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poundingwolf · 7 years ago

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Here’s a story I wrote about a boy with a visible heart...

Andrew’s Heart: First Day of School

Today’s my first day of junior high, and my heart can’t slow down, I’m so nervous. Up until now, I’ve had the same classmates every year, and so they’re used to me. But today I start at a new school, with new people. I hope they don’t stare, but they probably will. Most people do when they see me for the first time, which is why I stay home when I’m not at school. I get very self conscious. I wish I could hide it, but it’s there for anyone to see. For some reason, my heart sticks out a little instead of being hidden deep in my chest. Without bone there to keep it safely hidden away, it thumps away visibly in my chest, where anyone can see. I wish I could wear a binder to cover it up but it’s too fragile of an organ to be pressed down like that, it needs room to beat. To give it room and for protection, I wear a chest shield that straps snugly around my chest, with a clear plastic dome in the middle that gives my heart protection and room to beat freely. While my shield may protect my heart from physical harm, it does nothing to hide it from visibility. I don’t know why it had to be built with a window, but it’s what I’m stuck with.

I put on my favorite outfit after my shower, hoping to make a good first impression, and then my mom helps me put on my chest shield over my shirt. The fabric of my t-shirt does almost nothing to hide the pumping organ’s movement underneath it. I am fully dressed, and yet I feel so exposed when I look down and see the quick fluttering through the shield’s window, knowing all my new classmates will see it too. In fact, my heart is thumping so quickly this morning that my mom notices. She tells me there’s nothing to be nervous about, and I feel embarrassed. It must be really obvious then, and everyone at school will look at my heart and how nervous I am. It’s hard to appear aloof with a heart like mine that reacts to my thoughts and feelings for everyone to see.

I try not to look down while I distract myself with some breakfast, but the frantic fluttering dancing in my peripheral vision won’t let me forget about my anxiety. I ignore the rest of my breakfast and sit in the couch, leaning back and looking up towards the ceiling. I can’t see my heart in this position. I feel relieved for a second before the pounding sensation in my chest reminds me that I can’t escape. I don’t have to be looking at my heart to know how it’s beating, I can feel it clearly at all times, except when I’m asleep.

My mom tells me it’s time to go, so I grab my backpack and she drives me to school. My heart is beating faster and faster, and I try to cover my view of my heart with the seatbelt, but it’s not wide enough and I can still see it.

We arrive at school and my mom wishes me luck as I exit the car. She drives off, and I begin to regret not staying home sick or getting homeschooled.

At first no one notices, but as I start walking to my first class, I start seeing people staring and doing double-takes. I start walking more quickly until I reach my first classroom. I take a seat near the back and watch the clock, waiting for the bell to ring to start class. Once I entered the classroom, I get less weird looks. I don’t have to worry about the teachers asking questions, my mom already sent out an email explaining my condition. It’s the other students I have to worry about.

The next few minutes go by quickly and soon the classroom is full, and the bell rings. The teacher takes roll, and then tells us to get into groups of three and introduce ourselves before we begin the planned activity.

Two guys sitting near me ask me to join their group. I accept. Then I see their faces change when they see my chest. The one with the shorter hair speaks first.

“Dude, is that your heart?”

I feel my face grow warm and I nod.

“I can see it beating! That’s rad. Were you born like that?”

I nod again. The boy with the long wavy hair speaks next.

“Do you always have to wear that thing on your chest?”

He’s talking about my shield. I nod, too flustered to speak.

“I’m Josh,” the boy with the shorter hair says. He kinda looks like Andy from Toy Story (in the first two movies). The longer haired boy introduces himself next.

“I’m Tyler,” he says. Tyler and Josh both look at me, and I’m surprised they’re looking at my face and not my chest.

“Uhhh, my name’s Andrew,” I say nervously. My heart is still pounding, but Josh and Tyler haven’t really been mean, so maybe things wont be as bad as I imagined.

The teacher tells us our assignment, and we get started. Josh and Tyler don’t mention my heart again during class.

My next few classes go by quickly, without anyone really talking to me. I notice a few people looking at my chest but so far I havent gotten picked on. Soon its lunchtime, and I look for a quiet area out of view where I can enjoy my lunch alone and in peace. But as I’m walking through campus, my two classmates from first period see me.

“Hey! Andrew!” Josh calls out, waving in my direction.

“Come sit with us!” says Tyler, smiling.

I hesitate, because they’re not alone, but decide to make my way over.

“This is Andrew, from first period,” Tyler introduces me to the guy I don’t know. The guy has dark brown eyes and a friendly smile.

