from where he’s sitting. Vanilla mixed with something citrusy, maybe oranges, John could never tell. But he knew it well, would be able to pick up the scent in a crowded room.

“Ya know…we make some very precious and cute babies.” Gale states softly, a comfortable silence having enveloped them all. Both of the babies sleeping peacefully against their parents’ chests now. John looks up from where he’d zoned out, looking at Gale who is already looking at him.

“They are very precious and cute.” John responds nodding softly in agreement, before he’s scooting just a tad closer. Resting his head down on Gale’s shoulder, letting his eyes close. Not seeing how Gale’s eyes widen, the blond not having expected John to lean on him. He had missed the carefree way John used to touch him, the warmth that always bloomed from the older man. It was something Gale had been craving, something he could never forget. The blond gently rests his cheek on the crown of John’s head, all four of them sitting together quietly.

-7 weeks old-

John whimpers softly as he stands at the kitchen sink, a shudder going up his spine at the throbbing pain in his right breast. A knot is situated about an inch under his nipple, tender to the touch. Sending sharp zings of pain straight down into his belly. He grits his teeth as he tries to rub his hand over it again, trying to express the milk. Tears beginning to roll down his face, the pain intense and centered in his chest. Watching as drips of milk begin to go into the sink, before its a steady stream as he massages. John hiccups a cry as he works the knot, having to stop and slap his hand down.

“John? Hello little loves.” Gale whispers the ending when he sees both babies sleeping peacefully. Heading farther into the house, startling slightly when he hears John’s choked off cry. Stepping up his speed, until he’s in the kitchen to see the older man leaning over the kitchen sink. His body bowed forward in pain, not seeming to have heard Gale as he brings a hand to the right side of his chest. Gale watches as a stream of milk goes into the sink, his mouth going dry slightly.

“J John…are you okay?”

“No, no I’m not okay. I’m in so much pain right now Gale. My chest feels like it’s on fire, every time I touch it, it makes me want to scream. Every time I nurse one of the babies it makes me want to throw up. I have a clogged duct…and I can’t get it out. I can’t afford a pump, I can’t even find the right supplies for myself. The twins are great at nursing, but they aren’t strong enough to get it out. I’m going to end up with mastitis and they aren’t going to be able to nurse anymore.” John rambles out as he stands there, hand dropping from his chest again. Hot tears rolling down his face, milk still dripping from his right nipple.

A sob bubbling up his throat, trying hard to keep it down so he doesn’t wake either of the babies. Gale slowly steps around so he can look at John better, eyes roaming to try and see what he’s talking about. Landing on his exposed nipple, seeing the scarlet color and how enraged it is, he was used to the puffiness that would show. But not like this, he could almost make out a small lump about an inch down from his nipple.

“Can I help at all? I could go to town to see if they have a pump? I could…I could try expressing it? Maybe it’s like when you’ve got a splinter and can’t get it out yourself because your mind knows it hurts?” Gale offers as he looks at the older man, he hated seeing John cry, it physically did something to him. It made him want to throw up, made him want to walk across glass, it made him feel irrational. John lets out a heaving sigh, his toes curling in his socks against the linoleum floor.

Sniffling wetly as he stands there, both hands on the edge of the counter now. Before he’s looking at Gale and nodding just a little, the blond moving around to get to John’s other side. The older man flinching when Gale brings his hand up, John shakily helping him adjust his grip. His fingers going white knuckled as he holds the edge of the sink, Gale taking a deep breath.

“I’ve never done this before…” John silently shows him the correct motion, a whimper coming up his throat at the contact. Eyes squeezing shut as white hot pain flares in his middle. Gale screwing his eyebrows together, trying to focus on keeping up the pressure. Carefully squeezing again and watching as milk streams from John’s nipple. Gale can feel his heart speed up, a flicker forming in his lower abdomen. Eyes widening just a little as he watches, continuing on with the motions.

“I, I can’t. Gale I can’t, stop please stop.” John gasps out a minute later, tears tracking his cheeks again as he feebly pushes the blond’s hand away. Gale quickly letting go, noticing now that he has drops of milk on his fingers. Before he’s focusing again as John cries quietly, hanging his head between his shoulders. His shoulders shaking with it, tucking in close to his ears. Round, wet tears rolling down his cheeks as he stands there in his kitchen.

