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prayforbrains-blog · 8 years ago

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I HEARD YOU LIKE NEW FEATURES

SO I’M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME NEW FEATURES.

And when it rains it fucking pours.

I am c r y i n g over Twitter’s vehement division on this new Twitch ‘affiliate’ program. So far these have been my favorites:

“Whelp no one’s gonna care about getting partnered now.”

“Well so much for partnerships being exclusive. My sub button doesn’t make me special anymore RIP my streaming career.”

“OMG THIS IS GONNA HELP SO-AND-SO SO MUCH.” *same person 180s 20 minutes later* “I think the requirements for concurrent viewers should be raised to 50.” *immediately disqualifying the so-and-so originally mentioned*

“TWITCH JUST WANTS MORE MONEY. FUCK TWITCH.”

OH BOY WHERE DO WE START.

Let’s just get down with the facts.

What is the Twitch Affiliate Program?

The Twitch Affiliate program is simply a way for non-partnered streamers to obtain sought after features like bits, AN emote (note: singular), and that elusive purple sub button. Here’s a breakdown of existing features and how they apply to the three subsets of broadcasters:

Looks cool? Looks weird? Looks confusing? All of the above? Honestly it doesn’t concern you that much UNLESS you are a broadcaster, however you might be concerned how your favorite channel may change if the broadcaster decides he/she desires to opt into these features (once they are accepted that is). So let’s dive right into this shit fest and start with my favorite topic that’s come into question:

#1 G R O W T H

People who want to hustle and network and ACTUALLY have potential (i.e. personality/talent) to succeed on Twitch will succeed. Bacon Donut wrote a phenomenal article a few months ago (which I highly recommend reading) on why YOU might be the reason you’re not successful on Twitch.

“Every single excuse that you dream up that doesn’t focus inward to your own content is either wrong, or is the same obstacle that someone else managed to leap over to become successful.” - Bacon Donut

He goes on to discuss the multitude of reasons why people fail to grow and achieve their goals on the platform. I’ve been around Twitch long enough to know that every one of the topics he touches on is spot the FUCK on. Most people spend more time bitching about how ‘over-saturated’ the directory is. Let me enlighten you kiddos: EVERY INDUSTRY CAN BE OVERSATURATED AS FUCK. You have to fucking put yourself out there. You have to be entertaining or talented or have a gimmick. No amount of sleek new (formerly) exclusive features and a (singular) emote will help you if you aren’t producing consistent engaging content.

“BUT PRAY YOU DUMB BITCH YOU AREN’T PARTNERED AND YOUR STREAM ISN’T GROWING AT ALL SO YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT.’

The fuck it is punk. I don’t stream because I wanna be a Twitch partner. I stream because I love video games and I enjoy interacting with people. I also have an opinion because I (along with damn near every other Tom, Dick, and Shithead on the block) am eligible for this program. I also don’t need to be a partner to give advice on how to get partnered. I’ve watched 20+ friends grow from NOTHING on Twitch to quality partnered casters. I’ve even helped some of them. Ask around, people will tell you I’m all about spreading the love, helping those I am able to help, and introducing people to new like minded individuals.

Let’s continue...

#2 M O N E Y

Let’s start off with the only thing you really need to know about Twitch. TWITCH IS A BUSINESS. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, ‘WOAH PRAY FUCKING EARTH SHATTERING INFORMATION.’ but you’d be surprised how many people don’t understand this. Twitch is not here to hold your hand and walk you down the purple brick road to that shiny purple button. Twitch is here to make money just like any other business in the universe. Lemme give you a breakdown on some numbers kiddos:

1. Amazon reportedly acquired Twitch for a cool $970 million

2. It has been suggested that the vast majority of Twitch streamers average less than 10 viewers. (Though I’m sure Twitch is highly aware of the actual number and percentage)

Let’s start with that first bit and the most glaringly-can-be-seen-from-fucking-space obvious: Amazon wants both return on investment and solid plans for future growth. They wouldn’t have acquired Twitch if they weren’t looking for more money fam. That’s just business and regardless of how much you bitch and moan about corporate greed on Twitter that won’t change.

