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School is my priority and I love it but it can be super stressful at times. And sometimes it makes me feel like I’m not enough or that I won’t be able to amount to anything. I’m so hard or on myself when it comes to that because that’s all I’ve ever had tangibly that I can hold onto. I might bury myself in it and let it consume me but that’s just because I wanna be successful in life. I just wanna see my work do what I want it to and it’s scary because my biggest fear is that it won’t. I know it will deep down inside but there’s this pressure to perform and do well because it feels like everything and everyone is counting on me to be successful. Its like I have to be or else. I can’t live a life without success but I can’t also live a life that coexists with being stressed about it .....

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The office is such a good show. It’s my second time watching it. I’m watching it my sister this time and lol sometimes she can be such a butt in watching shows together but I love it lol. Imagine the face infamous face Jim makes at the camera whenever something wild goes on in the show ..... that’s my face every time she says something. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Engagement. Whew

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And I give him my faith

Never did he fail me

He changed my outcome

And picked up my circumstances

He created in me a clean heart

And purified me

He never let it rain down on me

And if he did he always brought it to a new beginning

I thank him for his love, his joy his mercy

For creating in me a victory that I never thought I could see

So close yet so far

But time would only tell if I’d held up my end of the bar

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My salvation and my victory

I give him my joy, my pain, my tears

Because he deserved it from the start and even when I failed to give it to him

but he told me it was alright and that I didn’t have to follow my peers

To be myself and enjoy my freedom

but to also not to tear apart his kingdom

It didn’t collapse as I thought it would but rather held on to a salvation so pure

It changed me on the inside but held on to a place that was familiar ... all too familiar

You ever think there was something so familiar it changed you to be so sure it never left but only hid itself till it was time to meet its cure

The cure that came but left outside because he revealed it was all on the inside

Yet it failed to make the appearance you thought it would but that was only because you weren’t so sure

Unsure about the time rather than the place but it often seemed to turn out ok

Yet it didn’t fail and only prevailed the champion in you to set sail and dodge the hail that so ruthlessly came down to rain at times you unintentionally chased your tail to try to bring down its wrath yet another time on your trail

But it failed

And yet I can only give it to him for filling that pail

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I took a super long break from social media ... only a week lol .... and I left it tumblr because I was like welllllll it’s not all that important and then I was having some me time with JC and he was like yeah girl, get on that 😂😂😂😂 I’m super glad that he spoke to me when he did. It’s just that the blog is super personal stuff and it’s exposing or rather revealing so much more of me that I wouldn’t expect to share but here I am .... it kinda feels right though ..... 🤔🧐🤨

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Just owned up to not actually having love in my heart and it was weird. Like super weird lol. It was so weird because you’d think that I have the capacity to love or be loved and I don’t. Like I’m not even sure I know what it is but after confessing to it, it was like this weight kinda lifted off of me knowing that I wouldn’t really have to fill that void but that God would do it for me. Yeah. Weird ..... lol

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Whether your eyes are open or closed, you have to be 100% in that moment.

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Craziest thing yet is having to learn to sing all over again. Omg lol. If this isn’t the most upsetting thing like ever lol. God is moving and I’m so happy but chyle he’s pulling things out of me I didn’t even know I had in me. Lol what the heck lol. Girl. We singing with the anointing, praise dancing with the anointing, shifting with the anointing lol. Allat. And I can’t even catch up. He is not letting me breathe.

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Dear God,

I’m waiting on you to move. It’s your turn Father. It’s your turn to show me what you mean and what you’re doing. I may not and honestly don’t really understand it right now because one thing was said and now you’re showing me another God. Please God I need some sanity. I need something to make it clear. I know you’re not a God of confusion and because I know that I’m asking you for transparency. Clarity in everything God. To be clear to me about what it is God. What is it God. What is it that you’re asking of me God. What is that you’re wanting of me God. Where’s the favor at God. Where’s the unmerited favor and grace of God, God. Where is it. I need it. I beg of it. I ask of it to be consumed by me God. Whats the kingdom want God. What’s the kingdom want. Amen, and amen

In Jesus’ name. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

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God what’re you doing to me. Taking over my words and I don’t even know what I’m saying half the time. 😓

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It’s really that way though to be that way.

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It’s like it’s so bad because it’s passed on to be the fuel of the economy. It’s the fuel to hate who you want and care for. It’s the fuel that drives you to be you. It’s fuel because it’s fuel.

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Let mentor spoke something to me so serious. She said, “Well, you'll find out in life that when people that are supposed to be your friends can't be friendly towards you over simple things it's because there is something blocking the flow of their love for you.” And it was the craziest thing I’d heard and we were talking about it in terms of jealousy. I can’t even imagine or fathom someone being jealous of me. I don’t feel that I have anything for anyone to even be jealous of man. It’s such a hateful world out there.

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I just want to dig into God man. I want it to consume me more than ever. I want it to wrap me up in something so serious that it never lets me go. It’s like the fuel to my economy and care. It’s the cure to what goes on. It’s the way. It’s the truth. It’s the night. It’s the way man.

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Blogging is a huge release. Like I can’t even do half of the things I want to do without it. Like wow lol.

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Whew. I don’t want to push my own agenda but I’d really like to say that God is a God of many colors and coats. He loves us all equally and no sin is bigger than the other. Going outside of what he oradained for us to do and preaching a watered down Gospel is really going to be the death of this world.