ponderingfawkes - Tumblr blog

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she tried to 

take in the beauty

hoping it would

take the pain

away.

they’ll never know

how much it hurts

how much her

heart aches.

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celestial infinity.

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Happiest Belated Mother's Day to all the beautiful women in these photos - my aunts, Nanay & Mom - who all practically raised me to be the woman I am today & taught me life's lessons & put up with all my crazy nonsense growing up. Thank you for being the strong women of examples in our lives who showed us & gave us cousins/grandchildren all the love.. for raising us like your own children, & being there to support us every step of the way. Words cannot express how much we love you all so so much & how much you mean to us. We're all so lucky to call you our best friends.❤xo #LoveForFilipinoMoms #LoveForFilipinoNanays #HappyNanaysDay

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My definition of sibling(s): a person or people who you call brother(s) or sister(s), even though you don't have the same parents. They're your cousins, best friends, the ones you grew up with. They are gifts from God because He knew you would need them to keep you grounded when you feel like life is falling apart. But at the same time, support you so you could fly high towards your dreams and goals. The ones who you make those amazing cherished memories with. The ones who would listen to you when no one else would and who you would ask for advice. The ones who you would fight with every once in a while, but never let that affect your relationship with each other because you know you just cannot do life without them. They are your family. Thank you for everything sibs, I love you. And I miss you. So much. ❤ #HappyBelatedSibsDay

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'He is risen' Matthew 28:6 🕇💝

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#mood #newchapter

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All my life, I've always known myself to break away instantly from people who I connect so easily with and open up to each other with. Is it fear of getting hurt? Fear of losing them? (Especially because I move around all over the country so much? - so what's the point right?) Maybe because I judge them so easily? Or it is fear of me getting judged by them? Why do I get so offended so easily? What if I offend them? Avoiding any drama that might occur perhaps? Maybe I'm just an introvert? Why do I get annoyed so easily by people? Why do I get so jealous or envious - of people, who they are, what they are, what they have? What if I do enjoy having no company? Why is it so tiring to even try to have a conversation with a person? Do I just want to spare myself the awkwardness? Do I really want to make that effort to open up that door and welcome them into my life? Do any of the above make me selfish if those are the reasons? Yet when I do surround myself with people I easily connect with, I'm instantly reminded of why human connection is so important. It's not that I hate people... (or maybe I do...) ...this battle. All my life. It's so exhausting. Oh well. I'll just smile and pretend everything is fine.

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We celebrate the man that you are, so full of spirit & happiness. I've always admired the way you look at life so positively, & how infectious your smile is. That's why people love you & love to be around you. The way you're such a man of God and how time and again you always find ways to serve on people through God is such a reminder to why I love you so much. How can I forget your "Dad" humour & how you still manage to make me laugh when others sometimes don't understand your humour. And how adventurous of a dreamer you are, always learning something new about yourself to pursue so many things you love in life. Sorry I couldn't be there with you to celebrate the awesome hubby that you are, but happiest birthday Jason, mahal na mahal kita!❤😘 #MCE #MyStudMuffin #HubbyBirthday #Babe

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We go through life not knowing what will happen to us or our loved ones. All we can do is embrace God's Plan no matter how hard life gets, & that He will never abandon us even though we feel like He has in certain times in our life. It is God's way of testing our strength and our faith - and preparing for what's to come in our path in this journey called life, a purpose far greater than you & I. But it is a choice we face every day of our lives; a choice to stay strong & trust in God & to be positive even though it's hard to understand why certain things happen in our life - also the choice to let the people that God has placed in our life be there for us to care & love us during both the hardest times and the best times of our life. Thank you Lord, God. 🙏❤ #JesusIsLove #Pray #Family #Faith

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Happiest Birthday in heaven my sweet babygirl, we know you're partyin' it up up there!😆😍 Today we celebrate & remember the beautiful soul that you are, & the memories we shared with everyone & the hearts of loved ones you have impacted so deeply with your love & kindness. The best part is, we get to feel your love every single day through each other (the pamilya) & we get to move forward in life carrying that legacy of your love with us. That is the most powerful legacy you have left behind for us, thank you Shelly. We love you & miss you so much Rochelle, but it's your time to rest in Paraside cousin!😘💖💕❤🐚🎉🎊 roxo

