pret-a-metatron

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trans masc who drinks iced coffee with oat milk going on a date with trans masc who drinks hot black coffee in a little hidden cute cafe

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I'm taking notes!

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates approriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

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Please... hasn't the Pret a Metatron suffered enough?

Tumblr is a little too safe today enjoy a fire to incinerate your mutuals

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Hehe Check your art fight box

Also it seems like your main blog has gone missing

Thank you so much for the attack!!! *happy hands* And I'm not sure why my main blog isnt sowing up. Maybe i have it set so im not exactly searchable and never changed it. I do often fear for my life irl. 😆

(Anyone interested in attacking me in artfight i'm angeloribshack there.

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@the-metatron I almost forgot to give you your daily coffee!! Here, dad!

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Hey dad... It's break time. Lets take a dip in the hotdog hottub! 🌭

I've grown weary and need some coffee to continue my Heavenly Mission. Could you spare a cup for me, son?

Dad!!!!! *Massive hug* I have a special coffee just for you! Here!!

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Excuse you, Violet, but my coffee is irresistable! And so am I!

Very grateful that tumblr officially declared me the best coffee company, which you can tell is a thing that happened from this official image.

Join over 10,000 members of the awesome coffee club. Drink better coffee and feel good knowing that 100% of the profit goes to charity.

And right now, you can get 50% off your first order, but only for today!

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The people have spoken, dad! Enjoy your coffee!

@the-metatron

I've grown weary and need some coffee to continue my Heavenly Mission. Could you spare a cup for me, son?

Dad!!!!! *Massive hug* I have a special coffee just for you! Here!!

[pret-a-metatron]

I've grown weary and need some coffee to continue my Heavenly Mission. Could you spare a cup for me, son?

Dad!!!!! *Massive hug* I have a special coffee just for you! Here!!

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*Angelo returns the tight squeeze.* This is THE BEST Hummel I have EVER SEEN!

*He sets it on the counter and just stares at it, sitting his chin and fingertips on the counter.*

Thank you, my mamma. You should get an award for brightening my day.

Please order a coffee! I'm lonely and dad is too busy to ruffle my hair!

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*Angelo brightens.* Mamma! Your beautiful son is here! *Gimmie gimmie hands.* You got me a present?! *He nearly tackles her with a hug.*

Please order a coffee! I'm lonely and dad is too busy to ruffle my hair!

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We can play Monopoly? Checkers?

Please order a coffee! I'm lonely and dad is too busy to ruffle my hair!

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Please order a coffee! I'm lonely and dad is too busy to ruffle my hair!

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Since dad @the-metatron is occupied with the second coming, I have decided to take full control of the cafe! Please come in! Whoever comes in and orders a coffee today will be compelled to tell me just how much they love me!

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We have no bananas today! I paid them to @e-w-w-morningstar for a job well done yesterday. Ask for something else, or go visit @docdust if you're about that banana life!

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Absolutely! And you can get frogs for tips!

Banana coffees are the specialty of the day in honour of @docdust and @the-metatron who are spectacularly hitting it off this week.

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@mr-crawleigh please pick me up. Doc is over here filling my mind with banana thoughts! 🍌

Secret footage of my babana:

Angelo's thoughts:

Banana coffees are the specialty of the day in honour of @docdust and @the-metatron who are spectacularly hitting it off this week.