plsteachmeenglish - Tumblr blog

[plsteachmeenglish]

I think my priorities in life is changing. I'm slowly becoming a domesticated single woman.

I used to dream of living in a different country. But with my current situation, I'm slowly accepting what it is.

I think I'll be staying in the Philippines, with my mom and our pet dog, and then, I find myself on my own, I'll rethink of things. But right now, I'm alright with living here - as long as I get to travel from time to time. Stay in my current job. Although, I honestly do not see myself staying in our house for a long time. It's too big, and I don't feel like there's any part of the house that's really mine. I never had my own room, and will never do. Even when all my siblings have left home, the rooms they have left will still be theirs. When they come back, even for just a visit or maybe for good, I'll be easily kicked out of the room.

I think what I want in life is a little more clear. I want to have my own house - one in my own name. I will have my own room, I will have my own kitchen, living room, a courtyard. I will have my own car. With or without children or a husband. Hopefully, I'll get to have that. I'm not the richest right now. But maybe, just maybe, I'll get to have that opportunity someday.

I dream of quiet days. I get to do some baking, lounge at my reading nook, or type random thoughts like this in my own office room. Maybe I'll get a pet, one that doesn't shed too much. I'll have a big backyard/courtyard, where I can do workouts and where my pet can run free. I'll have one car, maybe like a Jimny. It will be a nice, cozy tiny house in a quiet, spacious neighborhood.

A dream so different from two years ago.

It's interesting how the pandemic has changed so many people so drastically.

[plsteachmeenglish]

It's been almost a month since my last post, and I would say it has been both eventful and not. Another sister has left home, and now I am with more responsibilties. Heavier ones. I am now feeding and somehow babysitting our pet dog, who is a a very old one and can be a little clingy and stubborn at times. I'd start my day letting him out of his room for him to go pee or poo. Then, babysit for the rest of the day, making sure he does not do any mess. But if he does, I am there to clean it up. At 6, I start chopping up and boiling veggies for his dinner. At 8, I feed him. Then, another round of babysitting, until around 9 or 10, when I try to trick to get to his room to sleep. A slice of bread usually does the trick. But sometimes, I'd hear him scratch the door, and I feel guilty. But I know, he has to learn when it's time to sleep and when to stop eating. I didn't get him when he was a puppy, but somehow, I'll end up taking care of him until the end of his time.

I've mostly been stressed the past month, with work and house matters, that I didn't really feel lonely, or didn't really seek (much) companionship online. I barely talked to anyone. During my free time, I would spend it to read or on the treadmill while watching a show. That's another new thing - I've bought a treadmill. I'm getting some exercise, but I feel like I haven't really reached my full potential yet - I'm still brisk walking, for the past three weeks! But I think there's been an improvement with my stamina, like I'd usually get tired easily after a walk (ex. from carpark to the office), but nowadays, it's just alright. I've also felt that there's a difference when it comes to my habits. One is that I now would usually walk while I watch... when I watch sitting down, I somehow feel guilty. Like I've made some silly, silent rule to myself that I'll only get to watch Netflix, if I were on the treadmill. Of course, I don't get to follow it all the time... but I would say, I have now lessen my screen time because of that rule, and it definitely made me feel how wrong it is to sit for several hours doing nothing but watch shows. Damn, I've done that for yeaaars. I wish I had gotten a treadmill much sooner. Besides getting a treadmill, I've also gotten a new Kobo Libra 2 and a library card at Queens Public Library, the latter probably more life-changing. I'm quite glad that I'm still in a reading mood. I keep going even when encountering a bad book (ahem, Nora freakin' Roberts). I mostly bought the Libra 2 for the sole purpose of using the Overdrive function, haha, and to be able to read graphic novels/manga. So far, I've read one manga, called Assassination Classroom, which was just so weird. Not my cup of tea, but I kept going until I finished it. Hopefully, the next one would be better.

I've read 3 books since Educated, and they were okay. I feel like I'm now on downward slope after reading one good/great book after another. Hopefully, I get my hands on good ones again though.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - definitely a page-turner and somehow I didn't expect the queer love. Probably not a popular opinion, but I felt like it was overhyped. Good plot and story overall, but the writing kind of fell short vs other writers I like.

Year One by Nora Roberts - good premise, but again, the writing was meh. It got dragging/boring at some points that I just wanted to skip over some pages (but didn't). Finishing this one was a struggle, and this author is definitely not for me. I tried another one of her books, The Awakening, but I just can't finish it at all. She's not for me.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab - this one, I loved. The story was quite unusual, never read anything like it before. It's interesting how art was incorporated well within the book. I loved that it has short chapters and was just easy to read overall. The writing was amazing, too. I'd give it 4.5 out of 5 just because I've predicted some of the parts of the book. I'm just glad I got this book while going through the NR book, because damn, this saved me. I wouldn't want to go back to reading funk again.

It's June, and I don't really have much expectations. I'm pretty sure the workload is still the same, and there will still be stress. I guess, the only expectation is for me to get used to the new set-up, or more responsibilities I have. I think I now have much clearer picture of what weekends would be like for me. Chores, chores, chores, and when I get a free time - I'll use it wisely!

[plsteachmeenglish]

Educated

Just finished reading the book by Tara Westover. Some parts sounded crazy and unbelievable, but not impossible. Overall, a great book to read. Shelved right into my favorites bookshelf.

What is a person to do, I asked, when their obligations to their family conflict with other obligations - to friends, to society, to themselves?