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Happiest Birthday in heaven my sweet babygirl, we know you're partyin' it up up there!😆😍 Today we celebrate & remember the beautiful soul that you are, & the memories we shared with everyone & the hearts of loved ones you have impacted so deeply with your love & kindness. The best part is, we get to feel your love every single day through each other (the pamilya) & we get to move forward in life carrying that legacy of your love with us. That is the most powerful legacy you have left behind for us, thank you Shelly. We love you & miss you so much Rochelle, but it's your time to rest in Paraside cousin!😘💖💕❤🐚🎉🎊 roxo

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Ro🐚 forever a part of me💖 @roftowers (@androjeny 's amazing work of tatt art) (at FY INK)

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Ro🐚 Miss you so much little sis. Thanks for helping me realize every single day what matters most in life. I love you @roftowers 💕(amazing tatt job by my beautiful couz, @androjeny /@androjenoftowers ) (at FY INK)

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😘😘😘💖💕🎆🎊✨🎉🥂🥂🥂#Cheers #To2018AndBeyond

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New Year's 2018

These passed couple of weeks have felt like months.. yet it has taught me more about life more than anything else.

It still breaks my heart to fathom that we lost a sister, a daugher, a soulmate and a friend.. I can't help but feel like she's still alive. I can still hear her voice in the near distance, her laugh echoing in my mind, her beautiful smile forever embedded into my memory. I remember when I first moved to Canada when I was 4, she was only a few months old, thinking she was the cutest baby cousin ever and making me want little sister of my own ever since. The memories of her with my cousins and I growing up together and playing together, basically sibling to each others.. the way we're always there for each other through it all. Watching her bloom into the beautiful, talented, kind-hearted, and smart young woman she had become. I always admired her for the way she cared for her plants and gentleness she showed to creatures & little insects.. her love for food and the way she sees beauty in such strange things.. I admired  the kind of strange art she loved and made.. I admired her and Adam for the kind of love they shared.. I admired the gentle spirit about her. Most of all, I admired her for the kind of love she gave my little sister Alyza the way I couldn't give to her. It meant so much to me.. I've never lost anyone so close to me before..

Then the years I was gone across the country to find out who I truly am, what my dreams and goals are, to become the woman I am now, falling in love with my husband and falling in love with the Yukon, developing a deeper relationship with God.. I realized that I had lost those years with her not actually fully getting to know the kind of beautiful young woman she had become. But not just her... my whole family! And my friends! But I'm still grateful and blessed to have gotten the chance with the time that I did get to know her and the beautiful young woman she had become.

I think it's safe to say how blessed we are and how much gratitude we have to have such a huge family who cares and supports and loves so deeply for one another, which is why we have such a strength together to get through these times of anguish and heartbreak. No matter how far apart we are, we're always there for each other. But that doesn't change the fact of the times I missed with my family since I left.

I never actually truly wrapped my head around the sayings, "life is short" and "never take like for granted". But after these couple of weeks knowing I'll never see my beautiful cousin again, and also spending those weeks with my family and getting to know my little neices and nephews and falling in love with them, I think I have a full grasp of the true meaning of that saying. It breaks my heart to fully understand now what that truly means, but at the same time it also made me also fully understand the saying, "Live your life to the fullest. Live it like it's your last".

I will always and forever love the Yukon.. this place has made me the woman I am today. This beautiful place gives me such peace and humbleness for the amazing creations of God and such love for the human spirit that people of Yukon have shown me. This place is where I finally got to find my relationship with  God. Yukon will always have a piece of my heart and will always be home to me. But it'll never change the fact that I can never share this beauty with my family every day, and how lonely it makes me feel not to be with them. I'd rather share this peace, beauty and humbleness with my family than anything else. I realize now that my true home is FAMILY.

God, thank you for always being there to guide me through these valleys and mountains. I have no regrets for all the decisions I've made in my life so far because I know it's all a part of your plan. I know this is still just the beginning. I pray that you continue to lead me through making the right decisions in my life.. I know the plans you have for me are greater than me. I trust you with all my heart.

I also know that you have greater plans for our Rochelle, and that she was too great for this world so you needed Your angel, our angel, back in heaven. Thank you so much for letting us have her in our life in such a short time to show us what it means to love one another. I guess she had fulfilled her purpose in life on Earth.. I know you have a greater purpose for her beyond this life.. to be the true beautiful angel she was meant to be for us all.

I know one day I will learn the meaning of my life and the purpose it holds.

