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prettyboyeddiemunson · 12 days ago

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The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter nineteen

⭐︎ When you’re lying between my legs, it doesn’t matter

Warnings: 18+, mdni! jealousy, possessive!Steve, mentions of Aaron, smut, a very very starved Steve, for you filthy fuckers

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Jealousy and possessiveness overcomes Steve when he realizes that there is more to your night with Aaron, and he can't help but want to prove himself to you and show you who you belong to.

Word count: 12k+

Author's note: My apologies for the unusual long wait for this chapter! I promise it is worth it though! I honestly only wrote the angsty parts in this chapter, all the smut and what came after is written by @hellfire--cult LETS ALL SAY THANK YOU TO ROE CASUE SHE CAME THROUGH

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

Chocolate brown eyes follow your every movement, softness lingering in them. A sweet but guilty smile rested on his face. The small scar on his upper lip spreads every time his mouth curls upwards. Leaning against the doorway of the RV, he twists the rings on his fingers as he watches your concentrated face and the way you are so focused on rearranging the supply shelf in the tiny kitchen.

The happiness glimmers in your eyes and lingers on your entire face. You are humming again, probably your favorite song, it sounds like ‘Take My Breath Away’. Your energy is intoxicating, lifting him up again as well.

But something stirs in his chest, something unpleasant—the guilt of how he treated you, of how he made you feel eating at him now. You aren’t angry at him; he knows you aren’t. But he is furious at himself for hurting you, for making you feel like he didn’t want you around anymore, like you aren’t one of his closest, best friends, like you aren’t the closest thing that will come to a sister.

Eddie clears his throat, announcing his presence behind you – you haven’t noticed him until now, but when you turn and look over your shoulder, a smile appears on your face, “hey!”

Eddie uncrosses his arms and steps further inside the RV, smiling at you.

“Hi, what are you doing?”

You hold up a can of corn, “checking the expiration dates. So far it all looks good, we gotta eat some of this corn though, it expires before the tuna and the beans.”

Eddie nods and takes a look outside. Steve is cleaning your weapons while Nancy is scrubbing away at her dirty boots, sitting across from him.

He turns back around and walks closer to you, eying all the cans you have collected. He kneels down beside you, reaching for the corn. His eyes scan the writing on the can, but his mind doesn’t really follow what he is reading. He clears his throat, almost feeling a bit awkward when he looks at you.

“What do you think about it?”

“About what?” You ask without missing a beat, raising your brow at him.

“About corn, do you like it?”

An amused look crosses your face, and you smile at him, shrugging. “It’s good, I guess, don’t have much of a choice.” You laugh.

Eddie nods and looks back down with furrowed eyebrows. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath.

Your smile fades a little when you notice his expression. His lips quirk up, but he doesn’t look amused in the slightest.

Worry rushes through you as you eye him. You place the can you are holding down and move closer to him, “hey…” you whisper, placing your hand on his shoulder, “are you okay, Eddie?”

When Eddie looks back at you, the guilt inside of him grows even bigger, becoming more intense than before. Here you are, worrying about him even after he treated you so badly. Your eyes are soft yet saddened as you take in his expression, scanning him like you fear that he might be in pain – and if he were, then you would, without a doubt, jump up and try to find a solution to try and make him feel better. And that makes him feel worse.

Eddie takes in a sharp breath before he shakes his head. He puts the can down and runs his hand down his face as he turns around and sits down, leaning his back against the counter. He takes a moment, and you give him the time to find the right words.

You settle down beside him, waiting for him to be ready.

When he finally looks at you again, you notice the look in his eyes – the guilt and the regret. Genuine remorse.

“I am so sorry, Sunshine.”

When you furrow your eyebrows and you purse your lips, staring at him like you are confused. The guilt only spreads. He wonders how many times people – ‘friends’ have failed you in your life for you to feel confused now when it should be so clear what he apologized for.

“I said some things I didn’t mean, and I treated you so badly you believed I didn’t want you around anymore. Nancy had every reason to be there for you, to defend you. I failed you. You are… You are the closest thing I have to a sister, and I made you feel like I changed my mind about you.”

His voice is filled with sadness, and his eyes are too. You know his words are genuine. Your eyes soften, and your heart swells in your chest. This means a lot to you, more than he could know. A sliver of happiness flashes in your eyes at the word ‘sister’.

But there is also guilt inside of you as well – the one you almost forgot, caused by the happiness Steve had given you these past few days.

“Thank you, Eddie.” You whisper, sighing as you look down. “But I know I shouldn’t have gone with Aaron.” You admit, showing him your own guilt.

Eddie shakes his head and reaches out to squeeze your knee.

“It wasn’t fair that I encouraged it and then took it back when I saw how hurt Steve was. I was trying to look out for both of you and ended up playing with your emotions too, which was wrong, and I got mean. I’m sorry.”

You look down at his hand, and you place yours on top of his. You look back up at him, giving him a kind smile that shows him that you aren’t angry at him.

“It’s okay, Eddie. I’m just glad that Steve had you.”

Eddie can tell that it isn’t all you want to say, but just like you gave him the time that he needed, he gives it to you as well, waiting for you. He can see that it isn’t easy for you, especially when your eyes dart back and forth, and the regret basically takes over your whole face.

“I really shouldn’t have gone with Aaron… I feel bad, and I felt awful when Steve confessed to me…” You admit in deep regret.

“You shouldn’t. I think we all feel guilty about how we acted the past few weeks, but it seems like it all worked out for the best now.” Eddie nods his head towards Steve, who finally doesn’t look angry or like a kicked puppy. And Nancy doesn’t look like she wants to kill him anymore.

A smile spreads on your face when your eyes stay on your boyfriend a little longer. Heat creeps up to your cheeks, and you can’t help but blush the longer you look at him.

“Yeah.” You whisper, happily.

Eddie’s eyes light up when he sees your smile. He nudges your shoulder and laughs when you start blushing.

“You’re cute, Sunshine.” He grins and wraps his arm around you. “You know I’m still keeping you right?” He says with a serious tone in his voice.

His words take you back to your very first interaction with him, when Steve wanted nothing more than for you to leave Hawkins while Eddie was set on making you stay, and ‘keeping’ you.

You wonder if he remembers Steve’s reaction.

“She’s not a fucking puppy!” You mimic Steve’s angry voice from back then.

Eddie’s laughter shows you that he still remembers, and it makes you smile.

“No.” Eddie shakes his head with a grin as he looks down at you, tapping your shoulder. “Not a puppy. A goddamn wolf.”

You giggle in amusement and lean your head on his shoulder. Your eyes are still glued to him. Your heart flutters every time you think of your first kiss, his confession, his touch, his desperation, and how he needs and wants you just as much as you do with him. He matches your neediness, your feelings, and the deep want inside of you.

“Hey Eddie?”

Eddie hums, raising his eyebrows at you, but your eyes never stray from Steve.

“Tell me more about your Sweetheart.”

Eddie’s eyes light up, a smile spreads on his lips, and he clears his throat.

“Oh, gladly!”

“Hey Nance?”

The girl lifts her head, looking at the brunette with raised eyebrows. Steve is not even looking at her, his eyes are glued on you, looking through the open door of the RV where you are sitting on the ground with Eddie, giggling at something the metalhead had said to you.

“Yeah?”

A soft smile lingers on his face when your laughter echoes. He looks away after a long moment and turns to face Nancy. He clears his throat as he locks eyes with her.

“Thank you.”

A line appears between her eyebrows, and she shakes her head a little, “what for?”

“For being there for her.” Steve tilts his head in your direction. “For being a good friend to her. For having her back when I– you know…” He trails off, not wanting to say it out loud.

Nancy’s blue eyes soften when she glances at you.

“Correction; she is my best friend.” Nancy murmurs with a small smile on her face. The word ‘best friend’ feels so foreign rolling off her tongue after not having used it since Barb.

Steve swallows the growing lump in his throat. He knows how much she struggled after losing her only best friend before you, how closed off she was. He remembers how she was around Robin, kind but… distant – if only he knew the real reason for that back then.

He can see how you not only sneaked your way into his heart but also into hers and Eddie’s. And he knows that if Robin was around, you’d be so loved by her as well.

“I’ll always have her back.” Nancy promises as she looks back at Steve, now with a hint of guilt in her eyes. “But… I need to tell you something too.”

Now it’s his turn to raise his eyebrows and tilt his head to the side – a little habit he picked up from you.

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment with a huff. If there is one thing that Nancy Wheeler doesn’t like, then it’s too apologize and admit that she was wrong, but that is needed.

“I’m sorry.” She mutters under her breath and opens her eyes again. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, it wasn’t fair of me to be so… rude.”

Steve’s face relaxes again, and he nods in understanding. He isn’t angry at her, he also wasn’t hurt, not the way you were by Eddie’s cold shoulder at least. He waves his hand at her, shaking his head.

“It’s fine, Nance.” He mumbles, unable to hold back his chuckle when he sees the way the guilt slowly vanishes in her eyes. “Honestly, it’s fine. I kinda deserved that–”

“You didn’t. I thought you led her on, but you didn’t. You were scared of your feelings, and that’s why you pushed her away. I didn’t know that. If I did… I would have been less… of an asshole.” She rolls her eyes.

“Less? But you would have still been an asshole, right?” Steve asks, smiling at her in amusement.

“I can’t help that when it comes to men… especially men who hurt my best friend.” She shrugs, giving him an unapologetic smile.

He cringes a little at her words, not the asshole part, the part in which she reminded him of the hurt he put you through.

“Yeah…” Steve whispers and looks back at you. “I-I was an asshole.”

Nancy sees the remorse; she can practically feel it radiating off of him.

“You’re not one anymore, that’s what matters.” She reminds him as she leans back in her chair, dropping her sponge and boots on the ground. “And still… I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Steve turns back to her, a small smile appearing on his face.

“Seriously, it’s fine, Nance.” He promises. He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. He clears his throat and looks around.

Nancy can tell that he wants to say more, but he needs a moment to find the right words. When she sees the way his cheeks heat up and he grows a little flustered, she grows a little curious. She leans forward again and brings both her hands together.

“You can make it up to me, though…” He whispers and glances at the RV to make sure you aren’t coming out.

“How?” Nancy asks, getting a little amused by the embarrassment suddenly taking over his face.

“I– Sunshine.” Steve whispers softly. “We haven’t… you know?”

Nancy needs a second to grasp what he is trying to say, but when he waves around with his hand and his eyes narrow and widen a little, her face dawns in realization, and she can’t help but giggle.

“Oh!”

Steve rolls his eyes at her teasing expression, but it doesn’t stop him from continuing this conversation.

“We were close to it, but… I didn’t want it to be here.” He mutters and gestures to the RV. “She deserves something better than this.”

Nancy is pretty sure that anything could be special when you are with the right person, but she knows that Steve is set on making it extraordinary for someone like you.

“But you could make it special too, you know?” She speaks softly so you won’t hear, as she also gestures to the RV. “You could find some candles and new bedsheets, maybe a few string lights to make it… look cute.”

Steve shakes his head with a sigh.

“No, I want it to be a real date.” He mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I want it to be just us, nobody around.”

“Oh, you’re scared that we’re gonna hear something you don’t want us to hear.” Nancy giggles and wiggles her eyebrows at him. “Are you scared we’re gonna like her moans?”

Steve looks at her a little bewildered. He frowns at her, huffing, “you– you and Munson, I swear to god. He is rubbing off on you, Nance.”

“Okay, okay.” She clears her throat. “I’ll stop, I’m sorry!”

Steve rolls his eyes and shakes his head again. He falls quiet for a second.

“I just– I need her first time to be perfect, she… she hasn’t experienced anything. I can’t just do it out of nowhere in a night we are horny.” He exclaims with a blush on his cheeks. He continued his ramble, not realizing that Nancy had completely zoned out and frozen.

“It’s never gotten further than a makeout for her– like she… is basically at zero when it comes to sex… And I don't–”

Only when her teasing smile fades and awkwardness takes over her face does he realize. She is frowning and sitting with a straight back all a sudden.

“Are you listening–”

She nods as she snaps out of her thoughts, “um yeah…! I just think that you are making a big deal out of it.” She stands up and scratches the back of her neck, looking at anything but him.

He frowns at her words and her behaviour. A weird feeling settles in his chest, knowing at what point of his ramble she froze. There is a knowing look on her face, but a guilty one in her eyes, and it makes him frown.

She looks like she knows something that he doesn’t, and it suddenly makes him feel… irritated. He straightens his back and squints his eyes at her.

“Nancy…”

The tone in his voice makes her anxious, and she feels the sudden urge to run off and not look at him anymore, which she chooses to do. She picks up her gun and her dirty boots.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna go wash my boots… by the lake.” She stutters, which only gives away that he is in the shadows about something that she isn’t. She never stutters, she never gets nervous, and she never bolts in the middle of a conversation, least of all during one where he asked for advice.

Before he can ask another question, she rushes away and makes her way down the little hill, leaving him confused. There is a small part in him that has an idea of what made her react that way, and it makes him feel an anger he only felt back in the community in Wyoming.

Steve takes a deep breath, eyes still following Nancy. The only time he remembers her acting that way was when she came back from patrolling with Robin – he only recently found out that Robin kissed her that night and Nancy didn’t know how to process that, considering her breakup with Jonathan was very fresh and her feelings for Robin were intense.

He slowly looks towards the RV where you’re in, and the pit in his stomach grows when he thinks of all the possibilities for Nancy’s weird behaviour and silence about whatever had caused her to feel that way once your sexual experience was mentioned.

Unlike before, he wastes no time getting up in search of confrontation. He makes his way to the RV with a heavy feeling in his chest, and every playfulness and light feeling vanish in only a few seconds.

Eddie is just stepping out when he is about to walk inside. The metalhead grins at him, eyes searching for his best friend, who fled to the lake.

“Where’s Nance–”

“Lake.” Is all that Steve says before he brushes past Eddie and slams the door once he is out.

Eddie blinks a few times, staring at the door in confusion, “okay…?”

Despite the sudden slam of the door, you don’t flinch, you don’t even notice the angry look on Steve’s face. You just turn around and get up after putting the last can of corn away.

“Hey! I’m gonna make some tuna ‘salad’ tonight, with mostly corn cause it’s about to expire and–”

“Can I ask you something?” Steve cuts you off, not even listening to what you were saying. His mind is focused on one thing, and one thing only.

You press your lips together and furrow your eyebrows. Realizing your boyfriend’s irritated expression, you frown in worry.

“Um… yeah?”

Steve takes a step closer to you. His hazel eyes were missing their usual softness. His eyebrows are pulled together, and his lips are curled downwards. Something is on his mind, something that’s not leaving him any rest. You know it won’t take long to find out what it is, not when he looks at you like this.

“When you said you and Aaron haven’t… what did you mean by that?”

Your lips part in surprise at the question, not having expected this topic at all. It’s something you have wanted to approach yourself, but couldn’t find the right time to yet, not when everything was so good and… happy.

Nervousness seeps inside of you, and embarrassment flashes over your face. Your heartbeat picks up, and you bring your hands together.

“Well… that I’m… still you know…” You stutter as your ears start burning.

Steve licks the insides of his cheeks, and he clenches his jaw. Your reactions give you away, and he can’t help but feel jealousy sink back in. He starts walking closer to you.

You quickly notice that Steve isn’t in a playful, lovely mood at all, and it strikes fear inside of you.

“Mhm.” He hums, nodding. “But does that mean you haven’t done… anything?”

You look up at him wide-eyed, and his heart melts at that sight – yet the irritation is still strong.

Your heart sinks to your stomach when you see just how angry he looks. The fear was growing bigger and bigger with each passing second. You are not gonna hide the truth from him, but you are afraid to say those words out loud.

“I– I didn’t think you would… that you would give us a chance and so…. I-I didn’t want to miss the opportunity, but I couldn’t fully commit–”

“Sunshine.” Steve says sternly as he stops right in front of you, pushing you up against the counter behind you. “What did you two do?”

The tone in his voice is serious and angry, almost hateful – and in this moment, you aren’t sure if that is directed towards you or Aaron. Your eyes start burning, and your vision blurs.

His hands grip the counter on each side, caging you in and not giving you the chance to run away. Your heart starts pounding stronger. You aren’t scared of him. You are scared of his reaction.

Is it over just before it really started?

You look up at him with teary eyes. He can tell that you are afraid, and he wants to take that fear away so badly, but he needs you to tell him what you’ve done first.

“I– It doesn’t matter now, does it? I– We weren’t–”

“What did you two do?” Steve asks again, not wanting you to talk around that topic anymore.

Your bottom lip quivers and your shoulders slump as you give up, accepting that he might not want you anymore after this. Suddenly, it feels like your feelings mean nothing to him anymore, and he is only set on that one thing.

You hang your head low and look down at the ground, trying to blink away the tears. You take a deep breath as you think back to that night.

“He… He touched me…” You admit with a shaky voice. “And went down…” You bite your bottom lip roughly, waiting for the blow of Steve’s words.

Steve takes in sharp breath. The jealousy inside of him now burned stronger than ever, knowing what Aaron did that night. He is livid. He clenches his jaw as he stares down at you. He tries to think rational, he tries to stay calm, he tries, he really does, but his feelings win in the end, and before he can dwell on it, he turns on his heel and rushes out the RV, slamming the door just the way he did when he walked in.

And you stand there, frozen in place as your heart sinks deeper and deeper, and the tears threaten to fall. You grip the edges of the counter and stare at the ground, not knowing what to do.

This is it? This… is it?

You blink a few times, not knowing what to think, not knowing what to feel. Should you go after him and explain the situation? But then again, what is there to explain? Should you go after him to fix it? Is there any way to fix it? Is what you did wrong?? Is it wrong of him to–

Your head snaps up when the door opens again, and your eyes lock with his hazel ones that are burning with jealousy and an intensity that almost makes your knees buckle. He slams the door loudly, and he moves quickly to the front, quickly turning the knob of the dial, rising the music up. Not that loud, but certainly louder than the dim sounds coming from before.

The look on his face, the rising up and down of his chest, the angry look in his eyes – he intimidates you in this moment, and your body seems to like it. Heat pools in your belly, and goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Steve–”

He takes two steps towards you, taking you by surprise when he cradles your face and smashes his lips against yours, kissing you roughly.

Your eyes widen as you feel his lips moving urgently against yours. You were confused. You were completely certain that he looked angry, that he didn’t like what you told him. Now, he was kissing you like a man starved, like his life depended on it. You could feel his fingertips digging into the sides of your head, deep into your scalp.

Your hands were gripping his sides, the warm sweater clinging to him, and you were feeling the RV become warmer and warmer. You were slowly melting into the kiss, his tongue slipping out of his mouth to lick your bottom one, requesting access, or more like demanding it.

You let him in without question, without doubts, without hesitation, even if you were confused at the whiplash of emotions. The music dimmed and dimmed in your ears as they started to ring, also hearing the rushing of blood going to your brain. Your brain that was becoming mush with each second that his tongue danced with yours. Your knees were almost giving up on you, and your core was warming up more and more. The anticipation built inside of you, your heart quickening at an alarming rate, as your stomach turned with butterflies.

You felt the counter dig into the small of your back as he slammed you into it. His hips rubbed against yours, and his kiss never softened. He was still rough, demanding, and you loved it. You never had someone be this possessive over you. You wondered if it had anything to do with what you just told him. If it did, was it wrong for you to feel happy? Someone was jealous over you. Someone got jealous of what you did with someone else.

You never experienced that. You never experienced this. He was licking your mouth as if he were tasting his favorite dessert. You moaned into his mouth, feeling his bulge harden against your belly, and you heard him groan, almost aggressively. You felt him sucking your breath from your lungs almost, consuming you.

He pulled away, and a string of saliva connected your lips for a short moment, your tongue almost lolling out in search of him again. He huffed, his glare permanent on his eyes as his chest rose up and down from his heavy breathing. You closed your mouth, gulping, trying to get your head together.

“What– What happened?” You asked, and his jaw clenched, his tongue licking the inside of his cheek for a second before his hands let go of your face. You felt his hands grab at your waist, pulling you away from the counter, his eyes never leaving yours. He was not answering you. The only thing you were hearing was his harsh breaths as you felt him moving you, making you walk backwards.

“Steve– What’s going on–” You were ignored once again, your heart beating into your ears as you frowned up at him. Then, you felt the back of your knees hit the bed and then, in a quick movement, his hands got underneath your armpits, lifting you up just a bit from the floor, but enough to throw you onto the bed. You bounced with a gasp, stunned at the sudden manhandling.

He stood at the end of the bed, his hand moving behind him, his eyes still glued to you as he slid the blinds that separate the bedroom from the rest of the RV. This reminded you of the other night when you two got a little too carried away with one another. But didn’t he say he didn’t want it to happen in the RV? You didn’t mind if he backed off from that. You already knew it would be special just because it was going to be him.

But his eyes were still burning with anger. Jealousy.

And he was. Seeing you on the bed like this, now knowing what Aaron had done to you, he couldn’t help but feel a fire inside of him, burning him inside out. The fact that… that man had you like this. On his bed. Probably naked. Touching you for the first time, tasting you for the first time. He got to see you before he did. He got to hear you before he did. He got to have you before he did.

Not entirely, but that little bit was enough to make him want to break something. He couldn’t erase what had happened with Aaron. It was his own fault, and you were in your whole right to live your life. He had rejected you after all… He cannot erase it.

But he can overwrite it.

He wants to be the one you remember when you think about it. He wants to be the one who causes the butterflies in your stomach when you imagine it. He wants to be the one who makes you flush and burn each time you remember it. He wants to make your experience with him better than the experience you had with Aaron. It would not be forgotten, but he wants that memory to be dismissed. Not remembered, lacking importance.

His eyes never left you as he ripped the sweater off him, revealing the tight navy blue long-sleeved shirt underneath. Your eyes were wide as you saw him like that, feeling your mouth water. A thin chain hung around his neck, one you hadn’t noticed before, but now it glistened, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him.

His knee pressed onto the bed, making his way to get on top of you. His knee nudged in between your legs, making you spread them so he could settle between them. You felt your entire face burn, and his hips lay on yours, making you grunt, jerk at the sensation. You could hear your blood rushing to your ears, making them burn. His eyes clashed with yours, and that sweet demeanor he always had with you, was gone. It was the first time you’ve seen this look on his face.

No, it wasn’t.

It’s the same face he had when he confronted you before confessing. Though this time looked different. Last time, he looked angry, but he confessed he was hurt. Now, he looks angry, but there’s a darker tone to it. Something possessive, animalistic, feral, and it made you tremble underneath him. It was the first time someone gave you this kind of look, this kind of attention, where they are clearly showing they will devour you whole.

“S–Stevie… what’s wrong?” You asked, your voice a little small because of your nerves. His hips pressed harder against you, both of his hands caging your head against the mattress. He was staring down at you, locks of his hair falling down on his face. He saw your hair splayed, looking embarrassed, shy, and that made his blood boil even more, because he got to see you like that first.

“I’m angry.” Was his short response, and you couldn’t help but frown. Worry etched into your heart again, only for your attention to be taken away from it, a moan escaping your lips when he rolled his hips against you one more time. He felt himself twitch in his pants, a harsh breath leaving his lungs.

“W-Why? With me?” His eyebrow twitched at your question. How could you even think that he was angry with you? No. He was angry at himself. He was angry for being an idiot. For being scared. You weren’t to blame for anything that happened between the two of you. His jaw clenched, his head lowering to place a kiss onto the pulse point in your neck, making you sigh.

“With me.” You shook your head a bit, opening your mouth to try to talk, but you whimpered when he nibbled against your skin. Your belly turned with anticipation, your arms coming to wrap around his shoulders. He pressed his body against yours, his arms coming to wrap around your body. His hands were between your back and the mattress, holding you tightly against him as his teeth ran over your skin.

He wanted to bite down. He wanted to mark you permanently. He never felt like this before, not even with Nancy. When she had been with Jonathan, he just let it happen. But now, the thought of you being with another man, even when you had been rejected, was making him feel like he had to break something. He felt like he needed to punch someone. Like he needed to make you moan his name.

Like he needed you to scream his name.

His lips separated from your neck and instantly crashed into yours. You sighed into the kiss, your hands already disappearing into his hair like they always did. He groaned at the sensation, his lips smacking against yours in desperate motions, harsh, rough. His mind was clouding more and more, hazed by the thought of you and–

He had to stop. He had to focus before he lost complete control, and he forgot to be a gentleman. To be the nice and caring boyfriend you deserve. Because he was your boyfriend, not Aaron. He was. And you were staying with him, you said so. You said you were coming with him to California, not going back to Wyoming. He won, Aaron lost.

But fuck, Aaron still fucking had you first.

His tongue immediately plunged into your mouth, his hands coming up to grasp your head, keeping you still as his hips rolled into yours. You felt your cheeks being squished almost harshly. He was desperately holding onto you, making sure you would let him do whatever he wanted with you, and you were delighted by it. You moaned as your tongue danced with his, or tried your best to do so.

