polypolly-blog1 - Tumblr blog

[polypolly-blog1]

We suffer from the delusion that the entire universe is held in order by the categories of human thought, fearing that if we do not hold to them with the utmost tenacity, everything will vanish into chaos.

Alan Watts (via fyp-philosophy)

[polypolly-blog1]

hello fellow homo sapien specimen. let me stimulate your reproductive cylinder of flesh and veins, until you begin to oose the very same life fluid that created my existence and yours.

[polypolly-blog1]

A First....

I got jealous. It happened in the 3rd month of this relationship and I thought it would have happened a lot sooner. G had to go on a business trip to Indiana this week. It was this last weekend that the jealousy happened. Thursday is our night, A and R have Tuesdays for themselves, Monday Wednesday, and Friday G goes to the gym (he is working on becoming a bodybuilder....I know, right!) and is dead tired afterwards. That leaves Saturday night and Sunday up for grabs. I have taken advantage of the opportunity to hang with everyone by going to their house (about 30 minutes away). This weekend I assumed it would be no different; Saturday night I had to take my school final online and couldn't go to a concert with everyone. I was bummed but got a great grade anyway and texted him to let him know. I also said I was excited to see him and everyone on Sunday......then he told me that he and A were having an entire days date, morning to night! I was stunned for a minute, this was the first I heard of these plans. We'd kind of had a routine. Then, very suddenly, I was ANGRY. Enraged. Not at G... at A. He was leaving for a week and now I was going to miss seeing him twice!? She was being selfish, she has 2 partners and I get the short end of the stick. I laid the blame on her and it was easy, because it's not easy to think your new love may be insensitive at times and forget to tell you about the outing. It's very easy to cast your metamore as a villain plotting against you. So I was pissed. And I cried. Then I texted him to tell him about all the feels. Like R said, I'm not 1st and I won't be. Easier to hear than to feel.

[polypolly-blog1]

You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.

Eckhart Tolle (via lazyyogi)

[polypolly-blog1]

Me

[polypolly-blog1]

Easter

Was a while ago. But school had to take precedent for a bit.

It could have been worse…. I was introduced to everyone, but A’s mother didn’t look me in the eye. It was fun to watch the boys run and play around the acre of land, the red mountains in the distance. I got to know R more; we slipped out to the front yard to take a break. A joined us and we talked about music and she was jealous that I'm seeing Joan Jett at the end of the summer. Eventually G was there too and the four of us had a nice conversation, laughing and everything. I wasn’t exactly welcome, but I was wanted.

But the most important thing is that A's folks have a PONY! A real live Shetland pony that I got to pet! Her name is Zoe. I love her.

[polypolly-blog1]

Zombie Jesus Day

Or Easter. I'll be spending the day with G and everybody PLUS A's family. They have...misgivings... about polyamory. This may get interesting.

[polypolly-blog1]

You'll Never Be First

That is what I was told about the ecosystem I was about to enter the first time I met G's wife, A, and her boyfriend R. It was R who revealed this to me. I sat on their couch, a huge sectional, across from R and the kids. G had gone to get A from the backyard. I had glimpsed her on the way into the house and my lungs momentarily forgot to fill themselves. So I sat here on the couch making small talk with my new metamore and grinning a the kids playing their video games. I stopped smiling when I heard, "Let me tell you something," R began, "Don't be here thinking you can break this up." I stared at him. "You'll never be first because of these two," he gestured to the kids, "That's something I had a hard time with at first. But in almost two years I have gotten more love from A than I can say." I was quiet for a moment, not sure what to say, but my mouth decided that "Duh, man." was an acceptable place holder for the time. With perfect timing the backdoor opened and G followed A into the living room. I stood, she was taller than me and the spitting image of her oldest. My mouth was dry and I had barely enough air to squeak out "hi" when she hugged me. Both the guys laughed and said "Awww". I thanked her for hugging me when we pulled apart, truly grateful for the affection that calmed me a bit. "Are you scared?" I nodded. "Don't be." It has been 5 weeks since that Valentine's Day and I have watched movies and had dinner in that house, played Halo with A's doppelganger, and gone to a Renaissance Fair with the entire family. Each time I've left she has hugged me knowing full well that I will be kissing her husband goodbye later that night. I will never be first but I am a included and welcome.

[polypolly-blog1]

Hi, I'm Polly. No, not really; but here in this blog that's what you can call me. I'm 27, living in the southwest and dating again for the first time in 7 years. I also have a boyfriend.... who is married... to a woman who has had the same boyfriend for almost 2 years. I am dipping a foot into the waters of polyamory after being in a monogamous relationship for 5 years . I have read The Ethical Slut, of course, to use as a guide and primer for this experience of being thrust into a quad. Now, I've had only been dating the man I will call G for about 3 months so this maybe short lived, but who knows. That's all for now. TTFN