ponderingthoughtsblog

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asked him out on a third date and he agreed! very happy but very much still figuring out what we want from each other. or specifically what he wants from me, but it's looking good so far.

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ok a few days after the second date. it went well, been feeling pretty good. an old coworker came in who spent a lot of time with him and told me he's 'not looking for a relationship right now' and that he was pretty vocal about that when she worked with us. but we've been on two dates now and he's not mentioned anything about that. i feel like that's something you say before the first date or maybe you don't ask me out of TWICE before dropping that bomb at least.

and who knows maybe he's changed him mind/will change his mind. i feel like we click really well, get on well, have a lot in common. we've lived like two mins away from each other our whole lives and then just so happened to end up working at the same story, so weird. maybe we click enough that he's pushed that aside, idk tho. i feel like it's still a little too early to ask 'what are we/where is this going?" maybe in a date or two we can visit that?

but i'm glad she told me, so at least i've got that info ahead of time/going forward. i do honestly feel like there's potential there but it's a two way street so we'll see. only time will tell. i feel like you don't go out several times and string someone along if you know you're not looking for anything serious. he's 31, I'm almost 27. he has been/seems very communicative so i can't see him intentionally not telling me or stringing me along for no reason, so i'm hopeful, but I understand because i've been in the mindset for the last three/three and a half years. but i'm ready and i'm not here for my time to be wasted.

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date went sooooo well. We have another set for next weekend to go see Nosferatu. I'm really seeing some potential here with this guy. we have a lot in common and live close together too.

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we're going on a date on saturday...

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another update: we've been texting all day lol. we are SO back.

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update: we've spoke for the first time as of today lol. and I left my number in his bike helmet for him to find when he leave work hehe. I think this is going just about as well as it could.

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as much as I miss my old workplace crush, he never made any kind of move. my new workplace crush is looking like it could actually pan out for real. he's a cute short king who loves jujitsu and wanted to have daughters <3 cross ur fingers for me!

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ok YALL. so I went in to bring my apron back after my last day and also brought everyone working that day brownies bc I'm nice or whatever and this man came out of the kitchen just to say hi and make a joke about me poisoning the brownies :) and he made a comment about my cute new boots I wore today he literally didn't even have to do all that but he did hehe. I made sure to tell him (and everyone else) that I'd be back in all the time bc me and my grandma love the food they sell. what will it take to make this man ask me out, bc lord knows I won't make a move. multiple people (like 3-4 people) have made comments about him having a crush on me and being unusually nice and helpful to me.

I will literally come in all the time with cookies and cake and brownies until he makes a move if I have to.

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boy at work has slowly been getting touchier and touchier with me and we threw balled up receipts at each other all day today. i've been hard at work manifesting using neville goddard's SATS method. I know the best way to get what I want is to just talk to him, but I have so much anxiety over things like that lol. will only be working there for the next two weeks and I'm hoping he makes a move before then. i'll still go into the restaurant fairly frequently bc my grandma eats their food and makes me go get her some at least every other week, so we'll still see each other to some degree. really do genuinely like him, we have so much in common it's crazy and it helps that he's really cute and nice and respectful. crossing my fingers he makes a move before I leave.

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this guy I work with literally flirts with me so much, goes out of his way to be helpful to only me, we have special inside jokes with each other, not to mention he's so nice and cute and respectful. dating your coworkers is never a good idea but I am about to quit. and multiple people have come up to me and said they noticed he's 'overly familiar with me' (not like I mind, I def flirt back, etc.) but I've been there 3 months now and he's made no moves but clearly likes me. I have so much anxiety about making the first move and could def be shot down (main reason I don't want to make the first move) by him, but idk. I'll still come to the restaurant bc my grandma likes their food and so do I but idk ugh. I think it a lot of things; his mom is one of the managers, he's trying to be respectful, he doesn't really date (or so I'm told) etc. I've just noticed a bit of a shift, a good one, like how he smiles at me, laughs at my jokes, and it makes me feel some type of way.

trying to manifest something before I leave bc I will highkey miss the flirting lol

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controversial opinion but unfortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are mean to people, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have secret kind thoughts. fortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are kind in your actions and your words, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have mean thoughts. the power is in working against inner negative thoughts and being a better person despite it. you have the ability to cultivate the person you want to be.

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guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

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going on a hike for my mom's 60th with around 40ish people and my aunt is the only one out of her 7 person family coming bc they deemed a football game more important than my mom's bday. and she's coming all by herself with a toddler and a baby 🤨😤 I can tell my mom's upset but trying to be the good guy about. I already volunteered to stay behind from the hike to help with the babies bc everyone else always watches them and I want my mom to enjoy her bday. and she and my dad don't know it but my little sister who lives in la is flying home for a few days for her bday to surprise her/them. so hopefully that turns things around. your 60th is a big deal and not to add in the fact that's it's HER BIRTHDAY. and mine is literally 2 days later lol.

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Sometimes we outgrow people who aren’t growing

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If your trauma comes from being abused by a friend, your trauma and experience is valid. Abuse in platonic relationships is just as valid as abuse in other types of relationships. 

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not my usual kind of post but I peeked out my bedroom to get my cat back in my room (I let him roam a little at night) and my dad was in our tv room right next to my room unashamedly watching porn, feet away from me. like good for you. but if i walk out of my room, the doors to that room are glass, so he'll see/hear me, so idk man. again good for him, but maybe do that in a room without glass doors thats not right next to your daughters room (im 25 b4 anyone gets weird) just hope i don't need to use the bathroom before he's done with all that lol. now, do i tell my brother and sister? I am very high atm so maybe that's why i feel so weird? or maybe my 60 yr old dad is just watching porn in the room next to me idk

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almost one year...

The momentary regret 

Faded over time

And I’ve never had the urge

To look back over my shoulder

At the life I left behind

A little under a year ago, I changed my life for the better and I’ve never regretted it, not even for one moment. It’s hard to leave people in the past, but in the end you have to do what’s in your best interest, for the betterment of your mind. Often, in the beginning, I found myself reminiscing on our shared memories. The first everything for this year has been hard. My first birthday without them, my first night out without them, their first birthday without me. But it has gotten easier over time and I hardly even notice the void they left in my life. I do not regret the choice I made, but perhaps the words I used. Being the bigger person is a challenge and takes a certain maturity they all lacked, but I was happy to be the villain in their stories if it meant freedom. And I am nearly one year free of hateful messages, backhanded comments, body shaming, biphobic remarks, the insecurities of others pushed on me, screaming at me until I couldn’t contain my tears over simple things, accusation of abuse and neglect against my precious cat, among so many other things. I can admit I wasn't perfect, but I always did my best to do right by her, be honest, and be kind. I simply cannot see her doing the same. she had not been a good friend to me for sometime when I finally cut the cord, but it took me a long time to reckon with the truth. I can honestly say I am happier, healthier, and kinder to myself now. My mind wanders every so often, but the memories sting a little less every time.

and now I hardly think of her at all...