pmdd-eradicator - Tumblr blog

[pmdd-eradicator]

Still doing well!

[pmdd-eradicator]

Yesterday I tried 1mg of estradiol instead of 0.5mg.

O.M.G.

Within 30 minutes I felt like a sponge soaking up water- all the exhaustion melted away and I felt normal! Hallelujah! Today I couldn’t wait to take it but it wasn’t so dramatic. I still feel good, though.

I’m so excited! If this keeps up my life is going to be GOOD!

[pmdd-eradicator]

Which was worse- hating everyone for alarmed chunk of the month or being too tired to want to do anything? What good is emotional stability if I’m too tired to play with my kids or go outside?

[pmdd-eradicator]

Feeling irritable this evening. PMDD creeping in?

[pmdd-eradicator]

Maybe the exhaustion is actually due to the 2 weeks of bronchitis. Hm.

[pmdd-eradicator]

I had been so so tired since I had my period. I think that means the Lupron works. But I seriously don’t want to do anything but lay in bed.

It’s not depression. My mood is fine, or at least not sad. I have so much patience with the boys. But I have no energy to play, I don’t like food, I do not have the energy to pick up this wreck of a house. All I do is try to crawl back in bed and nap.

I love how even keel I am, it’s magical. But I can’t live my life with zero energy. I feel like this and PMDD are equally life-stealing and I have no idea what to do.

[pmdd-eradicator]

.5mg Estradiol feels fine. Whew.

But I still have a bad lingering cold so I can’t tell what feelings are what. Ugh.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Second injection today. I’m torn.

Live without hormones was great. But then I started getting hot flashes and that signaled the need for estrogen.

I expected it to be the wonderful calm I have with my normal estrogen phase, but no. It’s unpleasant. A feeling of dread. Flashbacks to being in a foreign country, post-op, having to take handfuls of hormones because oops, that wasnt an ectopic! And now your hormone levels are dropping. Take these, it’s what we give IVF patients.

It was 1 mg of estradiol 3x/day and a bunch of progesterone too. Everything got worse from there, and I guess I know why now.

It’s not normal anxiety either. It’s more like tension. Like I’m tightly wound. Waiting for something not good.

Plus, it seems to wear off 2 hours before the next dose and I feel insanely cold, chilled, and a bit dissociated. This is only like 6 days on this stuff. I hate it.

But is the solution to stop? Cut back? Push through? Ask for a different formulation? Patches? Or stop the Lupron entirely and just deal with PMDD?

[pmdd-eradicator]

Post-shot day 19 and I got my period?! How did that happen?? I’m thrilled because maybe-maybe- I got to skip the PMDD!

But I do not understand how. Not at all. How do I go from ovulation to shedding the lining in just a few days? Maybe I didn’t ovulate for real? Maybe it was just cysts without corpus leutei? Because I DEFINITELY had something going on. And it felt a lot like the 6 cm ovarian cyst they mistook for an ectopic when I was 5 weeks pregnant. But this time it was on both sides.

Who knows? And who knows what’s next? Whatever, I feel sooooo good! 20 days PMDD free feels like such an amazing vacation. Life would be so beautiful if this lasts.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Post-shot day 17. This is the longest stretch of stability I have had since I started trying to get pregnant 6 years ago. Hell, maybe the longest since puberty- even at my best it was only 14 days without progesterone messing things up.

But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Physiologically I know I ovulated, so I should be getting slammed with progesterone from those evil follicles. GNRH isn’t involved in those, they’re the result of the egg popping out.

So where’s the rage? The irritability?

I’m not complaining, believe me! I’m fucking mother of the year without PMDD. But now I have no idea what to do. Do I do another month of Lupron? A 3 month shot? Or try Orlissa? I haven’t “failed” Lupron but I’m running out of time to decide. I need either another shot or pills in 13 days.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Day 13 and still feeling ok. The increased estrogen should have made me ovulate sooner, not later. And usually I ovulate on day 11 now that my ovaries are aged and tired. So I have no idea what my body is doing.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Post injection day 12, emotionally feel fine.

Boobs are really sore for the first time.

And I woke up with pain that felt like ovarian cysts/ovulation on both sides. Painful enough I needed to take ibuprofen.

Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that means the bad stuff is about to hsppen, and if i really ovulated more than one egg it’ll be especially bad. 😞

At this point I’m frustrated because this is following my normal cycle exactly. When do my ovaries stop responding? This injection will wear off right as I’m ready to start the next cycle. Fuck. Orlissa looks likely.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Day 7 post injection and I feel good emotionally. Very wonderfully neutral.

I’ve had a mild headache for a day and a half. It feels kind of like I’m hypoglycemic which makes me eat more. ☹️

I hope the headaches are a sign my estrogen levels are dropping. I picked up my Estradiol prescription today and I’m looking forward to starting it. I’d like to wait until I have hot flashes so I can be 100% sure it’s working. But I might have to try it if the headaches continue. Usually ibuprofen or Tylenol knock out even my worst headaches but this mild one’s not going anywhere so far.

I’m really excited about how ok I feel.

[pmdd-eradicator]

The morning started off hard. But then it got better as the day went on. Hm.

[pmdd-eradicator]

I desperately hope what I’m feeling right now is the hormone crash. Otherwise I’m just not cut out to be a mom.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Three days post-injection and I feel great. That’s great, right? Except I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Hormone-wise I could just be getting a big dose of estrogen right now as my ovaries respond to the massive amount of FSH that should be bombarding them. Then I would ovulate and have a dump of progesterone- and that’s when I would turn into a holy terror. If this is what’s going on, the worst is yet to come.

But I guess it’s also possible that my GNRH receptors all got filled up fast and that was it. I so want this to be true, but it seems so unlikely.

[pmdd-eradicator]

Today was great. I feel great. It can’t happen this fast, can it? I desperately want it to happen this fast!