Second: all those (including myself) down in the bottom of the directories with less than 10 viewers all take up resources on Twitch’s end. Those broadcasters get those resources for exactly zero dollars and zero cents and let me tell you that is a fucking steal. It would be completely ridiculous for Twitch not to take a little bit of advantage from those people at all. The affiliate program will surely not hurt any of those streamers. They’ll get a cool global emote and their viewers can toss a few bits their way. C O O L . You know what Twitch gets? A few extra $$$ to keep the servers up and the lights on.

Are you feeding some corporate fat-cat’s wallet in the process of subbing to your favorite streamer? Sure, but you already do that every time you buy a box of cereal, TK Broha. So unless you’re planning to completely remove yourself from society and live off the land (which you’ll still have to pay $$$ to the government for, effectively feeding rich+corrupt politicians) YOU CAN’T REALLY AVOID IT GOOD CHUM. Sure your intentions might be fantastic: CONGRATULATIONS Robin Hood: you’re a decent human being. but at the end of the day I know for a fact you’re still gonna go buy your fucking Honey Nut Cheerios™ and your car’s still gonna need gas because you forgot to fill it up on your way home from work yesterday broskiski. Unless you’re actually an adolescent or just have absolutely no idea how business and the economy works (in which case go take a fucking basic economics class jfc) all of this information should be understandable and acceptable in 2017.

#3 N U M B E R S

So the most compelling commentary about the affiliate program is about the requirement numbers. According to Twitch’s press release broadcasters simply need to meet these simple requirements to be invited to the affiliate program:

At least 500 total minutes broadcast in the last 30 days

At least 7 unique broadcast days in the last 30 days

An average of 3 concurrent viewers or more over the last 30 days

At least 50 Followers

K. Sounds legit. The biggest concern people have voiced is that the requirements are TOO LOW, more specifically the follower and concurrent viewer count. Some have stated it should be as high as 50+ concurrent viewers with 500-1000+ followers. K. That makes total sense when the majority of new partners I’ve seen have been average between 50-100 concurrent viewers. [LET ME BE CLEAR. THIS IS NOT A DISS FOR THOSE NEW PARTNERS WHO PULL THOSE NUMBERS. THOSE NUMBERS ARE FUCKING RAD. PLEASE KEEP KICKING AS MUCH ASS AS POSSIBLE AND CREATING CONSISTENT CONTENT. I APPRECIATE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.] I’m saying it’s pretty fucking ridiculous for that to even be considered to be the threshold for this program. Twitch is seeking to capitalize off of EVERY POSSIBLE STREAM IT CAN. Twitch doesn’t care that you feel threatened or like your ‘cool kids club’ is less cool; they just want that spicy revenue.

‘Yeah, but how many subs is a person with 3 viewers gonna have Pray?’

A M A Z I N G L O G I C. Hold on to those Cheerios™ you bought TK Broha cause I’m about to rock your honey nuts to the moon and back. They could have anywhere from 0-(insert number here). Now hypothetically let’s say ALL of those 3 concurrent viewers decide to invest and subscribe/throw bits at that caster, Twitch gets it’s normal % cut. Not a lot you say? Now multiply that by every. single. streamer with that many viewers. THAT’S A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY. Or rather, that’s a lot of potential money that up until this point in time had been squandered/lost to companies like GameWisp and Streamtip.

Twitch isn’t trying to put those people out of business necessarily, but it does want to maximize profits. It makes sense that they would offer this program to as many people as possible. So keep bitching on Twitter (cause honestly it’s entertaining af), but I HIGHLY doubt those numbers will change. Sorry not sorry.