His fingertips dug into your skin, part of your scalp, behind your ears. Just everywhere. Your hands came down to hold onto his wrists, trying to keep his rhythm, trying to follow him. You were still confused at the turn of events, confused as to why he got so angry. His right hand left your face, and in a quick movement, his left one came to grip your chin, keeping you still once again. You couldn’t help how turned on this made you. You couldn’t deny it. You were already becoming wet by how he was dominating the situation.

But then you felt his right hand moving downwards, brushing over your covered breast, groping it over your thin sweater. Your back arched and you moaned into his tongue. He breathed heavily through the kiss, and his hand kept moving down, reaching the hem of your sweater and shirt.

He pulled away from the kiss, noticing how you were panting underneath him. Your eyes half lidded, already gone. He could turn you into this mess with just a simple kiss and a roll of his hips. He should feel good about himself; the anger should be gone, but it wasn’t. He licked the inside of his mouth, his hand slowly creeping underneath your clothes, your body trembling at the touch of his fingers.

Your skin grew goosebumps the more he inched up towards your breast. His hand never stopped gripping your chin, keeping your eyes on his face as his hand finally cupped you, over your bra. He groaned at the sensation, his hips giving an involuntary roll. You moaned at the friction of it all. He was hard, pressing against you, and you wanted more, needed more.

You could see his eyes staring down at you as he kept moving his hand, roughly kneeding your breast, and then you gasped when his fingertips pulled the cup down, freeing your nipple. Your eyes widened, and he growled as he flicked your nipple with his index finger, his lips crashing back down on yours. His hand left your chin, moving slowly down towards your throat. He pressed his hand around it, not putting much pressure, but enough to keep you down and still.

You felt yourself flush from the arousal, the embarrassment, the nervousness, the anticipation, the excitement, the thrill. His lips immediately started moving desperately against yours, as his index finger and thumb pinched your nipple, making you gasp into his mouth, your back arching against him. He tugged at it, desiring to see it, desiring to make you melt underneath his body.

Your legs spread even more as your belly coiled slightly, and you wanted to ask him now what made him do this. Not that you were complaining, but you were still in the dark about the reason. You jerked again as he rolled your nipple in between his fingers, moaning against his lips.

“Steve– Stevie, what has gotten into you?” And fuck, if he had to answer truthfully to you, he wondered if you would get scared. What if he told you he is fucking livid? That he is desperate to see you moan and cum? That he is insanely fucking jealous and angry that he wants to ruin you for everything and everyone else?

He pulled away from the kiss, just enough to keep his lips brushing against yours. You looked so delectable. Fuck, if you weren’t… If you just weren’t… He would do things to you right now that would not let you walk the next day. But he had to be patient with that one. He had to make that moment perfect… But this one– This one, he can be a little rough with.

“I’m fucking jealous.” Him admitting that sent a shockwave throughout your body. Him saying it for the first time to you made your heart skip a beat. Even if he was being a little harsh, it was just his way of trying to put a claim on you. You gulped and licked your lips, your eyes finding his as his fingers ran over your nipple, making you shiver from the sensation.

“I’m– I’m sorry– I didn’t mean to–”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, got that, Sunshine?” His voice was imperative, his hold on your throat giving a soft press that made you nod as you sighed. His jaw clenched, and he squinted a bit towards you, “But I’m going to make you forget about him.”

Before you could even process what he had just said, he kneeled up, grabbing the hem of your sweater and shirt, pulling it all the way up, just above your breasts. You gasped, a strong heat covering your face and ears as you realized one of your cups had been pulled down. Your hands moved to cover yourself, only for his hands to grab your wrists, making you look at him.

He slowed his movements down, just a bit, not wanting to scare you. That was the last thing he wanted you to feel. He wanted you to feel secure around him, to feel safe no matter what happened, and that you could tell him to stop, and he would. But he wanted to ease you into it, relax you. Even as he stared at your breasts and all he wanted was to dive in, his dick twitching in his pants, he took a deep breath to contain himself and closed his eyes.

He leaned down, his lips coming in contact with your stomach, making your breath stutter. His lips brushed against your skin as he moved, kissing another part, then your sides, then moving upwards, and your body writhed underneath his. You sighed deeply the more goosebumps he created on your skin. He looked up at you as he kept kissing his way up, seeing you close your eyes as you let yourself relax under his touch. He licked his lips as he kissed the round of your breast, then the top, and finally he engulfed your nipple with his lips.

Your eyes widened, his hands still grabbing your wrists, pressing them against the mattress as he sucked on your left nipple, sending jolts of electricity towards your belly, making you clench around nothing at all. Steve was trying not to lose himself in your taste, finally having you on his lips in a way that he had been wanting for so long. His brain was short-circuiting at each roll of his tongue, at each tug he gave, and you moaned.

Your eyes then closed as you dove in the sensation, and he noticed, finally seeing you were relaxing into his touch. He took this time to let go of your right hand, guiding it towards your right breast, his fingers gliding over the cup of your bra. He pulled it down slowly, freeing your nipple from its confines. When his index fingers brushed over it, followed by a soft nip of his teeth on your left nipple, your body jerked underneath him at the stimulation.

You had been touched like this, but it felt so different. This feels so good. This feels so right. It feels so much more pleasurable than that one time. You couldn’t help but compare, because it baffled you how much it changed, how you felt when Steve was the one doing it. Instead of thinking about him when someone else did it, you now don’t have to imagine it. You were experiencing it. And you loved it.

“Steve…” You mewled and Steve moaned into your skin, his cock twitching against his pants, his hips jerking into yours involuntarily. That only prompted you to moan his name again, and he realized he had to keep his composure, or he was going to lose complete control over himself, and that was not the goal. Not today.

He let go of your nipple with a pop, his lips moving down, kissing your chest, then your stomach, causing a tickling sensation that made you tremble. You looked down at him, his eyes looking up at you as he kissed around your belly button. His hand left your breast as he slowly kneeled up, his jaw clenching as he looked down at your pants.

He cracked his neck a bit, thinking to himself to keep it cool. To make this about you and just you. But fuck, his dick was screaming at him to do something. It felt as if all the blood of his body was rushing towards it, making him lightheaded. His eyes looked at yours again, and he noticed the nervousness behind them, despite the arousal and the willingness.

“Trust me.” He repeated those words he once said to you back when you barely talked to one another. When you had to undress in order to warm each other up in the confines of a car. You felt your heart warm up at the memory of it, and you gave him a slow nod. Happy with your response, he stood up and started taking your boots off.

You were trying really hard not to cover yourself. The nervousness and embarrassment were still present, and much bigger than before, because one obviously wants to be liked by the person they are dating. You want him to like what he sees, but you are still self-conscious because it wasn’t dark in the room. The small night light in the corner, above the bed, was still on.

But Steve was enjoying every single inch of your body. He could dip down and kiss you all over if he had the time to do so. He had to remember that Eddie and Nancy could not stay out for long, and they had to get moving, but he was having a hard time doing so. After he took your socks off, his hands went to unbutton your pants. He couldn’t help the gulp happening in his throat, how his mouth started to salivate at the thought of seeing you.

You felt the button being popped off, then heard the zipper slowly move, and you realized just how hard you were breathing, how your stomach was in a turmoil of nerves, and how your heart was trying to break free from your chest. Would he like what he sees? You washed yourself today, but what if it wasn’t enough? With Aaron, you weren’t even thinking about these things, but you couldn’t help but do so with Steve.

And Steve was in a whole battle with himself, because the moment he had a glimpse of your white panties, he was about to moan out your name, just by the mere sight of you in your underwear. He knew you had him wrapped around your finger, but never to this extent. He wished he wasn’t in a time limit, that he had time to do this slowly for you, to take your clothes off one by one, but there wasn’t time.

His fingers dipped into the hem of your pants and your underwear, slowly taking them both off together. Your mouth opened as you gulped a breath in. Your hands came to cover your chest as you realized you had to help him. He tapped your hip once, and you raised them so he would take everything off.

He took a deep breath in, sliding the pants and panties away from you. He tried not to look until you were freed completely. You felt the coldness hitting your legs, and you flushed at how cool your center felt, noting you were wet. Really wet. Your face started burning, as well as your ears, not knowing where to look as he left you bare from your waist down.

He dropped them to the floor, and when he turned to look at you, you had closed your legs slightly. He was having none of that. He knew he had to be gentle with you, but would you notice just how bad he wants you if he were? Would you realize just how much he wants to engrave himself into your mind? Would you realize that all he wants right now is to have you?

“Open your legs, Sunshine.” He asked, trying to be nice, trying to keep himself calm. You gulped, hesitating for a bit due to your embarrassment, even if you wanted it. His hands came to grab onto your knees, his eyes searching for yours. “Sunshine.”

When you turned to look at him, his eyes were intense, determined, yet desperate. You clenched around nothing again just by the sight of him. You took a deep breath in, letting him guide your legs open, spreading yourself for him. You have never felt this exposed. You have never felt like this. It wasn’t shame, it wasn’t that you didn’t want it at all. But the guy you liked was guiding his eyes towards your core, and you couldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Steve could see the glistening of your wetness even, seeing how you had reacted to him. Seeing how much you wanted him, wanted this. And he could only take a deep breath in, grabbing the back of your right knee and lifting it up a bit, his lips finding purchase on the top of it. His other hand brushed over your other thigh, gently, trying to relax you. You looked so beautiful, even better than what he had imagined or even dreamed of.

Your breath hitched as his kisses started moving downwards, lips on your thighs now, softly pecking you. You melted under them, closing your eyes as shivers ran all over your body, feeling yourself feel your belly tense up because even on just your thigh, it felt so good. He eyed you, his hands now gripping the back of your thighs, spreading your legs even more so he could start lowering his body, the further his kisses went.

The gears inside his brain were trying to stop working as his lips found your inner thigh. He felt you tremble underneath him, making his fingertips dig in your skin, holding you still. He wasn’t going to let go of you, not now. He might be selfish, he might be harsh or rough, but he couldn’t hold himself back. Not anymore. Not after what he found out.

His teeth nipped on the soft, sensitive flesh and then sucked on it. A gasp ripped out of your mouth, eyes widening at the sensation. His lips kept latched onto your skin, marking you, claiming this private part of yours. Skin no one would ever see but him. Skin that belonged to him now, and even if it sounded possessive, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

After a few seconds, he let go of your inner thigh with a pop! only to quickly move onto the other one, immediately repeating the same actions he did with your right one. One of your hands left your chest to grip the sheet below you, tightly. You needed to hold onto something, your breathing heavy as it anticipated what he was about to do.

Steve pulled away to see his masterpiece, his breaths coming out rough and needy. A purple mark now evident on each of your inner thighs. Good. But now, came the main course. His self-doubt kicked in for a second. He never had any complaints about how he performed orally, but he couldn’t help but think about not being able to be better than Aaron. He was older, and he looked experienced; Steve’s self-consciousness kicked in.

But then his eyes found your face, eyes half lidded, half gone, your chest moving up and down with your bra pulled down, and you were looking at him with a neediness that he could have been able to detect a mile away. And that was enough for him to lie on his belly, in between your legs.

He should go slow. He should be gentle with you. He shouldn’t let his possessiveness get the best of him. He should kiss the top of your belly, ease you into it. He should be perfect. But then again, this wasn’t your first time with this. This wasn’t the first time you were touched like this.

And he dove in with a growl.

Your eyes widened, your back arched as your nails dug into the fabric below you. His lips circled your clit, his tongue starting to press onto it and move it side to side. A gasp escaped you, the hand on your chest now coming to cover your own mouth. Your belly instantly flipped at the feeling, his hands moving in between your ass and the mattress, gripping you tightly to keep you in place.

At your taste, Steve moaned, not being able to help himself and rut his hips into the mattress. He felt you twitch and jerk with each flick of his tongue on your clit. His eyes looked up, over the hair that was falling over his face, seeing you had your knuckles over your mouth to keep your noises in. He groaned at that, wanting to hear you, leaving your clit with a pop. His tongue lolled out, licking a stripe of your wetness from in between your folds, a whimper leaving you as your hips bucked into him.

Shit, you were delicious. You were a perfectly aged wine that made him drunk with just one sip. He felt light-headed, driven only by his lust, by how amazing you feel underneath his touch. By how hot you sound, how good you look, how beautiful you are. And now, he had to find out you were delicious too? Even if there were a rehabilitation center to cure him from the growing addiction he was having over you, he wouldn’t go. Fuck that.

He dove his tongue in between, pointedly licking upwards and towards your clit again. Your head felt like it was in the clouds, your body starting to burn a thousand degrees, not even feeling the cold in the RV. You were sure there was still music going on, but all you could hear was Steve’s licks, the soft groans escaping him, and the blood that was rushing towards your head.

“Steve–” You whispered, and he moaned into your clit as he flicked it again, his hips circling against the bed, needing friction at his hard-on. It was involuntary. He should focus on you, but he couldn’t stop his body from reacting. He pulled away, licking his glistening lips as his eyes never left your center.

“You taste so good, Sunshine… So perfect for me, such a good girl.” He purred, and your mouth fell open at the words that just came out of his lips, only for your thought to be interrupted by his lips latching onto your clit again as his tongue licked and licked. A moan escaped you, louder now, not being able to cover your mouth anymore.

It felt amazing. He felt amazing, fantastic even. He slurped, eating you like a man starved. Both of your hands were now gripping the sheets beneath you, back arching off the bed as a specific lick felt a little too good. You gasped, followed by a sigh of delight. Were you too needy to want more? To want to feel more of him?

But you didn’t even need to say anything, because he wanted to taste you further, feel you further, pleasure you further. He unlatched from your clit, only to dip in between your folds with his tongue, and push in. He moaned, thrusting into the mattress at feeling your warmth.

“St– Steve!” You whispered-yelled at him, your eyes clenching at the feeling, body trembling at feeling him inside of you. He couldn’t help himself anymore; the bulge in his pants was now painful. He needed to free himself, at least a bit. One of his hands left your ass, his hips rising slightly so he could get in between and pop his button open and pull the zipper down. He sighed a bit in relief, now his hard-on not having a thick denim constricting it.

But then his eyes opened to see your hands gripping the sheets, and he was having none of that. That same hand moved to grab onto your right hand, making you open your eyes through your pleasure and look down.

His eyes were fierce, determined, sharp, and he moved your hand towards the top of his head. He was signaling you that you could grip his head, his hair. He would love it if you did so. His hand went back to gripping your ass, pulling you deeper into him, his tongue now swirling inside of you, and your hand closed on his hair, a moan leaving your lips without any shame.

Fuck it. Fuck it. It felt too good to hold back. You couldn’t handle it anymore, much less when Steve was clearly enjoying himself, letting you know by the moans he was letting out. You knew his fingertips were going to mark your flesh from how tightly he was holding onto you, but why the fuck would you even care about that? It even made you happy to know that. It made you happy that he marked you all over.

His tongue left you, his heavy breath hitting you, making your skin grow goosebumps because of the coldness you felt from it. From how wet you were. His lips kissed your clit gently, one, two times, his right hand leaving your behind, slowly moving it towards your pussy, and you flinched from the surprise at the feeling of his middle finger running over your slit, covering it in your juices.

“Relax, baby…” He cooed at you, gently, and you let a sigh escape you as you shook your head, rubbing his head with the hand that was still gripping it.

“I am, I was– Just surprised…” He hummed in approval at your response, glad you were being talkative and not shying away from him, or not telling him how you truly felt. His lips circled your clit again, and then his finger started to slowly push in.

A long gasp broke from your lips, choking a bit in your throat as you felt him go in. Your fingers dug into his scalp, making him growl against your clit, your warmth engulfing his middle finger, sucking him in completely. He didn’t move for a second, flicking your clit to check your reactions.

You moaned again when you felt the tip of it wiggling a bit, making an electric shock travel all over your spine.

“Stevie, please–” It was the first time you had begged all night, asked for more, asked for him to keep going. And fuck, was he going to comply. He started thrusting his finger in and out of you. It was slow at first, letting you get used to the feeling of it, giving your clit a few kisses so you could melt even more into his touch.

His hips rutted into the mattress below him at the same tempo that he was thrusting his finger inside of you. He was like an animal right now, not even realizing or thinking through what he was doing. He heard your soft moans, some you were trying to hold in, some were leaving your mouth without restraint.

He felt your nails digging into his scalp, pulling onto his hair at each flick of his tongue on your clit, while his finger curled upwards inside of you. You felt your chest heaving at the feeling, your head rolling onto the pillow, feeling sweat all over your body. Steve knew you were feeling good, but his possessiveness kicked in again, the memory of this not being the first time you were experiencing this coming right back.

He pulled away from your clit, his teeth tugging it as he moved, making you jerk underneath him, whimpering his name. His finger moved faster now, his left hand moving from your ass towards your waist, pulling you into his other hand as if urging you to ride his finger.

“You feeling good, Sunshine?” He also wanted to know you weren’t in any discomfort. That you weren’t in any pain at all. You nodded enthusiastically, making him chuckle, a teasing smirk appearing on his lips as he shook his head. His jaw clenched as he pulled his finger out, making your eyes widen and look down at him. He tapped it slowly against your clit, making you clench around nothing. “I need words, baby.”

“Yes– Yes, it feels good, Stevie, please–” You gulped, not being able to feel embarrassed any longer. He nodded, now his middle and ring fingers gliding in between your folds again, gathering more of your slick. Then he pressed them against your clit, doing short and quick movements, side to side. Your other hand immediately grabbed onto his hair too, your head falling back onto the pillow as multiple shocks made your body spasm underneath him.

Your mouth was open, letting your moans fill the RV, hopefully drowned by the music inside of it. You and Steve were really not paying attention to that anymore. Not when his fingers started to push in again, now his ring finger joining his middle one. He moaned as he felt you clench a bit around them, fluttering as your name fell off his lips almost in a prayer.

You felt tight, you felt so warm, and he had to clench his eyes as a thrust of his hips sent a jolt of electricity all over his body. Eddie’s words rang in his ears, taunting him, wanting him to cave in. He didn’t need to think of where the condoms were, not right now, not today. He clenched his eyes tightly as he breathed shakily, concentrating once again when he felt your nails scratch his head, pulling on his hair slightly.

He started going slow, his tongue lapping at your clit as his fingers went in and out of you, the squelching starting to be heard, even over the music. His left hand was still gripping your waist, pushing you against his fingers, guiding you. Your body trembled at the feeling of him, at the brush of his fingers and knuckles inside of you.

Your legs were spread and bent around his head, letting him have the full access he required, that he needed, that he craved. You were being so good for him. So perfect, just like he always knew you’d be. His fingers picked up a pace, curling his fingers upward, feeling your fingers pull on his hair when you felt your insides turning. Your belly was starting to cramp, and you were overwhelmed at how good all of it felt.

His eyes opened to look up at your expressions, at your movements, his mouth leaving your clit so he could concentrate on your sounds. He could now feel you moving underneath him, jerking your hips every now and then. Your head was thrown back on the pillow, your back arching and your chest heaving as moans and whines escaped your lips. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He felt you fluttering around his fingers, a triumphant smile spreading on his lips as he felt you getting wetter and wetter. You rubbed his head, urging him to put his mouth back on you again, but he was not moving. You whimpered, forcing yourself to look down at him with pleading eyes. Big, begging, and he almost, just almost, caved in.

“Stevie–”

“Did you cum?” His question threw you off, breathing heavily, about to answer only for your words to die on your tongue when a particular drag of his fingers sent a jolt to your belly, your head falling against the pillow again.

“Steve–” You sighed and he groaned, his fingers slowing down again, keeping them curled, but moving at a pace that was not satisfying you. You frowned, looking down at him once more, your mind in need for him to keep moving. “Don’t stop–”

“Did he make you cum?” You stuttered, closing your eyes as his thumb brushed against your clit. “I won’t keep going if you don’t–”

“I didn’t! I– faked it– I faked it–!” Happy with your answer, his fingers started moving again, and you sighed in content, your head back on the pillow as you felt yourself start to flutter again. Your climax was so close, you could feel it, and you knew he could too.

“Why?” He growled out, and you were not answering again, making him slow down again, his teeth coming to tug at your clit rather harshly, making your entire body jerk against him. Your hands were still on his head, and he fought against every tug and push of yours. “I am asking you questions, Sunshine.”

“Fuck– Stevie– I’m gonna cum, I–”

“Focus.” He wanted to hear it. He needed to hear it. It was already a win that Aaron hadn’t gotten an orgasm out of you, but he had a feeling that he was going to love the reason as to why you did what you did even better. You took sharp breaths in as you felt your entire body start to cramp, trying not to rip your boyfriend’s scalp off.

“I couldn’t– I couldn’t stop thinking about you– And I just wanted it to be you– OH god–!” Your right hand left his hair as your back started to arch when he picked up a pace again, desperately so. It went to grip the pillow underneath your head while the other tugged at his hair.

His hips started to rut into the mattress at your answer furiously. He was so drunk on you. He was so hypnotized. You had thought of him the whole time you were with the other man. Steve had definitely won it all. Despite this not being your first experience, he now knew you would consider it your real one. The one that made a difference.

His lips came to desperately take your clit again, sucking on it as his fingers moved rapidly inside of you, abusing your g-spot over and over again. Your mind was blank; you weren’t measuring your moans anymore, nor the number of times you were sighing Steve’s name out of your lips.

All you knew was that you started to see stars, your entire body setting on fire as you started to pulse around his digits. You were breathing heavily, your head thrashing around the pillow, trying to survive whatever tidal wave Steve was about to unleash on you.

“Cum, baby. Cum for me.”

And you listened. Your insides clenched around him, tightly, and your legs closed around his head as your belly exploded, your climax crashing over you instantly. It was big, it was intense, it was something you’ve never felt before in your life. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, yet it was cool, and your toes cramped as they curled into themselves.

Your mouth was open as you tried to breathe in, and then, a loud cry escaped you as you trembled fiercely underneath him. He moaned into your clit as he rode your orgasm out, feeling your legs around his head, almost about to crush him, but he didn’t care. Holy shit, he couldn’t care fucking less because you felt so tight. You felt so fucking good, and his cock wasn’t even inside of you.

You heard him groan loudly, or maybe it was your imagination. You didn’t know what was real and not anymore. Your mind was gone as your orgasm started subsiding. You felt your walls unclench slowly from around him, fluttering every now and then as his tongue licked at your clit with kitten licks.

Once he felt you completely let go of his fingers, he started to slowly take them out of you, and you whimpered as you felt the loss of them. He then saw your cunt, glistening, almost dripping down towards the sheets. He couldn’t help himself when he lolled his tongue out and licked the stripe of your wetness, tasting you even more than before. He groaned into you as he lapped at you.

You whined, your body jerking at the overstimulation. Your hand gripped his scalp, trying to rip him away from you, legs spreading again to let go of his head. You were panting, catching your breath as you felt yourself a little lightheaded. You were in complete and utter bliss, all out of your boyfriend becoming jealous and possessive.

He pulled away from your cunt finally, licking his fingers clean. Now, he felt so sweaty. He should have gotten his shirt off at least. He was breathing heavily, wiping his chin with the back of his sleeve, knowing he would have to wash it now anyway. He felt you spasming a bit, and he let go of your waist, looking up at you as you lay spent on the bed. Good.

He crawled slowly over you, kissing your hip and then your stomach as he went. He could feel now how hot you were running, and he was so happy that he was the reason for all of these reactions of yours. He sighed as he kissed your jaw and then your cheek, trying to center you back in the present.

“Sunshine? You okay?” He asked, wanting to really know that you were alright. Wanting to know he didn’t overdo it. He is now slowly realizing just how rough he had been with you. A side of him he never got to meet before. When he saw those romance movies where the man got overly jealous always seemed exaggerated to him. He was so wrong. Those feelings existed with the right person, and the right person for him, was you.

“Y–Yeah…” You sighed, giving a slow nod, your eyes finally opening again. You found him looking down at you and he looked so disheveled. He looked so gone. He looked so good. A smirk appeared on his panting lips.

“Felt good?” You nodded quickly at his question, almost making him sigh out of relief. You gulped, licking your lips. You were tired, but you wanted to return the favor to him. You wanted to make Steve feel good too. You wanted to at least try.

“I– Can I return the favor?” His eyes widened at your request. He licked his lips nervously as he felt his heart skipping a beat.

“You don’t need to force yourself to do it. I wanted to do that to make you feel good, not expecting anything in return–”

“I want to give something in return. I want to taste you too… I want to touch you too, Steve…” And he trembled on top of you, his breathing becoming steady again. He gulped, shaking his head slowly.

“There’s… No need for that…” You frowned, a bit of your self-consciousness kicking in again as you looked up at him.

“I– I know I never did that, but you can teach me… I can learn as I go… You just have to show me what you like best, Stevie…” He wanted to shoot something at your words. He wanted to cave a hole into the RV’s ceiling with his fist to get some cold air in because he felt suffocated. How can you say something like that to him? Do you even know what kind of power you had over him?

“Thank you, baby, but I really– don’t have the need for it, right now…” His eyes were hopeful, wanting to save himself from shame, but you only looked at him with confused eyes.

“I… Are you sure–?”

And before you could doubt yourself anymore, he decided to rip the truth out like a Band-Aid.

