poornimaravindran-blog

[poornimaravindran-blog]

The Faraway Bride

Have you ever been a bridesmaid? I have been a bridesmaid a number of times. 27 times to be exact. 

Oh wait, that’s the story of 27 dresses. 

Today, I’m going to tell you my story. I’m a 27(!) year old south Indian girl. And much to a lot of people’s surprise, I’m yet to be married. I have been dating someone for over 4 years now and we finally decided to take the plunge and get married. And so this is going to be our happily ever after, right?

Maybe. 

You see, what  I did not mention is that my boyfriend err... my fiancé lives in Bengaluru, India and I live in Paris, France. Yep. Longgg distance. I came to Paris for my higher education (I’m about to graduate in a couple of months)

We have only just decided to get married and haven’t picked dates yet but if you happen to know anything about Indian weddings, you’d know that there is no such thing as “too early to plan”  

Back in Chennai, I’m well known among my circle for being a “wedding ninja”. I used to attend every wedding I was invited to, in traditional attire and jewellery. And in most weddings (where I belonged to the bride’s side) I have been a voluntary bridesmaid. Huh?

I would go up to the bride and be by her side. In case she needed water I’d run and get her some. I’d carry around a bag full of tissues, safety pins, bobby pins, cotton buds & make up remover for when the bride’s jewellery/makeup/Saree was out of place. My friends from the western world call me “Mommy” because I tend to smother people with affection and love.

I always knew the best places to shop for sarees, jewellery, other accessories, things that you’d not even know you’d need, etc. And then, last year, I came to Paris. My education has demanded 200% of my focus and I have even lost count of the weddings I missed (Gasp!) not to mention that I have been completely away from the “game” of shopping. 

Now with all the hulchul of my wedding, and having to plan it from here, I’m resorting to my friends back home, the ones who were recently married or the ones who are fellow wedding ninjas, to help me with my shopping. 

The issue is though, almost all of my friends are married and they’re 

Enjoying the lovey dovey mushy honeymoon period and cannot be bothered to help others right now

Pregnant

have a little child who needs every bit of their attention

or Clueless about places to shop/hate shopping/Their styles and tastes are worlds apart from mine

And then, I remembered that we are in a digital age and I can do all of my shopping and research online. Great idea right? Except, None of my favourite stores in Chennai have a decent website, leave alone a shopping portal. All the well known stores for silks - Tulsi , Kumaran, Varamahalakshmi ,etc have a shockingly outdated website with a section for silks that contain all the faulty ones or the ones rejected by every single person who’s come to shop there. This is really appalling and made me go 

Having no clue about how I’m going to shop for my wedding gets me on the edge to the extent that sometimes I wonder whether I should get married at all. (Don’t you raise your eyebrow on me.) I love being the centre of attention (duh) but not in the negative way. I do not want random aunties to come and tell me how hideous my make up is ( I swear people do that with absolutely no concern for the fact that it’s your wedding day) or how they could have easily gotten a better kanjivaram for the price I paid for my average looking saree. 

I have always garnered negative comments from people in life. (Mom says “They say it out of concern for your best interest”. really?) And My wedding day is the one day I want things to be perfect and tell me things I would like to hear and not make me cringe inside. The amount of pressure on a bride is tremendous and I feel my breaking point very very close and it is only just the beginning.

Whatever happens, I’m vying for Katherine Heigl’s words to be true: When I’m walking on the mandap about to tie the knot, I hope my fiancé’s face lights up in happiness. 

And I also hope it drowns out the dismay of those around who think my hair is out of place/bindi is too big/saree is not tied properly. 

Foreign Maaplai may be a fad, but being a foreign Ponnu is sure as hell not easy. The next ~10 months are going to be nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Here’s to all the Foreign brides who are unsung soldiers in their own way.