#4 E X C L U S I V I T Y

So that thing on the right? It’s called a cubic zirconia and it’s man made stone that resembles a diamond. It’s significantly cheaper to buy. I can walk into any Target and buy a pair of those bad boys to wear in my earholes for less than 20 bucks. Pretty neat right? That thing on the left on the other hand is the real deal. That’s a certified diamond boiz. The price of diamonds? Start in the hundreds and start climbing faster than The Flash can run around the globe. You can tell the difference between the two pretty easily once you notice the little things right? Diamonds can cut fucking glass, CZs can’t. They’re both timeless and incredibly beautiful stones, but one outshines the other. It’s rarity makes it worth more, but they’re both used in jewelry that can be treasured forever and sometimes passed down from generation to generation. IN CASE YOU’RE CONFUSED THIS IS A METAPHOR KIDS. [met·a·phorˈmedəˌfôr,ˈmedəˌfər/nouna figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.] My point is fairly simple. Partners will always have access to new features and cool parties before affiliates. Partners will have an easier time networking with sponsors and game devs. Partnership will still be a goal for those individuals who are passionate and want to build relationships with other brands. Just like a diamond is a status symbol in society, partnership will still be a status symbol on Twitch. Another really important component here is: these things are only worth the value you see in them personally. You may be enamored with the idea of being a partner because you want to be a part of that cool kid’s club. That’s 100% okay. Some people aren’t interested in the status symbol. I’m sure there are more people like me out there who could fucking care less about the little checkmarks next to people’s names on social media, but for others that’s the epitome of internet fame and the ultimate goal.

You know what this program is really going to do? It’s gonna RUDELY awaken some folks who have delusions of grandeur. A sub button is not going to make you successful. A sub button is not going to make you famous. A sub button is not going to make you rich. A sub button is not going to bring new users to your channel.

A sub button is just a button that the people who are already in your channel are going to choose whether or not to press.

This is going to be a hard pill for a lot of small and medium sized casters to swallow. People are excited now, but when they don’t wake up with 1000 subs they’re gonna have to take stock of what’s really going on and why they aren’t growing. A lot of dreams are about to be brutally shattered.

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prayforbrains-blog · 8 years ago

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Working on a long post for the end of the week.

I haven’t forgotten about you. I promise. <3

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prayforbrains-blog · 8 years ago

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Honestly I’m so excited to play this game again I could fucking shit myself.

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prayforbrains-blog · 8 years ago

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I will not be at PAX East to 'network' with people and here's why:

Asuh Tumblr. Hope you've all been well. Sorry I've been neglecting to write, but things have been hectic around these parts. Today I got inspired to write a bit about a subject that's always going to be relevant: "networking".

I can’t deny that I once lived off of Twitch. I was blessed with a community whose generosity was beyond my comprehension. They kept me on my feet while I muddled through the absolute worst year of my life. Without them I would've been completely lost and I will never be able to thank them enough for all they did for me during those months. The flip side of that: during those days I had to start looking at my channel as a "brand" and a "business".

These days I DO NOT consider my cast to be a business in any way. Someone convinced me to put my tip page (which had been down for over a year) back up after 2+ months of debate (BTW: the tip page WILL be taken down after PAX East). Streaming, in my case, isn’t about money or fame or connections in the industry; it is 100% about video games and making people laugh. I am still an entertainer at heart, always will be, and with that comes a void in my life that can only be filled by evoking some type of emotion from another human being. I am very much fueled by communication with a live audience. This is something that I find incredibly difficult on Twitch, but I am growing more accepting of that fact with every stream. When chat is lively and responsive I consider my stream a success, but that’s a whole different can of worms that I’ll save for another day.

Coming soon to a tumblr near you: Pray for Applause: The story of a tormented artist in search of literally any kind validation from virtually any audience.

But back to the topic at hand: Why won’t I be “networking” at PAX? Because I fucking hate networking. The term ‘networking’ to me means relatively mild mannered chatting about industry related topics with a sprinkling of 100% shameless self-promotion. Kudos to you people who can do it all day without blinking a fucking eye, but I despise talking ‘business’ and promoting myself. I understand that, for some people, the entire point of going to a convention is to make connections with other streamers, devs, and brands in an attempt to further one’s own career or brand and that’s TOTALLY COOL and I respect the fuck out of those people. I, however, am not one of them.

If/when you see/meet me at a convention: I don’t want to talk about my stream. I don’t want to talk about your stream. I don’t want to talk about Twitch at all. I wanna talk about YOU as a person, not as a caster or a viewer. I want to talk about your favorite video games, your dog, your cat, your mom (who you may or may not want me to date), your grandma (who you also may or may not want me to date), your strange love of stinky French cheese, your fancy schmancy new 8K TV that talks to you and tells you to eat more vegetables because your poop is lookin’ a little grey, or LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN TWITCH AND TWITCH RELATED SHIT.

