pocketneophyte0

[pocketneophyte0]

extra theory: firestarters / esme set the snow gnats on Jacques and eagles on Beatrice so they couldn’t interfere with Esme and Jerome

i have a wild theory

ok so like

in the books there were some deliberate ambiguity of certain timeline of certain events on DH’s parts, like different descriptions of masked balls that didn’t seem to fit together or different mentions of taking taxi to the opera on different occasions, and we’ve all agreed that it’s very possible there were more than one masked ball, and also beatrice and bertrand took a taxi to the opera in different occasions

now consider the ambiguity of the time of jerome and esme’s marriage

in tua, geraldine’s letter to esme, geraldine mentioned eleanora just fired lemony and she also did some research for esme about jerome

the vineyard of fragrant d/grapes had a “married after only one evening together” description on the photograph they designed for jerome and esme

jacques letter begging jerome not to marry esme mentioned a death at lucky smells lumbermill and hiding in a village and a couplet

listen … what if …………………. jerome married esme ……………….. twice

so once upon a time, jerome and jacques and beatrice were friends. jacques begged jerome to buy the penthouse of 667 avenue, and jerome did. they went hiking up mount frought together, a trip that ended with beatrice being carried away by eagles and jacques attacked by snow gnats, all in all, not ending well. there were some tension between them for a while and jacques and beatrice didn’t contact jerome for a while.

enter esme squalor, who found out about jerome and his large penthouse and large fortune, with geraldine’s help. she “ran into” jerome at cafe salmonella, they Married After Only One Evening Together.

beatrice and jacques found out, the firefighting side panicked at esme squalor having access to the penthouse, and beatrice thought up a way break up the marriage. beatrice also stole esme’s sugar bowl.

esme spent the next few years chasing after the sugar bowl and also she and olaf got closer during these time because they both hated beatrice.

jerome lived in the penthouse alone after the divorce, jacques visited him often.

years later, esme heard about beatrice’s death, and thought that without beatrice around it would be easy to trick jerome into marrying her again, because the first breakup was mostly beatrice’s doing. (sure, jacques was there, but esme always felt the biggest threat was beatrice.) she successfully fed jerome some sob story and how if they ran into each other again more than a decade later then it must be fate, and they were destined to be together. this time, they Remarried After Only One Evening Together.

jacques: …………………………….. what have i done to deserve this

[pocketneophyte0]

VFD in every book | The Penultimate Peril

[pocketneophyte0]

“February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February.”

— Lemony Snicket

[pocketneophyte0]

“Have you considered Jacques Snicket?”

who said this & what are they responding to

1) beatrice after jerome says he’s getting pressure from his parents to get married

2) esme after olaf says they should burn down a volunteer’s apartment as revenge

3) vfd fake name generator after a volunteer requested they want a fake name with JS initials

[pocketneophyte0]

“Where can we find the catalog for the Hotel Denouement's services?”

“Catalog?” repeated either Frank or Ernest. "You shouldn't need a catalog. The entire 100 section of a library is dedicated to philosophy and psychology, and so is the first story of our hotel, from the reception desk, which is labeled 101 for the theory of philosophy, to the concierge desk, which is labeled 175 for the ethics of recreation and leisure, to the couches over there, which are labeled 135, for dreams and mysteries, in case our guests want to take a nap or conceal something underneath the sofa cushions. The second story is the 200s, for religion, and we have a church, a cathedral, a chapel, a synagogue, a mosque, a temple, a shrine, a shuffleboard court, and Room 296, which is currently occupied by a somewhat cranky rabbi.

The third story is the social sciences, where we have placed our ballrooms and meeting rooms; the fourth story is dedicated to language, so most of our foreigners stay there. The 500s are dedicated to mathematics and science, and the sixth story is dedicated to technology, from the sauna in Room 613, which stands for the promotion of health, to Room 697, which is where we keep the controls for heating, ventilation, and air conditioning. Now, if the seventh story stands for the arts, what do you think we would find in Room 792, which stands for stage presentations?"

-- The Penultimate Peril

[pocketneophyte0]

child/preteen-aged beatrice wearing a frog-themed outfit? idk it just appeared in my head at the exact second i saw you were looking for art prompts, so-

oh, or also b&o with black nail polish, half of which is spilled everywhere, half of which is being used to paint their nails with.

i'm obsessed with your art by the way. have a nice train ride!

i always imagined olaf as having a secondary role backstage on costumes in the vfd theatre productions. based on this image

B: This is pretty garish, even for you, O. Garish means 'tacky', by the way.

O: Take your big words to the idiot that chose to put on Beatrix Potter, B.

[pocketneophyte0]

imagine you have this friend, right? a quiet, sharply dressed gentleman who works a mysterious job that you are not sure of what exactly is the job. sure, he also works as journalist, but he seems to be working much more than just his journalist job. he is always so secretive about everything. his journalist job takes him to far away places sometimes but he always remembers to come visit you when he’s in the city.

he writes you when he’s not able to visit, and you grow familiar to his presence in your life. one day out of the blue he asks you to buy this expensive penthouse but does not explain why. you are hesitant and he proceeds to beg you, and you do not like to argue and you have a large inheritance so you decide, well, why not. you buy the penthouse. it’s expensive for the market but not expensive for you.

later you meet a beautiful actress and decide to marry her and then your gentleman friend writes a letter to beg you not to marry her, but you do not receive the letter because your doorman intercepted the letter. you feel an emptiness in your heart that your gentleman friend did not send a letter to congratulate you or anything. you miss him dearly. you hope he gets in touch soon. you adopt three children with your beautiful wife and you wonder when your gentleman friend is going to get in touch. one day he dies and you don’t hear about it because his death is published as another person’s death. and he never gets in touch again.

[pocketneophyte0]

happy friday the 13th, everyone!! 🐈‍⬛️ we're 30 days away from woevember!

what is woevember? find out here!

[pocketneophyte0]

Hey I have a really fun game we can play. Let’s all sit in a circle, name a common household item, and then go around the circle discussing if we’ve ever stolen that item before and where we might have hidden it if we did. okay I’ll go first. Sugar bowl

[pocketneophyte0]

bad birthday or something like that

[pocketneophyte0]

@afterthegreatunknown, it's your lucky day ...

[pocketneophyte0]

Old sketch of Cap Widdershins ⚓️

[pocketneophyte0]

Before I go join a morally ambiguous secret organization that may or may not be starting the very fires they proclaim to put out does anyone wanna admit they got a crush on me

[pocketneophyte0]

not to sound like a baticeer who had complicated and repressed feelings towards my close friend who’s also partner in crime who passed me a box of poison darts during an opera night, and was secretly bitterly jealous of my ex-best friend who got the chance to date the said close friend but won’t admit the jealousy to myself, but 

the fact that even though o never truly loved anyone but himself but was still the one who was more stuck in the nostalgia of k/o in that relationship years after it ended whereas k would sell him to satan for one corn chip and had been putting vfd before him for years even when they’d been still together …….. is indescribably amusing and deeply satisfying like i get it’s supposed to be tragic but ……. it’s very very amusing and satisfying in a way that i don’t know how to articulate

[pocketneophyte0]

stock photos that inexplicably remind me of lemony snicket

[pocketneophyte0]

Am I filling out stupid little fake forms (that I created) with various handwriting fonts and in-character comments and responses from various members of the sugar bowl gen? Yes of course. Why? Not even I can answer that one

[pocketneophyte0]

Happy late cow day

cow day cow day cow day