poetschoice

[poetschoice]

see ya later kiddos

i went back and forth with this for a while. i kind of just didn’t want to explain any of it because frankly i don’t owe it to anybody to explain it and i think that’s something i’m learning a lot about in life, the fact that i don’t owe people things. but i think i want to say a little bittle of something. i took down my ao3. half my works were deleted, the other half orphaned. i’m not going to be posting new writing. if i’m posting works, it’ll be anonymously. 

this has been something i’ve gone back and forth with for months now, wanting to be done with writing and especially in an environment that gives me anxiety about it. that’s not to say anyone is to blame, you were all incredibly lovely and i really do appreciate all the support and encouragement and criticism throughout. we had a good run. but i’m unfortunately the kind of person who overanalyzes, who overthinks, and cares far too deeply. so i was creating this own little toxic environment within myself where my writing wasn’t good enough or it wasn’t being produced fast enough, and from both those feelings the writing slowed down and hence the cycle continued. i just criticized myself to death and it wasn’t and isn’t worth it. 

so yeah. i’ll be gone for a while, if not forever. this might be the end of my writing, it might not. it’ll probably be the end of my writing where i claim it to be my own. i’ll let pieces float into the world, maybe, but yeah. 

thank you for all the love and support while it lasted. it really was a fun and incredible time. from the bottom of my heart i send you all my love. maybe when i’ve worked on a lot of my own brain shit i’ll be back to give that love in person. xx. see ya on the flip side.

[poetschoice]

have u ever just tried to reread something you’re written and... been so disgusted with it bc i just almost cried trying to remember the tone to write in and just... hating it.

[poetschoice]

do all lovers feel like they’re inventing something?

[poetschoice]

love to write héloïse and just... sprinkle a bit of mental illness into her

[poetschoice]

was gonna post something before school starts but uh.... yeah that didnt happen so. sorry. will be in touch eventually probably unless i get bogged and quit. we’ll find out my loves

[poetschoice]

not feeling like being a human being... might just cease to for a little bit. peace out my dudes.

[poetschoice]

i’m resigning to writing smut headcanons instead of actually writing smut

[poetschoice]

summer depression // girl in red

[poetschoice]

[poetschoice]

my life.... fucking sucks so i’m either about to throw myself into my work in which case expect a lot of work coming from me OR i will be secluding myself into a hole without working and if you hear from me, you’re one of the lucky ones. cheers.

[poetschoice]

idk how long to make the chapters for my next fic hmmmmmmm. i think theyre gonna be shorter? but idk?

[poetschoice]

hi sequoia

[poetschoice]

I am a collection of dismantled almosts.

— Anne Sexton, "Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters"

[poetschoice]

buffy summers appreciation week 2020 ↳ day one: favorite quote I’m beyond tired. I’m beyond scared. I’m standing on the mouth of Hell and it’s going to swallow me whole. And it’ll choke on me. We’re not ready? THEY’RE not ready. They think we’re gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I’m done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we’ll give ‘em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won’t just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I’ll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that’s us. Any questions?

[poetschoice]

I’m too lazy to re-type all of this, but I’m irritated so I’m sharing. 

[poetschoice]

Yay.

[poetschoice]

my brain is fucking fried i know i'll look at that piece tmrw and debate taking it down but whatever.