Now, with that being said, will I bring ‘business’ cards with me? Abso-fucking-lutely. Why? Because I’m bound to meet new dope peeps who don’t know who the fuck I am and it’s easy to just hand someone a little card with my info instead of hoping that we remember each others Twitter handles.

Now this is in regards too anyone I come in contact with, but especially anyone who’s a “big shot” (not that any of them will read this LUL): I do not want anything from you. I don’t EXPECT you to follow me on social media. I don’t EXPECT us to be friends. I honestly don’t even expect you to remember me in the morning. However, if we do in fact hit it off and like each other as individuals: I’d rather you not come to or promote my stream AT ALL because the last fucking thing I want to do is use my friends for anything other than emotional support. Y’all know I have friends who are partnered. Go ask any of them if I’ve ever asked them for hosts or retweets or whatever to help me get 'somewhere’. DO IT. They’ll all say the exact same thing: N O P E. I don’t ask anyone to do anything for me when it comes to stream bullshit because I HONESTLY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH. I know it’s hard to imagine in 2017, but a few of us are still decent human beings and don’t want to use people like objects and then throw them away when we’ve gotten what we needed out of them. I am a decent human being and was raised to treat people with dignity and respect (Bless you A, L, and M for teaching me what those things mean and how to incorporate them into my life. I will love the three of you forever and never forget how you’ve shaped me as a person. I hope you’d be proud. <3). Anyone I meet anywhere is subject to the same dignity and respect. I don’t care if you’re the president of the free fucking world or if you happen to be waiting on my table wherever, you deserve to be respected equally as functioning human beings. So before I go off on a tangent about loving and respecting thy neighbor (because, honestly, you don’t know their life) I’ll bring this shit storm to a close.

TL;DR: I don’t wanna ‘network’ with you, so if you don’t wanna talk about anything other than streaming we probably won’t get along. Also, if you’re about that life and want that climb and you have ambitions beyond what I can fathom: cool. I just can’t bring myself to self-promote when I’d rather be making friends, drinking, dancing, eating massive amounts of carbs, and/or discussing the dankest of memes. Also, if you see me, let’s go get pizza.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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Mental Health Days

If you’re looking for my normal, relatively humorous diatribe please skip this one. Also, to the folks who were with me when this happened last night: PLEASE don’t blame yourself for any of this. You happened to be there when the dam broke, it’s no more your fault than it is my own.

Most of you are aware of my distaste for spreading negativity in a world where it already runs rampant. I believe that one should always be themselves and use their chosen platform to preach as they wish; I, however, do not like spreading my personal negativity. This is not because I wish you to view me as a plastic, cookie-cutter, happy human being, but rather I know you all have your own problems and do not need to be bogged down with mine.

Somedays I want to talk about things but most days I don’t.

There are very rare occasions when I feel the urge to discuss the things that pass through my psyche that cause me to spiral back into a disgusting fit of depression. This is not necessarily one of them, but I’ll give you a sneak peak at what it feels like. This particular outburst of negative thoughts came as a response to a fairly innocent question: Why wouldn’t I want someone I admire to know who I am? I am a fan of introspection - in fact, I feel that it is the greatest key to personal growth. I don’t normally stop a conversation to self-examine, but in this particular case I couldn’t resist the compulsion. What a question! How interesting that I had no immediate answer. Those of you that know me know that I usually have an answer for everything and if I don’t I will go out of my way to point you in the direction of potential correct answers. So this was a case of the later: I pointed myself in the direction of the answer; my own brain. That was my first mistake.

I pierced the surface with what I first thought was simply a dull plastic spoon and turned out to be one of those ridiculous, 10000 degree blazing knives that can cut through practically anything.