“I could try to suck it out? That’s what a pump would do right?” Gale says without even thinking, his stomach twisting and heart speeding up. Sweat starting at his hairline as he stands there, eyes widening like he didn’t mean to say it out loud. John turns his head to look at Gale, sniffling softly. His cheeks tinged pink, eye lashes wet, blue eyes looking like sparkling sapphires from his tears. Gale swallows audibly as he looks at the older man, John staring at him more.

“You’ll get milk in your mouth.”

“I think I’ve swallowed worse…I want to help you John.” The older looks at him still, his jaw working for a minute before another throb pulses through his chest. His shoulders scrunching up slightly at it, before he’s breathing deeply. Nodding softly, both of them slowly making their way to the living room. John checking both babies before he’s turning to look at Gale. Seeing the blond wiping his palms on his slacks nervously, lifting his head to look at John.

“Do you want me to sit? I’m not…I didn’t think.”

“Sit, and I’ll sit on you…just tell me if I’m too heavy.” John murmurs as he slowly climbs up into Gale’s lap, the blond sitting underneath him with slightly wide eyes. Before he feels Gale’s hands gently resting on the small of his back, his slender fingers sending a shiver up his spine. John shifts just slightly to pull his shirt up again, looking down at himself and taking a deep breath.

He was still carrying pudge in his middle, he could pinch the skin that had been stretched from having the babies. His hips were rounder now, he bashed them against things constantly because he forgot they had spread. Breathing deeply he adjusts his body enough so that Gale can reach his nipple without straining himself. The blond looks up at him again before he’s bringing one of his palms up to carefully cup John’s pec. The touch making John’s toes curl behind himself, painful zings already going back up his spine.

“Tell me if it hurts you too much?” Gale questions as he looks up at the older man, able to feel the squish to John’s chest. Something he didn’t remember there ever being there before, he suddenly wanted to bury his face into John’s skin. His other hand was itching to explore the exposed areas of John’s body, wanting to know if he was as soft as he looked. The hard lines of his body had become more gentle, and he had a bruise on his left hip. Fading but still there nonetheless, making Gale wonder what happened for it to occur.

His eyes focus again to look at John’s nipple, hearing the little uptick of air come from the older’s throat. Gale’s fingers soften their hold just slightly, he really didn’t want to hurt John. He wanted to help him, he wanted him to not be in pain. He knew he was going to have to cause some pain to get this to go away though.

“Just…go ahead.” John mumbles, his muscles quivering in the slightest bit from being partially naked in front of someone again. It had been so long since he’d been in any kind of situation like this. He was getting antsy now, worried the babies would wake up, worried this was going to cause even more pain. A fleeting worry of repulsing Gale was simmering low, but peeking down at the blond and seeing the expression on his face told John he wasn’t repulsed. He couldn’t exactly pick out what emotion Gale was feeling, but it didn’t matter much because suddenly there is hot, wet heat wrapping around his right nipple.

A gasping sound gets caught in John’s throat at the first pull of Gale’s mouth against him, that same pain from earlier flaring up. But the feel of the blond holding him close has him almost curling around Gale’s head. Trying desperately not to fight it at all, he feels as Gale makes even pulls. The fingers cupping him massaging just lightly around where the hard knot is under his skin. Tears are springing to John’s eyes as his hands come up to grab at Gale’s shoulders almost pathetically. He can feel Gale’s hot breath against his chest, feel the suction from his mouth, but it’s all static.

The tingling sensation is back, letting him know a letdown is coming. But he’s too stunned to say anything, and suddenly he’s hearing Gale swallowing. John could cry as he sits in Gale’s lap, his knees are digging into the couch and he’s pressing a little closer. Feeling the way Gale’s forehead rests against his chest, the even suckling motion making John’s stomach turn and roll in a way it never has before. Looking down for a moment he’s met with blond hair, and it takes everything in him not to press his nose against it.

Gale lets out a soft sound, one he doesn’t even seem to realize he’s made. Large palm at the small of John’s back tightening in his shirt, holding him just a little closer as he sucks a tad harder. John whimpering at the pain flowing through his chest, almost grabbing at the back of Gale’s head to dislodge him. John’s spine tensing at the pulses of pain that are flowing through him. It felt better than the babies nursing at the moment, only because the suction was harder.

