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im funny right

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i saw someone mention that the demise prize is something the hermits usually have by now but have been avoiding to make the early game longer, and idk where they got that info but i think it'd be funny if the prize is just the shopping district. it's falsies turn to be mayor, baby. it's time.

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Conservatives: shut up you're a woman you have no idea what you're talking about

Feminists: shut up you're a man you have no idea what you're talking about

Me:

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moodboard

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False is in her villain era

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if I had to choose another person that should get one it would be Scar. My credentials: I think it would be funny.

I think we should give False a gun on the Hermitcraft server. One and only gun and she's the perfect person to have this

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I think we should give False a gun on the Hermitcraft server. One and only gun and she's the perfect person to have this

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I beg of you, I need more of your COD Ghosts content!! I love your art so much. (And I’d love to see your take on what you think Logan looks like)

Keegan did, in fact, fuck his brother 😔

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i cannot explain it but these all have the same vibes

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The funniest thing about all the speculation regarding the origins of the Bigfoot myth is that we know where it came from. It was a prank carried out by a guy named Ray Wallace who vandalised a couple of logging camps in California in 1958 while wearing fake feet to conceal his identity. They literally found his collection of giant wooden feet in his basement after he died in 2002, his involvement has been corroborated by multiple accomplices, and the timing of the incidents precisely lines up with when interest in Bigfoot exploded in American popular culture. We've known all this for twenty years, and everybody just quietly ignores it because it's no fun, I guess.

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It Spreads Chapter 8

To be concluded...

[[FIRST]] [[PREV]] - [[LAST]]  

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ALSO I DON'T SEE ENOUGH PEOPLE SHOUTING ABOUT HOW ZEDAPH FINISHED THE HALL OF ALL??? that's WILD i honestly didn't know if he'd ever do it. every single possible item in minecraft that's ABSURD gg zedaph!

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Pedo problem in the COD fandom - Mini Rant.

TW: Opinion. Pedophilia mentioned. Cursing. Offensive. 18+.

Entering my Wendy Williams Era and saying what I want because I want to. I already know everyone is gonna jump me (again), but do you think I care? I say my truth and say what everyone thinking.

Hey, I have a question... what's up with people making COD characters borderline pedophiles??

I mean, 18 years old is legal, but let's be honest, any man in his 30s and older who would date an 18 year old is... you know - someone who would go younger if it was legal. (Anyone who argues with this fact, you're either underage or sus af).

I feel so icky when I scroll in a tag and see all these FF's titled "Ghost x innocent!Reader," or "older!BF Price x Younger!GF Reader," or "Step-dad!König x stepdaughter!reader." Like r u fr?

The fact that there is so many of them is disturbing.

Look, I'm no prude. I like kinky sex and all that freaky stuff, and I don't mind age gap relationships, but the way you guys write makes it clear that you like the aspect of the taboo-ness of "that" type of relationship, if you could even call it that.

I get so disgusted by the way you freaks write my favorite characters. How dare you make Simon (a beautiful, loving man) or Price (who, let's be honest, never touch an 18 year old) into some gross pervert.

Don't get me wrong, I like perverts, but not creep perverts.

Pedophilia or hints of it will never be tolerated. And should never.

Also, most of this fandom is made up of bad smut and even worse dialogue in smut. Seriously, I cringe. What the hell.

We need more 30+ year olds in this fandom writing because I can't take the unrealistic, bad fanfiction running around.

And of I hear "doe eyes" one more time, I sweat to God, Bitch...

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Coddling Keegan while giving him a handjob😖😖he’s cuddled up to you, head buried in your neck while your hand pumps his cock slow nd sloppy, whines a little when you pay attention to his tip, rubbing it with your thumb, “feels good, baby? Hm?” While ruffling his hair❤️❤️

“You wanna cum, sweet boy? Yeah?” You murmur, practically babying him🫶🫶

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ❝ SWEET BOY? ❞

…in which a very tired keegan gets special treatment.

FEATURING: keegan p russ (duh)

WARNINGS: obviously nsfw. mild overstim. mentions of crying. whoopsie

NOTE/S: hi anon hope u know i read this and my stomach clenched up. sorry just thought u should be aware

“Feel good?” Your voice is just a soft murmur, sickeningly sweet and practically dripping in endearment. “Is that good, Kee?”

The only response you get is a breathy half-groan.

Poor Keegan. Genuinely. He’d come back from what he dubbed a shit mission this past afternoon; nothing too risky. Just a job that the “regular” recruits hit a wall with. A job that he had to go finish, because apparently the general force couldn’t get the fucking thing done.

His next assignment? Tomorrow afternoon. Approximately twelve hours from now, he’d be out again.

