pondering-soul

[pondering-soul]

The Art of Losing

The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident the art of losing’s not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

[pondering-soul]

signs of immaturity: running to social media with the rship updates 

[pondering-soul]

Hey, Tumblr... It’s been a while.

Hey, Tumblr... it’s been about three years (my profile says “21″ - I am now twenty-four years old).

I loath to make a return under such unfortunate circumstances (i’m sorry) but.. the last few years have been a whirlwind. The last year? A catastrophe. But let’s leave that story for another day. 

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How I currently feel:  1) Foolish - for ignoring red flags out of weakness, for exerting energy on explanations that were never going to be heard nor retained, for failing to establish boundaries,  for responding to selfishness with selflessness in hopes of reciprocation.  2) Drained - narcissistic energy is by nature draining for the soul, let alone a soul struggling to feel like anything beyond a void.  3) Insecure - for accepting a positive correlation between vulnerability and coldness, for allowing emotional underdevelopment control my emotion and for, once again, accepting an unequal give:take ratio. 4) Alone - self explanatory. Stings a bit harder this time, though (I guess emotion intensifies with age - too much deja-vu associated with this one).

Note to self: stop being a vulnerable cuddle-seeker and man the fuck up. 

[pondering-soul]

[pondering-soul]

My girlfriend just asked me to learn sign language with her so she can tell me how bad she wants to fuck me in front of my parents

[pondering-soul]

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[pondering-soul]

i can feel myself falling into dangerous patterns of behaviour and i am unsure of how to stop myself and i dont want to do this again , i dont want to

[pondering-soul]

[pondering-soul]

[pondering-soul]

[pondering-soul]

Amazing photo of totality in Oregon by photographer Jasman Lion Mander.

[pondering-soul]

I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

[pondering-soul]

[pondering-soul]

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