My own brain proceeded to launch a full assault on every possible insecurity I possess. My job, my state of living, my weight, my looks, my lack of higher education, my list of failed projects, my staggering inability to move on from those failed projects, my trust issues, and about 1000000000 other things . You know, the usual. It was like a barrage of voices dragging me down for everything that I could possibly be dragged for. It has been a deafening loop since about 9 PM last night. I managed to quiet it a bit before I went to bed last night, but I woke this morning with it just as deafening as it was when it originally set itself to task.

I must confess, this is not a completely unfamiliar loop tape, but the last time it dropped itself into my mind’s tape player was nearly ten years ago. Ten years ago, when I first moved to Texas, I was so depressed I spent 3 months in bed. I did nothing for 3 months other than watch The Hours on repeat and listen to that self-loathing loop tape in my own brain. Side note: nowadays I have such a seething hatred for being so nonproductive. I despise ‘I’m bored’ more than any other words in the human language. So looking back on a full quarter of a year of my youth completely squandered on lying in bed and not being able to move because of my own diseased brain brings on two distinctly different feelings. The first, and the most apparent every time I look back, is obviously the feeling of failure and self loathing. The second, however, is the one I must hang on to: the sense of strength gained from recovery. Every failure (though this is not technically a failure, rather it is a symptom of a condition we have absolutely no control over) inevitably makes us stronger, but my brain sometimes refuses to find any strength in what happened then. Perhaps I never fully recovered from it, but then again, is depression a thing that can actually ever 100% be cured? Who the fuck knows. Do I look like a doctor? Of course not. I can’t even bleach my hair properly, much less spew chemical and mathematical factoids about the brain and its functions. All I know is what I have experienced personally and learned from avid googling and listening to professionals who are willing to speak in layman’s terms. Normally when I get a bit depressed I find solace in listening to people talk about it as a simple chemical imbalance, but this time around it doesn’t seem to be scratching the itch quite as well as it once did. I will keep telling myself that this is not what I truly think of myself, but as the tape continues to play it’s hard not to buy into it - especially when you know that such a brand of cruelty was manufactured in your own head.

TL;DR - I’m not well. Proceed with extreme caution.

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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Be strong. Get educated. Work harder.

This is 2017. There are no more excuses.

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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Body Image

So I did a lot of relaxing and thinking post orthodontist appointment today. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve had invisalign for the past year and I just got my attachments taken off today. First off: MY TEETH FEEL NORMAL AGAIN, HUZZAH. Secondly: my teeth, which I’ve been self conscious about for YEARS are finally straight. I couldn’t be happier. (Not that you guys give a shit since you never ACTUALLY get to see my teeth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) But this whole thing has really gotten me thinking about body image and how people perceive others based on something as stupid as the way that their fucking teeth grew in.

I really have a lot to say on the subject, but I don’t want to dive in too deep tonight as I’m about to finish reading my last nightstand comic (I refer to the things I haven’t read as my ‘nightstand’ books, but I also literally keep them ON my nightstand so¯ \_(ツ)_/¯) and pass the fuck out for about 9 hours.

Anyway. I want to assure you all that are watching the fitness diary shit of a couple things. A) I am not crash dieting. The changes that I’ve made to my diet are 100% healthy changes. I’m cutting out red meat and limiting poultry as sources of protein and I’m reducing my carb intake. Almost no processed food at all, and, most importantly, if I didn’t cook it I am not eating it. (Unless of course me cooking is just 100% not an option) I’m going to try to make an effort to actually take pictures of what I eat and post them, but most of the time I’m in a bit of a hurry so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I’ll try.

B) I’m not making these changes to try to look like anyone else or be a certain weight. I am making these changes because I want to be healthier and more conscious of how I take care of myself. Right now weight loss is a huge part of what needs to happen for me to get healthy, so my diet is going to reflect that. Is it kind of extreme? Maybe. But honestly, have you met me? I am extreme, but most importantly I am dedicated to and fiercely passionate about the things I give 2 shits about. (Reminder: I have a doctor. She’s a fucking peach, even though she remind me of my crazy ex’s even crazier mother. If I have any problems I will be sure to visit her and get her 100% professional not crazy advise/help.)

C) I honestly just want to be Batman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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I’m fat.

