pmfciamiamiam-blog

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Moved out 2 weeks ago, reflection

My decisions from my last reflection were to continue working at my current place of work (I have since taken on two new lead roles at this job in less than a month, but also my hours have been cut; I expect to continue my current employment until January 2020), move in to my co-worker/work friend's apartment (done! It has been a huge improvement, will be living here until end of November), attend courses at my local university (I have decided to only take one or two courses this semester, and met with an advisor today who agreed to place me in the French course I had hoped for), and go to the dentist/get braces (met my new orthodontist this morning; going in for diagnostic imaging tomorrow morning). I am doing it! I am doing it! I am doing it! What I'm doing (/have been doing since the move) to attend to some of my personal goals that I set to work on throughout the year: #français: booked appointment with necessary associate professor, went to appointment, *need to return to university (after receiving a phone call letting me know some paperwork is ready) to complete registration in desired French course* #read: finished Tobias Wolff's "This Boy's Life," more than halfway through Rita Mae Brown's "Rubyfruit Jungle," got a library card and *checked out Lynne Segal's "Out of Time" (still need to start/read)* #fitness: have been eating more regular portion sizes, cooking most my meals, taking vitamins (Hair, Skin, and Nails (biotin + E), B-complex, Cod Liver Oil), *eventually, need to buy more E, D, and possibly B12,* drinking plenty of water, and incorporating more walking into my day-to-day (both for commuting and recreation) as well as trying to pay attention to how much I sit vs. stand vs. move #selfcare: have been making bed daily #planetfriendly: started using re-usable bags for grocery shopping and THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER #socialanimal: have gone out to eat 3 times (1/3 with roommate, next time with a small group, third time (last night) w/ a large group, plus one person came over for a visit/plant check-up afterwards), agreed to additional plans to another hang out in a small to medium group after work (but got cancelled), had multiple phone calls w/ childhood friend, as well as update call and texts w/ sister (and went home for a visit and a walk), talk to roommate (also had a pancake night together, commute together sometimes, went to library together), have made solid plans to see friend K. again (at her BBQ Potluck "party"/get-together/celebration), got B.'s number and asked B. to see each other again (B. said "love to," but nothing set), have further discussed September availability with S. (so we can do something) #loveandidentity: have been allowing feelings of attraction and have acted, in small ways, in accordance with feelings (dipping my toe in to test the waters) #joy: watched a movie to wind down after a particular day left me feeling a little hollow, "Personal Shopper" starring Kristen Stewart Additionally: #plantlady: have three plants w/ me / under my care now and have been paying lots of worried, new-motherly concern towards them

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Consolation

Daniel Gerhartz (American, b. 1965)

Oil on canvas

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Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

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About pmfciamiamiam

Welcome to my Tumblr microblog —pmfciamiamiam.tumblr.com. I have created this digital space here on the Internet for myself, but you are more than welcome to visit and stay a while.

About the author (in other words, ‘a little bit more about me’): I’m in my early twenties —approaching both my mid-twenties and being middle-aged all too quickly— and have historically failed to achieve #youngadultgoals due to a number of factors, but notably because of my lack of certainty coupled with my abundance of fear, example: fear of making the wrong choice. I don’t have a car, place of my own, significant other, best friend, signature dish, plethora of dating or travel stories, nor host of skills or tricks or talents, university degree, notable piece of work, career, or portfolio.

This year (Sept. ’19 - Sept. ’20) I want to notably improve my life, myself, and my bank of personal wisdom by making (and going through with) more decisions such that I may achieve more than I have in years previous.

how to make decisions

removing fear and impulse from the equation, made simple:

i. decide on your priorities and your options

ii. reflect on whether each option brings you closer or further from your priorities 

iii. a) if an option will bring you closer to your priorities, take/do it

iii. b) if an option will bring you further from your priorities, reject/don’t do it

my decisions (for Sept. ’19)

* continue working at my current place of work

~ priorities met: accomplish the challenge of staying at one place of employment for well over a year (‘résumé bragging-rights’), continue working with people I really like and doing work I feel matches my ethics, further challenge myself in terms of feeling confident and comfortable, further challenge myself in terms of creating opportunities for professional development, make money (necessary to challenge fear of spending money)

* move in to my co-worker/work friend’s apartment

~ priorities met: living on my own/exiting my current living situation, challenge myself to improve, esp. in terms of codependency and general lack of responsiveness, create opportunities to improve my health, as well as create more opportunities to strengthen my individuality, strengthen my social skills and social support system, challenge fear of spending money

* attend courses at my local university

~ priorities met: education, improve my GPA and my gain knowledge/understanding, work on learning, studying, reading, writing, test-writing, and ‘figuring out’ skills, work on time-management skills, challenge myself emotionally to fulfill a goal that is hard and has been incredibly, even overly, difficult in the past, access student benefits, study opportunities, such as travel, challenge fear of spending money

* go to the dentist/get braces

~ priorities met: give myself a healthy bite, take a step in terms of self-care and improving my relationship with my body and appearance, challenge fear of spending money

personal goals to work on throughout the year

#focus: improve self-discipline, motivation/sense of urgency, and ability to maintain focus and get things done

#memory: improve memory (esp. in hopes of, in turn, improving my creativity and ability to make connections)

#français: learn multiple languages, but most especially French

#read: increase my reading (daily and total-novels-read count)

#study: learn significantly more about numerous subjects such as art history, philosophy, computer science, anthropology, and biology

#reflecting #writing: encourage myself to start creative writing again, develop both my writing and storytelling skills

#handmade: practice making things, esp. meaningful and/or useful things with my hands

#collage: incorporate my love of collage into my life

#fitness: improve my overall physical wellness and fitness: stamina/endurance and strength (esp. with the motivation of increasing my chances of maintaining physical independence into old age)

#flexibility: increase physical flexibility

#selfcare: improve self-care rituals, esp. in regards to areas previously neglected (long-term) due to particular, personal anxieties: money-spending, physical appearance, clothes and attire

#embraceme: put a real importance on self-confidence and worth (and therefore protection of self and self-interests), and on certainty in my abilities and defining characteristics as an individual, and on being uninhibited other than by my own personal preferences and morals

#planetfriendly: further empower myself through researched/informed purchasing and lifestyle decisions that contribute to, or improve, my overall health, and match an ideology that values environmental, social, and economical sustainability

#socialanimal: reach out more and strengthen my connections with other human people, improve my general social life to the point of having a definite and worthwhile social life (boo lethargy!)

#loveandidentity: explore my gender-expression and sexuality

#joy: smile, have fun, laugh, and be fun[ny]; foster a willingness to be spontaneous, adventurous, and try new things; make sure to embellish life by listening to music, and doing things for the purpose(s) of pleasure, comfort, joy, and entertainment (boo lethargy!)

#curious #solution: foster curiosity and proactivity in life (be aware and alert, ready to recognize areas —small and large— in which need mending, and implement attempts at solutions continuously until mended) (boo lethargy!)

#bekind: continue to prioritize kindness; be kind, be kind, be kind

dream

to be a better, healthier, stronger, fitter, bendier, prouder, smarter, clearer, less distressed, more talented and useful, multilingual, well-dressed (more “feminine”), well-loved, plant-growing me ... of whom has been more places than I have now (incl. Québec and more of France), practices more sustainable habits than I do now, and who has a shelf full of books, a family of my own, and a personal niche, examples: art conservation, photo journalism, non-fiction lit. professor, dermatologist, PTSD researcher, computional linguistic