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2024 Wrapped... in his I LOVE FRANCE Scarf

25 December 2024

A confused President Macron walks the streets of Singapore, feeling desolate after his government shuffled faster than a deck of cards and an exhausting PREPMUN 2024.

Achooo, now he has to wrap himself in his comfortable scarves. The weather's too cold for the fiery French political chaos he's used to.

Merry Christmas yalls (guess the president in the pic)!!

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What brand is your microwave?

31 September 2025

French countrymen and comrades, we want to know how you roast your chicken and meal best.

Because right now French cities are set ablaze, absolutely roasted to the crisp (deaths). President Macron just got roasted on the street for being a lazy president in these times of crisis. Everyone thinks he's toast.

Asides from the gendarmerie holding up the 25,678 protestors in Paris and Lyon, the military is suffering ground setback and setback as Germany pillages through its westward advances. In one day, they will reach Calais, and French generals are VERY concerned they will be wiped out just like 1940.

Act now. Or France shall falter.

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The Fourth Time Germany invades France...

30 September 2025

After much discourse and a lackustre response from the National Assembly against the German threat, the German Chancellor smelled the time to paint the European map. With red blood.

On this uneventful day, the 3 million troops immediately advanced through the French realm with a strategic Blitzkrieg manouevre, punching through the River Rhine and passing through eastern Strasbourg. The heavy German tanks and air raids in nearby eastern French cities proved devastating.

According to NATO recon siding with France, the Germans look determined to manouevre westwards before turning north into Calais, thereby trapping the retreating French.

"I'm too tired for this. It's literally like the fourth time we got invaded by the Germans," President Macron publicly announced on state radio.

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I FEEL A GREAT RIGHT-WING FORCE IN THE DISTURBANCE

28 September 2025 Telegram from President Macron

After years of economic stagnation and radicalisation, Germany took a car down the far-right, and right off the cliff emerged AfD. Chancellor Alice Elisabeth Weidel of AfD has promised Project MGGA 2026 (Make Germany Great Again).

Under AfD, Germany has announced their withdrawal from NATO and EU, excommunicated all its neighbours and demanded an ultimatum for France to accept being a federal German state. At the River Rhine, we have received classified intel of 3 million German troops stationed. According to French recon, their air raid operations may occur over Paris, Versailles and Calais.

It's time to push for more police spending?

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Make the police great again!

02 October 2024

"Don't care about the budget, watch out for your radical reforms for anti-police reforms... Because...

You have angered 25,678 pensioners before. You have angered me a bit. You have angered the EUCO.

Global tensions are on the rise. EU neighbours are turning radical." ~Telegram from the busy President Macron

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Tik tok, where's the Budget Bill?

01 October 2024 The French Angry Times

Economists just needs answers to the fiscal deficit.

French finances are in frenzy. They are gravely concerned that French debt may be defaulted. The EU is impatient for change.

"I know there's a double problem of budget cuts and law enforcement reforms that National Assembly countrymen are facing now," EUCO President António Costa speaks, "But my words from 02 September stand. European Union is presenting France an ultimatum - meet the 3% threshold now, there's no delaying."

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LIVE: THE PRESIDENT NOW SPEAKS FROM THE PALAIS D'ELYSEE 30 September 2024

"The French Republic has always been a perennial and long-standing republic. Under my party and governmental coalition Ensemble, we have toiled hard to meet the people's needs and aptly address the woes of the people who have elected us since 2017. Today I stand before you, countrymen, to regret that ater a shocking 21-8 landslide margin vote of no confidence in the National Assembly, that the Attal administration departs effective today. Now, I shall announce the new Republican (LR) administration that will work closely with me, with the support of The Republicans (LR) in Laurent Wauquiez's government! Despite their vows to reject my "Macronist" ideals, I shall not begrudge my new colleague, but instead closely monitor his work, and together we will make France great again.

Bonne chance, all hail the new government."

President Emmanuel Macron, the French Fifth Republic

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A direct Telegram from the Cour des Competes (Supreme Audit Court)

03 September 2024 As much as budgetary abysses are a concern, we have NEW investigation updates on the (already dissolved) 25,678 protestors. While the mobs have died down, the price to pay was immense. For the past 2 days, the germanderie deployed on-site to quash the French mobs have reportedly been displaying "disproportionate aggression, especially towards ethnic minorities". TRANSCRIPT EXCERPT FROM AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN BYSTANDER: "I was just watching the protests,... then the police comes along to beat me incessantly. Not even the French Whites who are rowdy! But me!... It's like the 2023 Nahel Merzouk incident." TRANSCRIPT EXCERPT FROM PARISIAN POLICE CHIEF, LAURENT NUNEZ: "The French police are sworn and bound by the Constitution to uphold secularism and equality regardless. We have exacted action only to those who appear as a threat, to either the police or the peace of France." President Macron makes no comment and awaits your response.

