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Y'all stop me from making edits where I replace "the ineffable plan" with "the fabulous plan"

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Tad bit late for Easter, but if I'm anything it's chronically late ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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what are boops if not a laying on of hands

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*professional wrestling announcer voice* and it looks like it's all over folks. The power team up of Sin and Death has won and the crowd is not happy about it. And, yep, S&D are strutting around the ring, taunting the crowd. Just bad sportsman in my opin-Wait...do you hear..what is that? Is that theme music? Who's song is that? Wait.. is that? It couldn't be! It is! JESUS CHRIST! IT'S THE SON OF GOD! WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS TAKEN OUT BY PONTIUS P. PILOT THANKS TO THAT SURPRISE BETRAYAL BY JUDAS, BUT HE'S BACK! HE'S ON THE TOP ROPE! AND HE! LOOKS! PISSED!

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It's that time again

UNHINGED GENERAL CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS

The reason we bought the Kirtland Temple was because it can, with any 4 other temples, become a giant fighting robot (Kirtland forms the head, obviously)

The Community of Christ didn't need it anymore because their Spiral temple is now ready to launch as a fully operational space lazer.

We're gonna start doing Monks now. Kung Fu Monks, Illuminated Manuscripts Monks, Singing Monks, the whole thing.

We're also doing Nuns now, but only lesbian cowboy nuns. Gotta ease into that.

The resurrection starts halfway through the Saturday evening session, but it starts with J. Golden Kimball who hops up to the podium and just stars cussing people out.

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i think when we talk about the whole "humans have the potential to inherit our Father's kingdom" thing we should start referring to ourselves as "the larval form of gods"

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*a hymn comes on* oh this is my favorite hymn! *another hymn comes on* no THIS is my favorite hymn. *another hymn comes on* oh no THIS is my favorite hymn. *another hymn comes on* no THIS

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I’ve mentioned before that I’m in charge of the ward program, and for this Fast Sunday I thought I’d dig up some Abish art. Poked around the church’s website and pretty soon I found this illustration of Abish and the Lamanite Queen from a church magazine article from 2020 and I just had to use it because, I mean….just look.

You guy get it, right?

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So i already posted about this chapter from Dr. Amy-Jill Levine but it’s just so dang good, and offers a wonderful counter-interpretation to the typical “See? the Temple, aka the center of Jewish religion at the time, was corrupt and backwards and evil!” – so i wanted to post a more condensed summary too. If you’re interested in reading larger excerpts from her chapter (or the entire chapter as a PDF), visit this post.

Dr. Levine is a Jewish woman as well as a professor of New Testament Studies. Through her reading of this story shared in all 4 Gospels (Matthew 21:12-17, Mark 11:11-17, Luke 19:45-46, and John 2:13-17 – click here to read them), Levine helps us ponder:

How do we keep our churches from feeling like perfectly comfortable places for people who need to be confronted about the ways they are harming others?

And of course, that in turn brings up the question of how we make sure people who are vulnerable, oppressed, etc. feel truly welcome and safe in our worship communities – if we let in their oppressors unchallenged, can we really claim to be a welcoming space for the oppressed?

Image description under the readmore:

Keep reading

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One time my older brother had to give a talk at church.

He finished his talk and had some time left, so he said that he finds it easier to express his feelings through music. So he whipped out his harmonica and began an impromptu jam session.

The bishop started to get up to stop him but then sat back down and let him continue.

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I think I love “O Come O Come Emmanuel” because it’s precisely the right amount of yearning and hope. I tend to view it in one of two ways:

-Someone crying out to God for deliverance in the verses, and God reassuring them that their Deliverer is coming in the chorus

-Someone alternating between yearning to see salvation and God’s glory, and rejoicing that they even have this hope that these things will come.

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endless cycle

[pocketmembr]

What if the Book of Mormon characters had tumblrs

👑 king-lamoni Follow

I'm so sick of getting anons telling me I shouldn't be executing my shepherds for allowing the flocks to be scattered. I have depression and this is my one coping mechanism, you're literally being ableist

20k

📚 nephi-born-of-goodly-parents Follow

the mom in Bernstein Bears is only 25??? she should be at the synagogue 😔

⛰️ lemuel-the-victim Follow

can you please shut the fuck up

30k

⚔️ ammon-the-smiter Follow

everyone wants more fucked-up romances between fucked-up characters but when it's me, a guy who chops off arms, and Lamoni, a guy who executes civilians, it's suddenly a problem 🙄

👑 king-lamoni Follow

romance ??

⚔️ ammon-the-smiter Follow

oh fuck oh no

14k

⛺ lehi-visionary-man Follow

just received another prophecy. you're all going to hell

45k

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My mom said that King Lamoni telling Ammon to go tend the flocks was a death sentence and all I could think of was

King Lamoni: Marry my daughter

Ammon: No

King Lamoni:

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But I think the main reason God doesn't want me to have money and go the the gym is because I would use the money to get a custom pair of booty shorts that are hymnal-green and say "HYMNBO" in gold hymnal font on the butt and I would work out in those all the time until my butt looks so good that everyone at the gym just stares at it and they accidentally call me HYMNBO during normal conversations.