Not just like a few pounds either. A LOT of pounds. Too many pounds to be considered healthy in any universe. I’ve been too lazy, I’ve been injured, I’ve been sick, I’ve had every excuse in the world to not lose weight - but at the end of the day if I had to pick between the salad and the pasta it was always gonna be the pasta. I fuckin’ love pasta. I love cheese too. Not super big on candy and that kind of junk, but you put a slab of steak in front of me and I’m probably gonna eat that shit.

I’ve never been good at telling myself no.

I tend to take things to extremes and dig myself holes to fucking China and then try to take a plane back but realize that I left my fucking passport at home and I have to walk all the way back through the molten fucking lava that I just trekked through anyway.

This is how I’ve lived my life for a loooong time. I did it in grade school and then continued in high school. I did it when I dropped out of college because I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted to do. Luckily I have some insight now and am working on rectifying my mistakes in my choice to completely abandon higher education. I have a plan for that, and sometimes I think I have a plan for my health and then I’m like LUL JUST GIMME DAT TORTELLINI AND A BOTTLE OF WINE TO GO WITH IT THANKS.

So. What are we gonna do about this? - We’re gonna change the way we think about food. I’m writing everything down. I started yesterday. Everything I eat, everything I do, how many steps I take in a day - all of it. I’m going to hold myself 100% accountable. I’m always concerned about the health of my family and friends, so why aren’t I more concerned about my own? Well that’s another problem; I care too much about others and not enough about myself. I need to learn to care for myself just as well. But that’s hard when your self worth is in the dumps because you’re fat. I’m not down because I don’t look a certain way - don’t misunderstand me. Sure that’s part of the problem, but the crux of the matter lies in that I can’t do the things I used to be so good at. I won awards for swimming, cheerleading, and dancing. I was at one time in fucking amazing shape. I had the greatest fucking ass of all time. I won’t live in the past anymore, but I miss being able to do all of those things as well as I once did.

The good thing about this is my motivation for losing weight doesn’t come from wanting to please anyone else. I simply want to be able to do all the things I was once so good at. I probably miss dancing the most. That’s not to say I can’t dance at all - believe me I still get down bruh - but I’m not able to move nearly as easily as I once was. I want to get back to that place where shit was easy pz.

So here’s the plan. I’m not gonna just hold myself accountable to myself, I’m going to hold my self accountable to my entire community.

There are a lot of you guys. You can call me out on my shit. If I have an awesome day and a great workout to back it up - I’m gonna tell you. If I have an awful day and I cave and get a burger on the way home from work - I’m gonna tell you. If I think I’m gonna be lazy and not workout - I’m gonna tell you and you can say HEY PRAY GET THE FUCK UP AND MOVE FOR 30 MINUTES BECAUSE IT REALLY ISN’T THAT MUCH TIME AND YOU’RE WORTH IT.

TL;DR - I’ve started a new text channel in Discord where I’m gonna post pictures of shit I eat and workout logs and stuff. If you want to post stuff you eat and your workouts as well GO FOR IT. We can help each other succeed just by being there for one another.

I’ll end this with the immortal words of my fucking queen herself:

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

PERHAPS IT’S MY LACK OF SLEEP THAT HAS TURNED ME INTO AN ANGRY BITCH. Most likely it’s just my hormones. I’m in my mid 20s, if you didn’t know, and my body wants me to breed - a concept that my brain cannot cope with. I’m no more interested in being in a relationship or having children than I am in watching paint dry. True story fam.

This is a quick ‘I’m sorry I’ve been grumpy post’. I’ve taken a couple extra days off from streaming this past week because my energy has been low and I’ve been grumpy. I also just started working out again so I’m sore and all my body wants is chocolate. So basically here’s a quick summary of the conversations my brain is currently holding with various parts of my body:

Legs: I DON’T WANT TO MOVE. Brain: Move. Legs: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME. Brain: Move, please. Legs: Fine, but we’re only moving to down to the kitchen and back to get Nutella.

