plutbaby

[plutbaby]

obselete (reprise)

Before his lease ran out, my father lived in a house overgrown with pink and yellow lantana camaras. Between the flowers’ bushes, he housed a variety of pottery and garden decor. I remember a blue accented ceramic frog, whose yellow eyes went barely noticed on its white exterior. There was a large, bowl-like planter that always just kept dirt 3/4 of the way occupied. There was an overgrown chair…

[plutbaby]

Fifteen (and A Certain Recollection)

No lover, poem, or dog of mine could convince me to remain in the reverie of which I am condemned. Neither ear on my head serves as appropriate receptors for God’s presence. Not one soul is there to salvage an earthly body when everything exists beyond its frame; when the sun shines, undoubtedly, through thin cotton and suede, past bronzed skin, and towards the principal source of radiation, it…

[plutbaby]

how to lose sight completely

Much like running stings when you’ve no destination,My body rejects writing when no truths are pleasant. If soliloquies are the arising smoke of a flame— I am the extinguisher. Do what you want, but you cannot suppress your cough.Do not write a lie. Do not write a lie. Do not…Always remember past those Decembers and their mistakes,That look on Mother’s face when she knew I wouldn’t go back.Know…

[plutbaby]

10 july 2024

They could sink a needle through my spine until it stuck out the other side. It would probably take months. They could make it through my bloody and consolidated white masses and I would still expect that little thing to kill me. Nuisance after nuisance. My body is invaded by every person I have ever seen spiritually. This way, I am dirty with the mess of everyone who has done me wrong, and small…

[plutbaby]

Orange Sky

Not as serendipitous as the moon,Never as near as the warm June air,Rather a solar wind monsoons myself.Soon enough I will infiltrate the only planet with lifeAnd wish I hadn’t again invaded someone so abundant. Vulnerable meat amongst my bones will decayIn the arms of a boy who will do me wrong…Tirelessly, I let you leave and return with every part of me.As sterile as I am, I too pick at the…

[plutbaby]

the surmise of self

The last look you gave me didn’t ruin anything. Not for the first time, at least. My mother used to joke that I bruised overnight as if I were an apple dropping to a hard floor. I wish I were the muse of anything as momentous as to what inspired Isaac Newton, but no, I am just bruised. Blue and purple on red skin, you push and push at this sight until you meet bone, when your eyes flutter up they…

[plutbaby]

hard candy

Mid November has arrived and though I’ve never had a curfew;I find myself running home, tending to my father and with hope–Since you’ve no reasonable excuse– I am left rationalize your heart myself. What you don’t know is that this is merely to bring you to the surface.You are three feet under. My love is on par with great balconies we overlook, All I wanted was to show you was what life…

[plutbaby]

an ode to motherhood

I am at the age where it is my own responsibility to get myself places, to feed myself, cloth myself, and maintain myself. This may be in misalignment with many but I was only thirteen years old when my mother first started sending me into the doctor’s office alone. I was merely eleven when my father placed the fate of our relationship in my unscathed hands. All attachments to my youth are quite…

[plutbaby]

Contrite

Today I walked the same road that I walked with your corpseAnd today I will exhale all my burdens. I will buy a can of my mother’s favorite tea (named after my home state),I will ask if the market IDs for lighters (they don’t), And I will remember everything. It won’t strike me like the cold strikes boiling liquids,Not necessarily the same as a tepid goodbye,But it will strike me like death.Much…

[plutbaby]

A Lethal Dose of Theobromine (Steps to Putting Your Dog Down)

When I am subordinate I cannot breathe.My lungs narrow to whatever fraction of love It is that I have inherited from my parents,My hair blows in the wind, thins, and suddenlyI again hear my mother say that I am unsalvageable. Morning comes for you to honor me andThough I know you’ve ascertained my departureAs if you’re feeding a dog chocolate before it is killed,Whatever warmth I enumerated is…

[plutbaby]

I Am The One Who Builds Up Life!

I am the child of a love I’ve never seen.  Where there was dirt I planted seeds; I whispered to them what no one heard.  As I counted stars I counted far away places While imagining a life for me far from home.  I know you wanted us to stay here, To be something you already knew. I wouldn’t have lessened myself because You are the far away place I can’t reach. You are never a star I look…

[plutbaby]

I Am the One Who Builds Up Life!

I am the child of a love I’ve never seen.  Where there was dirt I planted seeds; I whispered to them what no one heard.  As I counted stars I counted far away places While imagining a life for me far from home.  I know you wanted us to stay here, To be something you already knew. I wouldn’t have lessened myself because You are the far away place I can’t reach. You are never a star I look…

[plutbaby]

[plutbaby]

Haze Me for Knowing

Everyone has been told that I forgive you; That I can’t blame you and I understand. While I might discount every bad thing that our friends say about you, I judge them for holding it in. I judge them for criticizing you as if they know you better.  My lamp shines through stained glass, The same hue of your late June sunburns are on my walls. The wicks of the candles you lit in my room are…

[plutbaby]

Your Mortal Son

The laundry gets done every Sunday by my Mother, She fondles my colors and my delicates to dry While wrapping them like sins bound to an order. The clergy scoffs at my unpaid indulgences  While wishing that I’d deify every fault as ‘blood’.  Must your Fatherhood limit me solely to this? I am your daughter but I am your mortal Son Who is a manifestation of what She could have been.  When…

[plutbaby]

A Forest Retreat

Growing is peeling the bark off of the tree in your backyard.  Tugging at any loose knot— but never enough to consider begging. There’s certainty in it breaking.  Scraping at your arms until you leave marks.  You finally feel calm while you are ever so angrily dismissed.  A barrier of skin breaks when you scratch, no sap falls through. I am the offspring of a bitter man.  A blossom finds…