The poor guy was fucking exhausted. Hell, he’d called you that morning from the bed of the truck, and…you know why he had to go, you know that it’s his job and all, but…Christ, he’d sounded so tired. Tired and strained and done. Every nerve in your body had been screaming at you to fawn over him the minute he got home; a warm bath, a hot mug of tea (black). Some soup, bowl steaming. Hell, you’d been wringing your hands together at the mere thought of washing his hair. It had become a regular practice at this point; whenever he came back from an assignment, you’d be there to give him a soft landing upon arriving home.

This time around, you didn’t have the time for that. Despite his arguments, you’d probably have a word with whatever shit-for-brains commander had been in charge of putting him on back-to-back assignments.

To focus on the task at hand. Or in hand, rather. Keegan had told you he didn’t want all of the fancy stuff; tea, sure. Soup, sure. The bath and everything? No, he’d just shower.

He wanted a hot mug of tea, a bowl of soup, and then he wanted you to make him feel better in the best way you knew how.

Hence; your current position.

You hadn’t even made it to the bed. Keegan hadn’t even finished his fucking soup. He’d been staring into it like a ghost; gaze vacant, face empty, eyeblack staining his skin charcoal-gray. Hell, the man had just thrown whatever clothes he could find on; just a plain white tee and sweats. For once, he hasn’t been careful with his gear; he’s got it slung haphazardly across the chair beside him. His fucking rifle is sitting on the thing like it’s also eating soup.

He didn’t have to say much. He just kind of shifted and looked you in the eye; sat back, opened his legs a little wider.

Upon swinging a leg over him and sitting in his lap, Keegan had all but deflated.

He’d smelled like soap. Kind of tasted like it, too. Either he had scrubbed off a layer of skin in the shower or he’d just neglected to fully rinse all of the shampoo out of his hair. Either way, you didn’t mind; the fact that he smelled vaguely of vanilla (because for some reason he continued to take your shampoo and not use his own) and he was just slumped back in the chair, weakly holding onto your head as you littered a trail of little marks along his throat…

…oh, sweet boy.

He thought the pet name was stupid. Usually. He’d laugh at you if you called him by it in most situations; the day he’d apparently decided it was safe enough to kiss you goodbye before he boarded the plane to head out on an assignment, you’d called him a sweet boy and Keegan, fully geared up in his vest and helmet with probably five different weapons strapped on around his waist, had just whistled and hummed in response.

Sweet boy, carrying a rifle and a knife and god-fucking-knows-what-else.

Now, though, he doesn’t complain. Either because he’s too tired to or because, right now, even he knows that it’s fitting. Big, beefy soldier, pretty blue eyes rolled back, pretty pink lips parted and pretty little mouth too tired to fight the quiet little noises that would normally remain buried under his tongue. His brow knits, and his nostrils flare, and — oh — his chest rises and his breath hisses in through his nose.

A fat pearl of pre swells up on his tip for a moment before you run your thumb over it and spread it across the blunt round of his cockhead.

It’s not fair to him. Maybe. You’re going so slow and you’re just lazily stroking him but he doesn’t seem to mind. Oh, not at all. His brow knits and his mouth opens a little further; he lets out a short, hoarse breath, chest puffing up before it shudders back down and the muscles along his neck flex.

“Deep breaths, Kee.” You lean forward, kissing the side of his cheek and biting back a grin when his entire body shudders. “Easy.”

“I’m ff…fffuckin’ trying.” Keegan’s voice is rough, strained breathlessly thin. “I’m ff…uhhhckin’ trying, princess, but…”

“Can’t?” You smile, body shuddering. “Aw. Sweet boy.”

Keegan tries to shoot you a glare. He tries. One squeeze of your hand closing over his cockhead has him tensing up again, head tipping back and jaw clenching up as he bites back another groan.

You don’t say anything. You could tease him more (hell, you’d be jumping at the chance any other time), but right now he’s almost pitiful. Sore, exhausted, run-down and on a tight deadline to head back out tomorrow.

The man deserves a break. He doesn’t deserve to be mocked. So you keep your mouth shut (at least, in regards to taunting him) and you tease your thumb over his slit in slow little circles.

Keegan’s body shudders. From somewhere deep in his chest, he groans, brow knitting and eyes squeezing shut. His hips buck up; his cock slides through your grasp, swollen and slick. He’s aching for release, aching for it; it’s like his self-control has been put out to float on a raft and is just drifting towards total euphoric collapse. His head lolls on his neck; he’s in a daze, exhaustion and pleasure mixing like a dreamy cocktail in his system.

