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Can't believe it's already part 6

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you know, I was going to write a really long meta about this but I don’t have it in my right now because The Sadness™️ has hit at just the right angle but:

I think there’s something quintessential to the queer experience about Edwin telling The Cat King “we’re both lonely”.

I’m a payneland truther and all but… this scene punches me in the gut and catapults me back to being a lonely gay in a small town every time.

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There's something about the way that Charles behaves here that scratches at my brain.

We see Edwin take this deep, stuttering breath of surprise; his eyes gleam and his eyebrows furrow a little as if in disbelief. He stares, unblinking and amazed, at the sight of Charles.

But by comparison there's something almost casual in Charles' body language. His shoulders are down. His smile of relief is wide and easy (where Edwin's mouth had very nearly trembled on the inhale; his smile even falters midway). Charles even does a slow blink that doesn't convey a real sense of urgency.

He was definitely tense on the way down, but the moment he finds Edwin he stops in place to do this kind of rueful "oh, I've found you! this wasn't so bad!" headshake. There's no big rush forward, no desperate embrace, no wide-eyed clinging on. It seems like he thinks that there's plenty of time for the reunion.

But then Edwin gets grabbed and all that goes away.

Edwin Payne in the middle of Hell, his body and clothes soaked in blood.

Charles Rowland: Look at you! You’re Gorgeous!

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thinking about the way Charles must have felt chained to the floor in Esther’s kitchen, knowing Edwin was being brutally tortured in another room, helpless to do anything but hear him scream. all series we watch Charles place himself between Edwin and danger in a way that is both deliberate and instinctual: he intentionally moves to block Edwin during their first confrontation with the Night Nurse, he rushes off to Hell without a second thought. and, on second thought, at the point when Esther sticks Charles in the iron collar, he doesn’t actually know what his best mate (soulmate) is going through. correct me if I’m wrong but Esther’s attack was a complete surprise and she only briefly taunted him before leaving to extract Edwin’s pain. it must have been excruciating for Charles — not knowing what Edwin was going through, recognizing the agony in his voice, realizing the suffering that witch was inflicting on the only person Charles would go to hell for, and being absolutely useless to stop it.

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I know we all joke about Charles Rowland having these over-exaggerated people pleasing tendencies, but I just want to say they make a lot of sense for someone who grew up in the hell hole of a home that he did.

(Now's the time to dip if you don't want to read something kind of heavy and also really messy, sorry. CW for mentions of Charles' home life)

The night nurse gave us some insight into what Charles' home life looked like (that, and we can piece together how he must have been feeling from his reactions to the Devlin house). We know he had a volatile, objectively abusive parent. We know he and his mother were terrified of this man, enough that he keeps checking in to try and make sure that his mom is still okay all these years later.

Alright. Still with me?

There's this thing that happens to kids who grow up in households like this (trust me).

Because one parent is so volatile, they learn to model after the other parent who is constantly keeping the peace. They're constantly walking on eggshells, they have to be hyper-vigilant of even slight differences in the atmosphere to prevent a catastrophe. If they have needs or wants, then those needs and wants are not being met. If there are problems (there are) then they are not being talked about (ever, and if they try then all hell breaks loose and there are consequences).

These kids form a facade of "everything is fine, there are no problems and we are happy here". You know, what we would call a people pleaser.

This is Charles. This is very much a survival instinct, it kept him reasonably safe in life (truly, he only died once he deviated from it and "rocked the boat" so to speak).

In all fairness, it has worked out fine for him in death too- Edwin responds well to it. Edwin actually does react very well to Charles' attempts at merry making, deep breathing, even his playful ideas like boardgames and boxing. What he knows works, actually. It works so well he's stuck around for thirty years, so in his mind he probably doesn’t think he should change anything.

The second time he deviated from people pleasing, in all fairness, even when he had to or else he would get separated from Edwin, also didn't work out well. He reacted on genuine, earnest feelings. He was fucking angry when the night nurse showed him his trauma. He was pretty raw when he pushed her over the bridge and into the fish. That was all earnest, uncensored emotion, not a measured act.