“Jesus chri– I came in my pants while eating you out, Sunshine.”

You blinked a few times, his words starting to process in your head. He was blushing a furious red, his hair falling over his forehead as he looked everywhere but your face. He came just by touching you. Just touching you. You didn’t even know that was a thing.

“O– Oh!” You couldn’t help the giggle that came out of your lips, feeling the entire situation funny, yet endearing, yet… so sexy. So erotic. His eyes went down to look at your laughing face, feeling embarrassed, but despite that, he smiled, digging his face into your neck to hide himself.

“Don’t laugh, you menace.” You felt him kiss your pulse point, your arms coming to wrap around his shoulders as your giggles kept going.

“It’s hot though.” He let go of your neck, moving to face you again and you were looking at him with an innocent look in your eyes.

“Definitely a menace.” His heart felt like bursting while staring down at you when another smile broke on your lips. He leaned down to take them into a kiss, his arms wrapping around your body as you kissed back. He was content, he was happy, and he was proud he had made you feel that good.

You let him cuddle you and kiss you after. Steve left for the bathroom to wash himself and change, while you changed in the bedroom. When you were left by yourself, you couldn’t help but remember every single touch he gave you. Every single sensation you felt, and just remembering that his tongue was on you, was enough to make your entire face burn up and melt away.

When he returned, he was wearing his sweatpants and a white loose shirt on. His hair was wet, and he shook his head like a dog, trying to dry it a bit more. You bit your lip while looking at him as you sat in the bed, inside the covers, waiting for him. He felt his heart skip a beat, and he opened his mouth, only for you to cover your mouth, alarming him.

“Eddie and Nancy! They– They definitely heard me!” You gasped with terror, and he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, uh… I should turn the music down…” He blushed and you frowned, confused, tilting your head like you always did. Then, you finally realized how loud the music was compared to other times. He had dialed the volume up on purpose, with the pure intent of doing what he did to you.

Before you could say anything to him, feeling shame invade him, he closed the blinds and he rushed out towards the front, reaching out to the radio to turn it off. He gulped as he took a deep breath in, walking towards the cupboards to grab one of the water bottles. He opened it and took a big gulp, trying to quench his thirst. He closed the cap, and then he started hearing murmuring outside the RV.

The door opened slowly, Eddie and Nancy walking in. They were talking about possible towns to visit, the map and journal in their hands, and Steve sighed with relief as they didn’t question anything, nor spared him a single look as they went to the front to take their seats. Steve grabbed the water bottle, turning to go to the back again, his hand grabbing the handle of the sliding door.

“Steve.” Nancy’s voice cut his thoughts short, turning his head over his shoulder, and he found two pairs of cheeky eyes looking at him, a smirk on each of their face, making Steve nervous.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to change the sheets.” His mouth opened in shock, the two friends turning to look at the road again, and their talking resumed as if Nancy hadn’t said anything at all.

He gulped, opening the blinds and stepping back in. He looked up at you, and he noticed your horrified face. He winced, frowning almost in pain as the embarrassment kicked in for both of you.

“They definitely heard me.”

“I– Yeah.”

☀︎

taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @pretentious-blonde @thecreelhouse @tvserie-s-world @thesickestqrmydcll @crispystarfishhottub @sophal22 @definitionwanderlust @talkativecarnation @mysticalwoolenfroglegs @ariesandwolves @mortqlprojections @sattlersquarry @sherrylyn0628 @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @micheledawn1975 @keepingitlokiii @littleromanoff2005 @sunshine-mrk @xxladymjxx @bananasplits-world @myharrington @btskzfav@hawkeyeharrington

#OH MY GOD #THIS WAS SO HOT HELLO????#I NEED ME A STEVE #but the fluff at the end was so cute omg #I love them

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 1 month ago

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The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter eighteen

⭐︎ I'll give you all that I can, as long as you'll wait for me there

Warnings: 18+, none really, just a whole bunch of fluff, mentions of sunshine's cheating ex bf, jealousy

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: As Steve made the first move, he waited for you to make the second, though he notices that this time it is you who is guided by fear and he will do everything to take that fear away from you.

Word count: 9.7k

Author's note: my apologies for the longest wait ever! I've had some stuff going on but me and @hellfire--cult finally got it done! it's a bit shorter than I planned it to be but you can expect some good stuff in the next one hehe // also as always Roe, wrote the best part here, you'll know which one I'm talking about so let's all give her some love hehe

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

Peace.

A feeling of peace is what Steve wakes up with this morning, something he hasn’t felt in a while. Warmth blooms in his chest. His heart flutters before he can even open his eyes. He knows you are staring; he can feel your eyes on him, and it makes his lips curl into a smile. His arms are wrapped around you like they had been all night, his right hand cradling your head where it lay on his chest. Neither of you has moved away from one another; you needed each other close.

He can’t believe he waited so long to feel this again, to have you. Despite these circumstances, he feels such a rush of emotions – a kind of happiness he has never felt before. It wasn’t only the fear of loss that held him back. He was a stranger to this feeling in his heart, in his soul. He thought he knew those kinds of feelings before you, but it turns out that he didn’t.

You have stumbled into his life on a random afternoon, and you had him from the moment his eyes locked with yours. He didn’t know it then, but he knew that dangerous look in your eyes would bring him to his knees.

He feels the tips of your fingers on his skin, tracing his nose, tracing his lips. His heart skips strongly, his skin tingles beneath your touch.

Steve peeks one eye open and his smile widens when he sees the lovesick look in your eyes – he knows it matches his own, though, he can’t help but tease you.

“Creep.”

Your hand freezes on his face, and you grow flustered beneath his eyes. Your lips curl into a pout, and you feign offence. You pull your hand back and turn around in his arms, moving away as you give him your back.

Steve chuckles at your cute act, but he doesn’t let you move away anymore. He grabs you and pulls you back with ease, moving on top of you, he cages you in with his arms, pinning you beneath his body.

You grow even more flustered at his sudden move, and you start blushing underneath his gaze. Steve grins down at you as he brushes your hair out of your face, tracing your soft skin with his calloused fingers. He admires you for a moment, letting it sink in that he will always have this now. He’s not sure how much his heart can take; surely it will explode someday with the way he feels for you.

“Good morning, baby.” He breaks the silence with his raspy voice.

Your heart skips so strongly that it catches you off guard. Your skin heats up, especially on your face. Those flutters in your stomach nearly overwhelming you. A part of you wants to squeal and another wants to grab his face and kiss him stupid, but you do neither; instead, a giggle falls from your lips. You see the way his eyes sparkle with amusement at that sound, at your reaction. His smile widens, and you can’t help but hide your face behind your hands, feeling embarrassment creep up on you.

But Steve doesn’t let you, he grabs your wrists softly and pulls your hands away from your face.

“Don’t hide from me, Sunshine.” He whispers as he leans down and pecks your lips. “I wanna see your pretty face, baby.” Another kiss to your lips. “Can’t believe I get to wake up like this from now and just be able to do this.” Steve whispers as he pecks your lips once more before he starts kissing all over your face, covering you in his adoration. He presses his lips to your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your cheekbones, your jaw, the corner of your mouth.

“Stevie!” You squeak as giggles continue to fall from your lips. Your heart is in overdrive. Everything inside of you is screaming in joy.

Steve is smiling so widely as he buries his face in your neck, kissing over your pulse. The way you said his name awakens something else in him. His stomach flutters strongly, especially when his hands find your waist beneath your shirt, and he feels your bare skin.

Your hands find their way to his hair, and you can’t help but sink your fingers further into it, giving a slight tug which makes him groan in response. The sound vibrates against your skin as he continues to kiss up your neck and back to your jaw, pressing a few kisses along it before he finally moves up to face you again. His nose nudges yours, his hooded eyes gaze into your own as they flicker between them and your lips.

“Can I kiss you, baby?” Steve murmurs as his thumbs rub against your waist, massaging you.

Your eyebrows furrow together, and your eyes get bigger with need. You nod your head quickly against the pillow beneath it. Your grip tightens on his hair as you pull him down a little more.

“Please.” You whisper, just now realizing how breathless you are. And how can you not be? When you woke up in his arms. When you get to watch him sleep. When you get to touch his skin. When you get to feel his touch. When you get to feel his kisses. When you get to feel him feel the same for you. When you get to feel him.

His lip curls up into a smile at the needy tone in your voice that matches just what he feels. He wastes no time closing his eyes and smash his lips against yours, kissing you stupid. His heart flutters, and he can’t help but moan into your mouth when you mewl into the kiss and pull at his hair.

He holds you even tighter than before, his hands moving higher and higher, fingers ghosting over the sides of your boobs.

You arch your back, searching for his body even more as you press your chest against his. Your movements invite him to deepen the kiss, and he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. He earns another moan from you, the sound going straight south, making his stomach clench. His entire skin is burning. Everything inside of him is aching for you. He’s been wanting you for so long that his whole being is now in overdrive. You, your sounds, your taste, your lips, everything about you drives him crazy, but especially the intensity of how you kiss him. It makes him feel something he had never felt before, something he can’t even place, but it’s so easy to fall into you, especially when you envelope him into your arms that way.

Yeah, you have him on his knees, and he’d be crawling towards you even if you didn’t want him.

Your tongues meet, and your lips move so slowly yet passionately. There is no fight for dominance, just two lovers finally kissing.

And you can’t believe that you are here, under him, feeling him. Just like back then in the car, you feel him pressing against you, and it only awakens a deep hunger in you.

“Steve.” You whimper when he rolls his hips against you slowly. He doesn’t stop kissing you. He moves his hand up to the side of your face, cradling it as he continues to peck your lips.

“Hmm?” He hums, not wanting to miss the feeling of your lips on his.

You sink your fingers deeper into his hair, as your other hand moves down to his shoulder blade.

You are not even sure what you were trying to say, because when he pulls you in for another kiss, everything is forgotten. Absolutely everything. And you don’t know how much time passes, how long you two stay in bed, kissing and touching each other like this, but you are pretty sure that it’s a long, long time. The thing that makes you both pull away is the growling in your stomach. It makes you freeze in embarrassment. And Steve pulls away with a furrow in his brows, his puffy lips curling into a pout as he stares down at you.

You groan in embarrassment and bring your hands up to your face.

“Hey, hey.” Steve whispers, gently pulling your wrists away from your face. You don’t know why you expect him to look amused, because it isn’t what’s on his face at all, far from it. You see concern and worry. “When’s the last time you have actually eaten, Sunshine?”

Oh.

You avoid his eyes, and try to look away, but he doesn’t let you. He pinches your chin between his fingers and forces you to look at him.

“Baby.” His voice now soft, yet stern, just like the look on his face.

It’s hard to focus on his question when the pet name nearly makes your heart explode.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t very hungry…” You admit.

Steve sighs softly. His eyes are filled with guilt, knowing that the loss of appetite was because of him.

“You can’t–” He is cut off by his own stomach growling, making him freeze this time.

You both stare at each other for a moment.

You raise your eyebrows at him, “When’s the last time you’ve eaten, Stevie?” You try to mock him, though the same worry resides in your voice as it did in his.

He felt the same as you did.

Steve huffs a little, though a small smile tugs at his lips.

“Guess we got our appetite back,” he whispers and leans down to peck your lips once more. “Wanna go out there and face the world… and have some oatmeal?”

You scrunch your nose up, which only makes him smile bigger.

“I’d rather stay in bed with you…” You whisper, gazing up into his eyes. “In my apartment… back in New York… where we’d lay in bed all morning and only get up to make waffles… and bacon… and scrambled eggs. We’d go back to bed after and stay like this.”

Steve’s eyes soften even more. His heart warms in his chest. Your words make him feel special. To think that you have imagined such things before, that you have imagined him in parts of your life where you hadn’t even crossed paths yet. He doesn’t know whether to smile or cry from sheer happiness.

“That sounds like a dream to me, Sunshine.” He whispers as he caresses your cheek, admiring your beautiful face. “I can’t give you back the New York apartment, but… You and I can have a place in California.” He says, showing you the seriousness of what he feels for you, of what he wants with you.

You breathe in shakily, staring into his vulnerable eyes. He looks at you like he is scared of your answer. As though there would be anything but a yes.

Your heart is fluttering like crazy. All the hope you’ve started to bury resurfacing again. Every thought about not coming with them has been long forgotten since the moment he kissed you.

“By the beach? Even better.” You whisper, pretending to be calm despite how much you want to squeal.

“Yeah?” He asks as his eyes lighten up as his heart skips a strong beat at the excitement in your eyes. He’s not letting you go. That’s been clear from the start, no matter what will happen, he is not letting you go.

“Yeah.” You whisper.

“Good, cause I don’t want to spend a single moment without you… ever again.” He admits as he buries his face in your neck, snuggling you into the mattress as he inhales your scent.

You waste no time wrapping your arms around him, stronger, holding him against you with a smile on your face.

“I don’t want to be without you either, Steve.” You whisper as you run your fingers through his hair.

“You’re coming with me.” Steve says, determined.

You nod, and your smile widens when he moves up to face you again, gazing into your eyes with a promise in his own.

“No matter what, I am with you.” He whispers as he cradles your cheek again, caressing your skin for a moment before he reaches for your hand and places it on his chest, right above his heart. “And you are with me.”

Your face softens, though your eyes grow wider, filled with something that Steve was so afraid of before.

“I’m not going anywhere without you now, Steve.” You promise.

Your words mend the fear inside of him a little, not enough to take it completely because a part of him still fears losing you, not because you’ll walk away, no. You proved time and time again that you would never walk away from him.

But he knows the dangers of this world. He felt it.

But he won’t let that be the reason to run from his feelings for you any longer. He will do anything to keep you safe. And he will fight for you both.

“You’re never getting rid of me now.” He sighs dramatically before he buries his face in your neck, making you giggle as you wrap your arms around him.

You can’t describe the feelings rushing through you now, not even if you tried. Your whole heart warms in your chest, and you can’t fight the smile off your lips.

You never thought you’d see such a side of him. You never thought you could have him like this.

“Promise?”

Your soft voice makes him look up at you again, and when your eyes lock, he wonders how he was ever able to hold back for so long.

“I promise.” He whispers as he caresses the scar on your cheekbone that you got on the day you had killed to protect him, while you stare at the scar around his neck from the time you weren’t in his life yet.

You don’t know how much more time passes of you lying in bed, cuddling, kissing, and making up for lost time, but the sun is up high by the time you actually get up. You get dressed and you brush your teeth side by side in the tiny bathroom, eyeing each other through the mirror with nothing but happiness in your eyes’.

Steve insists on brushing your hair. He treats it with care, gently brushing his fingers through it before he picks up the hairbrush. Your heart is fluttering the whole time you look at him through the mirror. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, his lips pressed together as he attempts to braid it.

“Where’d you learn that?” You ask in curiosity.

“I didn’t.” Steve chuckles, glancing at you for a second. “Don’t expect a pretty braid, honey. I watched you do it.”

Your eyes widen, and heat rushes to your cheeks.

He watched you?

“You always look so cute doing your hair.” Steve smiles as he puts your hair tie around the braid once finished.

“Stop…” You whisper, blushing.

Steve’s smile widens, and his eyes light up at your blushing. You are getting shy with him now, and he thinks it’s the most adorable thing.

He decides not to tease you, but he can’t help but wrap his arms around you and pull you into his chest, leaning down to kiss your cheek.

He can tell by the surprised look on your face, just like this morning when he woke up and pinned you beneath his body, that you aren’t used to this. You aren’t used to him being like this, but also you aren’t used to affection in this sense.

He knows you will need time.

“C’mon.” He whispers and reaches for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze. He leads you out of the bathroom, and you both finish getting ready in comfortable silence. You both put on your jackets and boots. You grab your thigh holster and fasten it to your belt and around your thigh.

He is watching you the whole time, a smile lingering on his face. He’s done that before too, but now he doesn’t feel the need to hide anymore.

He reaches for your hand again when he opens the door. He is the first to step out.

Eddie and Nancy are sitting on their camping chairs, backs turned towards the RV. They are chatting, sipping on their coffees, and looking out into the forest. A small fire is still burning, the wood crackling. The sun is shining today, melting more of the snow on the grass. Steve takes a moment to look around the spot where they had parked the RV at. Another lake, a clear view of the mountains, and a pretty forest. This little spot looks untouched by the world.

Eddie and Nancy glance at each other before they both turn around to face the two of you.

A smile appears on Nancy’s face when she looks down at your joined hands, while Eddie raises his eyebrows, smirking as his eyes flicker between you both.

“Good morning.” Steve nods with a smile on his face. He feels you squeezing his hand, and he can tell that you are nervous. He gives you a reassuring squeeze back and looks over his shoulder, smiling softly.

“Morning? It’s 12 pm.” Eddie snorts. “But yeah, good morning, lovebirds.”

Nancy shakes her head at her best friend, rolling her eyes but with a smile on her face.

“It’s that late?” Steve asks, surprised.

“Yeah, we only stopped driving about two hours ago, though.” Nancy nods.

Eddie eyes you curiously as you stick to Steve’s side, almost shyly. You sit down on the chair next to Nancy while Steve picks up the coffee pot and pours you a cup.

“Two hours ago?” Steve gasps. “You should’ve woken us up, you guys need your sleep too.”

“It’s fine, man. You two needed it more.” Eddie says, still looking at you. “You look…” He pauses to look at the marks on Steve’s neck from where he had left his jacket open. “Refreshed.” He smirks as he looks back at you. For someone usually chatty, you are awfully quiet.

Steve gives him a warning glance, as well as Nancy, who notices your unusual behaviour right away.

“We finally caught up on sleep.” Steve retorts as he turns towards you and hands you the coffee. You give him a small smile, thanking him as you wrap your hands around the warm mug.

“You guys should eat, there’s oatmeal in the pot. Eddie made it too sweet though–”

“It’s not too sweet, it’s perfect!” Eddie cuts Nancy off, waving her off with his hand before he takes a sip of his coffee.

Nancy rolls her eyes at him, though not without a smile. It eases the feelings from the days before inside of you. The tension between them has faded away, as it seems, and they have reconciled after days of being snappy towards each other.

“You have the taste buds of a twelve year old.” Nancy mumbles.

“Uh, twelve year olds clearly have a better taste in food than you do.” Eddie snorts, squinting his eyes at his best friend. “Bet you ordered meatloaf at diners while everyone else got burgers and fries.”

“Meatloaf is great!” Nancy argues.

“See! You got the tastebuds of a grandma, Wheeler!”

You and Steve share amused glances while the two of them continue their banter. The relief in both yours and his eyes is evident. Everything is falling back into place again, finally.

Steve scoots his camping chair closer to yours before he finally sits down beside you after handing you the bowl of oatmeal. You smile shyly at him and look down at your breakfast. You pick up the spoon and start eating.

Steve doesn’t take his eyes off you. His smile never fades either; if anything, it widens when he sees how big your eyes get when you taste the oats.

“That’s…” You mumble after taking the first bite, looking over at Eddie. “The best oatmeal I’ve ever eaten in my life.”

“What–” Nancy mumbles in disgust.

Eddie’s eyes widen just like yours do. A victorious laugh falling from his lips, he shoots Nancy a satisfied grin.

“See, I always knew you got taste, Sweetheart.” Eddie grins at you. “Put some extra sugar in, cause I know you like it sweet.”

Your heart warms at his words and at the smile directed at you. Up till yesterday, you thought that you had lost him. That the disappointment he felt in you had pushed him away from you. That you lost another friend, but the smile he gives you proves otherwise.

You smile back at him before you look down. You continue eating your breakfast in silence, missing all the glances between the three.

Eddie is on the edge of his seat, Steve can see it, especially with the way he keeps bouncing his knee, opening his mouth though shutting it again seconds later whenever Nancy raises her eyebrows at him.

But Eddie’s patience only lasts for so long.

“So… are you guys…” He mumbles, pointing his finger between you both. His eyes on Steve and how he is practically glued to your side now.

Your cheeks are burning the moment that question leaves Eddie’s lips. You glance at Steve, who is already smiling at you. He reaches for your hand, he entwines his fingers with your own.

“Yeah.” Steve whispers, his own cheeks heating up as well now. His heart skips a beat. “We’re together.”

You squeeze his hand and look down with a smile on your face.

Eddie and Nancy share a glance, smiles spreading on their lips. The girl leans closer to you and nudges your shoulder, giving you a pointed look that says ‘girls talk. later.’

“Awe!” Eddie coos, tilting his head to the side. “Sunshine, you are blushing!”

“Oh my god.” You mumble in embarrassment.

Steve chuckles at your reaction. He can’t help but wrap his arm around you and pull you into his chest. You instantly bury your face in it, hiding from Eddie and Nancy.

“Leave my girl alone!” Steve warns Eddie, who just opened his mouth to tease you some more.

My girl.

You almost squeal into his chest.

Nancy giggles at your reaction, eyes flashing with excitement.

Eddie brings his hands up in surrender, unable to fight the smile off his lips. He looks between you both, and slowly he relaxes back into his seat. The amusement in his eyes transforms into something else when he sees how happy Steve looks. How life slipped back into his eyes. How his eyes are shining again. How his cheeks are glowing again. How his smile is so bright and filled with joy – he isn’t even sure if he has ever seen him like this before.

And Nancy, she is watching you both with a smile on her face too. She was angry with Steve before, but now she is proud of him for finally getting over whatever was pulling him away and holding him back from you.

“Alright, alright.” Eddie nods as he gets up. “We’ll definitely have a talk later, but now… we need to catch up on some sleep.”

“Yeah, you guys take the bed.” Steve nods. His arm is still secured around you, even as you now look back at your friends again. “We will sit outside for a bit and then uh, I guess it’s my turn to drive. I’ve got a passenger princess now.” He grins, making you blush all over again.

Nancy bites back her smile when your eyes meet hers, though she can’t help but wink at you before she gets up and makes her way into the RV.

Eddie laughs at your flustered expression, but to your surprise, he says nothing. He wiggles his brows at the two of you before he turns around and follows Nancy inside.

It’s quiet between you for a moment. Steve keeps his arm wrapped around you, and he leans down to kiss the top of your head.

“Passenger princess.” You whisper.

“It’s true,” Steve chuckles as he squeezes your upper arm. “You’re my passenger princess.”

Your giggle makes his heart flutter strongly in his chest. It makes the smile stay on his face. Your shyness was something he didn’t expect, at least not to this extent, but it makes you even more endearing.

You look up at him, still blushing.

“You’re so… sweet.”

He furrows his eyebrows with a chuckle. He brings his hand up to your face, cupping your cheek.

“Is that a bad thing?” Steve asks, amused.

Your lip curls into a soft smile, and you shake your head at him.

“Not at all. Just…” You clear your throat and wrap your hand around his before you pull back and straighten up in your seat. You look down for a moment, trying to find the right words. Steve eyes you curiously, waiting for you patiently. “Kind of crazy to think of how this all started between us… You hated me–”

“I never hated you.” Steve argues, shaking his head.

You squint your eyes as you look back up at him, which makes Steve chuckle. He brings your hand up to his lips, giving your knuckles a kiss.

There are so many things he wants to say to you, to tell you how he really felt, to tell you what he thought when he first met you but he isn’t sure if it’s appropriate yet, if it’s the right time.

“You don’t believe me?” He asks, moving closer to you as he wraps his arm around your waist.

“You were a bitch to me so no, I don’t believe–” Suddenly Steve’s fingers disappear beneath your jacket, digging into your waist. A loud laugh falls from your lips as he starts to tickle you.

“Steve!” You squeal, giggling.

Steve is chuckling mischievously, loving the effect he has on you. The way you blush, the way you giggle, the way you are so flustered now. He can’t help his next move, he grabs your waist and pulls you onto his lap, wanting to feel you closer.

Another squeal falls from your lips when you feel his thigh underneath you. You wrap your arm around him, trying not to drop your coffee, although some of it lands on the melting snow.

Steve holds you tightly as he leans in to peck your cheek.

Yeah, it’s more than crazy to feel – to have such a side of him when you look back at the time you just met. You look down at him, holding on tighter than before. He smiles at you so lovingly that it makes your breathing stutter.

He has changed so much since then. He opened up. He let you in. And now you are getting a part of him you never thought you would – not then, not a few days ago.

He is gazing up at you. His eyes trace your features. His fingers dig into your hip tightly. He holds you like he is afraid that you will slip away if he lets go.

“Sunshine?”

“Yeah?” You whisper, smiling softly.

He brings his hand up to your face, tucking back a stray hair that escaped your braid. He caresses your cheek. His eyes are still tracing your features, admiring you.

“You really are my sunshine you know…?” He whispers, knowing how corny it sounds but it’s the truth. “When–” He clears his throat as his smile fades a bit. “When I pushed you away, when we had that… distance between us… I felt like I did back then… before you came into my life. I felt like I had lost everything once again.”

Your smile slowly slips away as sadness creeps into your eyes, and your heart clenches in your chest.

“Steve–”

He shakes his head, squeezing your hip.