“I’ll get a nice bath ready for you after this assignment. Sound good?” You grin as you swish your thumb over his tip and he stiffens, body wound tight and eyes rolling back in his head. He doesn’t give you a verbal response; he just groans, one of his hands pawing uselessly at your waist. His big hands, gloved hands, rough and callous…

The throaty auh Keegan lets out brings your head back into reality, just in time to see his jaw drop and his pretty lips form a pink O as his eyes squint and his lashes flutter. His cock jerks in your hands, and a dribble of thin pre runs down the joints of your fingers. His hips buck up; under that thin layer of cotton, you feel his abdomen flex tight.

Apparently embarrassed at his own sound, Keegan turns his face towards you. Messily, he thrusts his lips at yours; when your body ripples and your hand flexes, he groans, low and tired into your mouth. His skin is hot; he’s flustered, but he’s too tired to do much about it.

“You gonna fall asleep on me after this?” You manage a quiet laugh. “No real rounds?”

Keegan groans. His voice, when it does manage to come out, is throaty and hoarse. There’s a sort of grumble in his voice, a sort of sleepy drawl that has your knees weak. “Shit, if you want…”

You giggle, biting your tongue when you skim the tips of your fingers over the ridge of his head and he tenses, teeth sinking into his lip. “I don’t think you can, Kee. I really don’t.”

“Shut it.” Though his tone is gruff, a tease of your finger over his leaking slit has Keegan’s head lolling back and his eyes, pretty pools of sapphire blue, roll back as his lashes flutter. “I’ll just lay there. You…nngh…you can just get on top an’…”

Keegan’s body shudders. His shoulders lift off the back of the chair; there’s a tremor deep in his belly that you can feel under your hand as he slumps back again, stomach rolling forward and hips rolling up. His abdomen clenches and sucks in so hard you can see the outline of his abs through his shirt, despite the loose fit.

Close.

You’ve learned his bodily cues by now. He tenses, starts to breathe hard — you can hear air rasping in and out of his nose — and, yeah, he paws around until he can grab onto your wrist, fingers wrapping around the spot right under your hand. He’s funny like that; you wouldn’t catch him dead pitying himself, telling you he was nothing but your little play-thing — but god, the quiver in his hand and the tremor in his breath is so, so far away from dominant. It’s so far away from being in control. If anything, he’s feeling your control; he’s feeling your pulse pick up as you shift on his lap, he’s feeling your arm tense as you bite your lip and stroke quicker, faster, twist your hand, and — oh — he’s gripping tight as you swipe your hand at just the right angle, pull it flush against the base of his cock and pump up and —

The strangled cry that comes out of Keegan’s mouth is strained and loosely contained. His jaw snaps shut, his lips seal; his hips buck up, and there’s a soft scuffle as his feet shove against the ground and his socks give him no traction to hold on.

You see the corded muscle of his neck swell at the same time that you feel a ribbon of something hot and sticky squirt up your forearm.

Five times. Five times, Keegan’s hips jerk up; his head turns either way, and his eyes squeeze shut for the first two jolts. They start to open; they flutter, roll back. Close again for the third. The same goes for the fourth. The fifth, though, his eyes open when his hips twitch, and when you try to meet his gaze you look into bottomless blue hues lidded and vague with euphoria.

The blunt edges of his nails dig into your wrist right under a streak of cum. The stuff strings your arm and webs beneath it, threatening to drip onto his thighs. Not that he’d mind, probably. Not now, at least. He’s too weak and tired to really care. Too busy groaning, sound contained deep in his chest, body rippling as pleasure tides over him. Over…and over…and over.

“Feel better?” You prompt the question in a soft voice after a long moment of silence for him to recover. Not that he had any performance issues — just tired, like this, pushed flat-out for too long…he has this worn, beaten look on his face. Barely lifted after everything.

“Yeah.” Despite that, Keegan’s response comes quick; breathless, but quick. His eyes shift over to meet yours, and Christ, if he looked tired before…

“Kee.” The note of pity that leaks into your voice is entirely instinctual. When you lean forward, his breathing staggers; he sort of half-laughs when you run your thumb over his three-fourths lidded eyes, weakly turning away from the contact. “Don’t touch me right now.”

“Kee.” You repeat his name, more seriously this time. “Kee, you look like you’re gonna pass out.”

“I’m not.” Keegan shakes his head; as if to prove his point, he shifts a little in his seat, pulling himself slightly more upright.

“You look like it. You look so tired.” You lean forward, this time; it’s an effort to push his hair back, and one that he leans away from. “Keegan. Let me take care of you.”

In response, he only laughs. It’s a tired laugh, one that rasps in his chest, but it’s a laugh nonetheless. When he replies, his tone isn’t serious. “You’ve got it on your hands.”

so sorry for my absence. my cod hyperfixation chilled the fuck out a little whoopsie anyways

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Struck by the sudden mental image of Logan calling Keegan "Kitten" completely unironically. Is he kidding/doing it to mess with people? Yes. But he also uses it like he would his actual name. Keegan was so mad the first few times (not really) but he got used to it/gave up and just accepted that Logan is going to bully him relentlessly with the name.