“I’m Joseph,” he says. He doesn’t stare at my chest, in fact, he’s probably trying to avoid doing just that because he keeps making eye contact with me. I give a quick smile then look away uncomfortably, turning to my lunch. I eat without saying much as Josh, Tyler, and Joseph eat and chat. When the bell rings, they agree to meet at the same place for lunch tomorrow.

“You’ll be here too, Andrew, right?” Joseph asks.

“Sure,” I say. I tell them goodbye, then head over to my next class. So far so good, I even had people to sit with during lunch which I wasn’t expecting. Unfortunately, the rest of the school day doesn’t go so smoothly. Not all jr high kids are going to be as polite as Joseph or as chill as Josh and Tyler. I knew that, but it still shook me a bit when I noticed a group of older girls staring and whispering amongst themselves. I heard them laugh, and I wondered what mean things they were saying. I tried to ignore it, hoping they wouldn’t approach me, and they didn’t. Later on, a group of guys noticed too, and they also kept staring, looking confused and whispering amongst each other. Thankfully, they didn’t approach me either. Soon, the final bell rang, and my first day of junior high came to an end. My mom picked me up and asked how school went. I told her it wasn’t bad, and I meant it. It wasn’t perfect, but I survived. I might have even started making friends!

Andrew’s Heart: Friends and Foes

Friday arrives, the last day of the first week of school. Although no one has picked on me so far, I still get weird looks in the hallways, and I hate knowing that they’re all looking at my visible heart. I wish I had been born with my heart safely tucked in my chest like everyone else, hidden and protected by bone and muscle, but I was born different. My heart sticks out and beats for the world to see just under a thin layer of skin, and I have to wear a protective shield over my chest that protects my heart from physical harm. Unfortunately for me, the doctors made my shield with a dome window over my heart, giving it room to beat but also making it visible, even when I’m wearing a t-shirt under my shield.

I’ve made three new friends so far: Josh, Tyler, and Joseph. On the first day, Josh and Tyler seemed to be intrigued by my condition, but they didn’t say much. If anything, they seemed to think it was cool, which surprised me. Joseph never said anything though, he acts like he doesn’t notice I’m different at all even though its obvious just by getting a quick glance at me. Sometimes I see Josh and Tyler look at my heart for a second or two before looking away, but Joseph avoids looking altogether. The four of us are sitting together on some stairs right now, eating our lunch and talking about electives. Suddenly, for the first time since the first day of school, my new friends bring up my heart. Tyler brings up the topic.

“So Andrew, do you have to wear your shield when you go to bed?”

The question catches me off guard and I almost choke on my food. I swallow quickly and nod.

“Yeah, pretty much anytime when I’m not in the shower.”

Josh speaks next.

“You were born like that, right? Can you feel your heart beating? Can you exercise?”

I can tell he’s been wondering these things, but was waiting for someone else to bring it up first. He’s curious though, and I don’t blame him, even though I get embarrassed when people ask questions.

“Yeah, I was born like this, and I can feel it. I’m allowed to exercise but I don’t have to take P.E.”

“Lucky,” says Josh. “I hear they’re gonna make us start running a mile each week!”

“You think that’s bad?” says Joseph. “Wait until we start fitness testing! They’re gonna make us run back and forth and back and forth until we collapse.”

“Seriously?” asks Tyler.

Joseph nods. “My older brother went here. Told me all about it. He’s in high school now.”

“Wow,” Tyler exhales. He turns to me. “You’re lucky you get to miss out on that.”

I shrug.

“If you can exercise, why are you allowed out of P.E.?” Josh asks.

“Um, I guess its just a safety precaution,” I explain. “I’m allowed to exercise but I have to be supervised. The doctors said I should get a personal trainer instead of being put in a large P.E. class.”

“Wow!” exclaims Josh. “You have a personal trainer?”

“Not right now,” I say. “But I might get one when I’m older.”

“That’s so cool,” he says.

“Yknow,” says Tyler. “I can see your heart beat faster sometimes.”

I feel my face get hot and I know I’m blushing. I know he looks at my heart sometimes but I pretend not to notice. I didn’t think he’d bring it up. Joseph must sense my discomfort because he changes the subject and the three of them start talking about sports while I finish my lunch in silence. For the rest of lunch period, I can feel my heart pounding quickly in my chest, nervous because my heart was being talked about. When the bell rings, I mumble a ‘see you after school’ to my friends before quickly heading to my next class. A group of boys stop me in the hallway. They don’t look friendly. I’m scared, but I try to tell myself its probably nothing.

“Hey, heart-boy,” one of them says, and I know I’m in trouble. He steps closer and peers through my shield’s window, examining my heart, which is visibly pounding under my tshirt. I stand there frozen, unsure how to react.

“What’s wrong with your heart?” he sneers. “Did you get dropped as a baby?”