“No, baby. Don’t feel sorry for me. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have let fear take you away from me. I was so scared of losing you, not seeing that I was doing all that myself.” He whispers, blinking quickly because he doesn’t want his eyes to tear up again. “I should have been honest with you instead of making you feel like you didn’t mean anything to me, like I wasn’t crazy about you. I was scared, terrified. We’re stuck in this world where anything could happen at any moment, and I feel something for you that I have never felt for anyone else before.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as your stomach flips at his words.

“But… I’ll do anything to make it up to you now. I will fight for you, for us.” He promises.

A part of you feels nothing but joy at his words. This is all you ever wanted. This is all you craved, to have him like this, to be with him. But the other part of you feels guilt. Because while he was suffering in silence, you were unknowingly making him feel worse by seeing another man, making him believe that your feelings and your actions weren’t genuine.

Steve notices the conflict in your eyes, the way they sadden as you get lost in your head.

“Hey…” He whispers, making you look into his eyes again. “What’s wrong…?”

You take a deep breath, feeling unable to look into his eyes without the guilt eating at you.

“I just… I– Aaron.” You stutter.

Steve tenses up beneath you, his jaw clenches, and his eyes darken at the mention of him. He breathes in deeply.

“I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” You don’t know what else to say.

“It’s okay, Sunshine.” Steve whispers, though he can’t help but feel sour even at the thought of him.

“No, it’s not. I wouldn’t have–”

“I know.” Steve nods, cutting you off. He takes your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “I just wish I wasn’t such an idiot. I could have been the one to take you dancing…”

Your heart flutters at just the thought of it. A shy smile creeps up on your face, and you squeeze his hand back.

“You can still take me dancing.” You whisper.

Steve’s lips curl into a smile, and he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

“I will,” he promises. “When we get to California, I will take you dancing.”

“I can’t wait.” You smile. Your eyes flicker to his lips for a moment before you look back into his eyes, watching all kinds of emotions swirling in them.

“Sunshine, I’m sorry.” He whispers after a moment of silence. He knows the pain he has caused you. He knows the insecurities you have dealt with because of him. He knows he crushed your heart.

“I’m sorry too, Steve.” You whisper. You felt guilty too, knowing he wasn’t eating or sleeping because of you, knowing he was dealing with his own fears and not allowing himself to have what he wanted to have.

Steve furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head at you.

“You don’t–”

“We both suffered, Steve.” You mumble and look down, unable to look into his eyes. “You even more so… What I did was wrong… I shouldn’t have–”

Steve shakes his head at your words. As much as he hates that you found comfort in someone else, he was the one who pushed you away and let you be with him.

“You believed that I didn’t want you, Sunshine…” Steve whispers, and he can’t even say those words without feeling pain in his heart. “Y-You thought… You thought that I saw Robin in you and that she was the reason why I wanted you close.”

You finally look at him again, a little intrigued, a little uncertain.

“But that was never the case, honey. You may have a running mouth like she did, and I know… I just know that the two of you together? You’d both drive me insane!”

You can’t help but giggle and shake your head, though his words do fill you with relief.

His lips quirk up a bit, but his face grows serious once again, and he looks into your eyes deeply.

“But you were never a replacement, you hear me?” He asks as he caresses your cheek. “I know I wasn’t the best at showing how I really felt for you, but I swear to god, you drive me crazy, baby.”

Your cheeks heat up beneath his hands. A soft smile creeps up on your face.

“Crazy, huh?” You ask, even though he said it yesterday already.

Steve nods, enjoying the shyness glowing in your eyes.

“I’ll spend every minute of our life showing you just how much.” He whispers and leans closer, giving your lips a sweet kiss.

Your heart skips a beat at his words, at his touch, at his kiss. You can’t help but want more, but a part of you feels too shy to ask for another kiss, so you place your forehead against his instead.

“I’d like that.” You whisper and nearly sigh in relief when he pulls you in for a deep kiss.

Steve almost feels it, the relief – it’s in the way you kiss him back, the way you curl into his touch. He doesn’t really notice it right away, just how shy you are with him now.

At first, he thinks it’s because of Nancy and Eddie, that their prying eyes keep you from being affectionate, not used to being this close to someone else, and with others watching you, giggling behind your back.

But then he notices how that shyness continues even when it’s just the two of you. You don’t make the first move, and he doesn’t know whether it’s because of his rejection when you did try to kiss him then, or if it’s because you aren’t used to this kind of affection from somebody else.

You didn’t tell him all that much about your ex-boyfriend, but he knows that affection wasn’t something you got from that piece of shit. Not only did he call you clingy, he also never held your hand in public, let alone kissed you. Not to mention that he cheated on you throughout the course of your relationship.

He also noticed how shy you were around Aaron, who didn’t hide his interest in you. He remembers how you curled into yourself when he openly complimented you and flirted with you. Unfortunately, he also remembers how shy you got when Aaron kissed you in front of everyone else.

It’s pretty clear that you struggle accepting affection or even showing it yourself, no matter how much you crave it. You were more open with it before he rejected you, but that must have been because you were still tiptoeing between the lines of friends and lovers.

Something is holding you back now. Whether it’s your shyness or your fear of scaring him away by being affectionate towards him yourself.

And as much as he wants to bring it up to you, he wants to wait and give you time, thinking that it might get resolved on its own, that maybe you just need time.

But then a few days go by, and nothing changes.

Though he does find it endearing when you walk up to him with no intention to make a move yourself, yet looking at him with big eyes that flicker between his lips and his eyes, expecting a kiss from him. He gives you what you want every time, how can he not? When you look at him like that, acting so goddamn cute.

Though today, he can’t help but tease you when you step into the RV just after he finished washing the dishes. You lean against the wall next to him, looking up at him the way you always do.

A smile tugs at his lips, and his eyes flicker with amusement when he glances at you. You raise your brows, giving him a sweet smile as you make eyes at him. It’s very obvious what you want, and it’s very difficult for him not to give in right away, but he wants you to be the one to make the first move now.

He almost chuckles when he hears you huff as he turns back to the sink, wiping it dry with the kitchen towel. He takes his time with it before he finally turns back to you.

“Are you waiting for something, baby?”

He feels a little bad when your smile falls and your shoulders slump. You shake your head, growing flustered.

“No…” You whisper and turn around, planning to walk away again, but he doesn’t let you. He grabs your hand and pulls you back. He cups your cheeks and leans down to kiss you. He grins against your lips when you melt against him instantly. He feels you grabbing his shirt and pulling him down, wanting to feel him closer. His stomach flips at your action, and he can’t help but move his hands down to your waist and push you against the wall behind you.

Your whimper vibrates against his mouth, and the sound is like music to his ears. He feels your tongue against his bottom lip and your hands on his neck. You deepen the kiss and push yourself further against him.

It’s funny how you are so shy to make the first move, but once he has you in his embrace and his lips are on yours, you lose yourself in him completely, kissing him stupid.

But it makes him wonder.

“Sunshine?” Steve murmurs against your lips, “can I ask you something?”

Your hands move to his hair, and you look at him through hooded eyes now – something that drives him crazy.

You nod, whispering a small ‘yes’.

“Why the sudden shyness?” He asks as he moves his hand to the back of your neck. He watches your reaction closely, seeing the way your eyes widen for a moment, the way your lips part and close again. You grow even more flustered, like you are embarrassed to say it.

Your eyes flash with too many emotions that he can’t even make out the strongest of all.

As cute as he thinks it is, how you always come up to him, waiting for a kiss, he needs you to know that you can grab him and kiss him whenever you want. He needs you to understand something.

“I am your boyfriend. You can kiss me whenever you want.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and your eyes widen once again. Your heart jumps with joy. Boyfriend.

Steve watches the way your eyes light up at his words and the way your body loses its tension. Your lips curl up slowly, and he can tell that you are holding back a giggle.

“I– It just still feels so unreal,” you whisper as you press your chest against his, blinking up at him.

Steve’s heart could burst from his chest with how happy he feels to see you feeling such joy over him.

He cradles the side of your face, gazing into your eyes.

“Well, it’s very real. I am your boyfriend, and you can do whatever you want to me.” He grins, almost chuckling when he sees how flustered you get at his words, knowing damn well where your mind went. He can’t help but tease you.

He fakes a frown as his eyes widen, and he begins to let go of you, taking a step back. “Oh wait, I’m– maybe that’s not what you wanted with me?” He murmurs, pressing a hand to his chest as he stares at you. “So inconsiderate on my part. I was quick to assume–”

You suddenly lurch forward and grab him by the collars of his shirt, pulling him down, you slam your lips against his, kissing him deeply.

His stomach flutters strongly, and he can’t help but smile in satisfaction. He reciprocates right away, matching your emotions – despair, need, adoration, lust. He envelopes you in his arms and kisses you hungrily.

Your feelings are suddenly overwhelming you. Your chest feels tight, your stomach is bursting with butterflies, your throat feels tight, your muscles and skin are burning. You need him. You need more. Was it selfish for you to want more? Was it too disgusting to want to just merge yourself into him? Want to be as close as you could ever be?

What would someone call this feeling?

You sound crazy to yourself, because you never felt like this before. This need to touch, this need to just stick to another person like this. You’ve never felt this with your ex, and then you thought you were being an okay girlfriend by keeping your distance because he didn’t like your clinginess.

But clingy is all you ever want to be with Steve. With your ex, you did care, but if Steve were to say the same thing to you, you wouldn’t be able to handle it at all. If you weren’t able to kiss him, touch him, hug him, hold him, you wouldn’t feel complete. You wouldn’t feel happy. You would be devastated.

And it seemed that Steve matched your clinginess. It was hard to swallow that fact. You never thought you would find someone who would reciprocate those feelings for you. Someone who kissed you just because he wanted to. Because he had the chance to. The need to. You believed these people existed, but you thought that maybe your clinginess was above the average.

Steve is proving that it wasn’t.

So you won’t hide those feelings anymore. You won’t be scared of him moving his face away from you when you try to kiss him, or ripping his arm away from you when you try to cling to him while walking, or pushing you away when you try to hug him. He wants all of that, because he does those things to you.

But you want more now. You need more. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, it isn’t enough. Your hands are all up in his hair, your tongues dancing with one another’s, the sounds around the two of you silencing, leaving you alone.

Your hands connect to the back of his neck, pushing him deeper into the kiss if that were even possible, and he groaned into it, into your throat. Your belly burned and burned, your core starting to copy that feeling. You were becoming drunk on the kiss, your emotions making you start to take some steps back, slowly, pulling him with you.

Steve was also hypnotized with you right now. It was as if you had put a spell on your lips that didn’t let him think straight. His feet moved with you, his rationality slipping away slowly. All his ears could hear were your delighted little moans whenever he bit your bottom lip, before his tongue found yours again.

You pulled him into the back, where the bed was. His body was on fire, his fingertips itching to touch your bare skin. Everything he held back from these past months were making his body act on its own. His instincts were taking complete control over him. His hand left your waist to fumble behind him, grabbing hold of the little handle of the sliding panels to separate the bedroom from the rest of the RV.

He didn’t even think twice, he didn’t even think, when he grabbed your waist and pulled away from the kiss, and pushed you up on the bed as he crawled after you. It wasn’t a second after that his body was on top of yours, kissing you stupid once again. One of your hands returned to his neck, the other was gripping his shoulder so he wouldn’t pull away again.

His hands were all over your sides, his brain not functioning anymore as he drowned in you. He could hear how you took your sneakers off, falling onto the floor, and he copied that motion so he could push the two of you further into the bed. With your head now on the pillow, you could feel yourself grow lightweight, pliant, melting into him.

You wanted to feel him. You wanted more and more and more. Your legs slowly spread, your nervousness not even bothering you because you were just desperate. You were in need to feel him again just like you did the days before, when the two of you confessed. He hadn’t tried to make a move like that those days, and you hadn’t really minded it then. Now you did. Now you really did, and you wanted it more than anything.

He felt you leaving space for him in between your legs, and his hips immediately got magnetized to yours. You gasped, followed by a moan when you felt his bulge rubbing against you, creating friction against your clit. It felt good. It felt so good. Steve groaned into your mouth, his right hand moving towards the hem of your sweater and shirt.

You felt his fingertips carressing your skin, then, they dug onto your waist, making sure to feel you. Your back arched against him when he rolled his hips against yours, and your hands were on his back, gripping his sweater tightly. The kiss intensified, the two of you becoming breathless, but you didn’t care. His hips picked up a pace against you, and you needed it. You wanted it. You wanted him.

Your mind was mush, as well as his was. He wasn’t thinking clearly, and he was letting his body move for him. He was letting his body decide what the next move was. He felt suffocated, so he pulled away from the kiss, throwing his hand towards his back to pull his sweater and shirt off in one move, his chest showing.

You wanted to moan at the sight, finally seeing him again like this, but all you needed now was something else. You desperately raised yourself up a little to hold onto his neck again and pulled him down for another bruising kiss. His mouth didn’t stay on yours for long this time. He pulled away, panting with need as he kissed your jaw, then your neck, making you moan.

His consciousness was gone. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t anticipate what his next move was, he didn’t overthink like he always did when he slept with someone. This was pure, carnal lust, need, and desperation for someone. His hips rolled against yours, feeling himself harden even more if that was even possible. It felt perfect. You felt perfect, and if your moans were to say something, you were feeling good too.

You felt his hands moving inside your shirt now, one grabbing onto your waist, and the other was moving upwards. Something that would have made you feel nervous before, never felt more right than now. You wanted his hands on you. You wanted him to touch you, to feel you, to show you how much he says he wants you. Not that you don’t believe him, but you want to phyisically feel it.

Finally, he groped your breast over your bra, and your back arched against him, a delighted sigh leaving your lips. He groaned onto your skin, his left hand now leaving your waist to grab your thigh, giving him leverage to pull you into his hips as he kept rolling them into you.

You felt the fire building inside of you, slowly. That coil turning with the need of more, with the need of being bare, so you could feel it even more. Being clothed was becoming a nuisance now. You wanted your clothes off, and as if he had read your mind, his hands left your thigh and the inside of your shirt and sweater, and he pulled away from your neck.

His fingers hooked on the hem of them, and you sat up quickly so he could help you pull both your garments off, leaving you in just your bra. He didn’t have time to gaze at you, his lips desperately looking for yours again, laying you back down onto the bed. Your hands were deep into his hair, making a mess out of it, his hips returning to roll, and his left hand was now the one gripping your other breast.

You groaned into the kiss, whimpered when he kneaded it, feeling it, feeling you. Your back arched against him, your tongue dancing with his and never getting tired of it. His right hand came upwards to grab onto your left hand and he intertwined his fingers with yours, before pressing it against the pillow next to your head.

He was feral. The more he got to taste you, the more intoxicated he became. He didn’t think he could become like this, ever, but how wrong could he be? Even more so, that you were reciprocating it in the same manner. He could feel the heat radiating off your body, your need to feel him as you roll your hips against him yourself.

His hand clenched into yours, at a particular thrust, the friction now becoming dull thanks to the clothes. He was fucking desperate. His lips left yours, only to then move to your neck, giving it a soft bite, but then he moved down, needing to taste more of your skin than just your lips, your cheeks, your neck.

His left hand left your breast so he could pull the strap of your bra down, his lips finding your shoulder, and then towards your collarbone. He nibbled on it, his hand pressing yours against the pillow as he heard you gasp, your hips jerking against him.

He felt his skin peeling off, almost from the fire that was consuming him. His left hand now quickly grabbed onto your other one in his hair, and he moved to press your hands over your head now, your fingers intertwined as his lips kissed along your chest, over the top of your breasts that were still covered by your bra.

Your knees were now bent, pressing against his hips as his thrusts became harsh, feeling your hands being gripped tightly, being pushed against the top of your pillow, constricting you from any other movement.

Your brain was melted, gone, disappeared completely from the phase of this earth. Your body controlled this. It controlled you. You felt him moving up, his lips finding yours again, his tongue instantly diving in to dance with yours once more, and you felt dizzy with everything that was happening, as if you were drunk, but you were loving it.

His hard on was becoming painful because of the constricting jeans. It felt good, but it could feel so much better if they were to come off. His right hand let go of your left, sliding down as he felt the need to touch you more, to hear you more. He wasn’t even aware of anything around the two of you. All he knew was that you were there, in a bed, with him, and he needed you.

He didn’t stop kissing you as you felt his hips lift just enough so he could sneak his hand in between, undoing the belt off of you and then popping the button open. He pulled away from the kiss again, breathless, needy, and he went to your neck once more, biting onto your pulse point as his fingertips started to play around the elastic of your underwear, ready to dive in.

“Stevie–”

And you calling out his name was what brought him back to reality. This wasn’t just someone. This wasn’t just anybody. This was you. You who deserved the best. You who deserved perfection. You, whom he promised to be better for. He now felt everything all at once. The haziness of his mind, the burning of his skin, how his lips were throbbing from all the kissing, how his heart was hammering in his chest, how his lungs were begging for air.

His fingertips left the elastic of your underwear, but it seemed like you didn’t care, your hips still rutting upwards into his. Fuck. He wanted to keep going, and he couldn’t help himself when he gave another roll, making him groan against your neck.

“Sunshine–”

You felt now the need to taste him. You felt him pull away from your neck, and the moment he did, you went in to kiss his. He sighed in need as he melted under your lips, his forehead dropping onto your shoulder as your free hand gripped his bicep.

He didn’t know if he could handle it much longer. He could feel his restraint leaving him again, the words ‘Fuck it’ repeating in his head, over and over, but no. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. You didn’t deserve it like this. But how could he even concentrate when he feels your teeth nibbling on his pulse point now.

“Fuck– Sunshine–”

You weren’t listening. You thought it was moaning, him delighting himself in your touches, but he was trying to call out to you. Snap you out of it. He didn’t want to, but he had to. He despised the idea of stopping this, of stopping you after you finally showed him just how much you were restraining yourself from showing him how you felt.

But he had to.

“Sunshine, wait– wait a second–” That made you stop, your mind still mush, but a bit of consciousness slipping through as he slowly pulled away from your neck to look down at you. His breaths were heavy as well as yours, trying to fill your lungs with air once again.

“What? What is it?” Your voice was small, desperate, and he wanted to groan at the tone of it. You sounded as needy as you looked, and fuck, he couldn’t help but frown with annoyance at himself. He clenched his eyes as if he was in pain, and honestly, he was.

“I– Not like this.” He shook his head as his eyes found yours again.

“What–”

“I don’t want your first time to be like this. As much as I want to right now… I want it to be perfect.” Your heart was hammering in your chest, but you were too far gone in your lust and your need to feel him completely, that you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around his neck, not letting him leave.

“Steve, it’s already perfect because it’s you. So just–”

“No. I want you to feel safe, to feel comfortable… I don’t want you to overthink if Eddie and Nancy can hear us. Your body was starting to cool down, but you wanted anything but that. You tried once more.

“I’ll just be quiet…” And he shook his head, huffing as he tried to slow his breathing.

“I don’t want you to be quiet… I want you to be able to fully experience your first time.” He inspected your face and he saw how it slowly fell, your breathing calming down slowly, dissapointment evident in your features. “I also want to spend that time with you. Alone. I don’t want to think or worry about anything else but you… And well, I also… wanna hear you.”

And as much as you hated that he stopped, you felt your heart warm up at his words. You felt your body burn a bit at his words, a little bit of embarrassment engulfing you. You sighed in defeat, knowing you won’t be able to change his mind, and your arms left his shoulders as your legs stopped pressing against his hips so he could move. He leaned down to kiss your cheek, gently.

“Trust me, I do want to. I wasn’t even thinking of what I was doing right now because of how much I need you… But you don’t deserve it like this.” He continued talking and you hummed, feeling him sit back up. His eyes finally looked down at your body, and he wanted to throw himself out the window.

A little bit of shame and embarrassment filled you, also realizing that you weren’t really thinking straight a few moments ago. Suddenly, you heard the radio outside, a little louder than usual. You could now hear the sounds around you as you sat up, realizing that Nancy and Eddie could definitely hear you, and they turned the music up so they tried not to.

Steve noticed it too, a blush appearing on his cheeks in embarrassment, grabbing your shirt and handing it to you. You pouted as you grabbed it, his eyes taking a look at your bra one last time, feeling himself twitch inside his pants again, and he groaned, rapidly ripping his eyes away from you so he could grab his own shirt to throw it back on.

You buttoned your pants again, feeling yourself burn again as you realized that Steve was about to touch you. You took your belt off, and you huffed, making Steve turn to look at you. You had the pout on your lips still, looking at him quite mad, and then you flopped on the bed, your face in the pillow, lying down on your stomach.

He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips at your antics, chuckling as he leaned forward, a little bit on top of you. He kissed your clothed back, making the sound of it be a little exaggerated.

“Don’t be mad at me, baby.” You whined against the pillow, your voice muffled against the pillow.

“We won’t ever be alone. We’re in an RV, remember?” You reminded him, and he chuckled, now kissing the top of your head.

“Don’t worry about that. Your boyfriend has a knack for surprises.” At the word, you couldn’t help the stupid giggle that left you.

“My boyfriend.” Which you couldn’t believe still. Your face finally turned to see him smiling down at you. You turned your entire body to face him, and he was hovering a bit over you, supporting his upper body with his elbow, lying on his side.

“Mhm. And you’re my girl.” You flushed all over at that. He said it before, but you don’t think you will get tired of hearing it, of being reminded that you are his. You hoped that it would stay like that, that this won’t ever go away.

Maybe someday, you hoped, he would call you something else.

But that can wait.

You can settle for this now, with a smile on your face, and a soft peck on his lips.

“I’m your girl.”

☀︎

#OH MY GODDDDDDD #THIS WAS SO GOOD #I LOVED THE FLUFF AND THE SPICE

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 1 month ago

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today was my birthday 😩

#i feel old af

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 1 month ago

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the edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter seventeen

⭐︎ Now I'm racing for what to do, all roads lead me right back to you

Warnings: hurt/comfort, a few sprinkles of angst, kinda mean!Eddie, mentions of depression, uh... don't know what else to add

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Your night with Aaron didn't only change your relationship with Steve -- it also brought chaos upon the whole group, leading you to make a drastic decision that might be for the sake of everyone.

Word count: 13k+

Author's note: Me and @hellfire--cult say; you're welcome. Roe wrote the bestest part, aka everything that came after that moment hehe

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

After a week of standing still close by the gates of the community, the RV is finally running again. Filled with gas and two extra gallons provided by the community, along with supplies – food, water, medicine, ammo, and a new rifle.

Nancy is already in the driver's seat. Having said goodbye to Tommy already, she spared herself the awkwardness of engaging more with him in front of Eddie and Steve after spending the night with the older man. She is tapping the steering wheel, looking into blank space as she waits.

Eddie, who is sitting down on the steps of the RV, nodding along to Tommy’s advice for the road ahead, can’t seem to find it in himself to focus on what the man is telling him, not when his friend looks like he is about to die.

Steve is leaning against the side of the RV with his arms crossed. His knee is bouncing as his eyes are stuck on the road ahead. Waiting and waiting, waiting for you. His heart keeps pounding painfully in his chest. His mind racing with all kinds of thoughts. Ones he doesn’t want to think about. Ones he is afraid of. What if you decide to stay here after all? What if you decide that Aaron should be the one to take you to your family and bring you back here with him?

The thought pains him. It causes shudders to run down his back. It fills him with dread and sadness, but also with anger.

What would he even do if you said you are not coming with them… with him?

Would he be able to do anything about it? Would he get desperate enough to ask you to stay with him by telling you the truth about his feelings?

Steve brings his hand up to his hair, running it through it nervously. He takes a deep breath, though it does little to calm him down. Only when he finally catches sight of you, walking down the road and to where he is standing, does he feel like he can breathe again. That is, until he sees him.

Aaron is walking beside you, holding your hand. He feels like his breath gets knocked out of him again. He knows he should look away to spare himself the pain of watching that, but he can’t.

Eddie pushes himself off the steps when he sees you. He clears his throat, trying to catch Steve’s attention, but the brunette is set on you. His eyes are glued on you. Eyes filled with sadness and pain.

He doesn’t look away. He can’t.

“Morning.” Aaron nods at Steve, who doesn’t even acknowledge him, only you.

But you aren’t looking at him, nor at Eddie, who is trying to make eye contact with you, but your eyes are on the ground. The metalhead can’t tell whether it’s shame etched into your features or regret, but he can tell that you don’t feel comfortable standing here in front of Steve while having your hand held by the man you spent the night with. With the man you didn’t want it to be.

“Brought you your sunshine back.” Aaron says, squeezing your hand as he briefly glances at Steve, who is still not looking at him.

Tommy, who is standing on the side, looks down, chuckling under his breath.

“Thank you, I was starting to think she would ditch us and stay here.” Eddie jokes, still looking at you.

And when you finally look up, he notices the same exhaustion on your face that he sees on Steve’s.

And Steve, he sees it too. He wants to feel relief so badly, but he knows the exhaustion can have two very different meanings. The latter makes him feel nauseous. He doesn’t want to think about it. His mind was swirling with the sickest thoughts all night. He doesn’t want to let it consume his mind again, not when you are back and here, ready to get back inside the RV with them. With him.

“Never.” Aaron chuckles, looking down at you. “The offer was on the table, but I think she prefers you guys.”