I also think he'd only speak when he's trying to get people to look at him (so he can then switch to ASL) so it'd be probably one word lines like "Hey," "Listen!" or just peoples names... What I'm saying here is; Logan would just go "Kitten." at Keegan in his lil raspy "I never speak" voice and it would cause a shock wave that concusses everyone in a five mile radius. And then when Keegan snaps to attention there's another shock wave that physically annihilates every GI in a TEN mile radius. (Logan would just chuck something at him/tap somewhere on him because they're close, so when he speaks to get Keegan's attention he knows it's important and jumps to see what's up.)

Also because deaf/mute people give people sign names (So they don't gotta finger-spell it out every time.) I'd like to submit the idea to the public that Logan's sign for Keegan is also Kitten.

I think what would be funniest is if Keegan learns what Logan is signing at him as just "Oh that's the sign that means my name! :)" without knowing it's Kitten. He doesn't grasp enough ASL to realize it's two signs tied together. He is gleefully oblivious. (He'll learn eventually and will realize again he is never gonna hear the end of it from the blonde ever.)

Hesh however, very much does know/is aware what it means, and would laugh his ass off the first time he asks what Logan is calling Keegan and the fucker signs "Kitten" in response. He'll admit, it works because Keegan is always aloof and hissy when he's mad (While also being snuggly and affectionate to his loved ones,) but he was not prepared.

How to sign kitten in ASL: Sign for "small" + Sign for "cat" = Sign for "small cat"/Sign for "kitten" Small - Hands apart, facing each other, move them closer. Like you're squishing something. (But they don't touch!) Cat - Pinch air with index and thumb near nose/mouth and drag away from face. Like you're pinching or plucking a whisker. Other fingers should be relaxed and don't join the pinching motion. Just do em one after the other. Very intuitive signs when you think about it.

(Disclaimer: By no means do I know a ton of ASL, I ain't an expert. I'm just trying to learn it and this is what I learned by looking it up. I'm also aware it's supposed to be someone in the deaf community, or someone who is deaf, or someone who uses ASL as their primary language, who gives a name. Given that Logan falls under the last one by being mute and using ASL as his primary to communicate (and also experiences no self autonomy by virtue of being a fictional character), I picked the name. It's also meant to be silly.)

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Do u know any other accounts that post male reader - 🍪

hii 'm sorry it took so long, i had to stalk some of them lol

@/yarelia — male and gn . cod spiderverse valorant

@/solticest — male and gn . hsr genshin twst obey me!

@/infrunamie — male and gn . multifandom

@/mmonikurr — any . multifandom

@/pastelclovds — male and gn . multifandom

@/romancesengen — male and gn . hsr genshin jjk

@/house-of-daena — male and gn . multifandom (mostly genshin)

@/yuanology — male and gn . genshin hsr jjk

@/niverine / sincerelymiguel — male and gn (?) . genshin jjk kny marvel

@/yaekiss — any(?) . hsr genshin obey me!

@/brenbofen — male and gn . hsr and genshin

@/hhonghu — any . genshin

@/deviltoys — male . multifandom (inactive?)

@/sh1-n0bu — any(?) . multifandom

@/scruus — any . multifandom

@/3smos — gn . multifandom

@/slutfactory — male and gn . jjk jojo bllk kny

@/l1tw1ck — male and gn . multifandom

@/mmaeerof — male and gn . multifandom

@/jhuzen — male and gn . hsr and genshin

@/uplatterme — any . tokyo rev jojo genshin

@/sinfulcries — male . multifandom (?)

@/anarchyincarnate — male and gn . genshin

@/onirique-amaranth — any . multifandom

@/secretivemessenger — male and gn . multifandom

@/sugarcause — any . genshin

@/genacity — gn . genshin and hsr

@/dottcre — gn . only dottore

@/dvlboy — male . multifandom

@/mackjlee9 — male . multifandom

@/c-nstellati-ns — male . multifandom

@/karteinss — male . multifandom (?)

@/pulpbeing — male . genshin

i added some bc i love their writings, hope u don't mind <3 there's a lot of blogs that i've seen posts male readers but i got lazy + it took me half an hour to list them

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if any of my moots like kpop even at all, here's a list of songs you NEED to hear at least once in your life

o.y.e by trendz

get a guitar by riize

but sometimes by boynextdoor

one by nine.i

i do by (g)i-dle

happy ending by kep1er

cool (your rainbow) by nmixx

hurt by newjeans

cat & mouse by blackswan

like we just met by nct dream

thank you and please follow my spotify, which has the best kpop and other playlists ever ;)