Gale is desperately trying not to grind up at all, thankful suddenly that he tucked his length into his briefs in such a way that he’s currently nestled against his hip. If it were any other way, John would absolutely be able to feel how hard he is. It’s taking everything in Gale to not flick his tongue across John’s nipple, his hand instead flexing where it’s cupping John’s chest. Little huffs of air leaving his nose where it’s nuzzled against John’s skin, Gale could cry. He smells like John still, he smells like that woody cologne he uses. But there’s more to it now, citrus body soap, the slight tangy smell of sweat, and baby soap is lingering.

He feels when John’s hands shift to hold onto him tighter, one hand curling up into the back of Gale’s hair. While John’s cheek is resting down on the top of Gale’s blond head of hair. A little hiccuping sob coming from John’s throat, making Gale shift to pull away. Before he’s feeling John pushing him back, shaking his head quickly with a whispered out plea. Gale moves his slender fingers just a little, able to feel the knot under John’s skin better now. Focusing on massaging it, the whimpering sound sticking in John’s throat really shouldn’t make Gale throb in his slacks.

But he’s got the man he’s been pining after for years in his lap, he’s got his nose nestled into soft skin he’s been dreaming of. Gale is regretting taking John on all fours that night, he’s regretted a lot of things about that night. But not being able to see John’s face, or touch all over him was his biggest regret. He feels John push a little closer to him, the older man’s large hands gripping at him tighter. Gale pushes his mouth closer, sucking just a little deeper, he doesn’t even really notice the taste of the milk hitting his tongue. He’s just desperately trying not to rut up against the man in his lap, he can feel the stickiness oozing out of his tip at this point.

His toes are curling in his boots, his stomach is in knots, he’s sure he’s throbbing in his pants. He doesn’t think John even knows he’s making the little sounds he’s releasing. Little whimpers falling from the older man’s plush lips, Gale could almost call them moans at certain points. It’s unexpected when John suddenly tenses up above him, and his body is curling into Gale’s more. A shudder going up John’s spine, as his fingers tug at Gale’s hair just slightly. Gale must have gotten the clog out, he didn’t feel a difference in John’s milk flowing. But the almost instant relief that seems to make John’s body sag against his is palpable.

Gale’s body is suddenly tightening under John’s, his fingertips digging into the small of John’s back to grip him tighter. A shudder going up Gale’s body, while his teeth just barely dig into John’s areola with a low groaning sound coming from his throat. The feel of John gripping his hair tighter had been enough to throw Gale over the edge. Tossing him into the white hot abyss of pleasure, spurting in globs against his hip. His pelvis pushing up in a little rocking motion, thighs tensing with his toes curling in his boots again.

John’s eyes widen a little as he sits there, the pain in his chest having essentially disappeared when Gale got the clog out. He hadn’t even realized he had tangled his fingers in the back of Gale’s blond hair, or that he had held him closer. But he knew the way the younger man sounded when he orgasmed, he knew how Gale’s entire body tensed up like he’d been electrocuted. He knew the almost pained punched out sound that would escape Gale’s throat. John’s entire body stills above Gale’s while the blond finally detaches his mouth from John’s chest.

“I…I.” John whispers out, throat feeling dry while he hears Gale let out a deep almost wounded sound in his chest. John slowly lets go of Gale’s hair, shifting in the younger man’s lap. Gale’s hands falling limply to his sides, John’s shirt slipping back down to cover him fully. Looking at Gale under his lashes, to see him pink cheeked and a little sweaty. Hair floppy, a few strands falling onto his forehead while he pants quietly.

“Please…don’t.” Gale murmurs as he sits there, his stomach twisting with embarrassment now. The wet spot in his briefs leaking to stain his slacks, his heart hammering in his chest. John carefully climbs off of Gale’s thighs, his eyes unable to stop themselves as they drag down. Seeing the starting of the wet patch, eyes widening just slightly as it’s confirmed for him.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome John.”

-8 weeks old-

John feels like he’s going to throw up, he feels like his stomach is going to fall out of his body. He’s white knuckling the buggy holding both sleeping babies, he can feel Brady gently holding his elbow. The pair of them standing outside of the clinic, women and children moving about easily. Every time the door opens John just about jumps out of his skin, Brady looks at him with soft eyes.