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Budget Cry-sis down the Abyss

02 September 2024 The Bloomberger News Years of fiscal mismanagement. Years of crippling debt on the government's end. This has been racked up from previous administrations and the current administration. Investors and renowned economists are stunned at the fiscal unsustainability and demand immediate budget reallocation for effective control of the fiscal deficit. "The 3% EU threshold is there for good reason," a pragmatic economist writes, "We need diverse corrective austerity measures to meet it. Now." Before the government runs risk of defaulting on its sovereign debt.

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A trip down the budgetary abyss...

02 September 2024

EUCO President António Costa has noted the plans of the esteemed countrymen of National Assembly of France with their budgetary measures. "Our hard threshold of 3% annual GDP in net borrowing is to be upheld by all countries. And France is no exception. Should no correcting measures be taken by the treacherous parties to meet the threshold, the EU will NOT render any fiscal support for trade union workers and industrialists across France." Is this an ultimatum?

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A message by President Macron 02 September 2024

The bill aimed at "Addressing the Pension Deficit and Reforming the Pension System" has made its way to the Senate of France, and they have agreed to pass it without amendment. Congratulations are in order!

The 25,678 protestors are frowning that their retirement age has not been decreased and that their voices go unheard in fears of Article 49.3. However, the protestors have all agreed that their pension systems have improved and decide to let it go.

Left-wing leader Jean-Luc Melenchon is dissatisfied with his party's response, but decides to let it go and reconciles with NFP to focus on more pressing issues. And pressing issues, indeed, because, are you countrymen resting just yet?

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Hear ye, hear ye, LFI leader speaks!

02 September 2024 The Impartial French Paper on the Left Wing

Popular LFI leader Jean-Luc Melenchon has been informed of the NFP's proposal to bring the retirement age back down to 62.

"I am utterly horrified by how the Socialists and Environmentalists have not heeded our collective NFP's electoral manifesto," he was found speaking at a press conference, "At our LFI, we care only for our workers. Sixty is the golden age. We shall not compromise on sixty-two, not the slightest bit."

However on his Twitter account he seemed to be fine with the proposed NFP bill.

The 25,678 pensioners are still angry. What is the National Assembly doing?

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Well-played, countrymen.

02 September 2024 The Very Angry French Times, formerly the Happy French Times

The sixty-year-old mob's pension woes go unheard. Everyone has spoken about change, but none has materialised into law.

Yesterday there was a mob of 5,678 outside the National Assembly. Today there's 20,000 more on the streets. This time, carrying union flags and sickles. Widespread protests have gained traction in regions like Lyon and Marseillaise, and worse off, there's piles of garbage & sewer rats were spotted above streets to reminisce the protests from the year earlier.

"I can't wait longer," a protestor spoke, "I am not waiting my additional 4 pre-retirement years just to see the National Assembly ramble something else."

In corporations, things are unsettling as their industrial employees have now joined the campaign. "Those communist lawmakers are imposing heavy corporate taxes! Our operational costs are UP! And now with the protests, our industrial employees are GONE and manpower is DOWN! Screw the socialists!"

Until a bill comes out, the exacerbating social malaise and angsty mobs look like they won't go to rest.

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Will I Ever See My Pension Bill...?

01 September 2024 The Impartial Baguette Network

Outside the Palais Bourborn, one of the workers have overheard the discussions and was angered that their French identity has been impeded.

"Where's my right to enjoy my life?" "This is violating our French culture! This is treason!" For it is the French way, is it not, to enjoy our silver years as we wish? All the grandmas and grandpas should be living happily and healthily.

Furthermore, French economists note that taxing the rich has trickle effects on the poor and the average consumer.

"Levying wealth taxes may be problematic administratively as it may stimulate capital flight. More importantly, with higher corporate taxes, operational costs are driven up," says a notable French economist Sir Meck K. Ron.

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Is the Right the right one?

01 September 2024 Fathership, a French civilian paper.

National polls indicated that certain deputies' approval ratings in the National Assembly have declined. Rushed discussions in the National Assembly that only serve to derail from the French citizens' interests, make for no meaningful change.

Union and corporation estimates that there are currently 5,678 angry sixty-year-olds outside of the Palais Bourbon demanding proper pension reforms. They demand change enacted through appropriate passed legislation.

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A year of inaction, Here comes years of violence!

01 September 2024 The French Workers' Union Paper

"It's been a year, why are our voices unheard?" A French grandma shouted. "Did we go through the March protests all for nothing?" An old farmer cried.

And so, both of them decided to go to protests. They have rallied 5,000 sixty-year-old workers and businessmen, who have been deprived of their rights to retirement. Together, the sixty-year-olds mob have angrily protested around the Palais Bourbon, demanding an answer and a change. The French Identity of enjoying life has been stampeded and delayed by four full years, as workers have to work longer than they rightfully should be. As we report on the ground, we hear familiar names put on the spotlight, such as former Prime Minister Elisabeth Borne and President Macron.

The government sips English tea watching the weather.

"Nice cuppa tea," Gabriel Attal speaks, "For this solitude is short-lived."