One of his buddies points to my chest. “Look, he’s scared!”

They all laugh.

“I wonder what would happen if you poked it,” one of them chimes in. “You should do it, Jacob.”

The first guy chuckles. “That’d be funny.”

I wonder if they’re actually thinking about doing it.

“Don’t do it, Jacob,” one of them says. “It looks creepy.”

“Heh, yeah,” says Jacob. “You’re a real creep, heart-boy.”

The others laugh in agreement. Jacob then shoves me, and I fall to the ground and they laugh again before walking away together.

At first I’m too horrified to move, but then I pick up my backpack and rush to the nearest bathroom. I lock myself in one of the stalls and sit down. My heart is beating out of control and I feel a little sick. I realize that I’ve been taking quick shallow breaths, so I try to breathe deeply to calm down. I feel like crying, but I don’t want to be caught crying in the bathroom so I try to control myself. I look down at my chest in disgust. I feel so stupid. I hate that my heart is like this and I’m angry that the doctors designed my shield to display my beating heart for all to see. Right now, it looks like it’s trying to escape my chest. I touch the bottom edge of the shield with my fingers. I can feel it vibrate with each heartbeat. I push my fingers up under the shield until I can see them through the window. My heart is pounding underneath my fingertips. I press my fingers into my heart, gently at first, then adding more pressure. I want my chest to be flat. But my heart protests with a skip, and I quickly pull my fingers out from under the shield. I stare at my heart, watching for a second skip, but none comes. I keep watching through the window for what feels like forever until my heartbeat slows down to normal. Only then do I leave the bathroom and head to class. I’m twenty minutes late, but it feels like more than that. Since there’s no detention after school on Fridays, I have to go to detention on Monday to make up for the tardy, which I’m grateful about because I’m meeting my friends after school, and it’s my first time hanging out with them outside of school.

Aside from a few weird looks and catching people staring when they think I’m not paying attention, no one else bothers me for the rest of the day, but the incident has me distracted and I have trouble paying attention in my last classes. Finally, the bell rings, and school is let out. Worried about running into the boys from earlier, I rush to the place where my friends and I agreed to meet. When I get there, I’m a little out of breath. Tyler’s the only one there.

“Hey Andrew,” he greets me with a smile. “Wow, your heart’s racing! Did you see a pretty girl?”

It’s just friendly teasing but I really don’t want to think about my heart right now. Luckily, Joseph and Josh arrive just then.

“Hey guys,” Tyler greets them. “Ready to go?”

Joseph and Josh nod, and we start following Tyler in the direction of his house. We chose Tyler’s house because it’s close to school, and because Tyler’s parents sound chill, so we head over there to hang out.

It’s about a five minute walk, and when we arrive, Tyler gives us the tour. Joseph, Josh, and I all agree that Tyler has the best house, so we agree that this will be our hangout spot from now on. We head upstairs to Tyler’s room and play Grand Theft Auto until Tyler’s parents get home from work. I’m afraid how they’re going to react to seeing me, but neither of act like I’m any different, which I’m very grateful for. They invite me to stay for dinner, but I politely decline, because my mom texted me telling me she’s on her way over to pick me up. Tyler insists on going outside with me to wait with me until my mom arrives.

“Andrew?” he says, once we’re outside.

“Yeah?” I say.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier, with what I said.”

“It’s fine,” I tell him, but he still isn’t sure.

“I was just upset about other shit,” I explain. “We’re good.”

I hope he changes the subject but instead he asks about why I was upset. I don’t want to tell him what happened but I can’t lie to him either.

“Some guys were picking on me,” I admit, hoping he won’t make a big deal about it, but he does.

“What’d they do? Did they hurt you?” Tyler says, worried. “We ought to report it!”

“No, please,” I say. “I don’t want to report it. Its stupid, just forget it happened. I’m fine.”

“No way,” Tyler replies. “They could’ve really hurt you. Who was it?”

“Some dude named Jacob, and his friends,” I tell him. “Please don’t make it worse by saying anything, Tyler.”

Tyler reluctantly agrees. “I can’t promise I wont give him dirty looks at school though. He’s an asshole.”

I nod.

“I’d beat him up for you, but he’s bigger than me.”

That makes me laugh.

Just then, my mother pulls up in her car. I tell Tyler goodbye before climbing in.

“Did you have a good time with your new friends, Andrew?” my mom asks once I’m buckled up.

“Yeah, they’re cool,” I say. I really do think Tyler would beat up Jacob if he could. But either way, I’m glad I have someone on my side. The first week of school is over, and I’ve already made three new friends. Hopefully, my second week of school goes well like the first, without the bullying though!

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