“John…we’ve gotta get them inside for their shots.” Brady says calmly as he stands next to his friend, the black haired man turning his head slightly to look at him. Brady watches as he swallows thickly, before he’s looking back at the doors again. John’s arms quiver just a little as he slowly pushes the stroller up the ramp to head inside. Brady following next to him, briefly wondering why Gale didn’t come with today. But also knowing that John more than likely didn’t ask him to either, they seemed to be doing better. It was hard to tell, Benny and Brady tended to stay away or were busy when Gale was at John’s house.

“Brady, I, I can’t.” John whispers suddenly as he stops walking again once they’re near the doors, Brady turning to look at the older man. Seeing the way his entire body is tensed up, Brady takes a deep breath as he moves so he’s in John’s eye sight perfectly now. John blinking once before he focuses on Brady’s face, the younger man trying to keep his attention. Watching as John’s eyes flick to look at the doors before he’s focusing back on Brady’s face again.

“All three of you are walking in here, and all three of you are leaving together. They are healthy, you have been taking care of them, you have been feeding them. They are bigger and stronger than they were before, these are routine shots. You want them to have them remember?” John nods softly before he’s looking down at the babies sleeping in the buggy again. Laying side by side, little fingers almost tangled together. John takes a deep breath before he’s going inside, Brady following him closely. The four of them going to check in at the desk, Midwife Carole smiling as she sees John and the babies.

“Hi John, oh hello little ones, sleeping so soundly. They look bigger since I’ve seen them last!” Carole says smiling as she gently touches John’s shoulder, he looks down at them and nods softly. They were bigger, he was sure of it, they had been eating non stop lately. John thought at one point his nipples were going to fall off, he couldn’t leave the couch some days because all they wanted to do was nurse.

“Hi Midwife Carole…would we be able to get a weight on them today?” He asks softly, she smiles a bit and nods her head at him. Giving a greeting to Brady before they are all heading back behind one of the partitions. Carole knew it would be best to get John and the twins in and out as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to cause John anymore stress than he would already be under today.

——————-

John hears the front door opening just as he’s pulling the chicken out of the oven, chewing on his lower lip. He knew it was Gale, the blond had asked if he could come over tonight. He had something he had to do in town today that would keep him out later than usual today. And John had already had a busy day, him and Brady had shopped a little in town after the twin’s appointment.

John picking up some more fabric to make them some more clothes, they were growing well. When they’d first come home nothing fit them, everything John had made or gotten was too big. Brady had tried to sew something’s together that would fit them both, but it had been John that had hemmed stuff together. His mother always told him sewing didn’t have gender roles and he needed to know how to patch up his own clothing. It shouldn’t be just his wife’s responsibility, and then he’d joined the military and she instilled it even more.

“Hi sweethearts…daddy won’t wake you.” Gale whispers as he passes by the babies sleeping in their bassinet, curled together. Ruthie with her fingers in her mouth while Milo slept with his little pink lips parted. Gale smiling softly as he stands there for a moment just watching them both breathe evenly. He doesn’t realize John is standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching them all. The older man leaning against the doorway, eyes trailing over Gale’s shoulders down to his tapered waist.

“Oh…hi, I’m sorry. I promise I didn’t wake them.” Gale says once he’s turned around to see John, startling just slightly. Before he’s smiling when he sees the look in John’s blue eyes, stepping over quietly. Gale finds himself wanting to wrap John in a hug, they had been touching more. Sitting close enough for thighs to touch when holding the babies, hands brushing every now and then. They hadn’t ventured too far past that yet, but Gale wanted to. He wanted to brush his lips against John’s, he wanted to curl his arms around John’s broad shoulders, he wanted to just touch because he could.

“How did their appointment go? Brady mentioned they got shots, did it go okay?” Gale asks once they’re both in the kitchen, the smell of garlic filling his nose. His eyes closing for a moment, enjoying the warmth that’s enveloping him now. Before he’s opening them to watch John move around the kitchen with ease. He never expected John to be such a good cook, especially because Benny and Brady insisted on feeding John. They were always sending food of some kind down to the older man’s house.

It wasn’t until Benny let it slip that John was just staying afloat bill wise, that that was the reason they sent food down so often. That and since the twins had been born, John was notorious for forgetting to eat. It was also Brady and Benny’s way of quietly checking in on the older man and the babies. But John was excellent in the kitchen, he moved in the area like it was his second home. Some of the best chicken Gale had ever tasted came from John, even his mashed potatoes were to die for. And Gale hadn’t wanted to touch potatoes since they’d gotten home from the war. Too many months of turnips and potatoes, but now when he knew John was making them, his mouth would water a bit.