But for now, it's the year 2018. I will honour Rochelle's memory by doing what she taught all of us... I will hold my family and friends and my husband nearer and tighter than ever, and love them more than ever. I will live more freely and make more mistakes. I will laugh more, cry more, and smile more often. I will not regret anything. I will live for each moment as if it were the last. I will never take anyone or anything for granted. I will always have gratitude for all that I have in my life. I will strive to be successful in every areas of my life. I will pursue my dreams and goals. I will dream more. I will face my struggles and pains with courage and strength. I will journey more adventures and make new discoveries and new friendships and fall in love with more people. I will learn more new things about myself through experiencing more challenges and changes and loss. I will have higher expectations. I will live a life that is greater than me. I will trust God each and every step of the way, Who has a plan greater than me. 

We love you and miss you so much Rochelle, always and forever!

&&A Blessed New Year 2018 to you all, filled with all the abundance of prosperity, health, wealth, peace, love & joy!

xoxo

Foxy Jane

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but you are not Atlas; you cannot shoulder the world alone (insp.)

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Revenge of the Sith | Deleted Scene | Obi-Wan Visits Padmé

“I am not blind, Padmé. Though I have tried to be, for Anakin’s sake. And for yours. Anakin has loved you since the day you met, in that horrible junk shop on Tatooine. He’s never even tried to hide it, though we do not speak of it. We… pretend that I don’t know. And I was happy to, because it made him happy. You made him happy, when nothing else ever truly could.”

The deleted scene of all SW deleted scenes! The one that the PT fandom would give anything to see but probably never will due to Disney’s anti-Prequels policy: The moment Obi-Wan Kenobi officially admits that he is Anidala shipper and wordlessly confesses that he really does love Anakin Skywalker!

“You love him, too, don’t you?” When he didn’t answer she turned around. He stood motionless, frowning, in the middle of the expanse of the buff carpeting. “You do. You do love him.” He lowered his head. He looked very alone. “Please, do what you can to help him,” he said, and left.

It reveals so much about the relationship between the three, long-time friends, and sheds new light on the complexity of it, but most of all it reveals the extent of Obi-Wan’s love for Anakin when he openly admits to Padmé he has known about their forbidden relationship from the beginning and that not only has he tacitly allowed it but also silently supported it for all those years! (It’s something that got almost completely lost in ROTS, aside the tacit acknowledgement of Padmé’s pregnancy.) It explains so much about his behaviour at the end of AOTC when he sent Anakin to escort Padmé back to Naboo despite the fact that he knew better than anyone else about the possible consequences. It explains his behaviour in the hangar—it’s the moment when he chooses Anakin over the Jedi Order and decides to give him the only thing he knows that can make him happy, Padmé. 

Considering he spent all his time with Anakin, Obi-Wan must have been blind not to notice him mysteriously disappearing and the sudden addition of R2 as their new teammate. Though, I’m sure the pragmatist he was Obi-Wan must have thought he still got the better end of the bargain since he didn’t need to listen to C3PO’s statistics on how low his odds of survival were. The saddest thing about it is that Anakin never realized that his friend knew nor how much he was loved by him or how fiercely protective and loyal he was. Just the mere fact that he, the stickler for rules, cared more about Anakin’s happiness and well-being than the Jedi and all their dogmas. What makes it even more special is that his visits follows the moment he told Anakin about his mission to spy on Palpatine, so him going to Padmé was the direct result of it, because Obi-Wan knew how much it hurt and disillusioned him, It shows that Obi-Wan understood Anakin and recognized how much different he was from all the other Jedi and he ACCEPTED HIM, EVERYTHING OF HIM, instead of trying to change him. It’s obvious he wanted to protect his singularity and happiness because he loved this complex, flawed man with all his flaws and weaknesses.

“I was very happy to learn of his appointment to the Council.” - Padmé

“Yes. It is perhaps less than he deserves—though I’m afraid that it can be more than he can handle.”  - Obi-Wan

Futhermore, though it is short, this is such an important and private moment between Padmé and Obi-Wan - her husband’s best, and probably only, friend, the closest thing to a brother and a father he had, the man who loved her son and protected him him from the shadows even after he sacrificed himself to save him and his sister. Which was so fitting because in that way he repaid Anakin all those times he had saved his life. Also, it would be awesome to watch Padme’s reaction at hearing Obi-Wan speak about the depth of Anakin’s feelings for her, because here was the man who knew him the best and he was telling her how much and openly her husband loved her, because for all she knew, no one but a couple of droids, a priest and a handful of people loyal to her were aware of her love affair with the Jedi Knight and she no one to confide in about her private life.

Finally, the final part of the scene when Obi-Wan receives the message from Mace Windu about Grievous’s whereabouts reveals the sheer hopeless turmoil Padmé had been living through during her marriage with Anakin—that their time together was limited and that her husband could be called to war any moment and taken away from her.