Steve’s mood sours even more. And he can’t help but huff at Aaron’s words.

Eddie notices one thing, and that is how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. You avoid Steve’s eyes, especially.

“Yeah, I’ll stick with my friends.” You say softly and look up at Aaron, giving him a small smile, but still big enough to make Steve’s heart ache. “But thank you, Aaron… For everything.” Your words have deeper meaning, and Steve knows that. It only worsens the pain in his heart, knowing that you have shared special things with another man. He doesn’t know whether he wants to scream or slam his head into the RV. He knows he should look away from you and him, but he can’t.

Aaron nods, giving you a soft smile and another squeeze to your hand before he lets you go.

“Anytime, Darlin’.” He nods, tipping his cowboy hat at you, making you smile a little bigger.

“Alright, are you ready to go?” Eddie asks you, wanting nothing more than to put his best friend out of his misery.

“Yeah. I’m ready.” You mumble, still not looking at him.

You turn towards Tommy and step towards the older man. You bid your farewells and thank him for all he’s done for you and your friends. He shakes your hand and gives you a warm smile, telling you that the gates will always be open for you and your friends.

You feel a bit awkward having to say goodbye to Aaron in front of Eddie and him. You can feel his eyes on you. His gaze is burning into your skin, and not in a pleasant way. You know he watched you last night, when you were dancing with Aaron, when you kissed him. You didn’t look at Steve after, not even when you left with him. You couldn’t. And now you can’t either.

When you turn back to Aaron, you notice that he is looking at him. His chin tilted down a bit, eyes filled with emotions you can’t read. He isn’t glaring, nor is he looking at him cockily, none of that. There is something in his eyes, something only directed at Steve. And when he looks back down at you, his eyes flicker with different emotions. His lips curl into a smile again, and he takes a step forward, opening his arms to you.

“C’mere.”

Your cheeks heat up when he reaches forward, taking your hand into his own. He pulls you towards him and away from Steve. He wraps his arms around you and gives you a tight hug. Leaning down, his lips brush against your ear, “be careful out there for me, alright?”

Steve squints his eyes. He clenches his fists, digging his nails into his palm. He takes a deep breath. He feels unsure of what he feels. Anger or sadness? He isn’t sure at this point. But he knows one thing: it hurts awfully to watch you be held by another man.

“Always.” You whisper and squeeze his waist before you pull away. You look up at him, intending it to be the last time. You say goodbye with a smile, but he has different plans. Before you can let go and step away from him, Aaron cups your cheeks and caresses your cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your mouth, and then he leans down and presses his lips against yours. He says goodbye with a kiss.

Steve’s heart drops to his stomach. The same nausea from the night before rising up in him. Anger fades away so quickly, and dejection settles in instead. His nails no longer dig into his palms. His chest no longer feels tight from rage. His eyes aren’t glaring anymore. All he feels… is pain.

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut when he sees the expression on Steve’s face. He was mad at him before he knew how he really felt about you. Now he can’t feel that anymore, not when he is suffering like this. He can’t bear those eyes.

Steve stares at you, at the back of your head. He watches. He watches how another man holds your face and kisses you. That’s all he can do. Watch. He knows he should move. He knows he should turn around and get inside the RV, wait for you there. But he is frozen. Stuck in place.

Just like you, if he looked closer.

When Aaron pulls away, he brushes his knuckles against your cheek.

“Remember to contact me once you arrive so I know that you’re safe. And if you need me to come pick you up, use the coordinates, and I’ll do so.” Aaron says, looking into your eyes deeply.

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding.

“Okay.” Aaron nods and leans down once more, this time only giving you a short peck instead of a full-blown kiss. It’s still enough to make you blush, to make you flustered beneath his eyes.

You squeeze his wrist and give him one last smile.

“Goodbye, Aaron.”

“Goodbye, Sunshine.”

His smile looks a little mischievous, his wink too. You can’t tell what he is trying to say. But his eyes flicker between you and Steve.

Steve, who isn’t even looking your way anymore when you turn to look at him, is facing away from you.

If only you saw the tears in his eyes that he is hiding from you.

You take a deep breath and look around one last time before you turn around and make your way inside the RV. You don’t know how much longer it will take to get to Nevada. You don’t know how much more pain you will have to bear till then. But you know that the rest of this journey won't be an easy one.

“Hey Nance.” You say softly, smiling at the girl in the driver’s seat.

She drops her map and turns to face you. You have seen her this morning, sneaking out of Tommy’s room with hickeys on her neck. She froze when she was met by the sight of you standing by the window and sipping on a freshly brewed coffee. You expected her to get awkward, but instead she smirked your way and told you that a girls talk was much needed.

“Hey, you.” She smiles, eying you up and down. She leans her elbow against the steering wheel and points a finger at you. “We’re still having that conversation later.”

“Yeah, yeah…” You whisper, growing flustered beneath her blue eyes. You don’t get to say much more because Steve stomps inside after you. He brushes past you and makes his way over to the couch. He sits down, refusing to look your way, and maybe it’s for the better, because you aren’t sure if you want him to look at you.

Eddie walks in too, after saying his goodbyes. He waves at the two men one last time, giving them polite smiles before he shuts the door and locks it. He breathes in deeply and looks over at Steve.

The worried look in his eyes makes you tense up, even more when the metalhead glances at you with emotions he hasn’t shown you before. You don’t know why, but it makes your chest ache, and it makes you unable to look at him longer. You force your eyes away from him and look down, awkwardly making your way to your seat, which was next to Steve.

Eddie watched you intensely. His brown eyes take you in as he tries to read the expression on your face and the obvious tension in your shoulders. He wants to ask if you are okay, but then he looks over at Steve, who is looking out the window, refusing to turn towards the front of the RV, and he decides against it.

With a sigh, he turns around and makes his way over to the passenger seat. He plops down and grabs the map off Nancy’s lap, only briefly glancing at the girl who is shaking her head at him in confusion. Her eyebrows are furrowed. Confusion and irritation were written all over her face.

“You gonna drive or not, Wheeler?”

Eddie’s voice was cold. The coldest you’ve ever heard. You never thought you would hear him talk like that, and much less towards Nancy, who looked just as surprised, and even hurt. She stuttered a bit, not knowing how to deal with Eddie’s sudden anger.

“I– Yes, I’m– Yeah.” She turns the engine key, and the RV comes to life. Steve was still not looking your way, and you felt nauseous as the motorhome rocked side to side. You weren’t going to be able to stand it, so you got up, and rushed towards the back where the bed was, creating distance between the two of you once more.

Steve felt his heart collapsing at how quickly you moved from his side. How quickly you couldn’t stand his presence. Just one minute passed since you sat down next to him, and it was enough.

He stared at the floor, unable to speak, unable to move and Eddie noticed. His eyes moved from the map and towards Steve. He sighed, putting the map down, his eyes turning to look at Nancy who was driving.

“Change of plans. You go to the back, have your girls talk, while I drive and Steve is my copilot.” At his words, Nancy frowned, looking at him before staring back at the road.

“What? We– That’s not how we planned it– You can’t drive, your leg–”

“Well, I am changing it, and I can move my leg. So, stop the RV, and let me drive.” Steve’s eyes were wide at Eddie’s tone, finally noticing the change. He saw Nancy’s curls bob a little as she shook her head, slowly stopping the RV to get out of the Driver’s seat. Nancy didn’t even glance towards Steve as she passed, and the brown haired man could hear a sniffle following right behind her steps.

He heard the sliding door close, and Eddie stepped into the Driver’s seat, putting the radio on, for the very first time, and his cassette. Steve’s eyes widened, pushing himself up from the couch, and rushing to the passenger’s seat, shaking his head.

“Eddie, we can’t use the radio, it drains the battery–”

“You really wanna hear that?” Eddie’s eyes were knives towards Steve as he buckled himself up. The brown haired man trembled slightly at the realization that Nancy and you might be talking about last night. He certainly didn’t want to hear that. He shook his head, sitting on the passenger’s seat and buckling up, before grabbing the map.

Eddie started the drive again, and the music of various metal bands filled the air. Steve frowned, looking at his friend.

“How did you get this?”

“Remember the barista? Back at the community? Yeah, he gave me a copy of his playlist. Fucking cool, isn’t it?” Steve nodded, looking back at the road as he felt the emptiness start to consume him a little.

“Everyone made at least one friend in there, huh.” Eddie cringed at his friend’s words, sighing.

“No one would have been able to handle all the Harrington charm.” He joked, and Steve shook his head, frowning.

“What?”

“Especially that grumpy attitude, and those amazing eyebags you have.” At Eddie’s jokes, Steve rolled his eyes.

“Wow, thanks for that man.”

“Just trying to cheer someone up here.” Eddie stated as he whistled along the screaming that was coming out of the speakers. Steve cringed, looking at his friend again.

“Couldn’t you have at least gotten a tape that– I don’t know, would have been to everyone’s liking?”

“Aw, are you sad we don’t have Madonna in here?” At that, Steve finally cracked a small smile. A small victory on Eddie’s side. “Maybe I did get other cassettes, but I’m saving them for special occasions.”

A beat of silence fills them after those jokes, the RV moving back and forth as Steve stares at the map. Clearly, Eddie didn’t need guidance. He had already inspected the map before, and Eddie had a good sense of direction. He always did. But maybe Steve was hallucinating. Maybe he was panicking, but he swore he heard Nancy’s gasp, or a laugh. So he made conversation again to add to the music.

“Why… the sudden change of attitude?”

“Come again?” Eddie asked, as if he hadn’t noticed himself how he was acting recently.

“You were a little… harsh? With Nance?” At Steve’s words, Eddie shrugged, shaking his head.

“Really? Didn’t think so.” Steve couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in his chest. He looked out of the window, knowing he won’t get Eddie’s thoughts out of his mouth any time soon. A pang of pain in his head interrupted his own though. He felt himself become a little light-headed as he looked at the road, the sight of it dizzying him. “Steve?”

“Huh? I’m– fine. I just got a little dizzy, that’s all–”

“You mean the lack of sleep. Try to get some–” But Steve immediately interrupted, holding onto the map tightly, looking down at it.

“I’m fine. Keep driving.” Eddie glanced at his best friend for a few seconds, then his eyes returned to the road ahead, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as anger filled him. The feeling of helplessness. The feeling of pure fear of losing Steve.

And no one else but him noticed.

Eddie was having a bad day. At least that’s what you told yourself on the first day of being back on the road. He was unusually quiet with you. He barely talked to you, and he barely looked at you.

You thought that he got off on the wrong foot that morning, that maybe he didn’t want to talk, that he wasn’t feeling well, or just having a bad day like you or Steve, or even Nancy had before. But then the second day passed, and the third, and he was still not… his usual self.

A weird energy hangs in the air. It makes you feel uncomfortable. It makes you feel guilty, and you don’t know why. You didn’t do anything wrong, did you? But taking a look at Nancy, and seeing those sad blue eyes follow her best friend, who barely talks to her these days, makes you feel like it is your fault… somehow. You don’t know if something happened between them, if they had an argument or a disagreement when you weren’t around, but something tells you that you are the reason for the way he is treating her.

Her eyes are sad whenever they fall on Eddie, but they are filled with anger when they lock with hazel ones. Steve cowers away every time her ice cold glare hits him.

He doesn’t even look at you – only when you aren’t looking at him. His eyes are glued to you every chance he gets when you are busy with something. They roam your face and your body. Those eyes filled with longing would break your heart if only you caught him.

It’s snowing outside, strongly so. The wind is heavy too, making it impossible for any of you to sit outside for dinner the way you did all these days. When you and Nancy ate your dinner at the small table in the RV, Steve and Eddie left to eat theirs outside. In those three days you have been on the road, the four of you haven’t sat down to eat together once. Tonight is the first, and it feels awkward. Nobody is talking. The only sound filling the RV is the scraping against plates and the howling of the wind outside.

Eddie is staring at his bowl, shoving down his food with an irritated look on his face. Steve’s eyes are glued to his food as well, though he doesn’t eat as fastly as Eddie does. Nancy, who is sitting beside you on the sofa, is picking at the beans while your plate is completely untouched. Your stomach is empty, but your appetite isn’t there at all. The thought of even picking up your fork and taking a bite makes you feel nauseous.

You look down at the map, looking at all the possible directions to take to get to Nevada. You know you won’t get home any time soon, but you know that some roads would take you there faster while others wouldn’t. Some could bring unwanted obstacles. A hoard of infected that you somehow managed to avoid so far. A tree blocking the road, forcing you to take another exit. Monsters. Another snowstorm. Unfortunately the map can’t provide you with this kind of information.

“You should eat.” Nancy says softly, nudging your shoulder.

“I’m not hungry.” You mumble, not looking up from the map.

Steve glances at you, worriedly looking between your untouched plate and your face. He notices the dark circles under your eyes. The line between your eyebrows. The tired look deeply into your features.

His heart aches. It constantly aches now after he lost you. You are right there. You are right in front of him, and yet it feels like you are gone. What he would do to feel you in his arms again. To hold you and–

“You should still eat.”

You tense up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. The roughness and coldness in it being so clear. It doesn’t only make you freeze.

You look up to find him staring at you intensely. His brown eyes which are usually filled with warmth, are… cold, just like his voice is.

“I said I’m not hungry, Eddie–”

He slams his empty plate on the table, making you flinch a little.

“Yeah, you said the same this morning and last night. You are not eating, you are not sleeping. If you keep going that way, you’ll get sick again and hold us back. Do you wanna see your family or not?”

Your eyes widen and you open your mouth, though your mind is empty and you couldn’t form a sentence if you tried. His words feel like a slap in your face. The hurt residing in your chest is deep enough as it is. To feel such anger from someone who did nothing but defend and comfort you till now feels awfully painful. He had never been angry at you before. He had never done anything to make you doubt how he feels about you. Eddie had your back from the start, back when he knew barely anything about you. He was the one who fought for you to stay with them, and now… this?

Steve’s heart aches at the sight of your shocked expression. His sad eyes soften when he notices the hurt flashing in your eyes. He froze at Eddie’s words.

“Okay, what crawled up your ass?” Nancy finally snaps, dropping her bowl on the table the way he did as she glares daggers into her best friend, having had enough of his attitude and the silent treatment he is punishing her with. She felt nothing but sadness for the past few days but now she can’t help but feel angry. “What is your problem?”

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he turns to face her.

“I am not talking to you.”

“Clearly!” Nancy scoffs, shaking her head at him. “You are being an asshole.” She snaps, having had enough of this.

You blink, snapping out of it. Your eyes meet his for just a second, but a second enough to see the worry and the pity. God. You don’t need that. His eyebrows are furrowed as he continues to look at you, and you can’t take it. You force your eyes away from him.

“Right.” Eddie scoffs.

“No, you’ve been an asshole since the party! Giving us the silent treatment and only opening your mouth to be a jerk… really, Munson?” Nancy exclaims, tilting her head to the side as she stares at her best friend. Her words come from anger and despair, but her eyes say something else. Something Eddie can’t even see through the haze that he is in.

You look between them, and when you see the way they look at each other, the way they never did before, your heart starts pounding a little.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Eddie laughs humorlessly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nancy snaps, squinting her eyes at him.

“You were an asshole first, Wheeler. You were a real asshole.” Eddie mumbles, and for the first time in days, you see something other than indifference in his eyes. You see disappointment towards Nancy.

And you see the way Nancy freezes as she gets quiet for a moment. The realization sinks in when her eyes flicker over to Steve, only for a brief second.

The lump in your throat grows, and your heart starts pounding a little faster when you look between them. Did she say something to him? Did they argue when you weren’t there? Did she hurt him?

Anxiety creeps up on you as your eyes flicker back and forth between them, noticing how Steve avoids her glaring blue eyes, no ounce of remorse or guilt in them, while his are filled with sadness.

“With good reason.” Nancy murmurs under her breath, shaking her head at Eddie.

“Really?” Eddie scoffs as he leans forward. “If you really think so then I have every reason to be disappointed in you.”

The fear that you have been the reason for all of this turns into harsh reality at his next words.

“You took care of someone you met just months ago, when the one who has been here for years should have been your priority.”

There have been many moments in your life when you have felt like your heart stopped beating, when the pain was so deep that you froze and could only stare. Harsh words have been thrown at you before. Friendships have been broken. Friendships that were only ever one-sided. People you gave your everything to, dropped you without batting an eye, replacing you without a struggle.

In the end it was only ever you. No matter how much you tried, you never found people who wanted you.

You found something real here. You found them. Eddie and Nancy, who took you in, invited you into their home without a moment of hesitation. And even Steve, who despite his efforts to push you away, let you in.

It was good. It was nice. For a moment, you had everything you ever wanted. You can’t believe that the reason for it to fall apart would be yourself. And even worse, it didn’t only fall apart for you. It’s falling apart for them now too. They are falling apart.

The lump in your throat grows bigger and bigger, cutting off the air to breathe. Your eyes start burning with unwanted tears as you look between Eddie and Nancy. Their voices are faded now as they still argue. All you see are the angry glares they throw at each other while Steve looks helplessly between them.

Your ears start ringing, and your chest starts hurting so badly when you take a good look at him.

He is suffering.

He is suffering because of you. You broke that friendship between you because you couldn’t control your feelings.

Nancy is suffering because she is on the way to losing her best friend, because of you. Because she was angry at Steve for hurting you, because she chose your side when she shouldn’t have. You never wanted this. You never wanted her to pick a side. You never wanted her to be angry at him.

“Sunshine?”

You snap out of it. Blinking a few times, you look up at him to see him eyeing your face. His hazel eyes are filled with worry, and you can’t take it. You can’t.

Nancy and Eddie pay no attention to you or him; they keep snapping at each other. Your name is never mentioned, and Eddie doesn’t throw you in directly, but you know that every jab is meant to be directed at you.

And you can’t take this anymore.

You can’t watch them fall apart anymore.

You can’t let yourself be the reason for them to lose one another.

You get up and storm away, not noticing how Steve was ready to run after you, thinking that you were about to go through the door and out into the storm. But he settles back into his seat when you lock yourself in the bathroom.

You grip the edges of the sink as you take a deep breath. One look in the mirror is enough to cause those tears to fall. An indifference towards yourself growing deeply. The sickening feeling in your chest keeps spreading as the realization sinks deeper and deeper.

Of course, you had to ruin that one good thing in your life.

And you dragged them down with you.

But you can’t, you won’t keep doing that. You won’t ruin what they have. You won’t add further damage.

So, despite the pain and the heartache, your next decision is an easy one.

Steve is sipping on what must be his third cup of coffee, though it does little to take away his exhaustion. He is tired, more than ever before, but he can’t sleep. Every time his eyes close, cruel pictures invade his mind. Nightmares that only ever consisted of Robin and how he could not save her are now replaced with you getting ripped away from him, and every time it happens differently, leaving him to feel more afraid after each nightmare.

He is sitting by the fire, across from Nancy, whose eyes are practically burning with rage. He felt small beneath her gaze before, feeling the indifference towards him in a whole new way. It makes him feel uncomfortable, but also a little irritated because she won’t even really talk to him. All she does is snap at him and glare daggers into his skin.

It worsened after he saw you talking to her earlier.

The whole day was spent in awkward, tense silence after Eddie’s and Nancy’s fight the night before. Nobody really talked to each other. Nobody really looked at one another. Only when Eddie decided that it was time for a break from driving were you all forced to interact in some way.

While Eddie and Steve prepared a little fire, you had dragged Nancy away from them and towards the little stream Eddie stopped the RV by. Steve couldn’t make out any words that left your mouth, though he saw the sadness on your face from a mile away. His curiosity made him watch the whole interaction, and when he saw the shock and denial on Nancy’s face as she shook her head, his heart fell a little. Despite not knowing what it was that you had said to her, he felt anxiety creeping up on him. Nancy kept shaking her head and fighting you over whatever you were saying, though he could see that you were set on it.

You avoided his eyes when you made your way back to the RV, and you haven’t left it ever since.

Now he is left dealing with Nancy’s hateful eyes as she is cleaning her gun. He wants to glare back at her, but the brunette looks a little intimidating right now, especially with that gun in her head. He is convinced that a part of her wants to aim it at him.

He takes another sip of his coffee and looks around. The little spot that Eddie had picked is beautiful. A hidden little spot in the forest, surrounded by pine trees. A pretty stream where Eddie is sitting by on his camping chair, away from everyone. The sun is shining, melting the snow on the ground. It’s difficult to appreciate this scenery when his heart is aching and his friend group is falling apart.

When he looks back at Nancy, she huffs and rolls her eyes, making him clench his jaw.

“You got something you want to say to me, Nance?”

“Nothing nice.”

Steve scoffs and nods his head.

“Yeah, I figured that.”

“So we can agree that you’re an asshole? Amazing.”

Steve squints his eyes at her. Irritation bubbling up inside of him. He’s had enough of this. He’s had enough of her attitude, and he’s had enough of watching Eddie treat you so coldly. He’s had enough of them picking sides. He’s had enough of them fighting each other, when they were inseparable before.

It’s nice to know that he isn’t the only one who feels protective over you, but he is sick of everything that has been happening after leaving Wyoming.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, though he never uses his voice. The words get caught in his throat when the RV door opens and you come out, stealing his attention. Your eyes meet his for a second, and his whole body freezes when he sees the redness in them. The circles under your eyes are deep and dark. Your whole expression is one of sadness. You have been crying.

It isn’t only his heart that aches at the sight of you, it’s his whole being that aches. He swallows harshly and holds the cup tighter in his hand. The urge to drop everything and rush to your side and pull you into his arms is stronger than ever.

But he can’t.

You break eye contact and move down the stairs as you tug your jacket tighter around your body. You look around for Eddie, and when you spot him by the stream, you start making your way towards him. Ignoring Steve’s eyes on you. Ignoring Nancy’s worried gaze.

You breathe in the fresh air. Nerves running high as you approach the metalhead. You clear your throat to announce your presence behind him, but he doesn’t even look up. He is staring at the water, smoking a cigarette.

You stop beside him and appreciate the view before you for a second, and you take another deep breath before you turn to face him.

“Eddie?”

He only hums in response, not even acknowledging your presence.

“Can we talk?” You ask, hating how shaky your voice sounds.

“Sure.” He mumbles, still not looking at you. He brings his cigarette up to his lips, taking another drag.

You shift on your feet uncomfortably, blinking as you feel your eyes growing hot again. You never thought that you would have to deal with this. You never thought that you would be on the receiving end of his indifference. But he made things very clear last night.

You wait for him to look up, to at least take a look at you, but he doesn’t.

“Can you at least look at me?” You know that you are starting to sound desperate, but you can’t help it. You thought you meant to him as much as he meant to you.

You can see him clenching his jaw, taking a deep breath, and huffing.

Your shoulders drop, and your face falls further. The pain is hitting you harder than before.

“Okay then… I guess not.” You mumble, looking down at your feet as your vision gets blurry. “You won’t have to deal with me much longer.”

At that, his head finally snaps up and he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?” He asks, no longer interested in the view before him or his cigarette.

“You barely look at me, you don’t even talk to me anymore. I can tell that you don’t want me around anymore–”

Finally, he stands up and steps towards you. His eyes are big and confused.

“What are you trying to say?” He asks, trying to make you meet his eyes as he tilts his chin down.

You take another deep breath after swallowing the lump in your throat. You look up, still blinking so as to not let the tears fall.

“I already told Nancy… I’m… after I find my way home, I’m taking my family back to Wyoming.”

It’s a decision you didn’t want to make. You wanted to go with them. But you are not going to invade Steve’s home. You are not going to add further damage to a friendship you already managed to break.

Eddie freezes.

His anger filled eyes widen, flashing with confusion and shock.

“W-What? What… Why? You said you were coming with us–”

You shake your head and cross your arms over your chest.

“It’s better for everyone that way. I’m not going to move into a town he is supposed to feel comfortable in,” you point in Steve’s direction before you angrily wipe your fallen tear away. “And I’m not gonna be the reason for you all to fall apart. You were right, Nancy shouldn’t have taken care of me, she should have been there for him.”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows. Guilt flashes in his eyes, and it crashes over him how awful his words must have sounded to you.

“Sunshine–”

You shake your head, trying to stop further tears from falling.

“No, Eddie. It’s okay. I appreciate what you all have done for me, but I won’t stand by and watch you lose each other because of me.” You mumble, your voice getting quieter now as you don’t trust it anymore.

Eddie shakes his head, staring at you, bewildered.

“I broke up the group enough as it is. I’m not coming with you. Final word.” Before another tear can roll down your cheek, you turn around and walk away from him. Every step becomes harder as you make your way back to the RV.

“Sunshine?” Nancy murmurs, getting up from her chair already.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You mumble, not looking at her or Steve’s way as you make your way up the steps and slam the door behind you.

Eddie stands back for a moment, letting your words sink in. Guilt and sadness rushing through him, but even more so, it’s anger and irritation. You aren’t the reason for all of this. It’s the lack of communication between you and the brunette who keeps staring at you with sad eyes instead of acting upon his feelings. This could have been between you; this should have been between you. He doesn’t know how it all blew up like this. But the moment sides were picked, it all started falling apart, and now even more so.