“It went well, Ruthie weighs 8 lbs 2 oz. and Milo clocked in at 7 lbs 8 oz. Midwife Carole said they’ve gained weight well, especially considering that they were early. They both cried when they got their shots, that part was awful, but they went quiet once they nursed for a little bit. How did your stuff go?” John asks as he dishes up food for them both, chicken, mashed potatoes, and some green beans all finding their home on the glass plates. Gale going to grab glasses to put some water in, setting them on the table before he’s grabbing the silverware. Both men moving easily around one another, just like they used to.

The pair of them taking seats across from one another, feet brushing as they get comfortable at the small table. Gale cutting into his food and almost letting out a moan at the taste flooding his tongue. John watching the other man, he always got a little thrill to see people enjoying the food he makes. He liked taking care of others, he liked seeing them loved and nurtured.

“I know I didn’t tell you, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I took a leave of absence from the Air Force…but Benny has been talking my ear off about a teaching position they have opening there. So I set up an appointment with the Colonel on base, and I go back in two weeks to start training new cadets. It would put me back in the air but I wouldn’t be flying missions, I would just be training others.” Gale explains as he looks at John, seeing the way the other man has paused chewing his food. His eyebrows furrowing for just a moment before his ocean eyes are coming to meet Gale’s. The blond swallowing thickly, suddenly worried that he’s upset John.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I didn’t know how it was going to go…I didn’t want to put it out there if it wasn’t going to go well.” John nods softly and shifts in his seat, his hand staying down by his plate now. Fork stuck in his potatoes, Gale adjusts where he’s sitting to look at John better. Cautiously reaching across to touch John’s fingers that are resting on the table, feeling as the older curls them up slightly at the contact.

“Will you have to live on base?” John asks quietly, the offer he had been planning on extending dying and fizzling out slowly. He liked having Gale around again, he liked seeing the blond with their kids. He was enjoying the company of Gale being around all of the time. But if Gale was going to live on base, John wasn’t sure how it would work.

“No, no I wouldn’t have to live on base. It would be like Benny, Benny is a plane tester, he doesn’t have to live on base. He lives within a certain mileage so he doesn’t need to stay there, and because my address is their’s now. I wouldn’t have to stay there. I would be home every night, the latest class I would teach would be on Tuesdays. It would start at 4pm, and go until just about 630pm. But most days I would be getting home between 4 and 430pm.” Gale responds as he rubs his thumb across John’s scarred knuckles, feeling the way they clench just slightly.

Before he’s bringing his eyes up to look at John again, seeing him staring at his plate of food still. John’s deep blues coming up to meet his own paler ones, making something in Gale’s stomach spasm. He was having a hard time reading John’s expression, something he did not like. He never struggled to read John before, but John had gotten very good at masking his emotions. It made Gale wonder if that was how John felt when they first met, if Gale had been such a hard nut to crack.

“Would you…would you still see the babies?”

“Of course, as long as you’d be okay with it. I’d love to come and have dinners and still see them every chance I get. I don’t want to lose out on you guys, I just know I needed to do something. I…I want to provide for you guys John, you’ve done a lot. I want to be there for you and I want to help, it’s my turn. I want the chance to be there for all three of you, you’re a package deal and I want to be involved. I don’t want our babies to grow up without me around.” John swallows thickly, looking away for a moment before he looks back at Gale. Seeing the sincerity in Gale’s cornflower blue eyes, feeling as the blond holds his hand a little tighter.

“I’d like you to stay around…I want you in their lives. I know I didn’t before, and I didn’t tell you about them. But I can see that you love them, and they might not be able to talk yet. But I think they love you too…maybe you could, could come for dinner and bedtime with them? If it isn’t too much and you won’t be too tired.” John tells the other man, watching as a little smile starts to form on Gale’s plush lips. Before he’s feeling the younger man squeezing his fingers softly where they’re resting on the table top.

“I’d really like to come for dinner and bedtime with them. I love them…I love them more than I thought I’d love anything ever.” Gale says, the words he wants to add not making their way out of his throat. He knew he loved John, he just wasn’t sure if John felt the same way. And he didn’t want to push John into saying anything he might not mean. If he got to just raise his babies with the man sitting across from him, he would be content. Especially if that meant he got to be in John’s life for as long as John would have him.

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