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Ugh

I broke down in my OB's office. Just having a hard time with everything. Now I'm on medication for prenatal anxiety. And she wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to discuss how it's working for me and what my weight gain looks like. Just so tired of it all.

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This is me

Contrary to many of the stigmas assumed about anorexia nervosa, a person can present with the restrictive behaviors and features of anorexia without meeting the low weight criteria for a diagnosis of anorexia. This is called atypical anorexia.

Personality traits associated with anorexia:

Rigidity – people with anorexia are inflexible when it comes to their thoughts about food, they are also inflexible when it comes to certain actions about their food. Need for control – they have a characteristic need for control and can obsess, be pessimistic, they are reluctant to change, avoid new situations, and are afraid of the uncertain. All of these go hand in hand with the before mentioned rigidity. I’ll explain it shortly. Low impulsivity – they have a tendency do things after careful consideration and do not act suddenly. All of these anorexia personality traits give us a person who likes to obsess over things, likes to have control of his life, certain aspects at least, mostly being food. At the same time they are not so eager to change their current ways, they don’t act on impulse, and don’t want to add something new into their lives that fast. Perfectionism – They have a need to avoid appearing imperfect. Similarly as in people with anorexia who like to avoid harm. In some sense, this also implies they try to avoid criticism, a thing that would be harmful to their weak self-image. Moreover, perfectionists try to avoid harm and rely on the approval of other people. They also share the lower desire for new things. They dislike engaging in activities where their success is not guaranteed and their perfect image could be compromised.

This is totally me.

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Reblog if you're always scared to check your weight

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40 😳God I'm old

Add how old you will be in 2024

I’ll be 25 going on 26

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Some helpful tips on how to be an advocate for healthy eating and healthy body image from the Renfrew Center.

Let’s create an environment where self love can bloom!

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If you want to stop overeating or bingeing read this.

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Ingredients: 1 tablespoon flour 1 tablespoon sweetener 1 tablespoon water

How to: Mix the ingredients together until you get a smooth batter. Put it in the microwave for 60 seconds and enjoy! It’s nice and fluffy and warm and I just love it. You can add cinnamon, lemon, cocoa powder, really whatever you want. It’ll probably add a few calories though.

Really comforting and safe, I felt a lot better after eating it (I was having a panic attack and was about to binge).

I was going to submit this to @star-ana-low-cal-recipes but it kept failing so whoops here ya go.

DISCLAIMER:: I am not a pro ana blog, I fully support recovery. I’m just trying to make myself food to eat without feeling panicky afterwards and having the potential to hurt myself out of guilt. I know a lot of other people go through the same, so I wanted to share and help them.

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Restaurants Safe Foods Masterpost

Food from my master post, this is just so you don’t have to scroll through the whole thing if you didn’t want to on my masterpost

A&W

Applebees

Arbys

Bojangles

Burger King

Bj’s

Carrabas

Cheddars

Chick-Fil-A

Chilis

Chipotle

Chuck E Cheese

Cici’s

Cracker Barrel

Culivers

Dairy Queen/Orange Julius

Denny’s

Dominos

Dunkin Donuts

Fire House Subs

Five Guys

Fuddruckers

Golden Coral

Hard Rock

In and Out Burger

IHOP

Jasons Deli

KFC

Krispy Kreme

Little Caesers

Krystals

Logans Road House

Long Horn Steak House

McAlisters Deli

McDonalds

Movie Theaters

Olive Garden

Outback Steak House

Panda Express

Panera Bread Co.

Papa Johns

Papa Murphys

Pizza Hut

Popeyes

PF Changs

Red Robins (yuUUMMM)

Ruby Tuesday

Sonic

Steak and Shake

Subway

Taco Bell

Texas Road House

Tim Hortons

Waffle House

Wendy’s

White Castle

Zaxbys

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Current Weight

132 and I'm in my 21st week. Don't know how I'm going to make a 25 lb weight gain minimum when I've still got 18.5 weeks to go. I REALLY don't want to go over that. My OB asked me about my weight gain at my last visit. I measured small for my first pregnancy and I'm measuring small for this one, too. So she thinks I'm not gaining enough and I haven't confessed that I'm struggling. I'm so tired of being consumed by calorie intake. Nothing is food anymore. And the guilt I feel that I'm not giving this baby enough is tremendous. I hate this anxiety.

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Lunch

Toast 130 PB. 95 Honey 30 Milk 50 Total...305

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Breakfast

Coffee 0 Creamer 50 Cereal 200 Milk 100 OJ 110 T........460

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you

cannot tell

if someone has an eating disorder

just by looking at them

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Horrified

Found out yesterday that this baby is a girl. I could not sleep at all last night. I don't want my daughter to experience what I've experienced, this never-ending battle in my mind of how ugly and fat my body is, how I'm not thin enough and how terrible my relationship with food is. I would never want that for her. I want her to live. To enjoy and cherish life and not be held down in her mind when it comes to what her body looks like. How can I possibly do that when I'm so broken and messed up?

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Pregnancy Weight Gain

I keep a handwritten food/weight journal and this has been my progress so far. 04.27.17 - 120lbs 07.06.17 - 125lbs 08.09.17 - 130lbs I have no idea how I'm going to maintain things to hopefully be 145 at the time of this baby's birth when I still have 5 months to go. I gained 36 lbs when I was pregnant the first time and it took me 18 months to lose over 40 lbs. and thinking about it gives me so much anxiety. I feel so guilty and selfish. I don't want to have an unhealthy baby and at the same time, I'm going to be so freaking fat. It doesn't matter that I'm growing a human. We find out today if this kid is a boy or girl. Maybe knowing the gender will help me feel better. Idk. We'll see. I'd never wish this body anxiety on anyone, ever.

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Outside the Outsiders

I'm so much older than all of the users on here posting about their ed struggles, and pregnant. Feeling really lonely. Wishing I had someone to relate to.