Do you really think that they will be better off without you?

Do you really think that you mean this little to them that they could just move on from you and act like you were never there?

Do you really not see how they were falling apart before you? How Steve wasn’t even there with them?

He’s had enough.

Eddie takes a deep breath and starts making his way towards his friends. The despair inside of him to fix all of this running deep. He storms his way over to where Steve is sitting. The man looks up at him, with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted.

“You need to snap out of it, right now!” He points a finger at him.

“What?”

Nancy looks between them, confused. She draws back a little when the metalhead turns to face her with anger in his eyes.

“You knew?”

She shakes her head, tilting her head to the side, “huh?”

Eddie clenches his jaw, sucking in a deep breath, he tries to calm himself down.

“That she is not coming to California.”

Nancy’s shoulder slumped, and the confusion on her face faded away. She straightens her back and glances at Steve, who looks like he is frozen in place. His hazel eyes are wide, filled with shock and fear.

“What…?”

His voice sounds broken enough to even make her feel bad. She looks down and sighs. The feeling of Eddie’s eyes glaring into her skin, overwhelming her a little.

“She told me earlier… I couldn’t convince her otherwise…” She mumbles softly.

Steve’s whole body is frozen. He is staring into blank space as his mind is screaming at him to do something. Not having you anymore, not feeling you in your arms anymore, not being with you like he was before, is one thing, but losing you completely is another. He can’t go on without you, not like this. He was so afraid of losing you that he didn’t notice that he was already on the way there.

Eddie huffs, shaking his head at this whole situation. He brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. He looks down at Steve, feeling a slight anger towards him again. If only he opened his mouth.

Eddie knows he needs time, but that time is running out now.

He thought that their conversation on the porch the night after the party was a push enough, but apparently not, because he still hasn’t done anything about it.

“What are you going to do?” Eddie asks, forcing him to look up.

Steve knits his eyebrows together, pursing his lips as he shakes his head in question.

“What–?”

“Are you going to do something about it or are you just gonna let her do that fucking shit?” Eddie asks, being fed up with everything.

Steve takes a deep breath. Eddie’s anger is contagious because he is starting to feel it too. Eddie is trying to speak with his eyes, to remind him of what they talked about, to remind him how he felt when you left with another man… just for one night.

“Eddie–” Nancy starts.

“No! Shut up!” Eddie snaps at her, pointing a finger at her. “This has nothing to do with you!”

The girl draws back in shock. Her eyes flicker back and forth between Eddie and Steve. The latter getting angrier each passing second now too.

“Are you going to let her go back to him?” Eddie asks, knowing where to hit him.

Steve’s eyes darken at his words. The anger now is so clear in his features. He sucks in a sharp breath. The thought of you leaving him, the thought of being the reason for you to find your way back to Aaron makes him sick, but it also makes him snap, finally.

“Steve…” Nancy mumbles, seeing the expression on his face. “What are you gonna do?”

Steve slams his cup on the ground, and he gets up. He runs his hand through his hair, huffing as he stares at Eddie.

“Yeah, no…” Steve shakes his head. Everything boils up inside of him, everything and all at once. It explodes. And he is unable to hold it back any longer. “Fuck that shit.” He grumbles and brushes past the metalhead, and he storms inside the RV.

The despair grows inside of him, making the anger so much more intense than before. A mixture of emotions rushing through him, and he can’t even place what exactly he is feeling.

Just as he slams the door shut behind him, you come out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around your body. Your skin is still shining from the water, your hair still dripping. The both of you freeze for a moment, staring at one another.

You notice his expression, it’s hard not to when he stares at you like this, breathing heavily and looking angrier than ever before.

“What–”

“We need to talk.”

You bring your hand up to the knot on your towel, holding it. You huff as you shake your head at him, “there’s nothing to talk about, Steve.” You say as though you don’t miss him, as if you don’t feel anger for how all of this went down.

“Yes, there is!” Steve exclaims, throwing his hands up. “I’m done with this…I can’t take this anymore.” He points between you and himself. “And now I find out that you aren’t coming with us to California!? Were you ever gonna tell me about that, or did you plan to just hop off the RV and pretend like nothing ever happened between us?”

“Nothing happened. You made that very clear, Steve. I thought there was a chance, but you quickly shut that down again.” You mumble in confusion, not understanding what the look in his eyes is for, but you see the rage flashing in them when they notice the mark on your collarbone.

“I–”

“You know why I thought we had a chance?” You ask, feeling irritation spark at you now too. You have thought about what happened many times. You have thought of all the reasons for your unusual courage. You have thought about what Eddie had said about you and Steve before. You have thought about what Aaron had said. “You gave me mixed signals and then you chickened out like a little boy.”

Steve’s eyes widen at your words, having not expected something like this at all.

“A little boy– excuse me?”

“You said I’m childish,” you point at yourself, feeling a rush of sudden anger. “But have you looked into a mirror?”

Steve draws back in shock. This is not how this was supposed to play out. This is not a sight he expected from you, especially not after you stormed inside the RV looking like you were about to break down.

But your anger is so clear on your face now. Your eyes are burning with it, just like his own. The energy in the room shifts into something stronger.

“What did you just say?” He asks as he takes a step towards you.

“You heard me. You’re a fucking boy. You knew how I felt about you, and you still decided to play with my feelings. Friends don’t sleep in each others’ arms, Steve. Friends don’t hold each others’ hands the way we did. Friends don’t do what we did! You knew exactly what you were doing to me!” You finally get it all off your chest. You finally feel your chest decompressing from every single word you wanted to say to him from the moment he didn’t give you a minute’s peace.

Steve swallows harshly. Guilt creeping back into his chest. He now sees what it seemed like to you and it makes him feel like absolute shit but knowing that you found comfort in someone else right after hurts. Someone you are willing to run back to now.

“I did what I thought was best! For the both of us! And you, on the other hand, you behaved like a fucking brat, who didn’t get what she wanted and threw herself at the first guy she met!” Steve snaps, letting all his anger out as he moves even closer to you.

You stare at him in disbelief. You take a step forward too. “You seem to have forgotten what I told you at the mansion! I wanna live my life, Steve! I want to experience things! And I told you that I would do it if given the chance–”

“A chance?” Steve scoffs as hurt flashes in his eyes. “Was that what I was to you? A chance? A possibility?”

“What!?” You almost yell.

“Was I like Aaron?! Was that the reason why you approached me, Sunshine?”

How could he even think such a thing? How could he even ask such a thing? After everything that you have done for him?

Steve’s eyes are so angry, but even through that, you can see something more. You can see the hurt and something else…

“If I only looked for a possibility, then I would have gone for someone like Eddie, not you!”

He scoffs, shaking his head at you, “what is that supposed to mean!?”

“You hated me, Steve. You made sure I felt that, what makes you think that you would have been a choice if that was the only thing I looked for!?” You ask, tilting your head at him in a way that drives him crazy.

Steve’s shoulders slump, and he averts his eyes for a second, letting them fall back on your collarbone again. The evidence of another man’s lips on your body now etched on your skin. A reminder of what he was supposed to have, what he could have had if he didn’t push you away.

How could he have let this go so far?

You are right, you did tell him that if given the chance, you would take it, and he remembers how nauseous those words have made him feel.

And he feels the nausea still, just worse than before. To know that he let you slip through his fingers. To know that he is the reason why you spent the night with him… His heart aches in a way it never did before, and it makes his eyes burn.

“I never– I just never thought that you would actually–” his voice breaks, and he has to turn around, feeling choked up. He feels such anger towards himself that he throws his bruised fist into the wall beside the door.

You stare at the back of his head. Disbelief and shock cross your features as the realization begins to sink in slowly.

A friend wouldn’t behave that way. A friend wouldn’t feel such anger over you spending a night with someone. A friend wouldn’t feel so… so jealous. You can’t help but feel annoyed now.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to act all jealous on me now, Steve! How dare you feel jealous after what you did!?”

Steve freezes. A scoff falls from his lips.

“Jealous…” He mumbles and turns around to face you again, shocking you once more when he reveals tears in his eyes. “Try feeling like I’m being stabbed in my heart, in my lungs, in my stomach, Sunshine! Try feeling like my entire world was flipped and I’m back in the upside down again, only that I’m not, and it feels even worse than that!”

You freeze at his words, at his tears, at all of this. You are confused and you are lost, not following along anymore. All that you can see is a hurt man, suffering because of you, because of his feelings for you. Feelings you thought he did not have.

Your heart starts aching all over again, and your throat closes up on you.

A tear rolls down his cheek as he takes a step towards you.

“I didn’t want to be with you because if something were to happen to me, I didn’t want to be the reason for you to hold back on anything. I already lost someone dear to me, I know how it feels… I don’t want you to go through that too. And the thought of having you, of reaching happiness, of having a life with you, only to lose you… I wouldn’t survive that, Sunshine.” He admits, his voice above a whisper now as those tears roll down his cheeks.

Your eyes are wide, and the anger is replaced with shock now. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your breath is knocked out of you.

Steve takes a deep breath, sniffling as he takes the final step towards you, cornering you against the wall behind you.

“But fuck… Seeing you with him filled me with as much pain and despair as if you had just died.”

Your whole face falls and pales at his confession. Your heart drops to your stomach as your eyes well up with tears. The guilt that you have felt before now is growing bigger and bigger, burning you in ways you have never felt before.

He never rejected you because he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. He never led you on. He never gave mixed signals. He never– Oh god. You stare at him, at his suffering eyes, at the tears that you have caused.

And Steve can see it. He can see the guilt and the regret in your eyes. He can see the disappointment that you feel for yourself now.

Your bottom lip trembles as you open your mouth to speak.

“I’m… I’m–”

Steve shakes his head as he looks into your glassy eyes.

“Don’t you dare say sorry. Don’t. It– As much as I fucking hate it, there’s no one to blame but me. Don’t say sorry for trying to live your life.”

You sniffle as the anger fades away completely. You can’t even bring yourself to look into his eyes anymore. You tilt your chin down, casting your eyes on the ground.

“Steve… What is… What is the point in telling me all this now?” You whisper, not trusting your voice anymore.

Steve had made his decision. He did the night on the porch after he talked to Eddie. He just didn’t find the courage, not until now. Not until he heard her voice in his head.

‘Don’t be a dingus.’

Steve reaches his hands out to you, wrapping them around your wrists, making you look back up at him. He can see the troubled emotions in your teary eyes.

“Let me go, Steve.” You whisper shakily as you try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you; if anything, it makes him hold you tighter. He takes another step forward, pushing you up against the wall, pressing himself against you.

He is breathing heavily, and his heart is pounding in his chest, threatening to burst through his skin. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips.

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. He will never let go again, he will never let you slip through his fingers again, he will never let you walk away again.

You feel his tender yet tight hold on your wrists, his skin against your own after so long. You can feel his body against yours. You can feel his breath on your skin. You can feel everything, everything you have longed for.

“Steve–”

“I’m never letting you go again, Sunshine.” Steve whispers as he breaks all the promises he had made to himself and smashes his lips against yours, taking your breath away completely. He cradles your cheeks and kisses you in a way no one ever did before. Passionately. Roughly. Desperately.

It takes you a moment to move, to reciprocate. You are too surprised, too shocked by what is happening. Your heart is pounding in your chest so strongly, you fear that it might explode.

Steve is kissing you.

Steve is kissing you like he’s been craving it for god knows how long.

And the kiss tastes of tears – sorrowful yet aggressive. His lips are soft against your own, his touch even softer. And when it finally really sinks in, you close your eyes and lean into him. You throw your arms around his neck and press yourself against him. Standing on your tippy toes isn’t enough, you place your toes on his boots to be even closer to him. You let go of everything and kiss him back just as desperately.

His whimper vibrates against your lips, sending shivers down your spine and lust rushing to your core.

His heart nearly combusts as he finally feels you. He can feel the way your knees buckle when he deepens the kiss without wasting a second, and it only leads him to hold you tighter. He wraps one arm around your waist, securing you against him.

His large palm covers your entire cheek. His nose bumps into yours as his lips continue to move at a fast pace. He swipes his tongue along your bottom lip, needing to feel you more, needing to deepen the kiss further and further. Your lips are so soft, so perfect against his own. How did he wait for so long? How could he waste so much time? Kissing you feels like everything he imagined and more.

And kissing him feels like everything you have thought it would. It makes you weak in the knees. It makes you ache for more. It makes you crave him more and more and more. You cup his face, holding him with both hands. Your heart flutters when he moans and holds you tighter.

Even as you both grow breathless, you refuse to break the kiss you both have craved for so long, not wanting the moment to end even when you both know that this is just the beginning of it all.

Only when you feel like you are about to pass out from the lack of air do you pull away. You open your eyes at the same time. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak enough words.

“I’m done being stupid.” Steve whispers as he looks at you through hooded eyes. He leans down and pecks your lips. “I want to live.” Kiss. “I’m so fucking scared but I want to live; with you.” Kiss. “I’m done pretending you don’t drive me crazy.” Kiss. “I want you so bad, god, you have no idea what you do to me, Sunshine.”

You whimper at his action, at all the kisses, at all his words. The hope that once bloomed inside of you, rising up from the dead. Your eyes are wide, glinting with a happiness he hasn’t seen in so long.

“Show me.” You whisper, pleading with your eyes. “Please.”

He never planned for this to happen, let alone like this. But who is he to deny you any longer?

He wastes no second to connect his lips to yours again, and this time you don’t hesitate to kiss back right away, making him weak in the knees as well. His heart soars in his chest, beating so strongly out of happiness – just like yours does.

You pull him back and away from the spot you are still standing on and Steve doesn’t hesitate to back you up and towards the back of the RV, not breaking the kiss once, not even as he rips his jacket off and you help him out of it, pushing it down his arms and throwing it on the ground.

He picks you up, his arms around your body, and your legs dangle a bit from the ground, so he doesn’t step on your toes while walking towards the bed, making you whimper into his mouth. He can’t help but smile into the kiss at the sound.

You couldn’t believe that you were finally kissing him, and what this night led to. You felt the edge of the bed at your calves and then he lowered the both of you down, your back hitting the bed. Your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, tightly, the kiss never ending. If you could stay like this forever, you would. You definitely would.

Steve was trying not to lose his mind as his tongue danced with yours. As your legs spread so he could fit in between. This only happened in his very rare nice dreams. Dreams he had when he only held you close to him. When you two slept with each other. He should savor the first time between the two of you a little more, but his feelings were clawing at his chest, begging to come out.

And you wanted him. You told him to show you, and that he will. He was done denying you. He was done being a fucking idiot. He was done being a walking corpse. He wanted to live, and his only oxygen was you. He loves Eddie, Nancy, the teens… But somehow, Steve knows that you are his reason for living now. As horrible as it sounds, as unfair as it is, but you had carved your way into his soul so easily. Terrifyingly easy.

His hips rubbed into yours, and you could feel him completely because you were naked underneath that towel. You should be feeling shame, embarrassment, but all you can feel now is how happy you are. How much you want this. How much you need him. How much you need to show him how you feel.

He moaned into your mouth, and you never thought you would hear that in your life, and much less because you were the reason for this sound. It’s been a long while for Steve, and rubbing his growing bulge against your naked center, was not doing good things for his brain chemistry… nor his dignity.

But it was a point of no return now. He pulled away from your lips, his breath hitting your lips heavily, his eyes finding yours for a split second. His mouth found your cheek, then your jaw, then he started going down. You gasped when you felt him kiss your pulse point, then nip at it. Shivers ran down your entire spine as your nails dug into his scalp.

Steve was in heaven with the taste of your skin on his tongue. Finally. You were like a forbidden fruit. You were that chocolate you delight yourself on a cheat day. You tasted divine. You were perfect, and he always knew you would be, but now he had the proof of it.

“Steve–” You breathed out, and he hummed with delight as his hips rutted into yours again, the desperation growing at each second.

“Perfect… So fucking perfect, Sunshine…” He mumbled into your skin as he moved to the other side of the neck. His mind flickered with the memory of what’s on your collarbone, so he guided his mouth towards it, and your back arched a bit at the feeling on your sensitive skin.

You gasped when you felt his mouth engulf the mark someone else had left on your skin. Steve groaned, his hands digging onto your waist, fingers printing on your skin through the damp towel. He was going to rebrand you. He didn’t want traces of the other man on you. He had to cover them. Gladly, this was the only mark he could see that needed to be erased.

He made it messy, bigger, red with purple hues all around it. He pulled away to admire his work, and his entire body shook when he saw you underneath him. Your wet hair was all over the mattress, your chest moving up and down, your eyes half lidded, and your lips all swollen thanks to his kisses.

And his mark. Now big. Vibrant.

His jaw clenched, moving downwards again to take your lips with his only for a peck, making you whine when you felt him pull away. He chuckled slightly, his lips moving to nip at your jaw, to then breathe into your ear, his hips now moving in circles against you, and you could only gasp and moan at the feeling of his bulge rubbing against your clit.

“I’m so mad at myself–” And you felt him bite onto your earlobe, making you sigh. “So fucking mad… I wanted to be your first. I really wanted to…” He sighed against your ear and then moved down to kiss underneath it. “But I can work with being your last, so please– Please, Sunshine–”

“Steve–” You breathe out, your nails digging into his shoulder blades, feeling him grow bigger in his pants. He didn’t hear you, or that’s what you thought at least, because you felt him kiss your pulse point again, making a moan escape your lips. “Steve–”

He finally realized you were calling out to him, so he pulled away from you, breathing heavily. His eyes looked down at you, and you could see the fire inside his hazel orbs. How much desperation, hunger, and emotions swerved inside.

“You don’t– Not now–?” You shushed him, shaking your head at him, your eyes finding his lips, you were already missing.

“You… can still be my first.”

And Steve stopped breathing. What did you just say?

“What?” The question came out more cracked than he anticipated, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t. Your eyes were looking up at him, a guilty frown appearing on your eyebrows as you looked away, gulping down your nervousness.

“I– I couldn’t…” And fuck, you didn’t want to cry. You really didn’t, but there were so many feelings coursing through you that you could barely begin to describe each one. Your voice cracked a bit as you kept talking. “I kept– I kept thinking about you… And I just couldn’t… I fucking couldn’t…”

And Steve could sense the hidden anger behind your tone. Not directed at him, but probably at yourself. He had rejected you, and an opportunity presented to you, one you wanted to experience before you passed, or before something happened, and you could not fulfill it because… of him.

How could he have been so fucking stupid? He really didn’t deserve your forgiveness. He didn’t deserve you. You thought of him in times when the only person you should care about is yourself. Steve didn’t deserve you… But even with that knowledge, Steve wasn’t going to ever let you go. He was going to fight to be the man you deserved. Not a boy. A man.

And he felt so selfish for feeling happy about this outcome. He felt so evil for feeling relief out of you not having your first time with that man. He felt so greedy for feeling happy that now, he was the one to experience you first. Hoping he would be the last as well. That you would know of no other body but his.

But then it dawned on him just how rough he was being. How straightforward he was. Fuck, this should be special, and he was acting like an animal. He wanted to wreck you just seconds ago, ruin you for eternity, but now, all he wanted was to make this special. Make your first time be a nice one, almost painless.

So he drew his hips back, and your head snapped towards him again, desperate eyes following, which caught him off guard. Your arms came to wrap around his shoulders again, your head shaking from side to side. He gulped, his hips stuttering with the need to press down again, but fuck– He wanted to be a gentleman.

“Sunshine–”

“Steve, baby, please–” His brain chemistry completely malfunctioned at the nickname. His hips came crashing down onto you, instantly, as if he were magnetized. A moan escaped your lips before you spoke again. “I want it. I want you. Please…”

“Are you sure?” He had to ask and hear that this was fine from your part. His self control was wavering the more he thought of what was about to happen, trying to remember where were the condoms Eddie had jokingly brought into the fucking RV.

You gave him a nod, his hair falling over his face as he stared down at you. The both of you were breathing heavily, looking down at each other, eyes filled with need, with want, with desperation. He gulped as his head reeled with anticipation, his eyes falling to the knot that secured the towel to your chest.

His eyes found yours again, and you gulped, fingers kneading into his scalp softly. You gave him a slow nod again, wanting him to continue. You needed him to continue. You’ve been craving this for too long. You’ve been craving someone like him for too long.

He pecked you once, soft, long, and your belly turned with the amount of butterflies that just burst inside. When he pulled away, his hand moved towards the knot, slowly, fingers grazing over the fabric. He would see you bare. He would be able to drink you in, completely, and his heart could barely stand it.

“Stevie…” And when you whisper his name sweetly, it does it. His fingers hook inside, and he is pulling–

The side door of the RV bursts open, fierce stomps rushing in as well as jagged breaths from your other two friends, who you have forgotten completely about for the past minutes. Or hours. It felt like hours. Kissing Steve felt endless, if you had a say. Steve hissed when he pressed himself completely on you so your dignity would not be displayed to the people who had just entered.

“SORRY, LOVEBIRDS, WE GOTTA GO!!!” Eddie yelled once, not before turning his head to see the display of Steve on top of you on the bed. He wanted to yell in victory, but the slam of the RV’s door closing snapped him away, and he sprang into action again, running to the driver’s seat.

Nancy was breathing heavily, her eyes widening at the scene at the back of the RV, making her squeal and clench her eyes tightly as she rushed towards the folding screen that separated the bedroom from the rest of the RV, blindly waving her hands around to try to give you guys privacy. Steve was frowning, his head looking over his shoulder in complete and utter confusion as Nancy finally closed the blinds.

“What is going on!?” He yelled, and you were still in another dimension, trying to gather yourself again to understand the situation. You could hear Nancy yelling, and then a slam at the top of your head, at the top of the RV. Then another. Your fear creeped in as Steve snapped his head to look up, then the engines came to life.

“EDDIE TOUCHED SOMETHING HE SHOULDN’T HAVE!” Nancy yelled, and you could feel your heart hammering in your chest at the mix of emotions that threatened to send you into cardiac arrest.

“How was I supposed to know THESE FUCKERS CAN REPRODUCE!? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A NEST!” At that, Steve grew a bit more alarmed, but before he could ask, he was jerked into the bed with you, further up, thanks to the sudden speed Eddie started driving in.

“Shit!” Steve’s arms held onto you as a few slams could be heard outside the RV, and when he looked out the window, he saw the demobats flying next to their motorhome.

“If only YOU WEREN’T BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME, AND ACTUALLY LISTENED, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!” Nancy was still yelling, and your arms were wrapped tightly around Steve as the RV suddenly swerved, turning left, and you squealed when you two started rolling to the right.

“Jesus CHRIST!” You yelled as Steve used his foot to prevent you from slamming into the wall behind you, his arms still around your body, your face tucked into his chest. The slams against the RV became less, and then, there was another swerve to the right, sending you both rolling towards the left.

“MUNSON!” Steve yelled as his back collided with the wall, making a grunt escape him. He was trying to hold you close so that your towel would also not fall from your body. The RV drove fast, steady, rocking a bit, and then he felt Eddie slowing down. He let out a sigh, looking around the ceiling, seeing some dents on the corners from the hits of the monsters, but nothing too big.

“OKAY, I THINK WE’RE CLEAR!” You heard Eddie yell, and you let out a sigh of relief at the same time Steve did.

“You okay, Sunshine?” Your heart never stopped beating like crazy, first from happiness, then adrenaline and fear, and now from happiness again. Steve is in your arms, and you are in his. You gulped, nodding, looking up at him.

“Y-Yeah… I– What the fuck happened?” Steve groaned as he glared at the closed blinds, before looking down at you again. He really didn’t want to let go of you, but he didn’t want you to catch a cold. He kissed your forehead, making the both of you sit up again.

“I’ll find out. Meanwhile, you get dressed.” Your eyes scanned his features, and you couldn’t help yourself when you raised your hand up, moving his hair away from his eyes, and he felt the air being sucked away from his lungs at your gesture. He took your lips with his in a gentle kiss, short, pulling away when the two of you heard grunting on the other side.

“Don’t let them kill each other…” You softly spoke, and he huffed, shaking his head. He gave you one more kiss on your cheek before standing up, and moving the folding screen so he could walk out. Nancy and Eddie shut their mouths when Steve closed the screen again, a glare in his features as he walked towards the front.

Neither Eddie nor Nancy was looking at him. They looked guilty and nervous. From what Steve gathered, it was Eddie who started it, so his hand found his friend’s shoulder, feeling him stiffen underneath him as the grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Munson.” Eddie gulped, clearing his throat, knowing he fucked the most amazing opportunity up for his best friend.

“I– Uh… Well, what happened was, Harrington–” But Nancy cut him off completely.

“He was being an ass, and I told him he should not touch the glowing thing in the cave–”

“A cave, Mrs. Wheeler, here, walked in first, by the way–”

“I didn’t put a gun to your head to follow me in!” She yelled back, to which Eddie glared at the road, scoffing.

“Oh, so you want me to just watch my best friend enter a dark cave, all by herself!?” He spat back, and Nancy fake laughed, shaking her head.

“So, now I’m your best friend!? That’s so fucking rich–!”

“HEY, HEY, HEY!” Steve finally yelled, waving his hands around, trying to stop them from talking, and Nancy looked at him, while Eddie closed his mouth. “So, what the fuck happened?”