This part resonates with me very well in how I don’t get to chase my dream or goals in life freely without feeling any guilt. My friends have told me to talk about this to my siblings and how I should not be the one to suffer. I think they are right. But I feel as if they also don’t understand how I feel - how I just can’t shirk away my responsibilities and leave my mom alone. They never had a problem like mine. But yes, although I have responsibilities to take on as a child, I also have a responsibility to myself to fulfill what I am set out to do, or just to give my dreams and goals a shot. (But there’s a voice in my head telling me it’s not me being responsible, but actually me being stupid and a coward of going out of my comfort zone.)

Karma.

Okay, this isn’t part of the book. Mormons do not believe in this. But I did, and maybe sometimes I still do. It’s been on my mind lately. Is there really such a thing called karma? I’ve tried to do good, with the hope of receiving something good or a reward. I think I’ve been a fairly good daughter, a fairly decent human being, but how am I in this situation wherein I’m stuck and unhappy? I see my siblings with bright futures, about to live the life I’ve always wanted or imagined. I’ve always thought that I didn’t belong here, and that I’ll find it somewhere in another country. All my siblings will get to leave behind everything, responsibilities on my shoulders. Should I have been a little more selfish? Or maybe you’ve always been too stupid to act too slow? Or maybe too stupid to even get opportunities like they did? Maybe it’s the latter, and has nothing to do with karma at all.

Misinformation. Education. Disinformation?

So back to the book, the author grew up in a survivalist household whose parents do not believe in hospitals, medicines, governments, schools, and the like. All the author ever knew was what her father told her. That was her truth. Until she got out and went to school. She learned, she changed, and her eyes were opened. I wish the same thing happened to Filipinos.

It’s May 10, and Marcos is winning (got twice the votes of Robredo). People voted him not only because he bought some of them, but also because of disinformation (and maybe, yeah, misinformation in some cases). I pity those people who were scammed out of the truth. I pity those who chose to be blind. For the first time in my life, I fear for my future. I fear that I could lose my job. How would I survive another disappointing, corrupt administration? Coupled with being left alone with a senior human and dog? How will I be able to take all these stress? Do I get to survive the next few years?

[plsteachmeenglish]

It's been a month since I wrote my first post. A lot has happened, I think. There has been some progress - not a lot, but still, there is.

I still continue reading The Daily Stoic - although, not everyday, which I should really watch out for and make sure I don't fall out the habit of reading it. I haven't read The Economist in the past week as much as I did in the previous weeks - because of work and errands, and maybe because I still prefer watching videos over reading. I seriously need to work on that. I really have to get back to reading regularly!

How do I ensure that I give enough time to all the activities that I want to do regularly? Maybe listing them down can help?

Activities I Want to Do on a Daily Basis:

Read The Daily Stoic, The Economist or any book - at least 30 mins

Watch videos on Netflix or Youtube - at least 1 hour

Learn Spanish on Duolingo - 15 to 30 mins

Workout - 30 to 60 mins

Okay, so do I have 3 hours to spare everyday? Considering I work 8 to 10 hours a day, and sometimes I have to make dinner or do errands by driving my mom to places... Can I really do them all everyday? We'll see.

Here's a proposed weekday schedule:

8.00 Wake up, read The Daily Stoic

8.15 Workout, shower

9.00 Start work

7.00 Dinner

8.00 Duolingo, watch videos

10.00 Ready for bed and read The Economist or any book

11.00 Sleep

Something like that. Good luck to me accomplishing that.

[plsteachmeenglish]

Please Teach Me English

Hello, internet. I’m a 30-year-old from the Philippines, who’s trying to learn to speak English fluently. I’ve tried different methods such as reading out loud, talking to strangers on Wakie, and talking to myself in the mirror in English. But, I still fall short of my expectations. I know, it’s not an overnight thing, but I’m a little hard on myself. Sometimes. Or maybe, most of the time.

I will still continue reading my daily Stoic readings out loud. But, I’ll try to lessen watching shows in other languages, and will mainly focus on English ones - or, if I can’t really help myself from watching foreign films, I will have to switch to English audio. I have also subscribed to The Economist - hoping it will improve my vocabulary and writing skills. I also need to keep updated on world events, which is essential to the work I do now. I have also decided to start a blog (again, for the nth time) - hoping it will help me express my thoughts better and easier. I know for a fact that I suck at conversations and at expressing myself. I really, really hope this would help somehow. Organizing my thoughts and writing (or typing) it down.

It is October 31, and just 3 months left of 2021. This year had very unexpected turnout of events. I have just started a new job in an industry I never thought I’ll ever be in. I am beyond grateful for being a part of it now - hopefully, I’ll stay in this industry or organization for a long time, and that I’ll finally find some purpose in what I do. I am an accountant, but the work isn’t for me. I got a new job - but isn’t very accountant-like. Hopefully, I’ll be good enough for the work I’ve chosen.

I’ve only been with the team for a few weeks, but I’ve been to several meetings already where my English-speaking skill has been challenged - and, I’m not very happy with my performance. I will do my very best to improve and overcome this challenge. I am claiming it - I will be a better speaker. I will be able to handle emails and meetings in English much better - just like a pro. 

To teach myself English, I’m just going to keep doing these:

Read The Economist regularly.

Read your daily Stoic out loud.

Watch films in the English language only.

Listen to podcasts in the English language.

Write down your thoughts. Just like this.