polyam-mess

[polyam-mess]

hii!! I hope you can read this giggle- it would be super embarrassing if I did all this and you cant-

dude 😭😭😭 I love you sm. like? Jesus mal I genuinely cannot express how much you mean to me- like even before we were together? I remember like the first time I saw you around school I was foaming at the fucking mouth to be your friend cause you seemed so cool?? I'd be like. staring at you (NOT CREEPILY CHAT) and wishing I had the balls to talk to you- then we started talking! and I was so happy- the first day we spoke I was so like- flustered about it- I was worried I had come off in the wrong way and you didn't want to talk to me- I was STRESSINGGGGGG.

and then we became friends!! I was so so happy to actually know we were friends- and like going to the dance with you was really fun- I felt so bad that you weren't having a good time cause I dragged you out that night- I think I genuinely cried about it in the car cause I felt so bad- but that one picture of us is still my favorite and even though the night sucked it sucked a lot less cause you were there with me ^^

and then the fire thing oh my god I was so happy you actually stayed and put up with my bs- I felt so bad about the bead shit dude- 😭😭 never again am I bringing that shit to school trust- but I genuinely had so so much fun with you even if it was a little- idk strange? I really liked having you there and it was fun ^^

and I really liked when me and you went out with Ryan? I wish I had. bigger balls cause I really wanted to hold your hand- I pussied out so bad tho dude- I'm happy you like don't pay attention to your surroundings tho cause I was staring hardcore- that would have been super super creepy of me if you did notice 😭😭😭

you just looked really handsome that day- and idk- I think that sorta started like?? me super realizing that I did like you?

I know that- one day where i was like "I've had a crush on all my friends at least once 😼" I was hinting so so so so hard bro- I was too embarrassed to say anything out right-

and that night you like were drunk texting me bro it WAS SO GOOD YET SO BAD.

I was like REJOICE BUT ALSO NO. idk it was so conflicting- and at the time zeena was so against anything with anyone so I didn't want to say anything-

and like idk- before we even did get together you just??? really improved my mood? like. I felt better getting up in the mornings and going to school because I could see you? I wanted to do better cause of that? I started to become clean because I was in such a good spot?

and like. once we started dating omg I was a MESS. I was so sad I couldn't see you guys for that whole week

I was genuinely distraught- I was begging my mom to let me go- and like the day everything went down with you and cal and me I was just so giddy and I was in such a great mood that day-

I've been nothing but happy since too

I mean. I definitely have my moments where I have my issues but. you guys make it so easy to talk to you guys about things? I mean. I really really struggle with communication cause I find it so fucking scary but you guys make it not seem as scary? and I just? I'm so happy to be with you. your such a good person? I love being around you and I just??? I love. being with you? I act like one of those cheesy nerd fanboys when I get to do basic relationship stuff with you- the first time I held your hand my brain was going 90 miles a minute

and that day you took a nap on me? genuinely was the highlight of my day

I went home and told everyone I could about it

and like. the stuff you give me even if it's stupid? I cherish it so much- I love them all-

I just really love you- and idk I sometimes feel like I don't express it enough? I'm just?? I freeze up a lot and. I like. panic- but I really want to try and be better at stuff for you guys cause. I really enjoy you both?

guh

I'm just rambling now

I love you so very much baby and I know it's not. that long of a playlist but. I hope you at least enjoy it nonetheless <33