“... I– I didn’t know it was an egg…” Eddie finally confessed, and he gulped as he continued, “It was just so shiny! And it looked like a pimple! I just–”

“Don’t tell me you popped it like a pimple, or I swear to god–” Steve closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, but Eddie remained silent. Nancy was quiet for a few seconds, knowing Steve was growing angrier, and even when she didn’t want to defend Eddie… She couldn’t help herself.

“On our defense… It’s the first time we've found a nest that belonged to them…” At her words, Steve finally sighed, letting the air out. Still– His hand came flying to the back of Eddie’s head, making him headbang once, and then he pinched Nancy’s nose, making her squeal and swat him away.

“This is what you get for being stupid. Both of you.” Steve wasn’t going to say it out loud, but he also wanted to strike them for interrupting him. He felt eyes on him, and he saw Eddie looking at him through the rear-view mirror. “What?”

Eddie started wiggling his eyebrows at him, which only made Steve blush, and cross his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. He suddenly remembered, he was supposed to take over with Eddie, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to be with you. He felt his heart quickening its pace at the prospect of leaving your side again, but, Nancy… She would be awake for 24 hours straight if he changed his spot with hers.

“Nance, you… You should uh… Go to bed.” Steve started, trying not to wince from the pain of those words. Nancy scoffed, shaking her head.

“As if it weren’t obvious enough, we are changing places.” Eddie’s eyes widened slightly, worry flashing over them. Steve stuttered a bit, shaking his head.

“No, that’s– You need to sleep–”

“You need to sleep.” It wasn’t an insult or a bad joke. Nancy looked at him with serious eyes, her lips pressed together, as if stern. “So, we are changing places.”

“... She is right, Steve.” Eddie commented, his eyes not leaving the road as he drove. Steve’s jaw clenched with conflict, about to try to talk Nancy out of it, but then she continued, straightening up again on her seat, looking out the window.

“Plus, it gives me private time to talk a bit with this asshole here, who is also my best friend… so…” Eddie huffed a laugh, but didn’t complain. Steve looked back and forth on them, knowing they did in fact need to talk, but Nancy’s health also mattered.

“I know more than anyone what lack of sleep can cause–”

“It’s just 24 hours, Steve… I’ll be fine.” Nancy gave her final word of it, and Steve knew it. He sighed, the RV rocking slowly now as Eddie kept his eyes on the road. He then talked, interrupting the silence between the three of them.

“Big boy, they’re in the cupboard below the sink, by the way.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, completely confused, and Eddie smirked, looking over his shoulder as Steve leaned in, the scene all too familiar.

“Condoms.” Steve blushed a deep red, smacking the back of Eddie’s head again, eliciting a pained groan from the metal head. Nancy tried to hide a giggle, putting her palm over her mouth.

For a split second, everything was normal again.

“Steve?” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his heart stopping for a second before he turned around to see you peeking out from the folding screen. He could feel his body warming up again, knowing he would hold you tonight, sleep with you, just sleep with you, was enough to make him believe he was the luckiest man in the world.

He gave Nancy one last glance, and she gave Steve a nod and a soft smile. The first smile after days. He felt the corner of his lips tug, turning to finally walk back to you. He closed the door behind him, and you were already tucked in bed, sitting, waiting for him.

Your eyes followed him when he opened a drawer from underneath the bed, taking out his sleep shirt and sweatpants. You licked your lips in anticipation, wondering if he would change in front of you or not. Should you cover your eyes? Maybe? You’ve seen him shirtless, sure–

The moment he took his shirt off, embarrassment filled every inch of your body. You hid your face in your bent knees, against the comforter. You felt your stomach doing somersaults, and you could feel a tornado inside of it as well. Privacy. You are giving him privacy.

And Steve was planning on going to change to the bathroom, but since you were hiding yourself already, which he thought was cute, there was no harm in changing here. You are so shy now. He noticed it. Your voice when calling out to him was small, doubtful. He took his pants off, his eyes never leaving your form to check if you were peeking or not, and he put his sweatpants on, followed by his shirt.

“You can uncover your eyes, Sunshine.” He chuckled when you looked up at him, and he could see just how flushed you must be. He crawled into the bed, sitting next to you. “You already saw me in my underwear, and I saw you, remember? No need to be embarrassed…”

You whimpered at the memory, looking away from him as you felt your cheeks burn a thousand degrees. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, bashful, too nervous to even look at him, despite what almost happened between you two.

“Those were– very different circumstances…” Steve hummed a bit, now realizing what you meant. He had to take it a bit slow, at least until you were relaxed around him. He leaned towards you, pressing a kiss at the top of your head that made your heart jump into your throat. Your eyes found his, and after so long, after so many weeks, he finally smiled at you.

“Hi, baby.”

Those words coming out of him made your entire body melt. Your fingertips grew itchy, with the need to touch, and your lips became dry. It was more than just the nickname. It was the smile you had been missing for so long. The smile that had disappeared from his features, was now back, and it appeared when he looked at you.

Your eyes filled with tears, yet you gave him a soft smile as well, your nose bumping his.

“Hi, Stevie…”

☀︎

FINALLY. HUH?

#OH MY GOD STEVE ANS SUNSHINE #AARON AND SUNSHINE #MY EMOTIONS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE IN THIS CHAPTER #I LOVED IT SM #ITS ABOUT DAMN TIIIIIIME

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 2 months ago

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send this to all your favourite moots and grow a garden! KEEP THE GARDEN GROWING!🌼💚🌱💚🌻 🌳🪻🌼🍒🌹🌼🌸🥦🌾🫜🍅

OMG thank you so much bb! 🥺❤️

#sunkillerencoder

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 2 months ago

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The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter sixteen

⭐︎ One day I am gonna grow wings...

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, angst, jealousy, mentions of self harm, mentions of depression, mentions of unreciprocated feelings, mentions of death, Steve's pov! a little Eddie and Steve bromance cause lego head needs a friend

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: As the distance and the space between you and Steve grows bigger and colder, he begins to fall back into the pit you pulled him out of, leading him to feel nothing but despair, leading him to realize something he's been afraid of.

Word count: 9.8k

Author's note: attention attention please !! as you all know this story is a collab with my dearest @hellfire--cult , this would have not been as great without her. as I mentioned before, she works on all the chapters with me, we come up with all the ideas together, we write together but this chapter especially -- I left this one for her, it's over 9k words and of them are written by her so give her the love she deserves ♡ also y'all should listen to let down by radiohead while reading this. this song is Steve's song (I am so projecting)

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

The house was warm, that was the first thing he noticed when he got out of bed and out of the blankets.

This meant he slept for a long time. The fireplace must have been lit for a while now, because he didn’t believe it was cold outside. He could see the snow and some people cleaning it out from the small roads, and he wondered how long he had been asleep. For how long had he been lying in that bed without your warmth again.

Steve could feel his heart bursting, and he felt so conflicted. Thanks to his nightmare, he knew this was the right decision, yet the pain that comes with it is just breaking him slowly. He cannot control it. He cannot stop it. He wishes it had been different, and he knew that he hurt you… But that pain would just save you both from worse.

He put on his sweater, some sweatpants, and his slippers, taking a deep breath in before grabbing the doorknob. He couldn’t hear Nancy’s voice, nor Eddie’s jokes, anywhere around the house, but there was someone. He could hear noises coming from the living room, some clanking, some moving around. He knew it was you.

And he knew he had to face you. This was the best sleep he has gotten in a long while, and he knows it is the same with you. He needed to talk to you. He needed to at least go back to how you two were, and he knows it’s selfish. He knows it. But–

He sighed, walking out of the room to finally head towards the living room. He first saw the back of your head, putting on your boots to probably head out. His breath was quickening by the second, and he could feel his heart in his throat, almost making him choke. He gulped, or at least he tried, finally talking.

“Where’s Eddie and Nance?”

He saw how you stiffened for a second, your movements stopping as you tied up your boots, only to resume after recovering yourself.

“Nance is out with Eddie. She took him to the coffee shop.” He felt himself tense up when he saw you tightening up your shoelaces one last time, and his panic set in.

“And where are you going?”

You were still giving him your back, not wanting to face him, and he was growing desperate. He felt his mouth go dry, his fingertips started to itch, and he had to make you talk to him. He needed it.

“Sunshine, we– we need to talk…” His voice was tired. It was raspy, deep, just– it sounded like the voice of someone who was slowly giving up. You rose to your feet, still not turning to face him.

“What part of I need space do you not get, Steve?” Your voice sounded cold, fed up with him, and he felt his stomach turn. He didn’t like that. Was that how he sounded to you? Was that how he treated you before?

“Trust me, I get it, but I can’t help but feel like we haven’t talked it all through–” And with those words of his, you finally turned. You looked confused, angry, your eyebrows meeting in the middle as if Steve had just said the most insane thing in the world.

“I think you were clear enough.” And he took a step back as if he had been slapped, but he wasn’t going to back down. He had to try to keep you with him, because he felt like– Like he was going insane.

"We need each other. You should know that by now! I-- I don't want you to stop talking to me... I can barely stand it." He confessed, and you were still looking at him with emotions he couldn’t read anymore because all he could see was his own desperation. His own needs.

"... We– We finally slept after not being able to... for a while... Look-- I-- I don't know why but I can only sleep okay with you, and you are okay when you sleep with me... So we can't--"

And without his knowledge, the filtering in his mouth fucked him over again, and he saw the hurt crossing your features. He saw the twitch, the anger turning into a sad one, and he felt his heart sink to the floor.

He didn’t know? He didn’t know why? Of course he did. He did. He absolutely did, and he lied again.

"That's where we differ and where you hurt me again." And he just stood there, stunned as he looked at how your eyes didn’t want to meet his again. How your body untensed and slouched at his words.

"I--"

"I know why I can sleep okay with you. I made it clear. I made it known... Maybe you just don’t want to admit it, or see that you can only sleep okay with me because–” And he could see how you stopped talking, looking down at the floor as if you were about to just… crumble down.

“Sunshine–”

“You see Robin in me.”

Steve Harrington has never wanted to scream louder in his life. He never wanted to scream and deny something so much to defend his own word. That was not the case. That was not what he thought. That is not the reason why he is pushing you away. The reason why he is hiding his feelings. That is not it, far from it.

"No, no, that's-- That's not it. That's not it at all--"

"Then why? Why do you act like this with me if it isn't because of the same feelings I have for you? Why do you– Why are you acting like this?"

His mouth opened to give you a response, but then, his eyes flickered to the scar on your face. His body froze up, his tongue stopped working, and his throat went dry. Your eyes looked up to look for his one last time, and Steve was just standing there– And he didn’t deny it, even if he wanted to at the top of his lungs.

He started recovering a little too late, when he heard your breathing become even more elaborate than before and you started grabbing your stuff as quickly as possible, messily so. He tried gulping, moistening his throat again to be able to speak, but– But what could he say? What could he possibly say not to make you even more confused? What can he say that won’t give away his true feelings for you?

He didn’t know how to save it. How to save the relationship. How to keep you. He didn’t know anymore, even when he desperately wanted to. But he would be selfish and evil if he did that, wouldn’t he? He would keep making you feel… lost.

“I won’t be a replacement, Steve…”

He saw you leave something on the coffee table, and those were your last words before leaving, and his back finally touched the doorway of the living room. He felt his eyes burn as he looked at the ceiling, wondering if everything he was doing was right at all. Was he selfish for being scared? Was he an idiot for caring for you?

He walked towards the coffee table, his eyes filling up with tears as he saw Robin’s hair tie lying on the surface of it now. It was not it. That was not it. You were not a replacement at all, but that’s all you thought you were to him. If he denied it, he would hurt you. If he didn’t, he would hurt you. Either way he looked at it from, he ends up hurting you.

Time. You need time. Maybe without him pestering you, you could learn to see him as a friend again, even when he didn’t want that at all, but it was better than nothing. He could give you that space, try not to cross paths with you, or at least the minimum amount possible.

He had lived without you for an entire year, and he had survived.

He could try that again.

—--------------------------------------

Two days passed.

You two haven’t even crossed paths for dinner.

He ate in his room, or didn’t eat at all, and Eddie had started becoming more and more worried. His foot got better, and he could walk for short periods of time with no wheelchair or crutches, but it was still hard to do so.

He stopped making jokes about you and Aaron. He stopped them completely, knowing his best friend was hurting through all of it, yet Steve didn’t even try to talk to him. In fact, neither he nor Nancy saw much of Steve. He was gone at the very early morning, and he came back very late.

Eddie knew Steve wasn’t sleeping either, just as much as he knew that you too were not. He has heard you walking in the hallway, stopping for a few seconds before heading back to your room. He could only assume you stood at Steve’s door, maybe wondering if whether to knock or not, and deciding against it in the end.

Nancy was worried too, but Eddie noticed his best friend was letting go a bit, enjoying life once again. It was nice seeing her with a smile, and he knew she was trying to make you enjoy it too, even if your face didn’t match hers.

But there was one thing he noticed about Nancy, and that was that she was being… mean towards Steve. He knew Nance was protecting you, but there was no need to make remarks about the possibility of Aaron making a move on you when Steve was in earshot.

To his surprise, on the third night, while he was having a late snack, Steve walked in, shaking his jacket off from the snow and hanging it on the coat rack. He wanted to make small talk, try to make Steve look alive, at least.

“H–Hey, b–bro!” He cringed to himself because– Since when has Eddie ever said the word bro? Steve noticed, frowning in confusion at him.

“... Hey?” Now, Eddie called Steve out with no other plan than to greet his friend. He was nervous about how to approach Steve now without scaring him off, so he raised the hand that was holding an apple, showing it to him.

“An apple?” Eddie tried, and Steve shook his head. Eddie saw the tiredness around the eyes, and the overall pain itched in his features.

“No, I’m good.” He saw Steve heading to his room, so he tried again, panicking a little bit at the possibility of losing his chance of talking to Steve.

“YOU! Um– What have you been doing?” The brown haired man stopped for a second and then looked at Eddie.

“I help in the kitchen and in organizing the supply closet. Doing my share for the free food and stay.” He said monotonously. Eddie gave a nervous nod, gulping as he limped towards his friend.

“Cool– Cool…” It was silent then between the two of them, and while Eddie was a ball of nerves, Steve was just staring at him as if he were crazy. “I– I talked to Tommy a bit today! Did– Did you know they taught the kids how to shoot guns!?”

At his words, Steve frowned, a flicker of amusement, anger, and confusion crossing his features.

“They gave them guns?”

“Well, they’re not kids anymore, Steve.” Eddie reminded his friend, and Steve sighed, nodding. Finally, a small tug on his lips appeared, a huff.

“Let me guess, Max outdid them all?” Eddie’s eyes flickered with amusement, nodding and crossing his arms as he felt his chest warm up at hearing Steve’s voice.

“Of course! But Tommy tried to gift her a gun and–”

“Let me guess, her brother wasn’t too keen on that.” Eddie was smiling as Steve engaged in the conversation, and he nodded enthusiastically. Maybe it wasn’t all lost. Maybe Steve did need time as well as you did, and–

“Eddie, have you–”

And Eddie’s eyes clenched tightly at the sound of your boys. He saw how Steve’s eyes found yours, the slight bit of happiness in his features disappearing, leaving behind an emotionless mask.

You, on the other hand, Eddie noticed how you wanted to say something, yet you held back. How your eyes were looking for Steve’s, only for the male to look away before muttering a goodbye and leaving for his room. Eddie sighed, looking down at the floor, shaking his head. He didn’t know how to handle the situation, because just like Steve–

“Sunshine–”

“Never mind.” And you were gone.

You didn’t want to talk at all.

You would all be leaving the community the next day.

You felt your heart ache from it, but you wanted to keep going. You needed to find your family, and you won’t be able to do it if you keep staying here, despite finally feeling safe in a secluded place.

Aaron, Tommy, and Paxton had prepared a small party for your departure. They barely had any celebrations, so this sounded like the perfect excuse for one, as they called it. You had told them with Nancy that there was no need for that, that they had done enough, but it gave them a bit of an excuse to get drunk and have fun.

So now, you were in the living room, sitting on the couch with Nancy, trying to decide what you two were going to wear for the night. Eddie was sipping on his coffee, sitting at the table, and looking down at the RV’s inventory. Nancy had pointed out that Eddie had grown a bit distant with her, and she didn’t know why. You noticed as well, but your mind was preoccupied with… someone else.

Someone you hadn’t seen in a whole day, and it was making your insides turn wildly. You have been out with Nancy, Aaron, and Tommy for most of the week, and when you came back to your house, Eddie would greet you, but Steve had not yet returned home.

You had asked for time. You had asked for space. He is giving that to you, and yet it feels wrong. It feels so fucking wrong and you are angry that it does. Because it was not fair. It was not fair that your heart was still clinging to him like a vice, and you couldn’t stop it. No matter what had happened days ago. No matter that he didn’t deny that you were Robin’s replacement. Your heart was betraying you.

And said man, walked into the kitchen, all dressed up to go out again in the day, and your body froze at seeing his face. It was– It was angry. All of his facial muscles were tense as he headed towards the sink to grab a glass of water. You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling your stomach turning inside out because– It almost looked like–

“So… Dress? Or… Skirt?” Nancy asked, and you blinked a few times, finally zoning back into the conversation. You licked your lips and nodded, trying to focus on the topic once again.

“Um, pants? It’s cold?” You answered, and Nancy rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

“It’s a party! We should all dress up since we never get to do it!” Nancy exclaims, nudging your shoulder. “Who knows when we’ll get that chance again!”

She is right. You know she is. You never get the chance to do these kinds of things anymore. It would be nice to just let loose and enjoy yourself, go all out.

“Plus, we have a nice variety here!”

You nod, though your eyes keep moving back to him. Your heart skips in your chest every few seconds, not in affection but in anxiety. His expression kept growing angrier and angrier.

“Alright, uh…” You pause and furrow your eyebrows, trying your best to just focus, but it’s nearly impossible when he is here. “Skirt… You should wear a skirt, I think it would look cute.”

“Cute?” Nancy scoffs, shaking her head. “I’m trying to look hot! Don’t think that Tommy wants a cute girl.”

Finally, you are able to look away from him and back at her. An amused flicker in your eyes and a teasing smile resting on your face now. You raise your eyebrows at her.

“Aw, Nancy!”

“Don’t.” She murmurs, biting back her smile. “Why don’t we talk about you? I’m sure Aaron would love–”

“Can you both just shut up!?”

You and Nancy freeze at his words. Her blue eyes widen as she turns towards him, looking a little taken aback. His features are deeply painted in anger. His hazel eyes are filled with nothing but anger, no other emotions living in them at this moment. A frown is etched into his features. The tone in his voice was full of malice. She hasn’t seen that side of him since… since Hawkins.

Even Eddie is surprised as he just looks up from the journal, freezing completely at the sudden outburst.

“What’s wrong with you!?” Nancy grumbles at him, not hesitating to ask.

Steve’s eyes are settled on you, not on her. They are burning.

“What’s wrong with me?” He scoffs as a humorless laugh falls from his lips. “You are both acting like we aren’t in the middle of the end of the world. Fucking christ–”

“Steve, it’s good to let go–” Eddie tries, only to be ignored by the brunette.

You are all a little shocked and surprised to see the Steve from a few months ago once again coming forth.

“Right, because living in a fantasy and high school puppy love got us here.” Steve scoffs, shaking his head as he sends a glare towards Nancy. He wants to say more, he wants it to hurt because he can’t believe what he is hearing. Not too long ago, she opened up and confessed her love for his best friend, only to be moving on already?

You look between them, and anger sparks inside of you when you see the way Nancy’s shoulders slump and her face falls with guilt. She looks down, avoiding his eyes now.

Steve huffs and slams his glass on the counter. He brushes past Eddie, almost knocking his shoulder in the process. He grabs his jacket and storms out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him.

He closes his eyes for a moment and breathes in the fresh air, though it does little to calm him down. All he feels is pure rage. He can’t even think straight anymore; it’s like his mind is in a haze, and he is stuck in a state of anger because this is all he’s been feeling the past couple of days.

The door opens behind him, and he opens his eyes, already huffing because he knows it’s Eddie who is gonna try to talk some sense into him.

But the moment he smells the sweet scent of your body wash, he tenses up.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Your voice is sharp and angry, just like his own was.

Steve turns around to face you. You are looking up at him, jaw clenched and eyes full of confusion.

“Don’t bother yourself with it, go back to your little dress talk.” Steve mumbles as a new wave of irritation sparks at him, knowing who you are getting dressed up for.

You shake your head at him in disbelief, knowing what he is implying again. He thinks this is childish. He thinks this is immature. He thinks that you are immature for indulging in this. And it’s nothing new to you anymore, but it still pains you every time.

Your usual soft features now burn with anger, matching his own energy.

“You’re acting like a jerk, again!” You exclaim, frustrating him further.

Steve is so guided by anger that he can’t even see how much his indifference and anger are hurting you.

“You don’t get to tell me how I’m acting. You, of all people, should keep that to yourself.”

Your lips parted, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You shake your head at him slowly, stepping closer to him, unknowingly making his heart ache in his chest – that should be enough of a warning for him. His heart is screaming at him, along with the little voice in his head that is just begging for him to stop.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask, tilting your head to the side.

Steve clenches his jaw, also taking another step closer. He looks down at you.

“Oh, you fucking know. You don’t get to call me a jerk when you have been one to me for weeks now, so just go back in the house and make yourself look pretty for your little boyfriend while I go live in the real world–”

“What– is this about Aaron?” You scoff.

Aaron. Aaron. Aaron.

He’s heard that name numerous times in the past few days, and every time it sends a flash of rage through him. He can’t wait for tomorrow to come, to leave this place, and to never look back.

He takes a deep breath, staring at your confused face. He stares and stares. And he bites his tongue, knowing that if he keeps this conversation going, he will say something that he will regret.

And his silence only fuels your anger, it makes it burn inside of you. He keeps doing this. And you can’t bear it anymore. It leaves you fuming.

You are both breathing heavily. Staring at each other intensely. The fire is burning between you, dangerously so. One that will do damage. One that will burn everything around you.

“You want me to live in the real world?” You ask, glaring at him. “You want me to be more serious, more mature? Got it.” You mumble in anger, looking at him one last time before you storm back into the house, slamming the door and leaving him standing.

Steve is breathless, packed with anger, and unable to think clearly. Everything in him burns deeper and stronger than before. He puts on his jacket before he walks down the stairs, storming away from the house.

The sky is getting darker already, and not many people are around at this hour – most people must be getting ready for the farewell party planned for them. Steve isn’t looking forward to it, he is only looking forward to getting back on the road.

He has no particular destination. He just needed to get out of the house and away from you, but no matter how much distance he puts between you both, the anger never fades away. If anything, it only worsens, especially when he stumbles upon the stables and the only one left working with the horses is Aaron.

Steve halts in his tracks when he catches sight of him. The man is cleaning up the stable, unaware of the death glares directed towards him.

The sight of him makes his blood boil, and he knows exactly why: it’s because of you. The moment you stepped foot inside this community, he had been on you, whisking you away with ease.

And you let him. You let him after trying with him.

He doesn’t know what angers him more. The fact that you are spending time with another man, the way you did with him, or the fact that this man might be using your vulnerable state for his own entertainment.

Before thinking it through, he storms towards him and into the stable, making the man turn around.

Aaron notices the anger right away, feeling the tension and seeing the hatred in his hazel eyes. He can tell what Steve is looking for. He can see it from a mile away.

“Steve.” Aaron nods, looking him up and down. “You alright?” He asks, raising his eyebrow at him. He turns his back to him, putting away the last saddle. He takes his gloves off and runs a hand through his hair before he turns around again.

“What are your intentions with her?”

Aaron crosses his arms over his chest, furrowing his eyebrows. “That’s what you came here for?” Aaron asks, looking into hateful eyes. “You looking for a fight?”

Steve huffs, and he takes another step closer. Everything about the cowboy makes him burn in the worst ways possible. His hands clench into fists, and he has to restrain himself from throwing a punch – the result of his frustrations.

“How about you go and take a walk to clear your head, and then we can talk–”

Steve doesn’t think when he takes another step forward and grabs Aaron by the collar of his jacket, slamming the older man against the wall behind him.

“What are your intentions with her?” Steve repeats through gritted teeth.

Aaron sighs, shaking his head at the brunette. He doesn’t even look fazed. He clenches his jaw as he stares into his eyes for a moment. He can see right through him. He can see every bit of fear in his eyes. Anger. Hatred for him, all that because of you. What a fool, Aaron thinks. This didn’t have to happen. He put this all on himself.

Aaron was patient with Steve so far. He didn’t care about the little huffs directed towards him or the glares the brunette kept sending his way. He didn’t pay much attention to him at all. He did see the jealousy, something that you didn’t see. He did see the way he kept watching you like a hawk, something a friend wouldn’t do.

Aaron didn’t get to know Steve as well as he got to know you or Eddie, or even Nancy, but he can see the way something is holding him back from you.

And all Aaron can see him as is a foolish man. A weak, foolish man.

