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positivesparkng · 3 years ago

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Hey guys, blog number two coming in hot.

Yesterday was Halloween!!!!!! Wow!!!!!!!!!!! It was pretty alright this year! Last year I got all my candy stolen and just kinda wandered around the town I grew up in. This year, I have a girlfriend, so I spent today doing girlfriend stuff instead of boring loser stuff. This year I was dressed as Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion and my girlfriend was Asuka Langley Soryu from the same series. It was pretty cool seeing my favorite characters come to life, especially since she looked really cute in her costume.

My costume was very lame as I didn’t have a plug suit and had to wear his iconic white polo and black dress pants. I really got the short end of the stick because we did NOT have anything to really make my costume work at all. We had used an old shirt from her dad and cut the sleeves short, the pits were stained from years of use and it was kinda noticeable so I was a little bummed. Then I had to wear the same black pants I always wear instead of dress pants, no big deal but def made the costume feel a lot baggier and broken in then I really would have preferred. Then the hair, my hair was red at the time so we dyed it brown/black and let me tell you I do not really like it yet. No fault to my wonderful girlfriend, but I simply just am not used to it. Regardless, I’m going to live with it just fine. She had ordered a Rei Ayanami wig for the white hair clips that come with it so my costume isn’t just completely boring basic clothes.

I really appreciate all the work she put into making my costume work despite hers working so much better, though I often express myself very poorly and I feel as though she doesn’t know just how much a value it, despite my disappointment in how it looked. Of course I’d be bummed that my costume isn’t exactly great, especially when hers looks so amazing, but I do really value everything she did to make us look as cute as possible. I don’t know, I just hope she sees this one day somehow so she knows, I’m going to tell her but yeah, I guess it’d be nice to know I really mean it. I wish I wasn’t so incompetent when it came to doing things on my own, she really did a lot for me, and we had a lot of fun, but I know she wishes I could stop relying on her so much. I really try to do things for her to repay it but she’s so independent and often times it leaves me feeling incompetent or inferior, absolutely a me problem but still, she’s just so great I wish she knew how lucky she is. Luck maybe isn’t the term, though she has more opportunities than me, I’d also wager she’s just talented and more motivated, no fault to her, she’s just really great.

Sorry for the girlfriend tangent, anyways the day started for me at 12 rushing to make it to her field hockey game in New York. Had to hitch a ride with her dad which was exceptionally horrible. I didn’t hate it, but the concept of being in a car with nobody but her dad, me, and her dads friend, was very scary to me. I’m a very pathetic person when it comes to adults and I am even more pathetic when it comes to parents. Long story short, the ride was an hour and a half long and I spoke maybe 15 words. Very bad of me, I should’ve tried harder to talk but I was so exhausted and just really wanted to get some rest in so I could focus on her game. Her dad also had to take a number of business calls during the ride so that made it easier for me.

As I write this I’m realizing just how pathetic I sound, the complete inability to talk to someone I see multiple times a week is just really sad, I need to find a way to improve. Anyway, the game, it was pretty alright at the start but they wound up losing 7-1. Unfortunate loss as it was the last in the season and it determined if they played states and I really like going to her games. I feel good knowing she thinks of me as important enough to attend her games, I always wanted to just be a silent supporter of sorts, it feels really nice. I saw her on the car ride home and we sat in the back seat playing WarioWare and Rhythm Heaven MegaMix on my 3DS. She worried I was upset at her but in complete honesty I was just tired and hate when she sends me Snapchats because I just don’t really like Snapchat. Of course I held no resentment to her for those Snaps I think she was just worried because I wasn’t very emotive. I could really work on that too.

I feel like every time I write about my days with her I find a million things wrong with me. This doesn’t mean our relationship is failing, I actually think it means the opposite. I really do believe she heals and helps me in a way that I never knew before her. I never had very many people close to me so she’s probably the most important person in my life. WHOOPS heavy, calm down buddy you have to talk about the other stuff you guys did. We then got home, went to the school to get her stuff and say bye to the team, went to the store to get my dye, then we spent the next while getting ready and dying my hair. The day didn’t seem very relaxing as everything was a giant rush. We should have dyed my hair another day but we never got around to it and so that added probably an entire unneeded hour of waste to our day. I don’t mind wasted time as long as it’s with her though, so it didn’t really bother me that we were losing time on Halloween, but she seemed a little stressed. I was berating her with questions and requests the entire time we were getting ready because I needed help doing some basic stuff I wish I knew how to do.

She got ready and she looked amazing, I loved her plug suit and her hair worked so well with the costume, she was amazing. We took her little sister out trick or treating and we had a lot of fun being cute and running around. We got a bit of candy but truck or treating was cut short by rain. Sucked because usually I’m out trick or treating until 10 but I actually wound up leaving her house at 9 as per her moms request. It sucks that’s how it had to be because we actually stopped trick or treating at like 7:30. It was super early compared to what I’m used to, didn’t really feel like Halloween without the late curfew.

We drove home with her little sister and met up with my girlfriend’s friends for a second to show off our costumes. Then we went to my Girlfriend’s house, ate, cuddled, and then I had to leave. It was kinda bummer because we didn’t really get to do a lot of the stuff we planned for the last few weeks. We didn’t even get to finish carving my pumpkin :/ but that’s okay. I’m sure I’ll finish it by the time I come down next if it isn’t completely rotted. On the way home she told me she was disappointed because I asked her to do very basic things for her I could or couldn’t do myself and overwhelmed her while she was getting ready. She then told me I wasn’t appreciative of the work she did on my costume or at least she felt that way because I was complaining so much. I felt bad of course because these problems were so avoidable if she just told me, often times I don’t realize I’m relying on her too much or that I’m complaining too much. I usually just try and keep a positive outlook on myself but today I was really self conscious of my hair and really disappointed about my costume, especially compared to hers as I was missing stuff that was really easily remedied if we just planned a little better. I didn’t want to ruin her mood or drag down the day but I was completely unaware until she told me at the very end of the day, which previously in the day she was worried I would do to her. We seem to have a lot of problems communicating and we’re getting better but sometimes we’re running in circles.

Anyways, didn’t mean to talk so much about the negative parts of the day! Halloween was still really great and I still really loved spending time with my girlfriend and her family. I wish we had more time together but it seems no matter how much time I’m with her it’s never enough :,)

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