poweringthepowerless

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]

𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]

"I like that library books have secret lives. All those hands that have held them. All those eyes that have read them."

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]

— David Cronenberg, Consumed

[poweringthepowerless]

I feel like my soul was ripped from my body.

Walking down the hall, rolling my IV fluids, I saw a big smile on my doctors face. And suddenly I felt joy. I excitedly said “we have good news” but the doctor said “I’ll talk to you in the room”. That’s when I knew it wasn’t good news.

He told me they found the embryo, but my baby had died. Oh my soul. Just ripped out. The ache of emptiness in my chest. I began to feel pain all throughout my body. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Tears soaked my gown. Then the doctors turn to me and say “look on the bright side, at least you’re still alive”

Any mother who has lost their child does not see any light in being alive. A mother wants to take the first plane to heaven.

After he walked out of the room, I wondered why the doctor had such a big smile on his face looking at my records. Why was he grinning ear to ear. Losing my baby was nothing to smile about.

In this lifetime and next, mi amor angelito.

[poweringthepowerless]

I’ve been spending time in solitude working on the inner trajectories of my soul.

Pain is a process and understanding how to navigate the road can be debilitating. I’m in constant growth.

Adios amigos.✌🏽

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]

Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning, and other times I feel like it’s the world. According to science, it’s the latter. So, why do I feel like I’m orbiting your moon?

I keep playing everything over and over in my head. I’m lost. I have no words. This doesn’t even make sense. Nothing does. Im going to keep wandering. And hopefully it leads me right back to you.

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]

This year I learned a lot about myself.

I’ve made mistakes and I’m happy I made them. Because without them, I wouldn’t have learned what not to do. But as many lessons as I gained, I also learned about all the things I did right. And at the end, I learned who I truly am as a person:

I am honest.

I am loyal.

I am thoughtful.

I am generous.

I am forgiving.

I am outgoing.

I am considerate.

I am ambitious.

I am non-judgmental.

I am flexible.

I am kind.

I am helpful.

I am funny.

I am compassionate.

I am trustworthy.

I am empathetic.

I am understanding.

I am energetic.

I am adventurous.

I am hardworking.

I am smart.

I am artistic.

I am loving.

I am considerate.

I am humble.

I am versatile.

I am caring.

I am witty.

I am creative.

I am optimistic.

I am reliable.

I am polite.

I am thoughtful.

I am punctual.

But most of all, I am resilient. Because no matter how many times I fall, I get up. Sometimes it takes me longer to get up than other times, but I always keep going. 2019 has probably been the hardest year on me mentally and emotionally. I am thankful for the lessons I learned and have faith that I will keep growing, learning, and developing into a better human each year.

[poweringthepowerless]

It’s not about who wins or who loses. It’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. Life isn’t a game or a competition.

Finding inner peace with yourself will allow you to heal from the inside out. It’s okay to fall down, it’s okay to make mistakes... but, if you fall down, get back up. If you make a mistake, take the lesson and learn from it. The facts of your past don’t dictate your future. Grow, and progress. You had to go through pain to know what happiness felt like. Don’t you remember “growing pains” as a child? Those existed so you could grow. There is good and bad in everything, life is the perfect yin and yang. The moment you take time to understand yourself and your actions, you’ll find the balance you need to make your life a solid yin and yang.

Spread love. Be kind.

[poweringthepowerless]

Running on no sleep because my mind is running faster than I can keep up with.

I’ve spent so much time thinking. And well, this time these are thoughts that I’m not ready to release from my brain. All I know is that the biggest change comes from pain, no one changes when they’re comfortable. I know it hurts. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. But if you’re still bleeding you’re the lucky one.

If this is my last post, then it worked. Send my love. Send my apologies. I’ll be back one day, but not in this lifetime.

[poweringthepowerless]

[poweringthepowerless]