Edwin reacted poorly. Everyone reacted poorly. Back to people pleasing.

Charles is really only confused when people pleasing doesn't work. When he reaches out to try and befriend Monty and gets snubbed, I think he's genuinely confused. He can't figure what's wrong. This always works. It always works with Edwin at least. So what's wrong?

That continues on when he's doing everything he'd typically do to engage Edwin while he's reading and it's just... not working (because remember the hyper-vigilance- he knows something is different and so he's unsettled).

This continues onto the roof scene. He knows something is completely and utterly fucked (he just doesn't know it is between Monty and Edwin, or that Crystal’s powers are gone) and he's uncomfortable. In a previous life, he'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to hurt.

He's relieved when Edwin finally starts opening back up a little and trying to talk to him. Yes, he misinterprets what's happening at first (he assumes Edwin is coming out in general, as opposed to trying to tell him he likes him), but things are going back to normal in his mind.

They're reconnecting. He does get a little uneasy because there's still one wall between them (the cat king) that he can't manage, joke, or talk his way out of yet because Edwin hasn't explained yet.

This gets interrupted anyway though. (At least there's no more cat bracelet, lol. A win for Charles).

There's more pressing issues, though- he needs to rescue Edwin from hell. He literally cannot be separated from him. Their whole thing has been not being separated from each other since... well since the start. So he keeps his promise, sloughs through the depths of hell, and goes to get him. Easy enough! He disarms the babydoll spider with a bomb, a moltov cocktail, and Edwin's journal. This was probably the least of his problems.

Success. He's got Edwin back. Life is good. Now things can go on as normal.

Only FUCK! Now Edwin is asking him to express... his... feelings...

-Well. Look how well it went the last time Charles did anything on his own volition. First he died, then he pushed Edwin away. This seems kind of important. He can't fuck this up, but they are literally running out of hell, but he can't fuck this up because that would mean he pushes Edwin away-

He comes up with something that feels close to right, measured, things that Edwin has responded well to before (and under all of that he asks him to stay, please stay, be patient, but it comes out as a declaration because that seems more certain). He cannot lose Edwin here.

They run back up the stairwell together. Charles hopes maybe Edwin understood.

Charles wishes he had better words on the roof. He doesn't, other than to reassure Edwin they're okay-- he would have wanted that. The last time he said anything, it was too extreme. He says nothing and hopes maybe Edwin will give him some sort of clue on what to do again, eventually.

Idk, maybe I'll write more later but... this is so fascinating to me because it's like so obvious as someone who grew up in the absolute tar pit that Charles did. He's not dumb, or making arbitrary choices with what he's doing here. He is doing what he knows works to keep what's important to him close to him. He's just wildly out of his depth when that doesn't work.

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this is how the jar of bees can still win

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THE FISH ARE WASHING AWAY THE RUNES !!😫😰

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Dead Boy Detectives 1.02 · The Case of the Dandelion Shrine

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Dead Boy Detectives 1.02 · The Case of the Dandelion Shrine

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I am emotionally compromised by Charles putting his hand over Edwin's as Tooth Face is trying to devour them. Charles going 'If we're going to be wiped from existence I want it to happen while I'm holding your hand' hang on I need a minute or five

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Edwin Payne | Dead Boy Detectives 1.05

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DEAD BOY DETECTIVES

1x05 ● “The Case of the Two Dead Dragons”

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In the time briefly before his death Edwin met a supernatural entity. It terrified him before dragging him to Hell on a technicality.

In the time briefly before Charles' death he met a supernatural entity. And Edwin, being on the other side of things, made an effort to bring as much comfort and as little fear to the process as possible.

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happy pride month to charles and edwin 💜💙💚💛🧡❤️

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What it feels like to be a Dead Boy Detectives fan waiting for The Announcement