Brain: Hey uterus? Do you mind chillin’ with all the mixed signals? We’ve already got a lot on our plate. Uterus: I CAN’T STOP CRYING. OH BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS. AY LMAO. OMG LOOK HOW ATTRACTIVE THAT PERSON IS, LET’S MAKE BABIES WITH THAT HUMAN. ALSO I THINK SOMEONE IS STABBING US WITH A PITCHFORK AND SIMULTANEOUSLY TRYING TO CHOKE US TO DEATH. Brain: Sigh. That person is now 74 and doesn’t know you exist. Shut up.

Emotional Brain: Omg, but what if she’s actually a nice person? Does it even matter that she’s not your type? Do we even have a type anymore? I feel like that ‘type’ file got deleted long ago... but maybe it’s still in the trash bin. Have you seen the trash bin lately? Someone really ought to dump it. It’s lookin’ really full and I think I can smell it from here. Oh you know what I think I smell? FUCKIN’ BROWNIES AND ICECREAM. Brain: There are no brownies or ice cream in this house. We’re making really important lifestyle changes that’ll benefit all of us in the long run. Emotional Brain: But we could just drive to the grocery store right now? I’d say we could walk and look at people’s houses that still have Christmas lights up, but I don’t think the legs are up for it. Legs: Go fuck yourself. Emotional Brain: Is that a maybe? Just think about it. We could go get the stuff to make bacon chocolate and then we could get bubble bath stuff and...... Brain: Please shut the fuck up.

Brain: Hey vital organs, we just wanted to say thanks for doing your part no matter what when some of us are having bad days. You guys are great, keep up the good work. Heart, Liver, Lungs etc.: We would like to file a formal complaint, these are unfair working conditions. When do we get a day off?

So there’s a brief glimpse just at what I’m dealing with inside. That’s not even considering my real life problems like work, extreme trust issues, and friends and actual relationships. Of course I will be fine. I am a strong woman forged of some sort of bizarre metal that is capable of stretching and contorting in ways that were previously unimagined by the creatively challenged minds of science.

I love you guys. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be back tomorrow after I get 8 hours of sleep. (Or ya know, 2. Whatever.)

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prayforbrains-blog · 9 years ago

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What the fuck even.

I didn’t want this to turn into a catch all for my feelings and whatnot, nor did I want this to become some type of diary, but lawd here we are fam. I really feel like I need to elaborate on last night’s events.

Last night was in-fucking-credible. As soon as I turned on the cast we were invaded by ‘The Goo’. If you aren’t familiar with my old friend Goobers515, first of all WHAT? and second: go follow him immediately and I promise you shan’t be disappointed. He has built an incredible community over the past year and I could not be more proud. I look to his community as kind of the gold standard on Twitch, they spread positivity and love wherever they go. Last night I was blessed by those folks and some of my own as well. His community invaded - and between his and my own - the entire tip bar I put up for PAX East was 100% filled in less than two hours. I just put that bar up on SUNDAY. The $800 goal was SMASHED in less than 24 hours. There are NO WORDS. I am blown away by their generosity and YOURS. Thank you so fucking much. My heart hurt yesterday and I had no idea how to express my gratitude. I still don’t know how to thank you properly, but this seems like a great step in the right direction. Because of you I get to go meet my best friend among many other people I’ve been dying to meet. I also get to spend more time with some of the amazing people I finally got to meet at Twitchcon. Some of these people have already changed my life and I have NO idea what I did to deserve their friendship, but I know I’m blessed to have them in my life.

I want to thank all of you for making this opportunity a reality. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you.

I’m leaving the tip button up until PAX. (Because people yelled at me when I said I was taking it down.) If we happen to earn enough extra I’ll get an actual ticket to the con and I’ll buy a camera to vlog the entire trip. ALSO in light of the sudden influx of followers over on my Twitch and Twitter it’s fair to say my goals for 2017 are going to be SMASHED. So here’s what we’ll do: at 2K followers on Twitch AND 1K followers on Twitter I’ll go ahead and schedule a 24 hour stream, something I said I would NEVER DO EVER AGAIN. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate such amazing milestones.

What a start to 2017. This year’s gonna kick ass and it’s all because you guys are fucking amazing. Thank you for being incredible and keep up the ass-kickery. And If I see you at PAX get ready for this:

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