“Slow down, buddy. Clearly my intentions are the same as yours.” Aaron huffs, ripping Steve’s hands off with ease. He pushes him back and away from him, glaring back at him now. “It’s just that you don’t have the balls to act on them.”

Deep down, Steve knows that. He knows that the man before him has a genuine interest, otherwise, he wouldn’t have offered to be the one to take you to your family. It’s not a conversation that was meant for his ears, but Steve overheard it. Two nights ago, when Aaron had walked you to the cabin, the window in the kitchen was open, and Steve was washing the dishes when he heard something that ruined his mood entirely.

‘I know you’re just trying to get back to your family. I don’t know what your plans are after that, but if you want to, I can be the one to take you. We’ll get your family and you come back here with me. The community has a lot to offer for you and them.’

Steve’s blood had been boiling since that night. How dare he try to take you away from him?

He doesn’t know where you stand with Aaron. He doesn’t know if anything has happened between you already. He isn’t sure if he even wants to know. He didn’t stick around to hear your answer, too afraid to hear you accept his offer.

Given the fact that there is a farewell party for all of you tonight, he guesses that you declined it.

But it does little to make him feel better.

“Don’t you dare touch her.”

Aaron huffs at him, as though in disbelief.

“That’s her ultimate decision. I ain’t forcing her or manipulating her.” Aaron mumbles. His blue eyes also flashing with anger now as he tilts his head at him, he takes a step towards him. “Unlike you, giving her all that hope, making her feel special, just to let her down? Kind of immature, don’t you think, buddy?”

Steve tenses up at his words. He swallows harshly as he feels a pang in his chest. You talked about your feelings to him?

Aaron shakes his head at him. He grabs his cowboy hat off the rack on the wall and puts it on his head. He takes a moment to look around the stable, before he takes another step back towards Steve. He places his hand on his shoulder, patting it.

“Don’t worry, she’s in good hands with me.” Aaron promises – no ounce of arrogance or cockiness in his voice, none of that at all. He takes one last look at him before he walks away, leaving him standing there. “Close the doors on your way out, will ya?”

Steve is staring into blank space. He is breathing heavily. The anger grips strongly at him, stronger than ever before. His chest starts rising up and down. He sees red. Everything, all at once, comes rushing through him, and before he can stop himself, he draws his arm back and throws his fist into the wall.

The rage was stopping him from feeling pain, from seeing the blood now slipping through the cracks in his skin.

He wants to scream.

He wants to break everything.

The burning in his knuckles does nothing to mend the anger that he is feeling. He wants to be angry at Aaron so bad, he wants to hate him, but does he even have a reason to? No. He doesn’t. He can only hate himself for causing all of this, for being the reason why you are looking for comfort in someone else’s arms.

He could’ve had you. He could’ve been with you. He could’ve been the one to take you to the farewell party, but instead he will have to watch you with another man.

Blood is dripping from his knuckles and down onto the floor, staining the wood. Heavy breaths fall from his lips. He wants to throw his fist into the wall again, over and over again. He wants to feel something other than despair and heartbreak.

Instead, he curls his hand into a fist and he holds back, knowing it won’t change anything. He turns around and slams his back against the wall. He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart.

All that flashes in his mind is you.

You. You. You.

And despite the aching the thought of you leaves in his chest, it begins to calm him down. Your laughter echoes in his ears. Your face flashes before his eyes. Your scent fills his senses. Your touch that always lingers on his skin. Like a wave of peacefulness that washes over him, he finds himself relaxing slowly.

And he doesn’t know for long he sits there, staring into blank space, but when he finally calms down again, he pushes himself off the wall and gets back on his feet. The blood on his knuckles is dry by now. The cuts are burning.

He makes his way out of the stable and closes the door like Aaron had told him to. The cold wind nips at his skin, making him shudder. The walk back to the cabin isn’t a long one. The light is still on, burning in the living room.

Dread fills him, knowing that Eddie must have waited for him. You and Nancy must be gone by now. The footsteps in the snow indicate that you have left and when he steps into the cabin and he notices that your jacket is gone, he knows for sure.

“Steve?” Eddie calls out to him as he comes limping out of the living room. His eyebrows are furrowed. Eyes filled with concern as the brunette brushes past him and into the bathroom. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Steve grumbles. He throws his jacket off and onto the ground before he makes his way over to the sink and starts the water. “Why aren’t you at the party?” He scrunches up his face as the cuts begin to sting stronger than before, thanks to the warm water.

Eddie walks a little slower without the crutches. His leg is still unable to move properly.

“I was waiting for you.” Eddie mumbles as he stops in the doorway. It takes him a moment to register the blood in the sink and Steve’s pained face.

“I’m not going–”

“What the hell happened!” Eddie cuts him off, staring at him, bewildered.

“Nothing–”

“Don’t fucking say it’s nothing, Steve!” Eddie’s frown deepens as he limps his way over to him. “What…?” He mumbles, looking back and forth between his bleeding knuckles and his face.

Steve sighs. His head hangs low, and he presses his lips into a straight line. No words are spoken. For a moment, it’s quiet between them. Only the sound of the running water fills the room.

Steve knows that lying won’t get him out of this. Eddie can see right through him.

With a sigh, he tilts his head up again. He glances into the mirror but chooses to look away again quickly, not wanting to see his reflection.

“I talked to Aaron.”

“Oh… Oh, please tell me you didn’t.” Eddie trails off as his eyes continue to flicker between the cuts on Steve’s knuckles and his angry face.

“No.” Steve sighs, shaking his head. “We just talked…”

“And then what?” Eddie crosses his arms over his chest, raising one eyebrow at him. He knows exactly what was talked about or who.

“Nothing. He left, and then I…” Steve pauses, feeling embarrassed to even admit such a thing.

Eddie’s eyes scan his face, and he stares at him for a long moment. He takes in the anger still flashing in his hazel eyes. The despair. Eddie understands it, not because he ever felt this, but because he had seen this before. Anger that turns a gentle person into this – choosing to feel pain instead of fixing that one thing.

“So you decided to what… punch walls?” Eddie asks, sighing.

“Eddie–”

“No, Steve. You’re at that point again?” He asks, and Steve finally turns to take a look at him. The worry in dark brown eyes is so clear that it makes him feel guilty.

Steve had felt this kind of anger before. Through the grief of losing Robin, he discovered this anger within himself. The kind that made him feel sick. The kind that made him want to break everything in his wake.

“No.” Steve sighs, closing his eyes once again. The water is still running over his knuckles.

“Then what…? Did Aaron say something?”

“No, Eddie.” Steve clenches his jaw. “He just… He wants her. I want her. I can’t have her–”

“You can.” Eddie scoffs, frowning even deeper at him than before. He doesn’t understand him. “You’re acting like he stole her from you. Dude, do you even hear yourself? She wants you–”

“Yeah, but I can’t have her, Eddie.” Steve snaps at him. He shuts off the water and turns to face him, not bothering to hide the vulnerability now crossing his features. “I can’t, okay? You think I don’t want to? You think I didn’t want to kiss her? You think it was easy to push her away? To pretend like I didn’t… like I don’t feel something for her? Fuck… You have no idea how much I–” Steve pauses, his voice turning shaky. His heart leaps to his throat. The realization of what he was about to speak into the universe dawned on him. He quickly shuts his mouth.

Eddie’s soft eyes widen, and his words get caught in his throat too. He knew. Of course, he knew, but to hear him say it – well, almost say it, still shocks him.

“Steve…”

Steve shakes his head. He runs his hand down his face and takes another deep breath.

“Are you ready?” Steve asks, eying Eddie’s black button-down shirt.

“Steve…” Eddie huffs, his shoulders slumping.

“It’s fine, Eddie.” Steve mumbles, looking down. “It’s fine. This is our last night here, and I know you wanted to go to that stupid party, so let’s just… get this over with.”

“Are you sure?” Eddie doesn’t hesitate to ask.

Steve would rather stay hauled up in this cabin, than watch you be flirted with all night.

“Yeah.” Steve nods.

Eddie hesitates.

“But if you wanna leave at any time–”

“Then I’ll tell you.” Steve nods, looking down at his cracked knuckles. He takes a deep breath.

“She is there with him, Steve.” Eddie warns him.

Steve grimaces at his words. His chest pangs. He saw the footsteps in the snow from when he came to pick you up.

“Yeah, I know.” He mumbles. “I’ll be fine.”

Eddie isn’t sure if he should believe him, but he doesn’t have much of a choice when Steve brushes past him after picking up his jacket, grumbling a ‘c’mon’ as he makes his way into Eddie’s room to pick up the crutches.

“Yeah…” Eddie mumbles.

Lights are hanging from the ceiling. The barn is covered in candles. Country music is playing. The smell of food lingers in the air. People are dancing, having fun – living a night that was meant for a normal world, not this one.

Eddie is looking around with a smile on his face, loving the sight before him.

But Steve, he is watching with a frown. His eyes are glued to you. His heart is racing, everything in him burning yet fluttering. You are wearing a dress. And you look breathtaking. Beautiful. Everything around him, everything inside the room, disappears. All he sees is you. All that matters is you. Only ever you.

You are smiling. The golden light that shines down on you makes your features look even softer.

His breath gets caught in his throat. His heart skips a beat when a giggle falls from your lips. The sound reached his ears even over the music and from afar.

“This is amazing.” Eddie whistles. “Are those spare ribs?” He gasps, slapping Steve’s shoulder and pulling him out of his trance.

The brunette blinks. He furrows his eyebrows and glances at the metalhead for a second before he looks back at you. The softness in his eyes quickly disappears when he notices the arm around the back of your chair. A sour taste settles on Steve’s tongue when he sees how close you are sitting next to Aaron, comfortably so. His blue eyes are stuck on you. A smile lingering on his face as he watches you tell a story. You are waving around with your hands, giggling through words. Nancy and Tommy, who sit across from you, laugh with you, nodding along to whatever story you are telling. But Aaron, he is watching intently, looking at you with a smile so soft that it could only mirror his own.

The cracks on Steve’s knuckles start burning yet again when he clenches his fist. It’s his fault, he tells himself. It’s his fault that you are sitting there next to another man instead of being here with him.

And he really can’t blame Aaron now, can he?

Tommy spots him and Eddie. His eyes light up as he looks between them. Raising his hand up, he waves them over.

“We don’t have to sit with them if you don’t want to.” Eddie assures Steve, not wanting to force him to share a table with you when you are here with someone else.

“No, it’s fine. It would be kind of weird not to sit with them.” Steve mumbles. Slapping Eddie’s shoulder, “come on…”

Your eyes found his as your smile slowly faded. He took a seat across from you, right next to Tommy, while Eddie sat on his other side. His heart beat into his throat the more he looked at you, the more he scanned you, the more he tried to understand what you were feeling. He saw the makeup, the effort you took to look beautiful… and not for him.

And that thought made his heart break even more.

It felt like time stopped for a few seconds, like everyone else in the room didn’t exist any longer. The galaxy stopped moving. The rush of blood cells filled each other’s ears, ringing noisily, being a nuisance. He noticed how your eyes drifted to his hand that was resting on the table, and he winced, quickly moving it away. Space and time started working again, and the noise around the two of you came back like a stampede.

“Well, how do you like it?” Tommy asked, making Steve clear his throat, finally turning his head to look at the man.

“It’s… nice. Thank you for putting in uhm… the effort in making this.” He cringed a bit at his awkwardness, but Tommy chuckled, patting his back.

“Well… Nice fellows like yourselves and–” His eyes found Nancy, who was sitting next to him already, her eyes a little glossed over thanks to the glass of wine she had already drunk. A smile appeared on Tommy’s lips as he continued talking. “Beautiful ladies like these two deserve a nice… farewell party.”

Eddie whistled under his breath, and Steve wanted to bolt the fuck out of there. He felt his stomach turning with nausea, and he gave a short nod, trying not to look uncomfortable. His eyes found you again, and he noticed how you were trying to listen to what Aaron was saying, but you kept looking at Steve’s way.

His heart turned, his knuckles turning white from making his hands turn into tight fists over his lap. Eddie noticed, a frown appearing on his features, his gaze finding you looking Steve’s way as you tried to smile at Aaron. He sighed, feeling like things should have gone differently. That this should not be the situation you deserved, the both of you, to be in.

You all got drinks, and Steve was numb to it all. His eyes kept going from his beer to you. It was constant, and you could barely handle it any longer. He saw you whisper something into Aaron’s ear, and he nodded, a smile on his face, and Steve’s stomach dropped when you two got up and walked towards the small dance floor in the middle of the wide dining place.

The song was slow and country-like, played live. Tommy left to get more drinks for him and Nancy, and she took this chance to scoot closer to his friends, her eyes on you and Aaron. Eddie’s eyes never left Steve.

The brown haired man saw how Aaron’s hand enveloped yours, his other hand pressing onto the small of your back, pulling your body close to his. Steve felt like vomiting as he watched you sway at the music, slowly, while talking to the man who was holding you so tenderly. Holding you the way he wanted to. The way he desired to.

Eddie felt his entire body freeze up, and a frown appeared on his eyebrows. He was happy for you, but he couldn’t help but feel helpless for Steve. He wanted to save him from the pain, because even if what his friend did was stupid, he didn’t deserve to hurt the way he was hurting.

“Steve, maybe we should… head out–”

“You just got here, Eddie.” Nancy fought back, and Eddie clenched his eyes, not being able to feel anger at his best friend for the very first time. She didn’t care about Steve, and how he was slowly crumbling down the more he watched you dance with another man.

“Steve, we can go back to the cabin–”

But Steve stopped listening. He couldn’t hear anything but his own heartbeat in his ears as he saw your eyes, finding blue ones. You looked shy, nervous, and you were asking a silent question that Steve knew too well.

Those same eyes you used back at the mansion, those weeks ago.

Those same eyes you looked at him with before you got closer.

He saw you stop moving completely, still holding onto one another, and Aaron held your gaze for a moment before he leaned in. Steve felt his chest clench, and he was hoping you would move away. That he misinterpreted your eyes for something else. That you weren’t actually asking for the same thing you had tried to get that day at the mansion from him. That you weren’t going to go through with it.

He wanted to believe it so badly, but then he saw you lean in, your hand gripping the much older man’s as you raised on your tippy toes, and he should save himself from heartbreak. He should save himself from pain, but he can’t stop looking. He cannot turn his head away from seeing how you are inching closer to Aaron and how you aren’t stopping it and–

You kissed.

You were kissing another man.

Steve was frozen in his spot, unaware of how Nancy and Eddie were trying to shake him back into the present, but all he could see, all he could gaze at, were your lips moving against another man’s. His heart was melting in his chest, and he felt as if his skin was peeling off his muscles. Every cell in his body was screaming at him, and his stomach felt like a void. It felt as if someone had punched a hole in it, and all he could feel was that never-ending precipice.

Aaron’s arms enveloped around your body, pulling you closer, as some whistles could be heard, and Eddie’s hand was on Steve’s shoulder immediately. He was trying to shake his friend’s gaze away from you, but it was to no avail. His eyes, becoming redder by the second. His body started to have a few spasms. His neck, now filled with his veins popping out because of how hard he was clenching his jaw.

Steve was in pain.

Nancy was smiling your way, genuinely happy for you, unaware of how deep in a hole Steve was slowly carving himself in. Your arms were wrapped around the older man’s shoulder as you two kept kissing, and kissing, and kissing, and Steve felt vile rising up in his throat, threatening to come out of his mouth.

He needed to punch something. He needed the physical pain to overlap with the emotional one because he didn’t want to feel that anymore. His breathing was heavy, growing more labored by the second, and he wondered if he had been on your mind at any point. He wondered if this was how you would have kissed him all those days ago.

And he will now never get to experience it.

He snapped out when Aaron pulled away from you with a smile on his face. His eyes shining for you as he took off his hat and put it on your head instead. The whistles now louder in this room, making Steve frown deeper, especially when you hid your face in Aaron’s chest and the man chuckled, wrapping his arm around you for a moment before his hand came to hold onto yours, and he started to slowly head out of the barn, pulling you along. Steve felt a cold sweat as dread filled him. He looked at how you followed, and he couldn’t see your face. He couldn’t decipher what you were feeling just by looking at the back of your head, and that was irking him.

But you were following the other man. You were gonna go with him. Alone. To god knows where. And that was the line for him. That was the one thing that Steve’s body reacted to. He abruptly stood up as anger, sadness, and possessiveness took hold of him, and he was ready to go after you two. He was ready to put a stop to it, somehow, but he had to try–

He was stopped from moving when he felt his right arm being grabbed and pulled. His head turned, his eyes sharp, filled with pain, clashing with blue ones. Nancy was glaring at Steve, stopping him from moving completely, and he had never wanted to shove a woman away the way he wanted to now. He needed to get to you. He needed to stop you. You were already walking out, and you kept following him–

“Nancy, let me go.” He growled, and Nancy yanked on his arm, stopping him again. Eddie got up from his chair, worry etched in his features.

“No. You have no right to go after her.” She spat back, making Steve send a glare her way as the anger filled his entire body.

“He is using her! She– She doesn’t deserve–” He didn’t know what he should say or what he wanted to say, but Nancy was not having it, her own protectiveness shining through.

“You rejected her! You are the sole culprit of how you’re feeling now! Do not blame her for living her life. Let her have this!” She almost screamed at him, and his eyes stared at her, his heart beating into his throat. He knew she was right. He knew Nancy was right, but it didn’t hurt any less.

“But he–”

“He is mending what you broke.”

Nancy’s words stabbed him, deep. He could feel his cheeks burning, his eyes, his fingertips, his stomach, everything was in flames, and he couldn’t stop it. He could feel his feet wanting to work, but at the same time, they were not cooperating. He needed to run the fuck out of there, because he felt it. He could feel himself about to break.

Eddie’s eyes were wide at Nancy’s words, a new type of feeling surging up because– Before you, there was Steve, and Nancy was not caring for his feelings at all. She was not measuring her words, and Eddie felt disappointed. His hand raised to touch Steve’s shoulder, only for said man to rush away from him, heading to the back door of the barn.

Nancy was left there, huffing, and Eddie’s eyes found hers. He was glaring at her, and the girl’s shoulders fell at the sight of her best friend’s gaze. Eddie shook his head at her, a snarl on his lips, before he limped after Steve. He understood you. He understood Nancy. But no one was trying to understand Steve.

He knew his best friend was heading back to the cabin, away from the possible path you might have taken with the other man. He groaned a bit at how slow his pace was, but he couldn’t force his leg. Doctor’s orders.

Finally, he saw Steve, sitting on the porch of the cabin, his head in his hands, elbows on his bent knees. Eddie sighed, walking towards him and taking a seat next to him on the stairs. He had to tread carefully, not wanting to make Steve snap and walk away from him because this needed to be talked about. He needed to let it out, or he would consume himself with his thoughts.

“Steve… Talk to me.” Eddie tried and waited. He kept his hands to himself as he heard the music playing from afar. It took minutes, the only sound being Steve’s harsh breaths as he tried to calm himself down.

"Go back to the party, Eddie." And Eddie could only huff, shaking his head.

"No, not when my best friend looks like he is about to die." At that, Steve grunts into his hands, not showing his face yet.

"I am not–"

"Steve– If this hurts you so much, why did you do what you did? You– You could be happy and yet..." Eddie tried, and after a minute, Steve finally looked up, dropping his hands. His eyes were red, tears running down his cheeks as he looked at the ground before him. His thoughts were consuming him, yet at the same time they were numbing him.

"I am bound to lose people. It's a miracle you and Nancy are still here... I did it thinking it was the best for the both of us..." He tried explaining, and the words in his tongue felt like a lie, or like he was trying to convince himself that he was giving a logical reason. Eddie sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Steve, it clearly isn't..." Steve’s eyes find his best friend’s, fresh tears forming in his waterline.

"I don't want to be something that pulls her back if something were to happen to me... You know her... And– Eddie, if I were to lose her... I don't know how I would be able to handle it... I don't think I could handle another loss like that..." And Eddie understood Steve’s words. He wouldn’t be able to go on. Not again. Eddie knew it was luck that kept Steve with them after Robin passed, and Steve was letting Eddie know that he might not be as lucky next time.

"Steve, that's– I understand you're... dealing with the trauma, but... But Robin would want you to pursue this girl, you know that." He tried, knowing that was the truth. Robin would want Steve to be happy, yet Steve’s face turned a little colder, shaking his head.

"... Robin is dead. I don't know what she would want." Eddie scoffed, looking down at the floor.

"And there you go again, putting that wall up."

"I'm not putting anything–"

"Whenever someone tells you something merely true, you get defensive like this." Steve frowned at his best friend, but Eddie continued, "This girl said she was coming to the community with us, where the two of you could be happy and safe... didn't you think of that?"

"Of course I did... But what if one of us doesn't reach it?" Their eyes meet again, and Steve manages to keep talking, somehow, even when he feels his throat getting closed up by the second.

"Then you are a fucking wuss for not wanting to fight for your life to stay with her, with us. I'm sitting here, ready to go against anything and everything so I could stay with you guys, to see my uncle again, to finally reunite and present my sweetheart to you all... You're so afraid of loss that you forget how much you can win, Steve."

Those words made Steve freeze on the spot. He stared at Eddie as if he had just now opened the Pandora box for him. He could feel the tears now threatening to leave his eyes again, looking towards the horizon.

“It’s the end of the world…” And Eddie took a deep breath in, slowly reaching up to wrap an arm around his best friend’s shoulder, trying to give some comfort.

“And you should live your life to the fullest. Grasping at happiness when presented to you, not running away from it, Steve, even if you’re scared shitless.” Steve could feel his body trembling, the words sinking into his system, and he could barely hold it in as he clenched his eyes together, gulping the lump that formed in his throat.

“I lost her.” He sniffled, and he could feel his chest aching as Eddie’s hand gripped his shoulder in comfort. “It’s too late now.”

“Personally, I don’t think so.” Eddie tried as he felt Steve start to lean closer to him, seeking comfort.

“She’s with him…” He whispered, and a tear rolled down his cheek despite his eyes staying closed. He felt everything dawning on him at once. The regret, the anger, the sadness, because Eddie was right. Eddie was fucking right and Steve was stupid. He had been stupid and let his trauma, his fear, guide him to make one of the worst decisions of his life.

And now you might be gone. You might not want him again. You might not forgive him. Should he even try? Should he? Would that only confuse you? Hurt you? Anger you? He didn’t want you to feel any of those things again, but he isn’t sure if he could make you happy. Not ever again.

“And then she’ll come with us, Steve…” Eddie tried once again, his heart clenching when Steve finally laid his head on his shoulder, a sob ripping out from his throat.

“She’s with him…” He repeated, and that did it. He started crying to Eddie, realizing he had pushed you to be with someone else. He had rejected you, despite it not being what he wanted. He had rejected his own happiness out of fear of ending up alone, or dead.

Funny, because he feels dead now.

He thought it would be easy to let go of you because he never had you. He never kissed you. He never held you. He never got to experience you in that way. He thought it would be easy, only to be hit with the realization that you were more important than what he originally thought you were. You were a part of his life that he needed in order to keep going.

And he realized it a little too late. He thought it would be better not to engage in a relationship in the middle of the apocalypse, because that could only end up badly. One of the two could die. He had lost all hope of having a normal life in the end of the world after Robin died.

When she passed away, all the fantasies of having a nice little house in California with the community vanished. It was as if reality hit him in the worst way possible, and he had to come to terms that life wasn’t going to be easy like it used to, even if he wanted to look at it in a positive way.

But when he met you, you rekindled that hope. And he thought it was foolish. He thought it couldn’t be. He thought that it was something that could never happen. A normal life. With families. Friends. A lover. Children.

And now, look at him. In a community that had all of that. Life. Normalcy. Pretending monsters and infected didn’t exist. He tried to fight it, tried to think that everything just seemed a little fake to him, but it wasn’t. No.

It just made him realize that he had made the wrong decision. It made him realize that what he did was wrong. And Eddie just now made him admit it. Because Eddie was right. Steve was losing more than what he thought he was saving himself from. He was losing you… But the reality of the situation was, you were now with another man.

His hand went to the back pocket of his jeans, moving a bit on his spot to get what he wanted out. Finally, he got hold of the picture he always took with him, maybe as a good luck charm, maybe to remind himself that the world could actually be good again.

Eddie’s eyes widened a bit when he saw the polaroid picture in Steve’s hand. It was you. Back at the mansion. The metalhead winced inwardly, now understanding Steve’s feelings even more, and how deep they ran inside of him. Steve could only stare at you in the picture, how content you looked, how you deserved to be happy. And maybe, this man you were now with, alone, could give that to you.

A man who offered you to stay in this community.

In this perfect little world, he thought, didn’t exist anymore.

And you deserved the perfect.

You deserved the best.

And Steve, he wasn’t any of that.

Wasn't he?

☀︎

let's all thank roe for making us cry. because I cried like a bitch. hope you all feel bad for steve

#OOF THE ANGST #THE BARN SCENE HAD ME THINKING THEY WERE GONNA FIGHT #I LOVE EDDIE AND STEVES DYNAMIC TOO ITS SO GOOD

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